Wife wants Divorce, I want Reconciliation


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Yeah, there is some truth to these things. I told her b/c I had to get it out. It wasn't to up her relationship so to speak. I revealed it after she said it was over. I let it out and that was that.

Would like to change jobs....$2500 in child support tells me I don't have a choice. Isn't life grand ?

The amount they court order for child support is based on your income. If your income changes, you can take it back to court and they will change the child support amount. So if you end up with a job that pays less than what you make now, don't feel like you're in over your head- take it back to court and they will change the amount to something more reasonable based on your income.

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Just wanted to update status. Found photos of wife with new man. Also found conversations that lead me to believe she is going down a dark road. I informed the bishop of the findings. I didn't know if this was the best thing to do, but she is still my wife (at least on paper) and the mother of my children.

It hurt to see photos of her in the arms of another man. Ok, so she doesn't want to work on us. But, to be with the other man during this is a slap in the face. She doesn't own up to her actions and tells me she is separated and I have no say in her life.

I know only the Lord can soften her heart, but she still has her free agency. I feel so alone through all of this.

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Just wanted to update status. Found photos of wife with new man. Also found conversations that lead me to believe she is going down a dark road. I informed the bishop of the findings. I didn't know if this was the best thing to do, but she is still my wife (at least on paper) and the mother of my children.

It hurt to see photos of her in the arms of another man. Ok, so she doesn't want to work on us. But, to be with the other man during this is a slap in the face. She doesn't own up to her actions and tells me she is separated and I have no say in her life.

I know only the Lord can soften her heart, but she still has her free agency. I feel so alone through all of this.

Telling her Bishop was the right thing to do. He needs to know about potential problems with worthiness, and this most certainly qualifies. She should not be dating or seeing another man until after the divorce is finalized. The fact that she is doing so now is grounds for infidelity and adultery. That she is choosing to continue down this road without working on repentance is a bad sign for her. She needs to come to the realization that what she is doing is wrong, really feel it in her heart, before she can be truly repentant. It is going to be a long hard road for her, made still longer and harder the more she remains in denial and continues the sinful behavior.

I would also suggest showing these images to your lawyer. The fact that she is seeing someone while you are still married on paper means you shouldn't be expected to pay any kind of alimony.

Remember during this time that you are NOT alone. Nobody can know exactly what you are going through and feeling, but there are a number of people who can at least somewhat understand having been through similar situations. Having lost the love of your wife is not your fault. Humans are faulty and changing, and her love was imperfect. But the Lord loves you with a perfect love that will not stray. He is not fickle and changing but ever the same. He loves you with a love that never faileth. Turn to the Lord and you will never be alone.

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Just wanted to update status. Found photos of wife with new man. Also found conversations that lead me to believe she is going down a dark road. I informed the bishop of the findings. I didn't know if this was the best thing to do, but she is still my wife (at least on paper) and the mother of my children.

It hurt to see photos of her in the arms of another man. Ok, so she doesn't want to work on us. But, to be with the other man during this is a slap in the face. She doesn't own up to her actions and tells me she is separated and I have no say in her life.

I know only the Lord can soften her heart, but she still has her free agency. I feel so alone through all of this.

This is typical with adultery. Currently she is justifing or reasoning away the sin by saying that she is 'separated' however there is plenty to show that she is not fully separated.

I does hurt bad to see one's spouse with someone else. But at that point I'd say one has to start working towards keeping assets or minimizing losses, like changing jobs or moving to an apartment before child support payments kick in, and so on.

Wish you all the best,

John...

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am the luckiest man in the world. I have sole custody and she continues to stock my amunition bunker by not paying the whopping $50/month she owes in child support. she is afraid to follow through on her threats to reopen custody because I went easy on her in hte divorce and will crucify her if she reopens the case (she currently has NO visitations and he has no memory of her). I never gave her any amunition against me in 6 years of marriage. HAPPY 2 year divorceversary to me this saturday!!!!

even if they had never kissed she is still having an affair. in a marriage all your sexual AND ROMANTIC energies are reserved for your spouse, she had this dude picked out before she even told you she was ending it, yet she is supposed to wait till the divorce is final. I think it is really a shame that marriage vows are not legally binding... or atleast in washington where I am from.

I am actually glad to hear that somewhere in this apostate country of ours there is a greater waiting period for a no fault divorce but that waiting period is meaningless if actions of infidelity durring that period do not have bearing in the divorce, in washington state the 90 day waiting period is for the ONLY type of divorce there... no fault. there should be no such thing as a no-fault divorce.

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I am the luckiest man in the world. I have sole custody and she continues to stock my amunition bunker by not paying the whopping $50/month she owes in child support. she is afraid to follow through on her threats to reopen custody because I went easy on her in hte divorce and will crucify her if she reopens the case (she currently has NO visitations and he has no memory of her). I never gave her any amunition against me in 6 years of marriage. HAPPY 2 year divorceversary to me this saturday!!!!

even if they had never kissed she is still having an affair. in a marriage all your sexual AND ROMANTIC energies are reserved for your spouse, she had this dude picked out before she even told you she was ending it, yet she is supposed to wait till the divorce is final. I think it is really a shame that marriage vows are not legally binding... or atleast in washington where I am from.

I am actually glad to hear that somewhere in this apostate country of ours there is a greater waiting period for a no fault divorce but that waiting period is meaningless if actions of infidelity durring that period do not have bearing in the divorce, in washington state the 90 day waiting period is for the ONLY type of divorce there... no fault. there should be no such thing as a no-fault divorce.

I have mixed feelings on my 1 yr of physical separation requirement for a no fault divorce. Would I like to think it will help our relationship heal and we will want to work out our issues? Yes. Will it happen? No. So, now its just merely a date in the future that I will have to wait out until I can list myself as "divorced" on a dating site. Until then, I'm married on paper and am in limbo.

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I have mixed feelings on my 1 yr of physical separation requirement for a no fault divorce. Would I like to think it will help our relationship heal and we will want to work out our issues? Yes. Will it happen? No. So, now its just merely a date in the future that I will have to wait out until I can list myself as "divorced" on a dating site. Until then, I'm married on paper and am in limbo.

I understand your dilema wanting to move on with your life, but do you really believe in the "no fault divorce"? to me the no-fault-divorce is a greater degredation to the sanctity of marriage than is the high divorce rate in america.

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It's hard to deal with all that you now find in fron of you....separation from spouse, kids, etc., but I have a recommendation for you if you want peace. If you want your wife to love you more than you want the Lord to be pleased with you, then you will never be happy yourself.

The number one thing that you must do is to make amends with your Heavenly Father. If your repentence process does not totally consume your attention, every day and night, it won't really matter that much what else you might do during the rest of your life. And, you must totally rely on the Lord for your fate, trusting Him no matter what He wants you to do.

A powerful example of this trust is the story of Joseph who was sold into slavery by his brothers. He was diligent to do what ever the Lord asked of him. When he was propisitioned and hounded by Potiphar's wife, Joseph finally had to flee, and when Potiphar returned home his wife, fearing that Joseph might tell on her, made up lies about Joseph which blamed him for attacking her. Joseph had been very tusted by Potiphar and could have excoriated her in front of Potipher and the rest of the staff, but he decided he would not do that out of selfless concern for Potiphar's relationship with his wife, and trusted in the Lord, putting his fate totally into the hands of God.

Once we show the Lord that we will do what ever He asks of us, He bestows us with spiritual blessings that will carry us through any hardship we will face in life. We have to trust the Lord who sees what we cannot see, and He will direct our lives in a more fulfilling and joyful life.

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I think it's time to Release her to the LORD. Let her be, but if the Lord has set it upon your heart to love her than do it in silence and you will know them by their fruits says the Lord. Use this time to get reconected to your first Love, which should be Jesus Christ (I mean spiritually) develop a relatioship with him and see where that takes you. Perhaphs you and your wife will reconcile but not on your time :)

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  • 1 month later...

I just wanted to provide an update on my situation. Primarily, to get some feelings out in an attempt to aid in healing. We have now been separated over 4 months. I see the kids once a week and every other weekend. I find that my best days are when I do not have any contact with my wife.

This week we had a court hearing and I did not sign an agreement to settle matters. We went before the judge and are awaiting the Judge's orders. For once throughout this separation, I felt as though I had a voice. It was a good feeling, one I haven't felt in awhile :)

So here we are....My wife is now a stranger to me when I see her at church with the kids. I do not speak to her as I am not sure I can control my emotions. I just figure that no contact is better than loosing control and saying hurtful things. I do not want to engage in negativity as it has left me feeling empty and angry in the past.

I will go through this divorce proceeding with dignity. In my pleadings, I only described how I was a fit and good father and that I deserved to have a presence in my kid's lives. I did not mention my wife in my pleadings. I get the opportunity to review her pleadings and she totally threw me under the bus. I had an affair, was acting "wierd", and missed a couple of visitations with the kids. WOW, I thought. Divorce is war. Oh well, I will not engage in that manner. I will hold my head high and refuse to discredit her as a mother.

Through this I have been at church every Sunday, read the BOM stories to my children, and prayed more than ever before in my life. For me this is great progress. Despite my struggles day to day, I pray that in the long term things will work out. What does "work out" really mean at this point ? I really don't know. I pray the Lord will provide a way.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I understand your dilema wanting to move on with your life, but do you really believe in the "no fault divorce"? to me the no-fault-divorce is a greater degredation to the sanctity of marriage than is the high divorce rate in america.

I actually consider 'no fault divorce" to be more of a blessing. Sometimes marriages are better of ending than continuing. Before "no fault divorce" there would be detectives hired to dig up dirt on the other spouse, lawyers going round and round in cirlces and spouses, usually the working husband, would have to pay thousands to end it all. Before "no fault divorce" only the lawyers won out with their hefty fees.

Today, if a marriage has to end, then we don't have to tell some dissinterested judge all our dirty laudry and risk it being published in some newspaper. All you need to show is separation of a year in most states.

If there is a problem with no fault then it is in the time needed to prove separation. Maybe 3 or 5 years apart would be a better indicator of an end to a marriage than the 3 months some state currently have.

And, in my opinion, the church would be better off if it also implemented a no fault divorce policy with a decent waiting period. It would speed up the paperwork and let people get on with their lives sooner. Today any employee of membership records and statistics can bring up on his PC screen all the letters written to the first presidency for cancelations or clearances, with all the dirty laudry involved, and gossip over it.

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I just wanted to provide an update on my situation. Primarily, to get some feelings out in an ...... I really don't know. I pray the Lord will provide a way.

Congratulations.

If I were your Bishop, i'd say that you are on the right road and that yes, eventually the Lord does help us find the right way.

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