I've messed up, cheated on husband. Need advice/help

[bambi66]

Well, after months of going over everything, I still haven't confessed. I just can't do it right now and I'm even more worried now about his anger and abuse than before after a couple of instances of him losing control over little stupid things.

There is a huge part of me that wants to end the marriage, and pursue a relationship with this other man who I consider to be my soulmate. Our connection is so deep and a lot more than simply a physical attraction. But we both have families and that's what is making everything so much harder. We both regret letting things go as far as they did, and we both know we must repent.

I guess I still have a lot of my same questions from my original post. I need some comforting words and advice. Anybody?

[jayanna]

Well, after months of going over everything, I still haven't confessed. I just can't do it right now and I'm even more worried now about his anger and abuse than before after a couple of instances of him losing control over little stupid things.

There is a huge part of me that wants to end the marriage, and pursue a relationship with this other man who I consider to be my soulmate. Our connection is so deep and a lot more than simply a physical attraction. But we both have families and that's what is making everything so much harder. We both regret letting things go as far as they did, and we both know we must repent.

I guess I still have a lot of my same questions from my original post. I need some comforting words and advice. Anybody?

Having families is not making things harder. Having a family should be what makes it worth it. You have family that you care about and yet you are not able to be with them in the celestial kingdom because of the relationship you have created with this man.

In order to repent you have to feel godly sorrow for what you have done. You are obviously still nuturing a relationship with this other man. You still consider leaving your family and running away with him, you have created an unhealthy obsession over him and romanticized this unclean mockery of a relationship....this is not godly sorrow. The first step is to recognize that what you have done is wrong.

If you are truly repentant you will want to do whatever the Lord asks to make this right again. Part of that is going to be ending this 'connection' the two of you have made. This 'connection' the two of you have created has hurt two families already, and will have consequences for generations, whether you confess to it now or later, all things will be made known and brought out in the light at some point. The commandment to not commit adultry is not conditional, there is no justification for it...it is not okay if you think he is a lousy husband, if you have a high s-x drive, or if he has cheated first, the covenant you made in the temple was not to him, it was to your Heavenly Father. The covenant you have broken was not to your husband....and his behavior or lack of love does not release you from your temple covenant to only have these kind of relations with your spouse.

Do you want to meet your Savior with this hanging over your head? Do you or do you not want to be with your children and grandchildren for eternity? Now is the time to get moving on this before it is too late. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentence. Go to see your bishop. You can be clean of this and washed free of it.

You have already been given this advice, you have already been given comfort, now is the time to act on it.

[Finrock]

Good morning bambi66! I hope you are having a great day. :)

I guess I still have a lot of my same questions from my original post. I need some comforting words and advice. Anybody?

The truth is that until you make a choice nothing will get resolved and you will continue to struggle with these questions.

Don't be a coward but also if you sincerely and honestly feel that your husband is capable of physically harming you then I would confess remotely or with a friend. In any case, do what is right and let the consequences follow. One thing I know with absolute certainty is that when we do what is right, the consequences in the long-term, will work out for our good. You can't go wrong by doing what is right.

Regards,

Finrock

[Juan_P]

Well, after months of going over everything, I still haven't confessed. I just can't do it right now and I'm even more worried now about his anger and abuse than before after a couple of instances of him losing control over little stupid things.

There is a huge part of me that wants to end the marriage, and pursue a relationship with this other man who I consider to be my soulmate. Our connection is so deep and a lot more than simply a physical attraction. But we both have families and that's what is making everything so much harder. We both regret letting things go as far as they did, and we both know we must repent.

I guess I still have a lot of my same questions from my original post. I need some comforting words and advice. Anybody?

My new advice:

Maybe this talk by Elder Feathestone can help with regards to the repentance process.

[]Invalid Request copy/paste.

There can be time to confess later when you are ready but one day you will have to confess to those who need to know, husband (current one) bishop and the Lord off course. However maybe you can wait a bit for this formal process.

With regards to the other man and what you feel for him, I wonder if it is love, a crush or just a fantasy which covers up and compensate for the current bad situation at home. If it isn't real love, pure love then it isn't worth breaking up two homes.

All the best,

[slamjet]

I still stand by my first post in this thread. Even if you do separate and divorce your husband. This is an issue that will still need to be dealt with.

[Juan_P]

Well, after months of going over everything, I still haven't confessed. I just can't do it right now and I'm even more worried now about his anger and abuse than before after a couple of instances of him losing control over little stupid things.

There is a huge part of me that wants to end the marriage, and pursue a relationship with this other man who I consider to be my soulmate. Our connection is so deep and a lot more than simply a physical attraction. But we both have families and that's what is making everything so much harder. We both regret letting things go as far as they did, and we both know we must repent.

I guess I still have a lot of my same questions from my original post. I need some comforting words and advice. Anybody?

My new advice:

Maybe this talk by Elder Feathestone can help with regards to the repentance process.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - “Forgive Them, I Pray Theeâ€

There can be time to confess later when you are ready but one day you will have to confess to those who need to know, husband (current one) bishop and the Lord off course. However maybe you can wait a bit for this formal process.

With regards to the other man and what you feel for him, I wonder if it is love, a crush or just a fantasy which covers up and compensate for the current bad situation at home. If it isn't real love, pure love then it isn't worth breaking up two homes.

All the best,

[Guest mirancs8]

Confess to your Bishop then after you do ask him if you can confess to your husband with him present. That way you won't have to worry about any physical outburst and the Bishop can talk to you both about the next steps.

Just an idea.

[kayne]

My new advice:

Maybe this talk by Elder Feathestone can help with regards to the repentance process.

LDS.org - Ensign Article - “Forgive Them, I Pray Theeâ€

There can be time to confess later when you are ready but one day you will have to confess to those who need to know, husband (current one) bishop and the Lord off course. However maybe you can wait a bit for this formal process.

With regards to the other man and what you feel for him, I wonder if it is love, a crush or just a fantasy which covers up and compensate for the current bad situation at home. If it isn't real love, pure love then it isn't worth breaking up two homes.

All the best,

you know that article and the next 4 or 5 on the list i sincerely need to read right now. they hit home quite powerfully. like really badly i needed that.

so you know what TC. im glad for you. your sins have greatly helped me. im glad you posted here. now I sincerely hope that gives you some comfort. and I sincerely hope The Lord shall bless you for that and help you come to know what you need to do.

i dont normally pray for someone on and internet forum(hey its the internet afterall skepticism is required) but you. you i shall pray for. I wish you well.

The Lord gives us weakness that he might make it our strength

[FunkyTown]

All right - It sounds like you're looking for permission to end it.

Everyone here gives you permission.

Is that the right thing? That's up to you. You asked for advice, and the advice was overwhelmingly 'Confess'. You didn't do this.

Now, you have four choices:

1) You can continue in a relationship you're not happy in, lying about who you are and what you've done. You'll feel exactly the same as you do now. Are you happy now? Because if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten.

2) You can confess, possibly losing your marriage, possibly being excommunicated, possibly angering your children. Or it could change everything for the better as you both struggle to overcome your weaknesses.

3) You could leave your husband and not confess. In this case, your guilt will continue. You'll start to resent anything that reminds you of what you did and you'll become soured to anything that suggests repentance.

4) You could leave your husband and confess - Hey. Maybe your Soulmate will leave his wife and you can run off and be wed together, where you will have the exact same problems your first marriage had. More likely, when forced to choose between leaving his wife and children and leaving you, he'll toss you away like yesterday's newspaper.

Those are your choices now, Bambi. That's it. Not making a choice because it's too difficult means you're going with 1, and it will continue like that forever. I know you wanted words of comfort, but only repentance can change things. And repentance will be painful, because it always is.

Or you can wallow in self-pity, misery and regret for the rest of your life. Your choice.

Well, after months of going over everything, I still haven't confessed. I just can't do it right now and I'm even more worried now about his anger and abuse than before after a couple of instances of him losing control over little stupid things.

There is a huge part of me that wants to end the marriage, and pursue a relationship with this other man who I consider to be my soulmate. Our connection is so deep and a lot more than simply a physical attraction. But we both have families and that's what is making everything so much harder. We both regret letting things go as far as they did, and we both know we must repent.

I guess I still have a lot of my same questions from my original post. I need some comforting words and advice. Anybody?

[Grannyd]

Most definitely go see your bishop. Perhaps if you are fearful of your husbands reaction the bishop could be with you when you tell him. He can get you set up with a professional counselor to help you work through this as a couple as well. You will feel much better once this is confessed..don't drag on the misery any longer than you have to. Have faith the Lord will be with you through this difficult time.