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pooter1
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I wasn't blaming the church.I thought I would be in trouble with my recomend somehow but maybe Im wrong.I thought it was against our beliefs to let unmarried men and women sleep in the same room and if I condone it then Im saying its all right which I thought it wasn't all right.Oh well. To tell you the truth there are some people on here that make me very nervous.This is why I absolutley HATE HATE to give talks.I know I will say something wrong and I will look stupid because I know Im not as smart in the gospel as others.This proves my point.Some people take what I say wrong and I would hate to do that with a talk. I wish I understood better but I don't but I am trying.

You are very right that an unmarried man and woman sleeping in the same room is against church standards, and there is nothing wrong with being uncertain about your understanding of the gospel :). It means you understanding your humanity. Nobody understands everything about the gospel, no matter how much they might want to convince themselves otherwise.

The thing is, if you actually used the words you did in your initial post when speaking to your son about it, it makes it sound like the church is holding this authoritative cleaver over your head and if you break any of the rules (or allow your children to break any of the rules) you get into big trouble. That is not at all the way the church works. For the most part, members govern themselves. We are taught what is right and then we use our own free agency and understanding to determine how to abide by what we've been taught. "The church" will not punish you if you decide it's okay for your son and his girlfriend to share a room. What WILL happen is very internal- entirely dependant on your understanding of the rightness or wrongness of that action and the level of responsibility you can be held to for allowing it.

Words create an image, and you have to be careful about how you choose them. I can most certainly understand your fear about giving talks or posting here. When we aren't sure about our words and how to use them to portray what we really mean all kinds of terrible miscommunications can happen. It's happened to me many times and is why I typically prefer writing- it is my most comfortable mode of communication. I tend to make more mistakes and stumble over my words when speaking aloud. All you can do though is learn from it, pick yourself up, and move on ;).

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Indeed, it was word choice.

My original reply was based on your words where it seemed to me that you were expressing concern more out of fear of the Church and less on your own moral convictions. Which might have your son thinking there is a loophole.

Here's the deal: Few here would encourage two young unmarried kids of opposite genders sleep in the same room. Not because of fear of Church discipline, but because we in our hearts believe it wrong. Is that internalized? Did you really not want them sleeping in the same room because you believe it's wrong or because the Church tells you it's wrong? The Church wants us to have personal conviction. As long as your son is doubting your personal conviction, he's going to fight you on it because he believes there's a loop hole.

As for the temple recommend, you will not be asked about anyone else's sins.

I know someone who has a current temple recommend he actively uses. He has an adult daughter living with him and her boyfriend. Against church standards? Yes, but it's a tender situation where this man put love and family relationships first.

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Blaming the Church just reinforces the notion of Mormons as a bunch of sheeple mindlessly doing whatever our leadership tells us to; and it gives your son a perception of you that I doubt will reinforce your relationship.

Sorry...read through the whole thread wondering what a sheeple is....

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