I don't feel like I belong

[needingadvice]

I'm a convert to the church of 10 years. The last 10 years have not been easy. My husband is also a convert and he's been abusive and used "the priesthood" as his excuse. I've made some pretty big mistakes since my baptism. Broke the law of chastity, I was pressured by my husband, but ultimately it was my choice. Repented, got sealed in the temple after we got married. My husbands been mostly inactive since then and for a long time I just followed whatever he was doing...... he's not interested in prayer, priesthood blessings, the temple, scriptures... in the few times he goes to church he wants to leave ASAP. Tithing with him involved didn't work out, he always wanted material things and eating out and got angry when he couldn't spend how he wanted. I had to ask him to stop (bishop knows) because he wouldn't allow me to buy necessities. I've been told by even the stake president that this wasn't my fault, yet I still feel guilty. He is making good money (over 70k in utah) and our mortgage is low and I've tried. We also have a child with special needs.

For the past year I have been totally active myself, even got my recommend back. But, I just feel depressed. I feel like I will never feel like I "belong." I want to live the gospel, but its hard doing it by myself, especially as a convert. I have a testimony, I just feel alone, and I don't always know HOW to liove the gospel. And I feel like I've already messed up too much since my baptism. All the talks/lessons in church....... eternal families, priesthood, self reliance, family responsibilities, temple.... they all just get to me, The last few weeks I have barely been able to not cry. I am also living in Utah now which I think makes it harder........ fewer converts here, more 100% active families, and I just feel even more isolated. My ward has sooo many active families that there are no callings left. No one would notice if I didn't come. Only the bishop knows anything about my family really, everyone else just assumes my husband works sundays (well, he does but that is just the tip of the iceberg of the problems with him), so no one really knows that I need extra support.

I don't know what the point of this post is really, I'm just having a down day and want to know, how do I get over feeling like I don't belong?

[applepansy]

needingadvice,

Those seeming active families aren't all perfect. Nobody is. We can never know what is going on by only looking in from the outside.

What I hear in your words is the pain of abuse. Does the Bishop know about the abuse?

The best way to get over the feelings of not belonging is to become involved. Ask for a calling. There is always something that needs to be done regardless how many members of the ward are active. Also, its good to volunteer. Doing some sort of service for somebody helps us get out of our problems and helps us feel more of a sense of self worth.

It sounds to me like the abuse you've suffered has beaten you down until you don't think you're worthy of anything.

Sometimes when we feel unworthy we hold back in reaching out and befriending others. From the outside that can look like we don't want or need the friendship and other people will pull back and its a never ending cycle of misunderstanding. Reach out to other sisters in your ward. The RS is there to support you. Talk to you RS Pres and explain what is going on.

I'm sorry you're going through so much.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

needingadvice,

I am sorry you are struggling. I have spent a lot of time crying in the bathroom at church, my reasons are a little different, but still related to feeling like I don't belong. It is hard.

The thing that gets me through...one day, sometimes one hour at a time...is Jesus Christ. He loves you. He loves me too, even when I am angry with Him . It seems from your post that you are struggling to feel that love. I think it might be really beneficial to pray and ask Father to help you feel His love and the love of the Savior...then go to the library and get "Believing Christ" by Stephen Robinson, and The Peacegiver by James Ferrell. I think those books will help you in your quest to feel the love that is already there waiting for you.

I am sorry about your husband and the abuse. I can't tell you what to do in your situation, of course, but as a general rule, I think abuse is a good reason for divorce. Please talk to your Bishop about therapy. Whatever you decide to do about your marraige, therapy will help. (I go to therapy twice a week, and it is a life saver!) If your husband won't pay for it, talk to the Bishop about your unique situation.

You do belong...you do. I certainly understand your feelings, but please believe me that Father and the Savior love you and accept you as you are.

[ruthiechan]

Just because standard callings are always filled doesn't mean some new calling can't be given. Someone was recently called to basically write up/type the relief society lessons that are given, recording comments, and what the teacher said etc, for the ladies in callings that require them to miss Relief Society, or if someone had to miss church. So, there's always something that can be done, and sometimes people would love to have an official assistant!

I visited Utah, I know it's not all sun shiny roses over there, it just looks like it sometimes.

And you know, we ALL screw up after we get baptized. Really, we do. So don't worry about that. *hugs* That's what repentance is for. We do the best we can and the Savior makes up for the rest.

Regarding the abuse and therapy I second what LiterateParakeet said.

*hugs*

[ZorabelMay]

This must be a struggle for you.

But if I am in your shoes. I would intently and faithfully drop my burdens and loads and pains at the feet of the savior through prayer.

I would find ONE WHOLE DAY to THINK, REST and PRAY.

Then I would face the difficulties and ask HEAVENLY FATHER for HELP through fasting.

I have done this and it worked, only if done FAITHFULLY and PATIENTLY. It is not easy and it is not instant, but it will work.

P.S.- FAITH is not Heavy, it will carry us to places.

Lovya...

[Dove]

Hello;

So sorry you're going thru such a difficult time.

Even though I've been a member all my life, I strongly relate to your feelings of isolation. I am married to a member of another church who is not interested in changing. I've never been able to conceive and cannot have children. I have often felt soo alone and isolated in the church, deeply so, in the many years I've been a member.....Currently I'm in a ward that I've not been long in and have experienced much rejection in. My husband and I have felt this to the point that for the first time in the six years of our marriage he will not attend church with me. I have also asked that no members from the ward come to our home.

I feel that God is teaching me key concepts in this feeling of being "alone." I remember the first year I came back from several years of inactivity. On New Year's Eve of 1999, I had asked several people if they would like to spend the night with me. No one would. Everyone had other plans. I ended up walking the streets of Salt Lake alone for "First Night," Salt Lakes annual celebration. I even saw "friends" pass me whom I had asked to be with that night...I remember going to a free concert at Temple Square and watching the Utah Symphony play (I"m a violinist). The Spirit kept telling me that I was not alone, even though no one was with me. I kept feeling the Spirit tell me this thru the night. It confused me; yet, I kept feeling it. I still don't get it; even though I have many suppositions as to why this is so.

I'm learning not to rely on the "arm of flesh" anymore, i.e. anyone else other than those who "show up" in my life with loving kindness. I"m learning not to expect anything from others and to set boundaries when I don't feel safe.

Some things that help me are visits from the missionaries. They are so full of the Spirit and light. I am comfortable asking them for priesthood blessings. They are more than willing to give them. Also, I am finding that positive people do show up in my life when I remove the negative ones and am open to the positive ones.

Also, I am striving to become more self reliant in all things. Daily prayer and scripture study is critical in this process. More good things seem to happen when I do this. I feel the Spirit prompt me to believe and have faith in myself as well as Him. Self esteem, loving myself and believing that I can find happiness is so important.

I hope these ideas help. Again, I can relate to the pain of your loneliness and sorrow with you...

Dove

[Guest mormonmusic]

Well, guess what -- I feel the same way. In fact, I have spent much of my life feeling very different at Church. My reasons are different, in that I detest bureaucracy, find scripted programs and ways of doing things monotonous, and shudder at some of the non-doctrinal cultural values we hold that make little sense to me.

But there is good news -- others feel the same oddness, as they have indicated here. I would make friends with some of the people that are on the fringe -- people that don't quite fit the textbook mold of the married person with an active husband teaming with scrubbed and well-dressed children on Sunday, all of whom have names from the Bible and the Book of Mormon.

Also, I have coped by getting involved in activities outside the Church where there are people who share something significant with me. In my case, it's music, and I've played in bands for years. These people become my friends, and I fit in very well as it's all about a topic I love. What is your passion? Are there community groups that you could get involved in? Some kind of local organization that you feel interested and excited about?

I learned years ago that I can have firm, solid friendships outside the Church, and that I don't have to be in a calling at Church to have meaning in the lives of others -- and to feel fulfilled myself.

Another strategy is to reach out to people in the Ward and give them service on your own terms. I teach music lessons for free to an underpriviledged girl about 10 years old. I bought her an instrument, books, and give her time weekly to teach her. She shows up prepared every week, and plays her instrument constantly. I learned later she had a goal to learn a musical instrument this year, so my offer to teach her (after she plucked and stared and returned to an instrument i had sitting on my couch five or six times during an activity at our place). I get great satisfaction out of that. And that can occur on your own timeline and on your own schedule. It doesn't have to appear on any Church reports, doesn't require a formal setting apart -- and I report to no one but myself and the Lord. I don't have to wait for a call to it -- nor will I have to beg for a release and face the stigmas associated with leaving a calling before the leaders decide to let me go if it is no longer meaningful or productive. Find your own equivalent in your own Ward, and serve someone because you WANT TO, and because it's meaningful to you -- the ability to start the service, and stop it on your own schedule is a huge boon. If that person has family, then the family members start warmingup to you, although that shouldn't be your motive. This girl's mother and her sister think I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread and we have become friends.

Is there an organization that helps people with special needs like your child has? You would DEFINITELY fit in there, and it may help you feel part of a meaningful group that is servign others. My son has Type 1 diabetes. I would go there in my case, to the Juvenile Diabetes Society, for example.

That is m experience. You can have fulfillment without a calling and without friendships at Church. I go to

Church for my family now and that's about it, yet there is fulfillment of belonging and the warm fuzzies of service in other areas of my life since I don't get it within formal programs of fellowship and service at Church.

There have been times in my life I've ended up in Wards where I have little in common with anyone. People I find interesting are so busy in their callings they have no time for fellowship and friendship. Others who have time answer my conversation openers with monosyllabic answers that turn my attempts at friendship into a dead end. If your own attempts at fitting in don't bear fruit, consider making your own fun wherever you can find it. One's life does not have to revolve around the Church to be fulfilling, particularly when there is nothing to do there formally and there are no naturally occuring friendships and attempts to forge new friendships don't work....

Edited August 11, 2011 by mormonmusic

[Guest tbaird22]

One thing i do when i'm depressed is work at the bishop's store house. I dont know why but i like it there ha other than that i would recommend just reaching out. Take someone aside that either is really active or a really good friend and ask them how they do it. Thats what i did when i started coming back. Its more than likely that they will be willing to help. That being said you don't have to tell them all your problems either. Another thing i would recommend is FDP.. Faith Diligence and Prayer. One more thing is just get active and involved. It doesnt have to be in the church but it can be. You can ask for a calling or join a social group or club that shares a common interest. Finally, know that HF and Christ love you.

[Guest jollyroger]

To Needing Advice

as you can see from these posts you're not alone. If only we all went to church at the same ward I'm sure all of us here would hang out together. My husband isn't particularly active and it's a burden. As for using the priesthood as an excuse to treat you badly, well that's just disgraceful amongst other things.

I'd go with what mormonmusic says. I don't really belong in my ward even though I've known it on and off for 20 years. There are too many people there, there are groups that stick together and I don't do groups as that usually means peer group pressure. Church isn't the only place to find friends, find people outside the church. Find your identity what you like to do and who you are independant of your husband and church and go and do it. If only I were there with you I'd go with you. I've got nothing in common with anyone in my ward but I'm happy as I don't depend on them for anything. I do my own thing and what I like to do with people that I choose to be with.

I've been a member for 20 years and a return missionary and I've only just gotten the idea of how to live the Gospel. Having a testimony doesn't mean you know how to live it, but I've always found that having a desire is crucial to learning what you think you lack. Keep going, hang on and you'll learn all the things that you want to. That's has definitely been the case for me. I'd happily talk about this for ages. You're not alone my lovely, be happy we're all with you so big hugs to you. xxx

[SeattleTruthSeeker]

Several people have given you different perspectives on what you are going through. Yes, it is wrong that your husband is neglecting his duties as an honest priesthood holder. He should be encouraging you, fighting for you, lifting you up. He should not be beating you down and forcing you to be his "beckoned servant girl".

One thing you will learn about me is that I am not the "sugar coating" type of guy. I shoot straight and forthright with my advice and opinions. It may come off offensive, however, there is truth within what I share because it is the very same things that were once said to me. Allow me to share some things for you that will help you at the moment

1) Get up and read your scriptures. If it is one verse at a time, or a couple verses or simply just opening up your scriptures and reading wherever you opened them up to, we are promised that when we get into the scriptures, we will find renewed strength and hope.

One thing I have found is that when we read the scriptures, we will find that the people we adore, admire, and learn about were every day people doing extraordinary things in their lives. Take Nephi for instance. Read 1 Nephi 1 and you will find something interesting: Afflicted in the course of my days. We all face different types of afflictions. Nephi was abused by his elder brothers. Not only that, but he was mocked, ridiculed, his life was even threatened on several occasions. Yet, he still found favor with our Heavenly Father. He learned the mysteries that were revealed to him, and he lived his life in the midst of the abuse, struggles, and afflictions that he had to endure.

Alma the younger used to be an apostate, attacking the Church, going against the teachings of his parents. It was not until he had a spiritual encounter that brought him back to the truth and he became a mighty missionary, even finding resistance from those whom he used to run around with.

Peter, James, John were all attacked, abused, and even put into prison. They ultimately were martyred for what they believed in and what they taught. Still, in the midst of such things and troubled times, they accepted, believed, and preached the gospel. They never let go.

Lehi's vision is more than just a dream about the Great and Spacious building, the iron rod, the strait and narrow, the tree of Life. It is about our journey in mortality, the temptations we face, the struggles we must endure, and the things that will separate ourselves from Heavenly Father.

This is where faith grows. It does not grow when we are not being challenged. It does not grow when we are not being afflicted. It does not grow when we are not active in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Our faith can only grow when we are challenged, and we are setting ourselves onto the path of the strait and narrow. We are to be of good cheer despite the afflictions we face. We have a faith that helps us endure that which we are called upon to endure.

2) Pray. Yes, I know this is always something that is said. And, I for one have had a hard time when people stated that I just simply need to pray. However, there is truth (and something I have had to learn on my own because no one afforded any explanation of what they mean when they say "pray") in this advice. We should not pray "Heavenly Father, please rescue me". We should pray with sincerity, recognizing our situation. Some of the more humble and simple prayers I have heard others relate are essentially these kinds of prayers. "Heavenly Father, I need your guidance right now because I am in a situation where I feel like I am drowning and I ask that you help me through this, help me through this situation, lighten my burden, and take away that which is troubling me, or help me understand how to endure the situation". Even if it is a simple statement of "I need help".

When we begin to pray with faith, knowing that our Heavenly Father will answer our prayers, we will know and understand that we begin to submit ourselves over to him.

3) Service, Charity and Compassion. One of the things that I have heard many times over is people who are in a situation where they keep stating something to the effect of "Well he is doing this, she is doing that," type of thing. Never once has anyone stated "you know, I have some responsibility in this." Meaning, what are we doing or not doing in our present situation? One of the most interesting things that we must learn is that when we serve, show charity, and compassion, we do far more for the Kingdom of God than sitting down, murmuring and complaining about our present situation. So, how can we serve, show compassion, or even charity when we are in an abusive relationship? That is a very difficult position to be in. It is not an easy one to deal with. However, what one can do is bring themselves over to forgiveness. Forgiving yourself, and forgiving the person who is the abuser. From here, what can you do for yourself and your family right now? Here are some things to consider.

Have you made up a lunch for him?

Have you sat down and really had a conversation with him? I am not talking about general chit chat, but really have an honest husband and wife conversation with him?

Have you taken some time to spend time with him?

How often do you guys interact with one another? Played a game, gone for a walk, or done something as a couple instead of the usual come home from work, acknowledge one another's presence and then be in the same room but distanced from one another.

Yes, this is the most difficult part because it requires the action of being humble to do this. Coincide this with prayer. Have you honestly prayed for him? Sometimes that may work as well.

4) Get up and do something. Nehemiah, upon finding out the report that was brought to him about the destruction of Jerusalem and the Jews, went in and prayed to God (Nehemiah 1). Upon fulfilling his service to the King, he was asked about what had his spirits down and depressed. Nehemiah related the news and received a reprieve from his duties. He then went forth and journeyed to Jerusalem and surveyed the damage done. The Book of Nehemiah is all about a prophet who took upon himself the desire and will to restore and rebuild part of Jerusalem that was destroyed in the Babylonian captivity. This was done despite the persecution and mockery of those who thought it was an unwise movement. However, Nehemiah did not just simple wait, he got up and did what he felt he knew he had to do. For us, when we are in broken situations, when we are depressed, we tend to focus on us and sit and wait for some grand miracle. We will be waiting a long time and furthering our depths of depression. However, recognizing what needs to be done, recognizing the issues that we are affected with, we then can get up and do what it needs to take to get our lives back on track and restore ourselves back to the faith that we once loved and possessed. In a sense, when we get up, we are working on rebuilding the foundations of our testimony and restoring ourselves back to the reality of the truths the principles of the Restored Gospel has for us.

6) Stop looking at other people. Simply put, if we spend our time looking at other people and comparing ourselves to what other people have, we are going to be miserable fools. We should not ever compare ourselves to other people. Who really cares about the family that comes in all nice prim and proper? How do you personally know if they have it all together. Maybe the husband and wife had a huge argument before Church. Maybe they are dealing with a rebellious son or daughter they had to leave at home, or they are dealing with a debilitating disease that is making it difficult for one to come to church, but they do anyway. We do not know what is going in the lives of other people. We should not even make any comparison to their lives whatsoever. We must worry about and focus on what is wrong in our own lives and fix what we can fix, and rely on our Heavenly Father to help us through those difficult times.

The adversary uses other people to entice you, to keep you in bondage, and to keep you from progressing into a much happier and productive life. One of the ways he does this is by speaking to us. "Look at that sister. See how her husband shows his affection toward her? Where is your husband at? He is not here, he doesn't love you, he doesn't care about you. Why bother coming to church anyway? Why not stay home."

Granted, it is our human nature to look at someone and say "gee, they have it all together, the wonderful family, the perfect children, the well-behaved children, the house, the car, etc". This does not do us any justice because we then look at our lives and think "wow, I am really missed up and no one appreciates me, or wants me around".

7) Stand your ground and move with conviction.

One of the things that knocked some sense into me years ago was when I was attacking the Church and had started dating my wife. She discovered, through my own fault, what I was posting online about the church, how I was attacking the church, and the things I was saying about the Church. She became very offended, upset, and even angry about it. She confronted me and point-blank told me that I had a choice. Accept her and her religious views and stop attacking the Church, or get the heck out the door and leave her.

Sometimes, it takes a swift kick in the arse to really get someone's attention. It takes courage, it takes faith, and it takes a certain resolve to come to this place where you can stand and say - If you do not want to honor your priesthood authority, then that is a decision you have made, however, I am not going to allow you to speak to me, put me down, or get in the way of my wanting to attend Church and fully participate in it. That includes paying my tithing. If you do not want to support me, then that is fine, but I am going with or without you.

Once you made your stand, stick to your guns. It is when you cave into the other that you have relinquished your own power and authority over to being someone's servant. Invite your hometeachers over. Do not wait for them to call and set up an appointment. Be bold about it. Find out who they are and invite them over. Let your husband know that you are having hometeachers over and that he is welcomed to sit in, but he is not to say anything to them about how he feels about the Church. This is where when you stand your ground, you also have to establish boundaries. And, while your husband may not want to fulfill his duties as a priesthood holder, your hometeachers are the ones that can give you that need for the time being. They can provide the blessings if necessary. Be honest with them. If there are things you need let them know. Do not be afraid to ask.

Also, find out who your visiting teachers are and invite them over, get to know them.

8) Be straightforward but never pitiful. What this means is be honest with yourself and others. Those who need to know the situation should be made aware of the situation. Be honest about how you feel, about the circumstances. To others, do not sound like you are having a pity party, and be frank, but vague. "Hey I haven't seen your husband at church for awhile". Respond with "he is dealing with some things and I am praying for him that he will make it through so that we can come to church together". Are you lying? No, you are being vague by acknowledging that there are some things going on but people do not need to know the intimate details.

9) Invite the missionaries over once a week for dinner. Seriously, my wife is not active in the Church anymore because of something that was said to her. She also suffers from depression. Yet, we have the missionaries over once a week to help with yard work, and we have dinner with them. We start taking about Church, about how their mission is going, about us, about how we can be better member missionaries, and then they share a message with us. For my wife, this helps her stay connected to the Church and receive some blessings, even though she is still working on getting over the offense that was caused.

While it may take a while, having the missionaries over for dinner will provide some wonderful blessings for you and your family. And, if it is a weekly thing, it maybe the way your husband may start coming back to Church.

10) Worst case scenario. If the abuse continues, the disrespect, the lack of support, then maybe it is time to consider a possible separation. While the Church does not advocate divorce, nor does it advocate separation. Sometimes particular situations may call for the understanding that there may be a need for a couple to separate. This is true for Abuse and those who are victims of abuse. If it is physical abuse, then the best thing one can do is separate themselves from the abuser. This can be done in many ways, and one of them should never be done alone - especially if there is known physical abuse. Asking someone to leave their home can be very dangerous if not done appropriately. Other ways is maybe seeing if there is a friend you can stay with, a family, or a single sister in the ward - explaining only what is necessary as the reason for the separation.

If there is not physical abuse involved, and it is verbal, or emotional abuse, one should also consider counseling. This is for your own benefit as well as the benefit of the other party involved. Sometimes this works, other times it does not work.

And, finally, the last thing a person should do is simply realize that no one may fully understand what you are going through unless they themselves have gone through the same thing.

[grounded]

i haven't read all the replies, but i have to say, as stated above, all the seemingly active families arent all they appear to be. both my husband and i grew up in very active and strong lds homes and just about a month ago he told me he no longer believes the church to be true. we have ALWAYS been active. it came as a real shock to me. we are only in the beginning process of how to deal with this new change, and thus everyone at church i'm sure believes we have the perfect little life, where in reality, i think i feel just as alone as you.

[Madriglace]

We are all different ... we all have issues ... life is not easy ... but life is worth it ... every minute. I have tried so hard to live by the old saying that you get out of something what you put into it. I have clinical depression but can't take meds ... they really mess me up ... so I fight every step of the way and the most successful I am is when I forget myself and work hard for someone else. The music of the church is a special blessing in my life and the following lyrics say it all ... it is written for the young women of the church but applies to all ... we are not alone!

Walk Tall, You're a Daughter of God

Right now I have a prayer deep within my heart.

A prayer for each of you there is a special part

That you remember who you are and Him who lives above

Please seek for Him and live His way;

You'll feel His love.

Long before the time you can remember,

Our father held you in His arms so tender.

Those loving arms released you as He sent you down to earth.

He said, "My child, I love you,

don't forget your great worth."

This life on earth we knew would not be easy.

At times we lose our way, His path we may not see.

But please remember, always, please, that you are not alone.

He'll take your hand, He loves you.

He will guide you home.

Walk tall you're a daughter, a child of God.

Be strong, please remember who you are.

Try to understand, you're part of His great plan.

He's closer than you know, reach up,

He'll take your hand.

[JudoMinja]

Having been through an extremely abusive marriage myself, I want to say FIRST and FOREMOST-

If at any time you do not feel SAFE, get somewhere where you do. With what little you have shared, I have no way of knowing if the problems with your husband are something simple you have misconstrued as abuse or if you are truly in a bad situation. No matter how extreme your mistreatment may be or how you decide to work things out with your husband, this is sound advice: Stay SAFE. If you are at all frightened to be around your husband, make a plan to seek out help and safety.

Feeling alone and disconnected is a pretty regular thing. I think just about everyone feels that way at some time or another due to their own uniqueness and differences. However, it can also be a symptom of serious problems- if you are feeling secluded and like you cannot turn to anyone it may well be because your husband is trying to control and seclude you. I don't know if that is the case, but it is very common for abusive people to do everything in their power to cut you off from others so that you will not go to them for help. I want to caution you to examine your situation and determine if you think this is the case and reiterate that you maintain your safety.

As far as that regular ole "I don't belong" feeling, I know I have felt it many times for many different reasons. Right now, I feel especially awkward at church because we recently formed a singles branch in our area. Before, all our singles continued to go to family wards. Now, those who do not have children go to the singles branch. I am the only young single adult in my ward with a child, so I don't get to go to the singles branch. When there were a few other single people here, even though they didn't have children, I somewhat felt like I "fit in". Now, I feel like there is a big giant label on my back.

I feel even more awkward if another sister is having a conversation with me and asks how long my husband has been deployed... It is a military ward, so many assume that if there is no husband around it is because he's in the military and deployed. I then have to tell them that there is no husband and the conversation turns awkward.

Despite this disconnection and my obvious differences from the "norm", I have strived to let everything roll off my back and dive into church wherever I can. I have the Sister missionaries over once a month, sing in the ward choir, make comments during the Sunday lessons, maximize my efforts as a visiting teacher, and look for ways I can be of service. So far, I have found a sister who homeschools her children and hired me to tutor her boys in science, and a sister with an autistic son who I babysit for once a week just to give her a break. I have also found that after getting past the initial confusion about my non-existant husband, a few sisters have confided in me about their own previous divorces and/or problems with abuse. This has helped me overcome that feeling of aloneness as I find those with experiences similar to my own, and I have come to understand something:

Behind every happy "perfect" family is a story. You won't know the details of these stories without getting to know these people personally and making connections. Some of them may share their stories with you, and you will find that you are not as alone as you feel, but no one can make that feeling go away for you. You have to be the one to seek out the connections. If you pull away because you feel alone, it will only cause you to feel even more alone, and the viscious cycle will continue- (this is also a sign of depression). You need to get active, get involved, and seek out connections. It doesn't necessarily have to be in church, but if church specifically is where you are feeling alone try just taking a little extra time to socialize and talk with people. You may uncover some of these stories...