Bini Posted October 28, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I can agree that asking the father, or better yet, both parents, for their blessing is a thoughtful thing to do. But I do not agree with the tradition for the man to ask the father of the girl for permission to marry her, or for her hand in marriage. I see this tradition as leftover from the time when marriage was a business arrangement and a woman was considered a man's property, first her father's and then her husband's.So for me, yes to a blessing from both parents, but no to asking a father's permission to marry his daughter.M.I've never really thought of it that way but yes, I see the connection there. I agree that there's a difference between asking for FIL's blessing and asking for FIL's permission. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwen Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 I don't think I would be objecting to a guy calling after he asked, after he got a yes and saying "Hey, I asked your daughter to marry me and she said yes. We would like your blessing." or something like that. It's the before with the "permission" overtone that I object to so much. Also in my opinion if a guy does not know a girl well enough to know if he should be asking dad first or not then he does not know her well enough to be marrying her. I called and told my family and hubby called his family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) It's the before with the "permission" overtone that I object to so much. Also in my opinion if a guy does not know a girl well enough to know if he should be asking dad first or not then he does not know her well enough to be marrying her.Or it never occurred to either party to discuss it. I must confess, if making a list of things you absolutely need to discuss before marriage "permission/blessing from the folks" wouldn't make it. And it's not like it is one of those things you'd necessarily get a feel for just from knowing someone well. I suppose one could argue if it's really important one way or the other (for either of them), like for example Lizzy here (or you), they'd have brought it up at least when they started thinking things were serious, but if it's just one of those things you kinda think everyone (or nobody) does, or you have an opinion but it's not particularly strong, it may never become a topic of discussion/conversation/mention in passing. Edited October 31, 2011 by Dravin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzy16 Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 And it's not like it is one of those things you'd necessarily get a feel for just from knowing someone well.I'd hope if I was seriously dating someone they'd know enough about me to understand the close relationship I have with my father.A wise woman (my mother) once said before you marry someone to see how they act around their family, sister, mother and how they treat them. And, if I'm meeting his family he's gotta meet mine.....I wouldn't want him to marry into my family without realizing what he's getting into And, also to take a roadtrip, make sure you get lost and see how he reacts in a crisis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted October 28, 2011 Report Share Posted October 28, 2011 (edited) I'd hope if I was seriously dating someone they'd know enough about me to understand the close relationship I have with my father.A close relationship with your father does not necessarily mean there is a strong expectation that either permission or blessing will be asked for. Think about it for a second, you're kinda implying those who don't expect permission or blessing to be asked don't have close relationships with their fathers. If it's important make sure he knows, just don't assume he will divine it. Actually, that's good advice in general with relationships, people get to know people because of what they share with them, knowledge doesn't just magically jump the gap between people. Some of the rude surprises that come after the wedding/sealing can be avoided by keeping that in mind. Edited October 28, 2011 by Dravin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted October 29, 2011 Report Share Posted October 29, 2011 Actually, that's good advice in general with relationships, people get to know people because of what they share with them, knowledge doesn't just magically jump the gap between people. Some of the rude surprises that come after the wedding/sealing can be avoided by keeping that in mind.Where's the "amen, brother!" button? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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