Help, I am having a faith crisis!


prophetofdoom
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I have been in a constant cycle of activity/ inactivity for over 10 years now. I am currently active but feel that I am approaching a precipice again.

Anyways, this last summer I am fellowshipped back into the church. I feel alright but still have constant feeling of unworthiness. I went to the Bishop's office constantly to confess this sin or that sin. I was always feeling like I never got enough out on the table.

Anyways, here I am. I feel like I am weary of it all. I feel like I have been through the ringer and I feel like God hasn't answered my prayers. My faith is beginning to wane already. I thought that I would be better off after my repentance, but I am not. Now, I have “slipped” again with masturbation issues and feel unworthy again. I feel like this cycle is ruining my life! And I am tired of going to the Bishop.

I don't know what to do and I am getting tired of the cycle of guilt. Why do I feel like God is not answering my prayers or blessing my life?

Edited by prophetofdoom
Too much info
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My friend, seems like you have doctins and religion but not yet met with the Lord. It's good that you feel remorse or bad for your past behavior, to those who are serious and read what you just wrote about being married at the temple under false pretense it's a big deal...but there is always hope.

Start reading the good news/gospel of Jesus Christ...John 3:16 for God so loved the world that he gave his only beggotten son that who so ever believeth in him shall not parish but have everlasting life. Believe in the Lord, believe that he is the redeemer and deliverer. You have strong holds, pray and fast. Know that God gives us a spirit of strenth and self discipline/control pray for the power of the Holy Ghost upon you.

Remember that the kingdom is with in, Next time you need to confess why not confess it to the one who can actually deliver you from your weaknesses, the Lord Jesus Christ, let him know of all your sins and let him wash them away, also remember that you must be born of water and spirit and be like a little child to enter the kingdom. I hope you are being serious about you and the LORD

Don't feel ashamed for doing what is right in your heart. Go back to church and GOD will give you the victory/glory.

Edited by ReynaRosa
word of wisdom
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Guest mormonmusic
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Do you suffer from low self-esteem? These feelings of self-loathing can stem from low self-esteem, so it may not be that God hasn't forgiven you, it's that you have not learned how to get your own spirit to love itself. This is possible by conditioning your thoughts.

It sounds to me like you've gone through the repentence process, and have largely repented. Sure you've had a bit of a slip up, but I don't see this as something you should be pulverizing yourself over, particularly since you are married....as if the desire happens again, then get your wife involved so you don't feel badly about it.

But back to self-esteem -- I would consider reading a book available on Amazon called "Getting to Know the Real You" by Ellsworth and Ellsworth. They are Church counselors and they present a gospel-oriented approach to developing self-esteem that is better than anything else I've ever read. It teaches you ways of thinking that can help you love yourself for intrinsic reasons. I used it when I had self-esteem issues as a young adult.

It wouldn't surprise me if after you learn the thinking skills in that book, that you will find you don't feel you have to run to the Bishop for every little thing.

Just don't let the title throw you -- a lot of people think its cheesy or feel put off by it when I recommend it. I would get the book, and read it. I would also consider seeing a counselor that specializes in cognitive based therapy and self-esteeem. They could also help.

Assuming self-esteem is the issue here. It sounds like it is, to me, but you will know best.

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To me, it seems the only thing you are missing is forgiving yourself. I've had experience with this before: you can pray and pray all you want, but for some reason you won't stop beating yourself up about. Because you won't let the sin go, it's very easy to fall back into it because you feel horrible and the sin is just about the only thing you ever think about. Repenting is indeed important, but what is also important is to let the sin go, literally give that sin to Jesus Christ so he can take care of it. I think you're doing every other part right as far as the asking for forgiveness, but Christ cannot take your sin unless you give it to Him. In other words, don't get stuck in the "harrowing" part of repentance! Move past that into the joy and just let go of your sin. You'll feel a lot better. :)

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I recommend you read Stephen Robinson's Believing Christ. Too many of us feel we must earn our worthiness and be perfect in every way, in order to find peace. We allow Satan to deceive us into thinking we are unworthy, and therefore rob ourselves of the peace the Savior offers. You were forgiven by Christ and Church when you regained your full fellowship. Learn to forgive yourself.

You may also want to look into discussing your depression issues with Family Services or a professional. It seems you may have some emotional issues that need resolving.

King Benjamin taught that we are all unworthy servants of God. It doesn't matter whether we are the prophet or the least member of the Church. Nothing we can do to earn our salvation. Only faith in Christ and repentance can reconcile us to Christ, and then Christ redeems us. I suggest you read Alma 36 and prayerfully study what Alma had to do in order to go from the hell he experienced to eternal light, peace and joy. You may find that we cannot make ourselves guiltless and without sin. Only Christ can remove our stains, and he only requires our faith and repentance. This is what is called justification.

Then, we become more and more sanctified by following the Spirit within us. It will lead us to higher levels of holiness. Even as Christ went from grace to grace, receiving grace for grace, so we too must do (D&C 93). But it is a process.

Unless you are engaged in serious sin (murder, adultery, etc), I suggest you relax and allow Christ to heal you.

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I don't know what to do and I am getting tired of the cycle of guilt.

Here's the advice that changed my life:

"True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior.

The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior. Preoccupation with unworthy behavior can lead to unworthy behavior." (Boyd Packer)

Get yourself out of the hideous guilt routine. I found it completely unhelpful. Instead I just behaved how I behaved and stopped worrying about it. I mis-remembered the quote and started studying LDS and Christian history instead of doctrine but it all did the same thing for me. Eventually my behavior improved - not because I willed it, but because my appreciation of Church history helped me to become a better balanced person and my desires naturally evolved into a healthier equilibrium.

Edited by Snow
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Great point, Snow (although some of your sentences need some fixing up). When we focus on the doctrines, it will change our behavior.

Kind of like, if you spend all your time with good people, you are going to tend to be good. And if you hang out in sleazy places, you will also eventually become sleazy.

When we focus on the doctrine, it changes us inside. One doesn't have to beat up on herself over past sins or even small current ones. One only needs to move forward, focused on the doctrines of the gospel.

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I have been in a constant cycle of activity/ inactivity for over 10 years now. I am currently active but feel that I am approaching a precipice again.

Anyways, this last summer I am fellowshipped back into the church. I feel alright but still have constant feeling of unworthiness. I went to the Bishop's office constantly to confess this sin or that sin. I was always feeling like I never got enough out on the table.

Anyways, here I am. I feel like I am weary of it all. I feel like I have been through the ringer and I feel like God hasn't answered my prayers. My faith is beginning to wane already. I thought that I would be better off after my repentance, but I am not. Now, I have “slipped” again with masturbation issues and feel unworthy again. I feel like this cycle is ruining my life! And I am tired of going to the Bishop.

I don't know what to do and I am getting tired of the cycle of guilt. Why do I feel like God is not answering my prayers or blessing my life?

Prophet, forgive me for suggesting this if it isn't true, but if I am onto something it could be very helpful... What you are describing (the cycles, feeling unworthy, feeling like my prayers aren't answered sometimes...) reminds me of myself, and times that I have been depressed. It is possible that you are experiencing a medical issue? Even a mild depression? If that is the case, then I would ask you to see someone and see if you can get that ironed out? It's just an idea...

I agree with everyone else who says that you need to learn to forgive yourself! When Heavenly Father forgives you He throws those sins to the bottom of the deepest ocean and does not think on them again. He does not want us to live in fear and pain. Do everything you can to get rid of guilt feelings and shame. That is not what Heavenly Father wants for you!

God bless you... I'm praying for you!!!;) You are not alone, and you CAN get thru this!

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Prophet, forgive me for suggesting this if it isn't true, but if I am onto something it could be very helpful... What you are describing (the cycles, feeling unworthy, feeling like my prayers aren't answered sometimes...) reminds me of myself, and times that I have been depressed. It is possible that you are experiencing a medical issue? Even a mild depression? If that is the case, then I would ask you to see someone and see if you can get that ironed out? It's just an idea...

I agree with everyone else who says that you need to learn to forgive yourself! When Heavenly Father forgives you He throws those sins to the bottom of the deepest ocean and does not think on them again. He does not want us to live in fear and pain. Do everything you can to get rid of guilt feelings and shame. That is not what Heavenly Father wants for you!

God bless you... I'm praying for you!!!;) You are not alone, and you CAN get thru this!

I have actually been thinking that I might have mild depression. I have noticed it for the last 6 months. I think I may also be dealing with issues of scrupulosity. I think I might go see the doctor and see what he/she thinks.

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Guest mormonmusic
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Good advice. I had that once, and three weeks on meds got me off it. It was teh first time I could really empathize with people who had depression. For me, it's Church stuff that brings it on. Strange how the very thing that is supposed to make us happy has the power to make me the most miserable. Very strange.

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I have been in a constant cycle of activity/ inactivity for over 10 years now. I am currently active but feel that I am approaching a precipice again.

Anyways, this last summer I am fellowshipped back into the church. I feel alright but still have constant feeling of unworthiness. I went to the Bishop's office constantly to confess this sin or that sin. I was always feeling like I never got enough out on the table.

Anyways, here I am. I feel like I am weary of it all. I feel like I have been through the ringer and I feel like God hasn't answered my prayers. My faith is beginning to wane already. I thought that I would be better off after my repentance, but I am not. Now, I have “slipped” again with masturbation issues and feel unworthy again. I feel like this cycle is ruining my life! And I am tired of going to the Bishop.

I don't know what to do and I am getting tired of the cycle of guilt. Why do I feel like God is not answering my prayers or blessing my life?

Maybe he wants you to do some taking charge of things- there are times he lets us walk on our own for our experience and so that we can grow. If you know you've done what you've needed and the bishop says you've done what youre needed then you can continue on...

ONe trick that satan likes to use is to make us think we havent done everything or that we are somehow still guilty for something we've repented of.

Also if we are constantly slipping back into something we promise never to do again he may not immediately get an answer to a pray and may have to put a little more effort to showing God we want to follow him. I know that there has been times where i didn't get an answer till a long time later.

Now that being said, vices are a beast to overcome, and God knows we'll slip up, and usuallly more than once, the trick to winning this race is to get back up and start running again, it does not matter where you place for you are only racing against yourself, and the only time we lose is when we decide to quit. Its not easy, especially when you trip again almost as soon as you get going.

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I too know your pain, quite often in the past i have felt unworthy after ´slipping´ with masturbation issues. I think sister_in_faith has some good tips, you should look into seeing a doctor because it may be clinical depression and you may be able to get help that way. I went to a doctor and they were able to give me a prescription to help me through the difficult times - it isn´t necessarily a problem with you being unworthy. Since then I found a therapist who could help me out by using his hands to relieve my sexual pressue, so technically i am not the one committing the sin regardless of my thoughts. It can get expensive in the long run, my therapist gave me a long-term payment plan, so you should shop around - what price can you put on piece of mind?

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