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sena
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Hey everyone. To cut things short, I'm in my young twenties, came home from a mission early, fallen away from the church, took off my garments, have drank, had sex, stopped paying tithing, stopped praying, reading the scriptures etc...

When you hear the cliche "it's a slippery slope", it's never been more true.

I desparately want to come back to the church, but I could never tell the bishop. I'm afraid of the punishment...

Does anyone know what the disciplinary action would be.. I know it's different depending on the bishop and stake pres. .

Sorry I know this isn't very detailed of my situation or anything, but it gives an idea.

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Hmmm..a young twenties woman has a crisis of faith, breaks a series of commandments and then realizes that happiness is found through covenants and righteousness.

Sounds to me like you're having what amounts to a very common experience among young adults, even if you did perform the experience with a certain flare.

Please understand that the fact that you were endowed will likely raise the stakes of the consequences. I can't say if you will be excommunicated, disfellowshipped, or put on probation. Only your bishop will be able to determine that, and it will likely be after he has considered the facts.

What I can promise is that repentance, whatever the path, will ease your burdens and uplift your soul. You shouldn't have to tell your bishop much more than what you've told us. The only reasonable question I can think that would come up would be "how long has it been since you've given up these sins?" And that's really going to be the crux of the issue (a longer period of having given up your sins indicates a longer period of remorse and repentance).

Going forward, please recognize that lifestyle change is hard. There are lots of us here willing to be an encouragement and lost of us here in need of encouragement. The same can be said of people at church and in your community. I recommend you reach out to people here and in your area and build new friendships. Integrate yourself into the lives of others and I expect you'll find an easier path to the happiness you seek.

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Sena,

There is no way around. You must go through the process if you really want happiness and joy in your life. Yes, it will be painful. But at the end of the repentance process, you will have exceedingly great joy.

What happens to you is more dependent upon yourself than on any bishop (as a woman, you will see the bishop, not stake president). If you are truly remorseful and repentant, and willingly go before the bishop, the process will go better than if he has to drag it out of you. The bishop will seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit, which will tell him when you have fully repented and are ready to return to full fellowship. Trust in God, who has been trying to work with you all this time, and is now waiting for you to make the next move. That move isn't easy, but it is the best move you could make in your life.

If you have a problem facing the bishop directly, write him a letter explaining your desire to return to the fold, repent, and explain your sins to him. Then he can call you in, already knowing the big parts of what occurred. It can take the initial edge off the process.

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Hey everyone. To cut things short, I'm in my young twenties, came home from a mission early, fallen away from the church, took off my garments, have drank, had sex, stopped paying tithing, stopped praying, reading the scriptures etc...

When you hear the cliche "it's a slippery slope", it's never been more true.

I desparately want to come back to the church, but I could never tell the bishop. I'm afraid of the punishment...

Does anyone know what the disciplinary action would be.. I know it's different depending on the bishop and stake pres. .

Sorry I know this isn't very detailed of my situation or anything, but it gives an idea.

The highest disciplinary action can go is excommunication, which depending on the case may be necessaary for part of the repentence process as a means from keeping an individual violating covenants... altho generally from people i've seen that if an individual confesses on their own to the bishop and has taken steps to show that they are repenting and willing to work with the bishop that they don't have to be excommunicated. But an individual should be prepared to go through some form of seperation if its necessary as part of repentence.

Getting yourself to confess to the bishop is probably one of the highest hurdles you face. I'd also say start reading and praying again both before and after visiting the bishop.

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The others have given you good information. I'm going to take it from a slightly different angle.

If you want to be a part of the church because of what you believe, because you find happiness and joy therein, because you feel the need to have forgiveness in your life, then you really cannot just come back to church without going through the repentence process. You would be living a lie, telling any and all that you have been living the standards of the church when in fact, that is not the case. So if you really believe it, if you really want to be back, then you need to go and talk with your bishop. That could include excommunication, disfellowhipment, etc. He is the appointed judge.

If you just like the social aspects of the church and don't care, then I guess you could come back and not see the bishop, but I don't recommend this course of action. You would be decieving others throughout the process.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if it is church or the local rotary club, you have to follow the rules of membership if you want to be a member of the club. Sure, you can fake it. Many do, but you'll still know you are faking.

-RM

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Hey everyone. To cut things short, I'm in my young twenties, came home from a mission early, fallen away from the church, took off my garments, have drank, had sex, stopped paying tithing, stopped praying, reading the scriptures etc...

When you hear the cliche "it's a slippery slope", it's never been more true.

I desparately want to come back to the church, but I could never tell the bishop. I'm afraid of the punishment...

Does anyone know what the disciplinary action would be.. I know it's different depending on the bishop and stake pres. .

Sorry I know this isn't very detailed of my situation or anything, but it gives an idea.

Brother, you are LIVING the punishment. And you will keep on living it until you follow your heart and talk to your bishop and stake president.

Seriously, what's the worst they can possibly do? Excommunicate you? Because you have already effectively excommunicated yourself. But in fact, the odds are they won't excommunicate you at all, but welcome you back and try to help you get where you want to go from where you are.

Give them a chance.

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I think one thing people need to get out of their head is that a disciplinary council is set up to dole out punishment. There is no punishment involved. It's the steps required to put yourself back on the right track and take you through the repentance process.

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My 2 cents: I think any "punishment" that could be given by the church would be much much better than the the fear and desperation that you feel right now. The worst that could happen is you start on the difficult road back to church membership. No matter what "punishment" you receive, that's the goal: to set a solid path back to full church membership. Since that's what you wanted anyway, what's the worry? :)

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Hello Sena. The other posts are spot on and I would say listen to them.

Living with fear is far worse than facing what is causing your fear. Dread creates so much foulness. It is like foulness squared, because your actions, while over, are still creating more and more darkness and sorrow and foulness inside you.

This is the terrible beauty of the Atonement. Repentance brings about peace, so that you can stop making wrong choices, stop living in fear and dread and come back to Heavenly Father and the path that will take you to him. Repentance and forgiveness and restitution allows you to walk forward away from this, while taking the hard knowledge you have learned with you. Wisdom is highly rated and prayed for but GAINING it is glossed over a bit, eh?

Go talk to your Bishop.

I sympathize with you. You can do this. You will also find the relief you are seeking.

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I have only been a member of the church less than a month, but after reading what the OP said, all I can say is, going through the process of repentance and confessing what you did and taking the consequences has got to be easier than living with guilt and feeling separated from God in any way. Yes, it'll be difficult, embarrassing, etc., but imagine pretending all is well, returning to church, and then dealing daily with the reality of living a falsehood. Just the thought of doing that myself gives me the shivers.

I wish you the best and hope you make the right decision. :)

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You described my husband a few years ago, spot on. His 'punishment' was being asked into the bishops office and being asked how he would like help from the bishop. My 'punishment' was being fully accepted in the ward, given wonderful home and visiting teachers, and that's about it. I did go through a disciplinary council, but that was requested by me, to help me through the repentance process (which it did, was WONDERFUL, and I'm very grateful for.)

Really, the hardest part will be working through your own personal repentance. It's hard, it's worth it. You need the peace back in your life. Today will be the easiest time to start repenting, get on it.

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I've been there before, I know how it feels, I'm sorry that you're there now. Please don't give up on the church because of fear of the consequences of your actions. We have a unique opportunity in mortality to make mistakes and be forgiven for them. It's called the atonement and please make yourself very familiar with this word, it will will bring you such happiness. God loves you and wants you to 'come back into the fold'. My advice is to just start by going back to church, maybe to a different ward than you used to go to, if you're more comfortable with that. I get the impression that you've been away for a couple of years and after this long, just attending is hard enough. As for the rest, just remember that the end game in this process is to help you return to your loving Fathers arms, even in an instance of excommunication, we want you to correct your path and come back. :)

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My comment? everybody is fallible. How is your bishop? emotional? Calm? Depends on his personality and how he takes these kind of things. Everyone sins, but dont remind him of this just state you made a mistake and slipped off the road of truthfulness and want to get back on it.

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To quote a seminary teacher I had once: "The Atonement happened for a reason. It wouldn't happen if there was no one to save."

Just go ahead and talk to the bishop (I know, easier said than done). I carried the burden of something I did for 2 long years before I finally cracked and told the bishop what I had done, during an interview for a patriarchal blessing. His response? "Do you feel bad about it? Did you repent? Is it still an issue? Yes, yes, and no? Forget about it, you're forgiven." When I expressed my confusion, he just said "Yeah, it's done." I felt so good after that I wanted to cry.

It's terrifying to go in there, kind of like having to tell your dad you got an F on a paper you were supposed to write. Luckily, unlike getting an F on the paper, the bishop will just work with you to help you, and he won't even take away your cell phone!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Sena,

I've got good news for you. Whatever "punishment" your bishop or stake president might give you is no worse than what you are already experiencing. My guess is that if you confess, they will either disfellowship or excommunicate you from the Church.

If they disfellowship you, you will not be allowed to partake of the sacrament, hold church callings, or pray or give talks at church. You will be allowed to pay tithing and wear your garments (in fact, they will expect you to). This might last a year, or two, after which, if you have followed the bishop's instructions, they will reinstate you to full fellowship.

Alternatively, they might excommunicate you, which means you would no longer be a member of the Church, and therefore not allowed to take the sacrament, hold callings, give talks or prayers at church, and furthermore you will not be allowed to wear the garments, and they will not accept tithing from you. Regaining your membership would probably take at least a year or so, though it varies from case to case.

According to what you said, you have already stopped attending church, paying tithing, and wearing the garments, so really things will not change that much for you if you confess. EXCEPT for one very important thing: If you confess, you will at least have the chance to sort things out with yourself and the Church, and after a couple of years (or however long the authorities decide), you can be fully active in the Church again, if that's what you want. So basically, you can only win.

Yes, it'll be embarrassing to confess, but believe me, you won't be telling your bishop anything he hasn't heard before, multiple times. He won't ridicule you or anything, just try to help you come back to full fellowship. He will want to meet with you several times to check on how you're doing and find out if there's any way he can help.

So what you need to decide is if being an active member of the Church is really what you want, and if you're willing to do what's necessary to get there, like attend church regularly, keep the bishop up to date on your progress, keep the commandments, etc. It'll take some work and some patience, but you can do it.

Most important of all, as others have said, is your relationship with God. Pray. Meditate. Read the scriptures. Listen (spiritually, not with your physical ears) after you pray to find out what God wants to communicate to you. And always remember, no matter what, GOD LOVES YOU!

I wish you the very best, my friend, whatever you decide to do. :)

HEP

Edited by HEthePrimate
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