How to be a good friend?

[Argentina84]

What makes a good friend, in your opinion and experience?

Is there any way we can become "better" friends, or we either are good friends or not from the beginning?

How have you coped with the disappointment when your friends have let you down?

:)

[sister_in_faith]

Someone who you can share your 'secrets' with, and they won't tell. Someone who knows your faults and still loves you. Someone who will tell you that there is a booger hanging out of your nose, or will pick lint off your shirt for you.

I think that the longer you know someone, and the more you go thru together the stronger that bond becomes.

I cope with disappointment thru prayer. I am kind of an all or nothing girl tho... If a friend betrays me or does something unkind to me, I usually won't allow that person to be close to me any more. I'm not a big forgive and forget kind of person. That's probably why I don't have a lot of close friends.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I have one good friend. Only one. Here is what I think makes a good friend:

1. Similar common interests -- not necessarily activity interests, but intellectual, topical or philosphical interests -- something that each person finds engaging in the other person.

2. A willingness to invest in the relationship over the long term.

3. A commitment to the relationship when one person offends the other. Applying forgiveness, open communication about the offense, and an underlying commitment to the person that transcends just about everything that can stand in the way.

I met my friend in 1992. I haven't physically seen him in 8 years. Here it is 20 years since our first meeting -- we don't live in the same country anymore, yet we talk regularly. He always seems to have time for me, and me, for him. He's offended me about 5 times, and when he does, he seems to sense it, opens up conversation, and we talk until there is a resolution. I have offended him at least that many times, and I sense it, and apologize. He always reciprocates with kindness.

He embodies the pure gospel in my view as it relates to friendships.

[Guest]

I got a jillion friends. A lot of them I consider best friends. I married one of them.

What makes a good best friend? Someone who understands you so well that he will stick by you even when you're in your most stupid moments.

So, my best friends can't possibly disappoint me. Because, if they became my best friends, that meant I must have cared enough about them to understand them and know they're not mean, cruel people. So, when they make mistakes (because we all do - yes, big ones even!), I will fight to make them realize they are hurting me or others or themselves and still be there for them when they finally straighten out. And if they shrink away from me in remorse for what they did, then I will have to roll up my sleeves and fight again to get them back. And my hope is that all my best friends will do the same for me. That they'll forgive me when I make a giant dumb mistake. That they'll fight to get me back.

When you're my best friend, you're my best friend for life.

And that's what makes great friends for me - people who I can be free to be myself with - to grow, to make mistakes, to share, to cry, to laugh, to hurt, to love.

And so here's a shout out to all my best friends. YOU'RE AWESOME GUYS!

[Jennarator]

How to abe a good friend? Care about the person. Communicate with them.

[Argentina84]

How to abe a good friend? Care about the person. Communicate with them.

But what about if you care about them, but after some time you realize that they don't care about you? What do you do then? It really hurts!

[bytebear]

The difference between a friend and someone you once knew is a phone call. And no, Facebook is not the same thing!

[Soulsearcher]

The joke me and my best friend have is " a good friend will post bail, a best friend will help dispose of the body" him and i tend to have a lot of fun with that.

But really my best friends are the people i can tell anything. The ones i don't usually have to hide anything from for fear of being judged or looked down on. They can laugh and mock me but at the end of the day i know i have their support. It's the ones you can talk freely to and just speak your mind to. It can take a while to get there but once you do it's different than other friendships.

As for dealing with disappointment when friends let me down, i've gotten very good at dumping dead weight. I used to give a lot of chances of make excuses for them, but more and more if it's constant let downs with no real attempts at trying to put in any real effort i just cut them loose. Otherwise if it's occasional disappointment i remember they are human and really if i'm not perfect i can't expect them to be.

Edited November 15, 2011 by Soulsearcher

[RescueMom]

I've got a handful of best friends...one of which I have had since I was 4, we met in primary. She's moved, I've moved, we've lived in different countries...most of the time we talk, but have gone months without talking, and can pick up right where we left off.

When she had her daughter she gave her the name Kathy that everyone thought was after another friend of ours (also a Kathy)...only I knew the real story. Her father new a girl with the same name (Kathy)...who struggled in the church, finally came back fully in the church and was getting ready to go through the temple for the first time when a member of her family killed her. My friends father said I always reminded him of this girl. My friend said this girl had made such an impact on her father, he had helped her get back into the church and had such a strong testimony of Christ that she felt it was the only name she could giver her own daughter. She has told me so many times I reminded her father of the girl, and that her father had told her several times that we would always remain close as friends.

I think sometimes we are predestined to be friends with people our entire lives.

[Guest]

But what about if you care about them, but after some time you realize that they don't care about you? What do you do then? It really hurts!

Friendship is not a one-way street. If they don't care about you then you were mistaken in thinking that you were/are friends. Correct the misconception and move on - that is, clarify whether she really doesn't care about you or maybe you just misinterpreted her actions, or if she really doesn't care about you, then stop applying the label friends to your relationship.

The thing about emotional hurt is - you can control whether you allow people to hurt you or not. It's different from physical hurt where you have to just muscle through the hurt when you get the flu.

[JudoMinja]

A friendship is something you have to put stock into. It is a relationship that, like marriage, requires work. You have to show an interest in one another and a willingness to invest in your relationship. I think it is possible to be friends with someone with whom you have little in common, as long as you have some kind of foundation for your relationship- a sense of caring and commitment to helping each other become better people.

I have had many people throughout my life who I would consider friends, but life circumstances has caused us to part ways or lose interest in investing in that relationship. If I were to come across them again or if they were to come to me with some need that I could help them with (and I hope it would be vice-versa but that doesn't hold any bearing on what I would do), I would gladly "reinvest", but for now life has just taken us different directions.

It is certainly much easier to build a friendship the more you have in common with a person, and those friendships tend to feel much closer and more personal, but even those relationships that are not "close", I think, can be good friendships. To be a good friend requires action and openness, and I think that the more we strive to be good friends to everyone around us, the more others will strive to be good friends back.