Wife wants Divorce, I want Reconciliation

[ManChild]

I am struggling with my current situation and new some input. Background info - married 11 years (met when 19 yo) and have 4 children (all under 8 yo). My wife and I married civilly and had initially planned to be sealed in temple. I fell away from church and have been largely inactive for a decade. We never made it to the temple. I was born into church and wife got baptized while were we dating.

I have travelled extensively with job while wife was SAHM with kids. In the last 5 yrs I have been absent at least 6 mnths of year. I had an affair (STUPID I KNOW!!!! stupid, stupid, stupid) when I started to travel. It lasted 6 wks and was a no strings attached type situation. I did not tell my wife. Well I have held the guilt and remorse inside all this time until recently.

Recently I received a phone call from wife while working out of state and she said she no longer wanted to be married. She actually sent me a text that she was filing for separation. I couldn't believe it. I came home and she was a different person. She had no interest in me at all. Long story short, she reconnected with old high school flame on Facebook and has been talking extensively on the phone with him. They have seen each other but she said it did not become physical. She immediately told me she did not wish to work on us as she was DONE. Well, I told her I had stepped out of the marriage 6 yrs earlier and apologized profusely for my stupidity. She forgave me immediately, but didn't seem to care much about it. In a sense it gave her justification for her feelings of ending the marriage.

Fast forward....We meet with the bishop and I admit my affair. Bishop asks if wife would like to reconcile and she says "no." She has told all her friends and my relatives that she is moving on and is happy as can be. She has told no one about her Facebook friend. She told me he is moving to area after 1 yr (he is military and in Afghanistan) and they will begin dating at that time.

Soooooo. We are in mnth 2 of a year long separation before a divorce can be finalized. I am basically a shell of my former self. I see my kids a couple of times a week. I no longer have my family, house, job, or life. I'm in a tough spot. I am going through the repentance process and am relying heavily on family, friends, and the Lord.

I want to know if I should give up on my marriage and try to move on or should I fight for it and hope wife softens her heart ?? I am just lost here. Sad, that here I am ready to commit my life to the gospel and my partner is going the other direction. Any advice would be appreciated!

[JudoMinja]

Marriage requires two people. If your wife is as "done" as it sounds like she is, then no amount of fighting on your part will do any good. While her affair (yes it is still an affair even if it was never physical) and lack of confession was wrong, it does not change the fact that you cannot save a marriage by yourself. She has to be willing to save it too.

Focus on your repentance process, and focus on making sure your divorce proceedings are fair. You deserve to see and be with your kids as much as possible. Also, try to find something to "live for". Why don't you have your job anymore? What kind of work can you get/do? Do you have any projects you can spend time on to help you regain your sense of self-worth? Being active and engaged in something is the best way to cope with the pain of something like this. It will help keep you from falling into depression.

[zuko725]

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

The fact that she didn't even care that you had been with another woman and that she is ready to be divorced from you and is ready to move on sounds to me like she's indifferent towards you. Sadly, I don't think there's much you can do.. as Judominja stated.. it takes two people to make a marriage work and she's clearly taken herself out of the equation.

I know this is a tough time for you but you've got to hang in there. Surround yourself with family and friends, get active in the church again and schedule meetings with the bishop (he will help you through this) and try to stay busy. (Maybe find a new hobby or join a gym)

Hang in there and remember.. this too shall pass.

[ManChild]

I appreciate the replies. I do not have a job right now, b/c I just couldn't fathom traveling for work anymore. I had only done it to support my family and now I am focusing on being around for my children. The money is taking a back seat on my priority list. I do believe I can obtain a job fairly easily when I'm emotionally ready.

I do agree my wife is practically indifferent to me. Why does she then find the need to engage me in conflict or negativity? I no longer reply to her hurtful emails. I want her to feel the seriousness of her decision without being there to help her through it. I have gone to limited contact with her and she hates it. I think she has a hard time letting go of me completely. I am struggling mightily with this, but it is worse when I see her or I talk with her, etc.

My thoughts of having an ideal family have died and that is the toughest part of all of this. She did tell me that the affair that I had was the straw that broke the camels back.

I've learned I obviously cannot change my past decisions but can only have impact on future decisions. I pray daily and have not missed a Sunday since she told me how she felt. I am on a difficult road, but the one I left with guilt/remorse was not easy either.

[JudoMinja]

I appreciate the replies. I do not have a job right now, b/c I just couldn't fathom traveling for work anymore. I had only done it to support my family and now I am focusing on being around for my children. The money is taking a back seat on my priority list. I do believe I can obtain a job fairly easily when I'm emotionally ready.

While being around your children is important, so is providing for them and for yourself. How are you getting by? How is your wife getting by? Having a family includes the responsibility of taking care of that family. Even while you two are separated and/or divorced, those children need you to provide for them.

Our sense of self-worth is also greatly tied up in our ability to contribute to something important. The longer you go without a job, the more likely you will be to start falling into depression, and the harder it will be to get a job. Trust me. I've got a Bachelors and am still struggling to find work that will pay more than minimum wage. The struggle injures my sense of accomplishment and worth, but I am able to fight off depression because I at least have a job, and the work I do makes it so that I can care for myself and my son.

I do agree my wife is practically indifferent to me. Why does she then find the need to engage me in conflict or negativity? I no longer reply to her hurtful emails. I want her to feel the seriousness of her decision without being there to help her through it. I have gone to limited contact with her and she hates it. I think she has a hard time letting go of me completely. I am struggling mightily with this, but it is worse when I see her or I talk with her, etc.

My thoughts of having an ideal family have died and that is the toughest part of all of this. She did tell me that the affair that I had was the straw that broke the camels back.

The italisized comments combined with her lack of confession makes it sound like she is trying to place all the blame on you. She wants you to be the bad guy so that she won't have to face her own guilt. She wanted the separation before she even knew about the affair, before she had any "fault" to put on you or reason to feel victimized. She wanted out because she had given up on your marriage, decided not to love you anymore because she'd allowed herself to fall in love with someone else. The decision is hers. The fault is on her, not you. If she is being negative and unforgiving toward you, it is because she does not want to face her own guilt and wants to have justification for her decision to leave.

You are doing the right thing to put up boundaries and avoid her negativity. She cannot have it both ways. She either wants to continue her relationship with you or she does not. Her actions have shown that she does not, so you should be able to put as much distance between you as you want. Just interact as much as is necessary for custody arrangements.

I've learned I obviously cannot change my past decisions but can only have impact on future decisions. I pray daily and have not missed a Sunday since she told me how she felt. I am on a difficult road, but the one I left with guilt/remorse was not easy either.

Good for you. You are very right. Learning from your past so that you can choose a better future is the proper attitude. Try not to dwell on what was, but on what can be. It is hard when we lose our "ideal", but remember that as long as you strive to better yoursef and improve your relationship with the Savior all things will "work for your good" in the end.

[AGStacker]

I disagree with JudoMinja that your wife had an affair. It certainly is foolish thinking on her part and she can certainly stop herself from making a worse decision. The fact that you cheated on her will exacerbate the problem and probably will make her choice to leave much easier. I feel that the time to have become active was in the beginning when you had the proper chance to. That's not to say things can't be fixed. The atonement can heal ALL wounds. I have never been married but have been in a semi long relationship and noticed when this individual, whom I loved, was done she meant it. I feel women decide this months before they actually leave. I believe they will even confess their love to you when not knowing what they actually believe and then out of nowhere they are done. Like we've been counseled, a good marriage needs constant nurture like a garden.

I think the single best thing you can do is forsake all your sins, plead with God for mercy and forgiveness, seek the Bishop's counsel and fast and pray to God for a chance to reconcile with your wife.

Also, I watched my parents go through a horrible divorce which broke my father's heart. He definitely was at fault in many areas and was too stubborn to change. I suppose he felt like my mom would never leave him. He still has sorrow to this day seven years later. It causes me a lot of pain yet I recognize that my father's upbringing was far removed from the typical Latter-day Saint. He grew up without his real father, because his mother left him, and was abused by a step father who he still loved. But here is my point about my father, after the divorce he chose a dark path mainly out of loneliness and sadness. It has ruined him financially. He is now only starting to see the light and is coming around. During this time he never denied the truthfulness of the Church and I've never known someone personally to serve others more than him. Life can be hard and situations like these can make it way harder. My advice is to NOT rebel but to humble yourself and rely completely on the Lord. Harder said than done but I can guarantee the pain will be less severe and linger less.

Best of luck to you.

[NeuroTypical]

Perhaps this will make a difference to your wife: When there are children involved, a divorce does not mean an end of the relationship. Your wife will still have a relationship with you - because you both will have to work together on occasion when the kids are involved.

Unless one of you plans to up and abandon the kids, the difference between divorcing and staying married, is that divorce makes everything much more expensive and complicated, and your kids are at higher risk of making babies before 18 or married, living in poverty, and maybe going to jail. Y'all will still still have the same problems with each other either way.

[ManChild]

While being around your children is important, so is providing for them and for yourself. How are you getting by? How is your wife getting by? Having a family includes the responsibility of taking care of that family. Even while you two are separated and/or divorced, those children need you to provide for them.

The job that I had allowed me to work 4-6 months out of the year and I could take the rest of the year off. Financially we have never struggled. I thought as a husband I was doing my part, little did I know. So I haven't had a 9-5 job in a long time. Of course that is what I currently want. That was also a problem for us. When I got home from working out of town, we would always have a hard time adjusting to life again. I'd want to stay home and she'd want to go out. Marriage is tough. I just hope I'll have the chance to do it again one day, well maybe.....

[Just_A_Guy]

ManChild, the one thing that I find odd (and forgive me for sounding Machiavellian here, but I deal with divorces every day [but probably not in your jurisdiction, so don't take this as legal advice]), is this bit about having to wait a year before your divorce finalizes. That sounds really weird--Utah's waiting period, for example, is only 90 days, and it's waived if there are kids.

If you aren't talking to a lawyer, I suggest you start doing so now. Maybe I'm jaded by my career choice; but my experience is that once you've decided the relationship can't be saved, the divorce should finalize ASAP. Delay is rarely good for harmonious resolution of the issues that typically crop up in divorce cases.

[Juan_P]

....is this bit about having to wait a year before your divorce finalizes. That sounds really weird--Utah's waiting period, for example, is only 90 days, and it's waived if there are kids.....

but my experience is that once you've decided the relationship can't be saved, the divorce should finalize ASAP. Delay is rarely good for harmonious resolution of the issues that typically crop up in divorce cases.

I think he's referring to the year separation needed prior to filing in a no-fault divorce in most states, not the time after filing for it to become final. But I'm gussing.

I agree though with a divorce once the relationship has broken down. Wasting time and not doing it only makes things worse in my opinion.

[ManChild]

I think he's referring to the year separation needed prior to filing in a no-fault divorce in most states, not the time after filing for it to become final. But I'm gussing.

I agree though with a divorce once the relationship has broken down. Wasting time and not doing it only makes things worse in my opinion.

You are correct. Living in the Bible Belt has its disadvantages. Apparently, my state frowns on divorce and requires the one year seperation for a no fault divorce. This allows the parties to "be sure that they want it." Wife was going to file under adultery, but that is a long story. She felt guilty and is filing under 1 year physical separation.

This brings up a question. How in the world do I wait 10 more months while in limbo heading toward divorce ?? I am also considering moving to a nearby city because I am currently too close to soon to be ex (STBX). I love my children, but I am having a hard time being myself and upbeat during this whole ordeal. My youngest kids are 3 yr old twins and the thought of not being around is just terrible. Divorce is a selfish, selfish thing. Where is the compassion? What happened to don't give up on your spouse ? ? I just don't get it.

[Juan_P]

I am struggling with my current situation and new some input. Background info - married 11 years (met when 19 yo) and have 4 children (all under 8 yo).

I want to know if I should give up on my marriage and try to move on or should I fight for it and hope wife softens her heart ?? I am just lost here. Sad, that here I am ready to commit my life to the gospel and my partner is going the other direction. Any advice would be appreciated!

It may be too late if she is already looking at someone else, ie that facebook friend.

Whilst its always advisable to try to save a marriage you just can't do it alone, it does take two and if she doesn't want to you are then pushing against a brick wall that wont budge.

I went through this and it took me about two years to accept reality, reality that the marriage couldn't be saved but because she didn't want it to be saved. You can certainly try, maybe ask her out again, try to be romantic about it and most of all don't talk about past problems or this other guy, but if she refuses, then move on as quickly as possible.

I do think though that it would be a very bad idea to move away to another city. That will make it harder for the kids to go and see you. My advice, as a divorced and remarried man, stay close to the kids, to where they live, start looking into rebuilding a new relationship ie rebuilding a new life, and be puntual and effective with your visits with the kids. Maybe when they start turning 16 or so they will choose to go and live with you if they have a step dad in the house. Children tend to dislike step dads more than step moms by the way.

Whatever you do, make sure you finish the repentance process and return to full activity in the church. Leaving will just cause you more problems and heartachs I believe.

By the way I agree that divorce is a selfish ugly thing and the children suffer the most, ie the innocent. However if you have that desire to stay married but she doesn't I'm absolutely sure that the Lord will have a problem with her and not with you. He knows that you can't physically force someone to stay married.

[ManChild]

Thanks Juan. I appreciate the advice. Any thoughts on how I accept the fact that I will only see my children on every other weekend and Wed nights ??? This is part of the fallout of divorce. As a father, how do I deal with this lack of time with my kids ? The state I live in simply doesn't award joint custody to fathers if the mother is in the picture. I just don't get it. My wife doesn't want to give joint custody b/c it will reduce the child support that is owed.

Lord, let me have patience and faith through this most difficult time. I am just at a loss and never felt so distraught in my life.

[Juan_P]

Any thoughts on how I accept the fact that I will only see my children on every other weekend and Wed nights ??? This is part of the fallout of divorce. As a father, how do I deal with this lack of time with my kids ? The state I live in simply doesn't award joint custody to fathers if the mother is in the picture. I just don't get it. My wife doesn't want to give joint custody b/c it will reduce the child support that is owed.

(No surprise there with the child support!! Most do that.)

Well, actually if you get every other weekend AND Wed nights you are doing OK, for a divorced man. I had every other weekend that in practice became one weekend per month due to money issues.

Something I have learned is that I had to plan for those weekends as if they were young men activities -I have two boys- with budget , where to go, times etc. Then after a while I became used to that and had fun days everytime I was with them. I also made sure they knew that things like general conference was comming up and always asked them to watch even though their mom eventually didn't let them. so now, years later, they know that I'm dad and with dad comes church and mom does their cooking and cleaning and doesn't do church.

Look, I don't want to minimize things, it is a difficult process especially when the divorce is happening. I lost two years after divorce , plus that one year separation trying to recover the marriage, two years of coming home from work and just sitting in front of the TV and falling asleep there. And i didn't get what it all meant for our sealing, or my supposed continued blessings of the covenant when she was excommunicated and then divorced. But time does change things but counting from the point I accepted that it was over and that I was better of divorced than living with a lying cheating spouse. I actually found Dr Phil to be a good source of advice too, he too divorced once as a young man and he had an LDS couple at the time as a special family, one where the wife had three marriages and cheated in each one (by the way she claimed that he first husband was too overbearing and that's why she cheated but then the second was too laxed and that's why she cheated on husband 2 and with husband 3 she claimed that he was too naive and she could do anything and he wouldn't know and that's why she cheated on husband 3!! ie only common denominator is that she cheats on her spouse), and looking at them, where the husband didn't want to get sealed because of her infidelity, I realized that there is a point where you have to walk away, count it as a loss, do the best possible with the kids, and look for a new life. For me, I went back to school for an MBA and travelled more -very budget type travel- and started to consider re-marriage.

It takes some time and its difficult because one is starting a new life, a rebirth as it were, as a different type of single with kids that you have to follow a program to see. But it is possible to start that new life, make the most of it, and enjoy it, both the new lifestyle -which has a few less responsibilities- and the new life with the children in seeing them once a month.

All the best,

John

[JudoMinja]

Thanks Juan. I appreciate the advice. Any thoughts on how I accept the fact that I will only see my children on every other weekend and Wed nights ??? This is part of the fallout of divorce. As a father, how do I deal with this lack of time with my kids ? The state I live in simply doesn't award joint custody to fathers if the mother is in the picture. I just don't get it. My wife doesn't want to give joint custody b/c it will reduce the child support that is owed.

Lord, let me have patience and faith through this most difficult time. I am just at a loss and never felt so distraught in my life.

Custody arrangements can definitely be difficult. I think the court system needs a revamp myself in how it handles custody. My older brother went through a divorce as well. There were some severe problems on both ends there. They both treated each other like crap and they both cheated on each other. My brother was initially awarded primary custody because he filed while his wife was in jail. However, they went through a lot of back and forth before getting things finalized, and they could not come to an agreement on custody. They were court ordered to go to mediation where they finally agreed on a "50/50" custody arrangement. One week with dad, one week with mom.

While this meant they each got to spend an equal amount of time with the boys, it has been very difficult on them. The oldest is in kindergarden and has tons of behavior issues. He gets in trouble almost every day, is going to behavior therapy, and has become very controlling and manipulative. If my brother and his ex were able to get along and agree on some consistency with the boys, it might not be so bad, but every week has some kind of drama.

The one thing that is comforting about how the court handles things is that it is very hard to cut a parent out of the picture completely. As long as you are putting forth an honest effort and want to be with your kids and you are not doing anything that would make you an "unfit parent" you won't have the kids taken away from you completely. While that means the courts may not always do what is actually best for the kids, it does mean that there would have to be a very good reason for you to be taken out of the picture and there would have to be enough evidence to prove it.

One parent with primary custody and the other with visitation may be hard on the one spending less time with the kids, but it does offer some stability and consistency that is very neccessary. I think it's pretty rediculous that the primary custody role is almost always by default given to the mother, as there are several situations where the father would do a better job, but that is when we just have to hope for the best and do what we can to be a good parent with the time that we have.

My brother's divorce was very hard on our whole family, full of drama and problems. But the ones who were hurt the most were the kids. Even if your wife is unreasonable and/or unflinching about what she wants out of the divorce, you can at least make an effort to make sure your children get the best outcome possible. Even if it means you only get to see them a couple times a week, you can do your best to provide consistent parenting and love for them.

[garryw]

It's fortunate that she has found an old flame on facebook. this will save you hundreds of thousands of dollars in alimony payments, assuming she gets married. When my ex got married it was for sure the best day of my life. I was not terribly happy about keeping her maintained in the lifestyle to which she had grown accustomed, especially since she was 3 months pregnant with the groom. I figured since he was living with her, and the father of the unborn child, the whole concept of alimony was disgusting me.

[ManChild]

So, the drama continues.....I have been in very limited contact with my wife the last few weeks. She has absolutely hated it. I did talk to her last night. She wants me to be her friend, but I want to be her husband. During the conversation I talked about taking her for granted, not putting her #1 in my life, and just let her know the loss of her has been difficult. So I was extremely vulnerable. I did not beg or plead, but just let her know I realize where I fell short in our relationship.

I think it went well. She did mention that if I had loved her I would be fighting for her through this separation. This took me a little by surprise. She has been in such a "fog" with her "facebook flame" that I have never been able to get her attention back.

Well her dad is sick right now and she flew to see him today. I have the kids and she seems a bit "normal" should I say. I see this as a possible opportunity to show her I can be her support and that I love and care for her.

Anybody have any thoughts about what to do here ? Does she want to be courted again or fought for ?? I would do whatever it takes to save my family.

[Windseeker]

This is my experience to take it for what it's worth.

I know in my situation she got in a state of mind where she was completely selfish. She had given all she could and she had nothing left. She left me with the kids. I tried everything, I forgave her for everything but she told me she had no choice and was completely out of control. She couldn't face me or the kids anymore because of the guilt. She couldn't forgive herself. Our Bishop pleaded with her to come back to our family and she just couldn't do it. She continued on this spiral till it seemed as if she was trying to force me to divorce her. I finally did. Partly I did it so that she would no longer be liable for breaking our covenants over and over.

Thru the process I was exposed to a side of the Church that I didn't expect. A pure outpouring of love toward a wayward lamb. No judgment only Love. It was amazing. My testimony grew and hers is still growing thankfully though we are apart. I'm remarried (temple) and it has it's own challenges. I think if I wouldn't have remarried we'd be together again. But that's all in the past now.

If you want her back your going to have to be willing to let her go. You can't control what she does. The harder you squeeze the more likely she will want to get away. Don't try to guilt her into staying, guilt may be the reason she wants to leave. Being at home reminds her of it. Going off with new "friends" helps her not think about what she has done or her responsibilities. All you can do is be the best person you can be. Work on yourself. Pick up a new healthy hobbie..like Kiteboarding . Enjoy and appreciate your kids and help them with their struggles. Be the man you want to marry..hehe. As she sees you change she might not trust it right away. You will have to be patient and understanding. Learn to be grateful for everything you have and be forgiving. That's all I can think of to do.

If she decides to leave you need to focus on your kids. Take care of yourself too so that the kids have a healthy father emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.

[Tyler90AZ]

Be very careful in this situation. I also am in limbo...I want my wife back more then anything, but she doesn't see how our family is more important. She sees her mom and dad as her immediate family. To cut a long story short my father-in-law is a cop and one of his buddies wife ran out of state with the kids. There was absolutely nothing he could do because he didn't know where she was at. Anyways, my in-laws gave my wife the idea that she could run out of state with my kid and I would not beable to see my daughter. Even know things have mellowed out I still have that in the back of my head.

[JudoMinja]

I think the "If you really loved me, you'd fight for me" is an excuse. She doesn't want to believe you love her. No matter which way you go, she's going to feel the same. If you were "fighting for her", she'd say something like "If you really loved me, you'd let me go". It doesn't matter what you do. It's all in her head. She's the one that decided on divorce/separation. Not you. She's the one who filed. Not you.

Just being "friends" with an ex may be possible, but it can be very difficult if it isn't what you both want. Since you still want to be the "husband", it will be hard for you to draw the line of friendship. And it may be hard for her too... It could be, she really wants things to be the same, but without the marriage commitment so she can go do what she wants with her old flame. That is wrong. It's trying to "have her cake and eat it too". Can't do it. She's got to decide that it is either one way or the other.

She needs to get clear about what she wants and express it clearly to you. Ask her if she really wants to go through with the divorce or if she wants you to "court" her again and rekindle the marriage. Let her know that you need a clear definitive answer so you know what to do, that you don't want to play guessing games back and forth. If she says she wants to go through with the divorce, the best sign of your love for her is to then draw the line on your relationship. Explain that divorce means DIVORCED and that you would like to still get along but you aren't going to put up with anything you don't have to. If it is easier for you to maintain distance, do so and explain why. If she wants you to court her again, ok. You two can give yourselves a "fresh" start and bring back the romance, hopefully having learned enough from this rough experience to make your new start a better start- and be very open in your communication with each other about what you want and expect from each other.

[ManChild]

I think the "If you really loved me, you'd fight for me" is an excuse. She doesn't want to believe you love her. No matter which way you go, she's going to feel the same. If you were "fighting for her", she'd say something like "If you really loved me, you'd let me go". It doesn't matter what you do. It's all in her head. She's the one that decided on divorce/separation. Not you. She's the one who filed. Not you.

Just being "friends" with an ex may be possible, but it can be very difficult if it isn't what you both want. Since you still want to be the "husband", it will be hard for you to draw the line of friendship. And it may be hard for her too... It could be, she really wants things to be the same, but without the marriage commitment so she can go do what she wants with her old flame. That is wrong. It's trying to "have her cake and eat it too". Can't do it. She's got to decide that it is either one way or the other.

She needs to get clear about what she wants and express it clearly to you. Ask her if she really wants to go through with the divorce or if she wants you to "court" her again and rekindle the marriage. Let her know that you need a clear definitive answer so you know what to do, that you don't want to play guessing games back and forth. If she says she wants to go through with the divorce, the best sign of your love for her is to then draw the line on your relationship. Explain that divorce means DIVORCED and that you would like to still get along but you aren't going to put up with anything you don't have to. If it is easier for you to maintain distance, do so and explain why. If she wants you to court her again, ok. You two can give yourselves a "fresh" start and bring back the romance, hopefully having learned enough from this rough experience to make your new start a better start- and be very open in your communication with each other about what you want and expect from each other.

Agree with this completely Judo. I know that if I had showered her with flowers everyday (as she mentioned) it would be something else that I was doing wrong. The more I think about it, the more I think she really is done with US. It's not what I want, but I can accept it. I truly believe I will miss who she was but not who she is now.

I'm going to be scared of women for awhile after this event. Divorce was never in my vocabulary before she initiated all of this. I would have never filed for divorce unless things were really bad. 10 more months of separation.....let the ride continue.

[prophetofdoom]

I know the church doesn't encourage divorce but... maybe you should just cut your losses. Obviously, mistakes have been made in the marriage. There are some learning experiences you can take from this whole ordeal. It looks like (based on your story) a combination of factors led to the demise of your relationship. First, you cheated on your wife and withheld that knowledge from her until she said she was wanting to end the relationship.... did you let her know that because your were remorseful or were you trying to one up your wife with her facebook friend? Second, your extensive traveling probably was another nail in the coffin. A marriage has to be nourished and cultivated... long periods of time apart can be like a plant not receiving sunshine.

Lessons learned. Don't cheat. Change jobs so you can be at home more and nourish your relationship.

[I_Can_See]

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

I don't mean to sound nit picking, but I find that if people have different meaning for words that it can cause quite a bit of confusion. I always found that quote misleading in concept. The opposite of love is hate or indifference. That is because there is three distinct ways people use the word love.

Love = intense liking (i.e. l love my car. I love love my life. I love my friend.

Love = caring (i.e. I care about my kids. I care about my savior.)

Love = romantic feelings, infatuation (i.e. I have romantic feelings for her.)

The opposite of like is hate.

The opposite of caring is indifference which is also called true love or Christ like love, charity, etc

The opposite of Falling In Love is Falling Out Of Love.

If the quote was "The opposite of Christ like love is indifference" then that would ring true.

If you can replace "love" with one of these synonyms it will give the conversation a clearer meaning.

Again, sorry to complain but the quote always irked me.

[I_Can_See]

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

I don't mean to sound nit picking, but I find that if people have different meaning for words that it can cause quite a bit of confusion. I always found that quote misleading in concept. The opposite of love is hate or indifference. That is because there is three distinct ways people use the word love.

Love = intense liking (i.e. l love my car. I love love my life. I love my friend.

Love = caring (i.e. I care about my kids. I care about my savior.)

Love = romantic feelings, infatuation (i.e. I have romantic feelings for her.)

The opposite of like is hate.

The opposite of caring is indifference which is also called true love or Christ like love, charity, etc

The opposite of Falling In Love is Falling Out Of Love.

If the quote was "The opposite of Christ like love is indifference" then that would ring true.

If you can replace "love" with one of these synonyms it will give the conversation a clearer meaning.

Again, sorry to complain but the quote always irked me.

[ManChild]

I know the church doesn't encourage divorce but... maybe you should just cut your losses. Obviously, mistakes have been made in the marriage. There are some learning experiences you can take from this whole ordeal. It looks like (based on your story) a combination of factors led to the demise of your relationship. First, you cheated on your wife and withheld that knowledge from her until she said she was wanting to end the relationship.... did you let her know that because your were remorseful or were you trying to one up your wife with her facebook friend? Second, your extensive traveling probably was another nail in the coffin. A marriage has to be nourished and cultivated... long periods of time apart can be like a plant not receiving sunshine.

Lessons learned. Don't cheat. Change jobs so you can be at home more and nourish your relationship.

Yeah, there is some truth to these things. I told her b/c I had to get it out. It wasn't to up her relationship so to speak. I revealed it after she said it was over. I let it out and that was that.

Would like to change jobs....$2500 in child support tells me I don't have a choice. Isn't life grand ?