why aren't prayers answered?


GrandmaAng
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I have really been struggling this week with understanding why sometimes prayers are not answered. It's my father-in-law, whom I love as much as my own father (maybe more). He has been having back problems since April. He had surgery twice in May. He has had pain in his back since after his last surgery the end of May. The doctor cannot figure out why. As a family we have been praying for him since before the surgeries. All summer we have fasted as a family, continued our prayers and my father in law has had many blessings. He went to the emergency room last night because he couldn't take the pain anymore (he had a blessing about 6 hours prior to having to go to the emergency room)

I am having a really hard time understanding why our prayers have not been answered or why the blessings he has received have not relieved his pain. Is the Lord testing our whole families faith?! I'm sure I'm not the only one with these thoughts/feelings...but this is a family that will be faithful and strong to the very end....so I really have no one to talk with about these doubts. I tried talking with my husband about it and he just shrugged his shoulders and says he doesn't know. Do I just shrug my shoulders too and figure "in the Lords time" and continue to watch a loved one in pain?

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I have really been struggling this week with understanding why sometimes prayers are not answered. It's my father-in-law, whom I love as much as my own father (maybe more). He has been having back problems since April. He had surgery twice in May. He has had pain in his back since after his last surgery the end of May. The doctor cannot figure out why. As a family we have been praying for him since before the surgeries. All summer we have fasted as a family, continued our prayers and my father in law has had many blessings. He went to the emergency room last night because he couldn't take the pain anymore (he had a blessing about 6 hours prior to having to go to the emergency room)

I am having a really hard time understanding why our prayers have not been answered or why the blessings he has received have not relieved his pain. Is the Lord testing our whole families faith?! I'm sure I'm not the only one with these thoughts/feelings...but this is a family that will be faithful and strong to the very end....so I really have no one to talk with about these doubts. I tried talking with my husband about it and he just shrugged his shoulders and says he doesn't know. Do I just shrug my shoulders too and figure "in the Lords time" and continue to watch a loved one in pain?

I suggest you read the "Bible Dictionary" entry about prayer in the back of your LDS edition of the Bible.

The Traveler

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Traveler- I looked up the Bible Dictionary account for "Prayer" per your advice and found one particular sentance that really stood out to me regarding "unanswered" prayers. It reads- "Many prayers remain unanswered because they are not in Christ’s name at all; they in no way represent his mind, but spring out of the selfishness of man’s heart."

I find it interesting that there is an immediate correlation between our desires not being aligned with Christ and selfishness. In this situation, it seems that the prayers are not selfish at all. They are praying for the pain of their loved one to be relieved- a seemingly very unselfish request. Since it is unselfish, one would think it is in line with Christ's "mind" and should be answered. On the surface, it is very confusing. So let's look deeper...

Ask yourself, oldangela, why Christ might want your father-in-law to feel pain? How can his pain be a good thing? So often we think to ourselves that pain is bad, but it can be a very good thing. It is also something that we simply cannot be rid of in this life. To be rid of our pain completely, we would have to die. Pain and suffering is part of mortality. It is closely entwined with our very lives, and this is a part of God's plan for us. Pain warns us of danger, can be a precursor to growth, and makes us more appreciative of our blessings. There may be something the Lord is meaning to communicate with your father-in-law with this pain and by asking for it to be taken away, you are asking Him to remove something important.

If you can bring yourself to a better understanding of why this pain might be "necessary", why it may be the will of the Lord for it to remain with your father-in-law, you may come to a better understanding of His mind and His will. Then you can reshape your prayers to ask for the blessings the Lord is willing to grant your family.

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Perhaps they are being answered, just not in the way you or your family can see right at the moment. Oft times suffering brings us closer to God. Sometimes we pray that our wills be done and not his.

Reading D&C 122 always helps me when I am in pain either physical or spiritual, especially verse 8.

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I don't believe that prayers go unanswered. The possible answers are Yes, No, or Maybe. Sometimes a No answer will feel like an unanswered prayer when really what we were asking for was not in the best interest of all parties.

All prayers are answered.

EDIT: I do not know the answer to your FILs pain. But I have chronic pain. There has not been one day in the last 22+ years that I haven't been in pain. It took a long long time but I am grateful for the adversity in my life, including the pain. Sometimes it is hard on family and circumstances, but there is so much I wouldn't have learned about my Savior if I had been pain free.

Edited by applepansy
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I am having a really hard time understanding why our prayers have not been answered or why the blessings he has received have not relieved his pain. Is the Lord testing our whole families faith?!

Every year 3,575,000 people die miserable deaths just due to water pollution alone. During the time it takes you to read this post, several suffering children will die, some undoubtedly praying for relief. I don't think it is because God is testing them.

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I don't believe that prayers go unanswered. The possible answers are Yes, No, or Maybe. Sometimes a No answer will feel like an unanswered prayer when really what we were asking for was not in the best interest of all parties.

All prayers are answered.

The problem with that kind of answer is that it simply doesn't match up with the reality that people experience everyday, and, there is simply zero evidence that it is true.

Many of us live comfortable lives with our basic needs met plus some luxury but for much of the world, billions of people, the world is a merciless place filled with pain, sorrow, abject poverty, horrible disease and unimaginable suffering. People cry out to God for relief and they is none.

I myself know, as does the vast majority of humanity, that God does not answer all prayers.

Sure - you can blame the person praying - maybe he/she didn't do it the right way or didn't "listen" the right way but that's a cheap way of ignoring what real people experience every day.

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Our communication with God is often a request and certainly HE doesn't grant all of our requests regardless of how pitiful our plea. I do absolutely believe he hears our prayers and often grants our righteous desires. All too often our prayers are thankless requests with no effort on our parts to accomplish what we desire. Nephi offers some fine examples of how to ask the Lord for assistance.

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Here's how I think of prayer--the analogy comes from a music class I took many years ago. Our teacher pressed down the sustain pedal on the piano in the class. She sang a note and the strings inside the piano that were tuned to that note resonated sympathetically with the vibrations of the note she sang. When she stopped singing, the sympathetic notes continued to ring until the vibrations died down. If the note she sang was off-pitch, the effect would not have occurred. She had to be perfectly in-tune with the tuning for the consonant waves to start the vibration.

Without sounding overly "new age" about it, that's kind of what happens in prayer. Our job is to get "in-tune" with the sympathetic vibrations that God is sending out to us. Living the gospel obediently, keeping the word of wisdom, fasting, scripture study, etc. simply help us "tune" to the correct frequency.

Regular prayer, with a focus on giving thanks, helps us get in tune also. In the end, it's not that we get God's will to bend to our desired frequency. We end up tuning ourselves to the right frequency and then we begin to resonate with it. That's when answers come.

The test comes in several ways. Our patience is tried while we seek a reply. Our sincerity is tested. Our willingness to submit to the answer is assessed. When the answer comes, it often is only partial, because God desires us to experience growth as we move forward.

The process sanctifies us, which is something God desires. He could grant us our petitions and we'd never change. Sometimes answers come all at once, and the answer itself tests us.

It's hard to imagine all the ways an infinitely wise Being can use our desires to shape us and mold us into what he designs, while respecting free will, and accounting for the agency of others. What an amazing process it is.

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I've been sick with a chronic sickness and it's been pretty tough lately, especially mentally coming to terms with things. I had a blessing and I was told to ponder on why we have trials and tribulation. It wasn't a blessing of less pain, but of understanding.

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The problem with that kind of answer is that it simply doesn't match up with the reality that people experience everyday, and, there is simply zero evidence that it is true.

Many of us live comfortable lives with our basic needs met plus some luxury but for much of the world, billions of people, the world is a merciless place filled with pain, sorrow, abject poverty, horrible disease and unimaginable suffering. People cry out to God for relief and they is none.

I myself know, as does the vast majority of humanity, that God does not answer all prayers.

Sure - you can blame the person praying - maybe he/she didn't do it the right way or didn't "listen" the right way but that's a cheap way of ignoring what real people experience every day.

He does answer. The answer will NEVER infringe on someone else's agency. There is no blame.

BTW... I'm a real person with real pain. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't cheapen what I know to be true by implying that I'm ignoring what real people experience every day.

I agree to disagree, respectfully....... seems a pattern with us.

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I don't believe that prayers go unanswered. The possible answers are Yes, No, or Maybe. Sometimes a No answer will feel like an unanswered prayer when really what we were asking for was not in the best interest of all parties.

The problem I have with this is that all prayer has a 50% chance of being answered, doesn't matter what God you pray to. And, I guess the 28,000 children that die of malnutrition today got a "no."

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The problem I have with this is that all prayer has a 50% chance of being answered, doesn't matter what God you pray to.

Clearly, this is false. A non-existent god cannot answer any prayer.

And, I guess the 28,000 children that die of malnutrition today got a "no."

Ah, yes. The prehistorically ancient argument that, since evil exists, God cannot. I reject that argument as fuzzy-thinking nonsense, however passionately some may adhere to it.

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He does answer. The answer will NEVER infringe on someone else's agency. There is no blame.

That's not true, not if believe scripture. Think how long the list would be if you wrote down everything God, according to scripture, interceded to rob man of his agency... the children that were killed by she-bears, the killing of Job's family, Lot's wife, the whole of humanity in the flood.

BTW... I'm a real person with real pain. I would appreciate it if you wouldn't cheapen what I know to be true by implying that I'm ignoring what real people experience every day.

I agree to disagree, respectfully....... seems a pattern with us.

Okay - can you explain how God answers the prayers of torture victims as they are killed or of innocent families dying of starvation?

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Clearly, this is false. A non-existent god cannot answer any prayer.

There's little point in twisting the poster's intent just to stomp on his point. The point was fairly clear - if God's response is sometimes to intervene and sometimes not and no discernible pattern exists, then whether you pray to God or to a milk carton, stand a comparable chance of getting the same response.

Ah, yes. The prehistorically ancient argument that, since evil exists, God cannot. I reject that argument as fuzzy-thinking nonsense, however passionately some may adhere to it.

It's the "fuzzy-thinking nonsense" that have vexed the world's best minds, philosophers and theologians for thousands of years.

If you have a solution that works, you would be the first.

Why does God appear to love you but hate Somalians?

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How do Mormons Reconcile an All-powerful God & Suffering?

Pain stayed so long I said to him today,

‘I will not have you with me any more.’

I stomped my foot and said, ‘Be on your way,’ and paused there, startled at the look he wore.

‘I, who have been your friend,’ he said to me,

‘I, who have been your teacher–all you know

Of understanding, love, of sympathy,

And patience, I have taught you. Shall I go?

He spoke the truth, this strange unwelcome guest;

I watched him leave, and knew that He was wise.

He left a heart grown tender in my breast.

He left a far, clear vision in my eyes. I dried my tears, and lifted up a song–

Even for one who’d tortured me so long.

(Tragedy or Destiny, Spencer. W. Kimball, Deseret Book: 1996, p. 4.)

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It's the "fuzzy-thinking nonsense" that have vexed the world's best minds, philosophers and theologians for thousands of years.

I don't believe it vexed Joseph Smith, or Brigham Young, or John Taylor, or Lorenzo Snow, etc. I suspect it didn't vex Jesus Christ. My guess is that those who had the Spirit with them were not vexed by the question, even if they could not fully answer it.

As for those bereft of the Spirit, of course they did not and could not understand. The question is a mystery, revealed only to those who seek the answer on principles of truth, and perhaps not expressible in words using our language.

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One thing i've learned is that "our time" and "Our Heavenly Fathers time" is different...Not that there is a delay in when prayers are answered...it just might not be the time for them to be answered. He knows each and every one of us, what we are going through, He will never allow us to be tested more than what we can withstand and because of that our prayers are answered at the specific time that he deems them necessary to be answered. Also, remember that sometimes our prayers arent answered until "After the trial of our Faith"

Maybe our prayers are going to be answered on day 20 and we loose our Faith or give up on day 19? :(

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One thing i've learned is that "our time" and "Our Heavenly Fathers time" is different...Not that there is a delay in when prayers are answered...it just might not be the time for them to be answered. He knows each and every one of us, what we are going through,

It's exactly that sort of thing that makes religion meaningless for people. Scripture promises things " And whatever you shall ask in my name, that will I do..." or "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find..." and when people find that that just doesn't happen, then others respond, well, er, the answer might be yes or it might be no or it might be maybe, and anyone of those answers might come now and if it doesn't come now, then it may come later and if not later, then maybe a whole lot later...

... and so it becomes empty pieties.

He will never allow us to be tested more than what we can withstand and because of that our prayers are answered at the specific time that he deems them necessary to be answered. Also, remember that sometimes our prayers arent answered until "After the trial of our Faith"

Maybe our prayers are going to be answered on day 20 and we loose our Faith or give up on day 19? :(

What is the evidence that is true?

People break under the "test" all the time. People die, commit suicide, become atheist, go insane, give up. Were they tested more than they could stand? Who is the judge of that? The religionist's response would be, uh, the fault must lay with the person that went insane. They, or their own free will, made a bad choice and insanity is simply the result of their bad choice. If only they had done x, y, or z, they they would have been blessed instead...

Again... that seems to be a mindless piety that doesn't match up with what real people actually experience.

If you believe scripture, how far is God willing to go to "test" you?

How about tricking you into thinking that you have to murder your son?

How about colluding with Satan to kill your children, take away your earned wealth, steal your donkey's and oxen, strike dead your employees, kill your sheep, inflict you with disease and then chastise you for daring to wonder what was going on.

And what about the killed employees and children? Seems they were tested all the way to death.

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It's exactly that sort of thing that makes religion meaningless for people. Scripture promises things " And whatever you shall ask in my name, that will I do..." or "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find..." and when people find that that just doesn't happen, then others respond, well, er, the answer might be yes or it might be no or it might be maybe, and anyone of those answers might come now and if it doesn't come now, then it may come later and if not later, then maybe a whole lot later...

... and so it becomes empty pieties.

What is the evidence that is true?

People break under the "test" all the time. People die, commit suicide, become atheist, go insane, give up. Were they tested more than they could stand? Who is the judge of that? The religionist's response would be, uh, the fault must lay with the person that went insane. They, or their own free will, made a bad choice and insanity is simply the result of their bad choice. If only they had done x, y, or z, they they would have been blessed instead...

Again... that seems to be a mindless piety that doesn't match up with what real people actually experience.

If you believe scripture, how far is God willing to go to "test" you?

How about tricking you into thinking that you have to murder your son?

How about colluding with Satan to kill your children, take away your earned wealth, steal your donkey's and oxen, strike dead your employees, kill your sheep, inflict you with disease and then chastise you for daring to wonder what was going on.

And what about the killed employees and children? Seems they were tested all the way to death.

Snow I am praying that some day you'll have the courage to doubt your doubts.

Until then..... A person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. :)

Best Wishes always.

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Traveler- I looked up the Bible Dictionary account for "Prayer" per your advice and found one particular sentance that really stood out to me regarding "unanswered" prayers. It reads- "Many prayers remain unanswered because they are not in Christ’s name at all; they in no way represent his mind, but spring out of the selfishness of man’s heart."

I find it interesting that there is an immediate correlation between our desires not being aligned with Christ and selfishness. In this situation, it seems that the prayers are not selfish at all. They are praying for the pain of their loved one to be relieved- a seemingly very unselfish request...

You are prejudging. I am typing this without having read any replies. Please forgive me if my perspective has already been shared. Perhaps your prayers are indeed unselfish, but you presume to know what's best. Should Mary have prayed that Christ be spared of all the pain that He endured in Gethsemene or on the cross? It was HIS bitter cup to drink. Read D&C 122 and take comfort in knowing that whatever trial your father in law is called to endure, Christ has already endured it. We cannot expect to enter His kingdom without enduring our own trials by fire. It is that fire that purifies us and makes us worthy. Pray instead that your father in law will have the strength that He needs to endure what the Lord has prepared for Him. His reward will be that much greater.

Doctrine and Covenants 122 

Edited by skalenfehl
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Snow I am praying that some day you'll have the courage to doubt your doubts.

Until then..... A person convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. :)

Best Wishes always.

That's not really a helpful response. It is merely a way to say: "I'm right and you are wrong and you will always be wrong until you start agreeing with me."

Rather than shutting your eyes, you might try engaging with the issue. You made some posts that were factually untrue to support your position. I've pointed those out. I've made no untrue statements.

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That's not really a helpful response. It is merely a way to say: "I'm right and you are wrong and you will always be wrong until you start agreeing with me."

Rather than shutting your eyes, you might try engaging with the issue. You made some posts that were factually untrue to support your position. I've pointed those out. I've made no untrue statements.

I disagree. Just because you disagree doesn't make my statements false.

I have no desire to engage in another contentious conversation with you Snow. And in the past it has always gotten contentious .... thus my last post.

So again..... I wish you all the best in your search for answers and I'm out of this tread.

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Oldangela, I understand your post all too well, I have a chronic illness that has affected my family in many ways. At first others told me that I just lacked faith, or that I was unrighteous and just being punished, but now I now that sometimes this is what is necessary to give my family the opportunity to learn. This is the Lord's way of making weak things strong. We are a much better family now, we cling to each other more, we hold tighter to that iron rod, and my kids have learned so much about their abilities, and have gained more confidence in themselves.

There is an excellent lesson in the Family Home Evening Resource Book that I think would make all the difference for your families to share on family home evening. It is "When Illness Strikes" it helped me and my family. It includes some inspiring information about President Kimball, who as you may know endured cancer and open-heart surgery.

Bishop Peterson is quoted, "I thought as I saw him seated in his chair, with the Apostles' hands on his head, 'Why? Why should a man who has been through what he has endured now have to go through open-heart surgery?' I knew the Lord could heal him in an instant if he chose to, and I wondered why he didn't. But now I understand, as I'm sure you do, that the Lord was preparing a man, and Apostle, to be his prophet. He wanted a prophet and a president who would listen to him, who could receive the promptiongs of the Spirit and would be open to them."

FHE Resource Book P. 140

That is just one tiny part of that lesson, and I highly recommend it.

Edited by jayanna
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Do we really expect God to be a babysitter, a fairy godmother? Those are often wished to be the nature of God, but I think we can all agree that God is neither. There is no magic machine where we put in good works, prayers, etc, and a perfect life pops out. Yes, I am well-aware of the scriptures stating about praying and receiving. Are we somehow misinterpreting those? Are we expecting too much? If people did good, prayed, etc. and thus received blessings, would faith increase in God? Or would a happy life just become the new low standard? Who are we to define God by what we want, or even by the scriptures, which, as holy as they are, are not God.

I don't think we receive all desired blessings. I don't think good things always happen because we do good things. I do think all prayers are answered, but "no" is often the answer. I don't think God is ready to step right into the world and clean everything up. God is real and does listen to prayers, but that does not change the fact that we are living in an imperfect and fallen world where bad things are all too often a part of life.

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