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  • 2 weeks later...

It has been so long.. and Heavenly Father is still silent on my prayers but I can totally feel that I am not forsaken.

I feel so lost, patience is like waiting in vain.

I have realized that I need God in every breath that I take.

Where I am now is the result of my mistakes, and have promised myself that I will never do the same trespasses again.

Will Heavenly Father ever will find me? will he ever give me an opportunity to serve other?

I am so lost and can't seem to move on..

I badly needed his divine intervention in my life.:(

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Sorry this might be a little random.

One of the greatest truths we have is that God loves all His children. We make mistakes, sometimes really bad ones. We may feel the vilest of sinners. But there is nothing that we do that the Atonement cannot cover, except for the unpardonable sin.

I know pain for mistakes, and it feels a hopeless cause. There is doubt, uncertainty, disappointment. Especially when you keep repeating things.

Just take things a little bit at a time. And there is a grand key that I think is often overlooked. It hinges on what are you seeking. Do you seek forgiveness, or do you seek true freedom? Often I think we want peace and forgiveness. This comes as we repent, but once we feel we have it, we slow down our efforts and relax and think I'm okay I can do this or that until we slip.

Seeking true freedom is different, it is something that encompasses our whole lives. We don't just focus on one point. You recognize you have a problem and want to change so badly, that you are willing to give up anything to achieve that. That results in a change of lifestyle, not just actions regarding one activity. When we just seek forgiveness, i feel we often just seek to change in one area, but the reality is that true repentance will change many things about our lives.

When we have this attitude, we put forth the effort to change, and we are sincere about it. So when we are done with it, we really do change. It is over, its in the past, you are forgiven and you have peace, but additionally you are changed so you don't do it again. And the greater peace will come knowing you are changed and you won't do it again, and further knowing you have control over your decisions that you won't make the mistake again.

This may not seem like much or might be confusing. It's just that this is a pretty fine distinction that I have realized lately isn't very well understood. Someone who repents of pornography should know better than to hear sexual jokes on a TV show and think that it's super funny. If you really felt pain for your sins and wanted nothing to do with them anymore, then you always make that effort to stay away. Therefore those sexual jokes are a flag for the person to get away, let alone think they are the most hilarious jokes on the planet. This is a real story that Ive experienced, and it still boggles my mind that the person acted that way, on multiple occasions.

So as I've pondered and studied since then and talked with a friend who needed help, Ive realized there is a difference in attitude which I have tried to convey, and it opens the door to real sincere change. I look back in my own life and that is the way its been. When I have really changed, It affected many areas of my life rather than just the one i kept slipping up on.

Well, I hope you feel better and that this helps. I know the Gospel is true and that the power of the Atonement is real. I know Jesus Christ is our Savior.

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