How long do we have to wait


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Me and my GF have had sex. We both feel really bad and want to get married in the temple. We haven't talked to our bishops yet but she is sure we're going to have to wait for a year before we can get married in the temple. Is there anyone here who was in the same situation that could tell me how long their bishop made the wait? I thought the year thing was for people who get a civil marriage. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

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Everything I have heard suggests your girlfriend is right. Reestablishing your commitment to living the law of chastity in the eyes of the Church seems to require at least a year, sometimes longer.

But I'm not in Church leadership and do not have any direct experience, so take my view for what it's worth.

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I doubt it would be a year. I say 6-10 months. Go to the bishop regularly and attend all of your meetings. He will see your sorrow and know you would have repented.

The Church wouldn't impose a year of waiting for something like that because it already imposes a year wait if a couple gets married civilly first. Essentially there is nothing from stopping you to get married civilly if the penalty was a year.

My fiance and I have never had sex but have made mistakes. We have the "OK" from one bishop for November which will be 5 months of clean living. The other one said that usually bishop's decisions end up in agreement. I for one am very excited to be married and so is my fiance. I wish she would just stop stressing me out though. :)

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I doubt it would be a year. I say 6-10 months. Go to the bishop regularly and attend all of your meetings. He will see your sorrow and know you would have repented.

The Church wouldn't impose a year of waiting for something like that because it already imposes a year wait if a couple gets married civilly first. Essentially there is nothing from stopping you to get married civilly if the penalty was a year.

My fiance and I have never had sex but have made mistakes. We have the "OK" from one bishop for November which will be 5 months of clean living. The other one said that usually bishop's decisions end up in agreement. I for one am very excited to be married and so is my fiance. I wish she would just stop stressing me out though. :)

Intercourse is different under church discipline than other "mistakes". It's more serious even though it's all under "sexual relations".

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  • 4 weeks later...

I was in this same boat 9 yrs ago. We were told 7 months but we couldn't wait and just got married then sealed a year later. For me I wished I just waited the 7 months then the way I did it. It bothered me and I was bitter towards how the marriage started. I would suggest talking with your bishop together. Go to church and finish the process so you both can be worthy of getting married in the temple. I think it will be more meaningful for you both.

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I doubt it would be a year. I say 6-10 months. Go to the bishop regularly and attend all of your meetings. He will see your sorrow and know you would have repented.

The Church wouldn't impose a year of waiting for something like that because it already imposes a year wait if a couple gets married civilly first. Essentially there is nothing from stopping you to get married civilly if the penalty was a year.

My fiance and I have never had sex but have made mistakes. We have the "OK" from one bishop for November which will be 5 months of clean living. The other one said that usually bishop's decisions end up in agreement. I for one am very excited to be married and so is my fiance. I wish she would just stop stressing me out though. :)

I think the year is correct. At this point being married civilly is not a bad thing. It's certainly better to do that than to continue to have premarital sex. The reasons for the delay are different. With sex outside of marriage you are talking about a serious sin. You need to be clean for the temple.

Marriage outside of the temple is not a sin, it's settling for less than the best. Due to the sacred nature of the sealing covenants, we are discouraged from doing many things that would cheapen that sacred ceremony. It is the highest ordinance we can get in this life and should not be treated as something to get over with.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Let me first state that this is my first reply after coming on this forum infrequently for a year or so. This post made me want to say something as someone who can relate exactly. I have been a member my whole life and am currently an active temple going/recommend holding member with a calling and we pay tithing. On my mission a girl from my ward wrote me and we dated as soon as I got home. Shortly after we began a sexual relationship that lasted years. We were both committed and remained active, but I suppose our will power was weak and our hormones strong. When we were done with school we got married civilly by our bishop and met with him sporadically for a year while taking temple prep classes. I never got exed, neither did she. We were then sealed a year later in the temple and life has been peachy king. Obviously this isn't the path I'd recommend, but this is one way that it can happen. I don't know if our easy ride through that time was due to our full activity, I've heard from friends or friends of friends that went through similar situations that got dealt with more harshly. I can't speak for their full actions. I don't know if it involved drinking, partying, multiple partners, drugs, lost testimonies or what. My wife and I have never doubted the church for a second and are very active and cheerful social members. This might be why it was so easy with us and our bishop. Hope this helps.

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