What to decide


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There is only one answer here, Dave, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

That answer is that you first have to love yourself. You can tell there's a lot of self-loathing going on there and I think you can tell yourself that you've become dependent on her.

She has cheated on you. She ran to Vegas. She spent you in to the poorhouse, and you know the worst part?

You let it happen and you know it.

Oh, the first time was probably a mistake, but as time went on the way she treated you made you feel more and more worthless. This happens to both men and women. It's a form of emotional abuse - Withholding affection, whether physical or emotional - And it's used to control other people.

The only way out of this is to become happy again. If you're depressed, get medication - If you seriously considered ending your life, then you definitely need medication. If you're just feeling down, then do something with your life. Pick up a hobby you can do with your kids. Take them out, have fun with them.

And the last thing you need to know: Your kids are learning from you and will do and be in any relationship exactly what you are right now.

If one of your children were going through this, what would you tell them to do? Whatever answer that is is the correct answer for you.

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Dave, it sounds like you struggle with a co-dependency. This is NOT love, so don't compare the two. A healthy love would not have you chasing after someone who has done so many things like she has done. Go get some emotional/mental help.

Next, let her go. Do not keep chasing after her. Allow your time to heal. Yes, it will hurt, and hurt a lot. But a period of pain followed by peace is much better than many periods of pain with no solution.

Eventually, your desires for her will diminish. They may not go away entirely, but will go away enough so you can move on. Then, go find someone you can love and will love you back in the same way. Find someone who can actually go with you to the temple and make a forever family. Your kids need and deserve a good mother. Your ex just is not it. You need and deserve a good wife. Your ex just is not it. So get tough, quit living the fairy tale, and start living so that you can find a real soul mate.

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I suggest you read these books- Dangerous Relationships by Noelle Nelson, and Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. These will help give you a better picture of what you are actually putting yourself through and how to overcome the problems. While I think a divorce is really the smartest option in your situation, you do not have to get a divorce to utilize what these books can teach you. They can help you recognize the behaviors of both your wife and yourself that are unhealthy, learn how to set healthy barriers and limits, and how to stand up for yourself in a way that won't cause problems.

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Guest mormonmusic

When I read this, I honestly think there isn't a lot of good in a relationship with that woman. She is very unstable in her relationships, and the pattern is set -- she'll sell you out as soon as someone else comes along.

Best to try to get over her and move on really.....and I know that is much easier said than done. But I see that is necessary from this story. She does not seem to have the loyalty or staying power to stick with a relationship for any length of time, and continued interaction will only make your life harder.

I feel for you on this one. I really do.

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You must move on. She is running your life. You need to take back the reigns. I know it is easier said than done, as I am going through a divorce currently and I also have some co-dependency issues. But from the outside, you need to push forward and live the life you are in and not the one you had hoped for.

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  • 1 month later...

Thanks for the responses everyone, I told her i wanted a seperation. She naturally said no way, so i agreed to counceling with her. If there aren't drastic changes in behavior I'm moving on. Like alot of you have said, I just can't live this way anymore. And I see it everyday in my childrens behavior. So thanks again for the prayers and advice.

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