Bini Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 My younger sister is getting married in the temple this November. Before she got officially engaged, her fiance flew out to my parents to ask my father for his blessing in having my sister's hand in marriage. This, of course, really impressed my parents but my husband just rolls his eyes at the whole thing. Just wondering how common this is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theoriginalavatar Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 My younger sister is getting married in the temple this November. Before she got officially engaged, her fiance flew out to my parents to ask my father for his blessing in having my sister's hand in marriage. This, of course, really impressed my parents but my husband just rolls his eyes at the whole thing.Just wondering how common this is.I am an old-fashioned kind of fellow. I fully believe that asking, while a formality, is an important part of the process. In my eyes, it demonstrates an abiding respect for the father. Of course, this is not how everyone feels. To each his own.My own daughter's would-be-husband (many years down the road), however, had better believe he will sit down with me and request my blessing on their marriage or she won't be going anywhere.I have a lifetime supply of duct tape, and I am not afraid to use it on either one of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 It might be more common than we think. Thinking back on my eight kids I only know two, child or future child in law, that didnt ask and they still have time to ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sister_in_faith Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 I think years ago I would have had the old fashoned view about it too... I don't think it is that common... This is going to be a bit of a stretch, but here goes... If I was a boy, years down the line, and I wanted to marry theoriginalavatar's daughter, I would certainly ask! It's awesome when it does happen! For ME, NOW, I would be horrified if my honey asked my mother for my hand. She doesn't get to make major decisions in my life any more! But that is ONLY my situation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennarator Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 My first husband did, but he stumbled all over it. My husband didn't since it was a second marrige, he figured I wasn't any longer my dads to give away. Maybe he shoulda asked my ex....just kidding.... lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 I think I'd ask the girl what she wanted me to do. Otherwise, I don't particularly care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 My husband did and they said no. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 My husband did and they said no.glad he went ahead anyway. (providing you are glad!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 I married the eldest of three daughters. I asked, Son-In-Law #2 asked; SIL #3 didn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kich Posted October 27, 2011 Report Share Posted October 27, 2011 (edited) I did not ask either of my wife's parents. However, one wasn't very prominent in her life and the other wanted me to basically convert to her brand of Christianity to win her respect, so I didn't see it necessary. Edited October 27, 2011 by kich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skippy740 Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I didn't ask. He was a loser and left his wife and child to be with another woman. Only met the scumbag once in my life and I plan to keep it that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 My girlfriend told me quite plainly, that she would be open to me asking to marry her, but only if I had obtained permission from her father first. Asking her dad first was just what was expected - it was an 'honor thy father' requirement for her. I did the manly thing, and not only asked her father, but I asked him while he was in the kitchen holding a large knife. (Glad to say he almost dropped it on himself out of surprise - I figured there was a small chance he'd use it to run me off.) LM (14 years, 2 kids) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I think years ago I would have had the old fashoned view about it too... I don't think it is that common... This is going to be a bit of a stretch, but here goes... If I was a boy, years down the line, and I wanted to marry theoriginalavatar's daughter, I would certainly ask! It's awesome when it does happen!For ME, NOW, I would be horrified if my honey asked my mother for my hand. She doesn't get to make major decisions in my life any more! But that is ONLY my situation! You are just afraid of theoriginalavatar's duct tape. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I think it's common. There still are some old fashioned values out there. That being said..my daughter's fiance won't be asking her dad for his blessing. She hasn't seen her dad in almost 13 years so he's lost the right to that. Of course he hasn't asked me either come to think of it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mirkwood Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 my husband just rolls his eyes at the whole thing.Me too.I didn't ask, it wasn't his choice to make. (21 years and 2 sons) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 Nope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I had a guy call my dad and ask before he asked me out on a date. It actually really annoyed me. Though I let it slide because I understood where he was coming from. Dad was branch pres the guy was his counselor, he was also air force and dating your superior's daughter would be something to not walk into recklessly. My husband did not ask my father's permission. Which was good, might have changed my answer. I had 2 rules (yes they are childish, came up with them as a teen but I held to them). If a man proposed in a very public way I would say no (even if I wanted to say yes), don't pressure me with an audience. I don't find billboards and singles conferences romantic. Two, if he asked my father before me I would say no, it's not my dad's decision. I know of a lot of my friends who did ask the father. I think it's still pretty common in areas/cultures with more traditional values. I think it also depends on the relationship the daughter has with her father. I was never "daddy's little girl". So for all you dad's out there, take it for what it's worth, a perspective to consider. This girl was very strong headed and all the jokes about shotguns and such did not go in dad's favor. By the time I was 16 I was so tired of hearing the jokes that I told my dad he would never meet any of my dates. And he didn't. Only one guy ever picked me up at the house and that was only once (the air force guy). I even met my prom date in town (it helped that we lived 30 min outside of town so I could easily talk them into meeting me in town). Most dates I went on my parents never knew about (though most of those were after I was 18). My husband and I were very serious before my parents ever met him. So keep in mind god wants her to go out and get married. Fussing is about as useful and helpful as a mom saying her son will never go on a mission because she is afraid of what might happen, it's to far from home. Don't alienate your daughters. Keep them close and you will have far more influence over who they marry than if you push them away. But that was just me. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daybreak79 Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I asked. I hope my future son-in-law (it will be 20 or so years down the road before it happens) asks. And I realize that despite what my answer may be it is still by daughters choice to actually say yes or no when he asks her. I also think if the dad said no, it should be an opprotunity to open up some serious dialogue between all parties involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 Don't alienate your daughters.I hear you loud and clear. Right now, our pre-teen is getting a huge kick out of the notion that daddy will scare her dates a little. I think she takes comfort in it. But if her opinion changes, well, I will alter my behavior accordingly, because you are right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I admit to thinking asking the dad seems odd. When our soninlaws asked I was very surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiJolly Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I asked my soon-to-be-father-in-law, yes. HiJolly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMGuy Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 Yes, I asked. It was the right thing to do with the people involved and that time and place. Today, I would love it if my future SIL's ask. My answer to them will be, "I trust my daughter. You have my permission to ask her, and I will stand behind her." -RM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 My younger sister is getting married in the temple this November. Before she got officially engaged, her fiance flew out to my parents to ask my father for his blessing in having my sister's hand in marriage. This, of course, really impressed my parents but my husband just rolls his eyes at the whole thing.Just wondering how common this is. I can agree that asking the father, or better yet, both parents, for their blessing is a thoughtful thing to do. But I do not agree with the tradition for the man to ask the father of the girl for permission to marry her, or for her hand in marriage. I see this tradition as leftover from the time when marriage was a business arrangement and a woman was considered a man's property, first her father's and then her husband's.So for me, yes to a blessing from both parents, but no to asking a father's permission to marry his daughter.M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzy16 Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I'm no where near marriage, but my future husband better ask!! :) It's an expectation of mine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerome1232 Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 See my then-soon-to-be-wife had me call my then-soon-to-be-father-in-law from Catalina Island and tell him that I asked her to marry me. He said "Well that's just great" with a good deal of sarcasm. Looking back, I probably should've talked to her parents before hand. Particularly since they aren't LDS, and we are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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