So happy together

[girlygirl]

I remember the first two years we made others sick to their stomaches because we were so nice and fair to each other and NEVER had harsh word to say to each other. ... Three years the boat definitely got rocked but it just added a new dimension to our marriage. Fourth year in we are still learning through it but I am sure it will never be 'picture perfect'. Haha- whoever said 'wait till you have kids'- love that comment! Ha!

[bcguy]

Now take the opposite spectrum. My wife's mormon parents have been bickering and fighting for 40 years. Ever wonder why my wife can be difficult at times?

[splash]

Smile and laugh often, keep the commandments, forgive easy and quickly, help each other, have fun together, keep the romance alive, talk and talk and talk to each other : ) Congrats on getting married.

Edited December 8, 2011 by Pegasus_

[Forget-Me-Not]

Dravin and I are still blissfully happy. We've been married now for nearly 5 months and are still very in love.

Although we've had some tense moments, we've not actually argued. It seems that when one of us is stressed or frustrated and gets a little snippy in our tone, the other becomes more patient and kind. Something I do that helps me to not snap back when he gets snippy with me is to remember that he isn't like that normally. There is a reason behind the snippiness and I need to react to that reason, not his tone. When I focus on that, I find that I can then be patient with him and try to get to the bottom of his stress or frustration.

But, overall, we are very happy together. We still make people sick with our lovey dovey ways (we try to tone it down when we are with others, but sometimes we can't help but make eyes at each other). We enjoy just being together--even if we aren't doing anything.

I've heard so many stories about how once the "honeymoon" period is over, the real stress begins. My question is when does that begin? I find that we are beginning to get really comfortable with each other and don't need to be sitting next to the other all the time, but we still need the connection with each other on a daily basis (a good thing, IMO). But, I keep hearing about how couples begin to fight/argue at some point in the marriage. I truly don't see that happening with us--we've had disagreements on things, but we've worked through them to come to a decision together without arguing.

So, tell us what to expect and the approximate time to expect it.

Oh my. Don't borrow trouble, lol. The honeymoon phase doesn't have to end for everyone. I knew a couple where it never did. That wasn't just how things looked from without, either. They talked of it often. And if you could have seen how they looked into each other's eyes as they danced on their 60th wedding anniversary, you would know it was true. Bless you that you will always be so happy! :)

[Vort]

Okay, here is my advice, for what it may be worth:

There is no reason you cannot continue in such bliss forever, but the nature of that bliss will evolve. Your personal boundaries, which got soft or seemingly evaporated during your courtship and honeymoon, will reassert themselves. You will find out that you do have differences, after all, even in things you thought were important and that you thought you were together on. Just remember that this is the person you dated and enjoyed being around before you got married and started sleeping together. Appreciate his or her perspective and opinion, even (or especially) when you don't share it. Be gentle.

Also, when problems and disagreements crop up -- which they unavoidably will -- keep your perspective and your sense of humor. Take each other's feelings very seriously, but don't take yourselves (individually) too seriously.

And specifically to Dravin: My friend, sometimes a man just has to put up with bald-faced inequities. Call it PMS or women's prerogative or whatever lets you get through it, but realize that part of being a man and a loving husband is putting up with blatantly illogical and unfair situations. Take the long view. Love your wife. Remember how precious she is to you. (I'm sure corresponding advice could be given to Beefche, but I can't give it and Sister Vort isn't here to do the honors.)

[Forget-Me-Not]

And specifically to Dravin: My friend, sometimes a man just has to put up with bald-faced inequities. Call it PMS or women's prerogative or whatever lets you get through it, but realize that part of being a man and a loving husband is putting up with blatantly illogical and unfair situations. Take the long view. Love your wife. Remember how precious she is to you. (I'm sure corresponding advice could be given to Beefche, but I can't give it and Sister Vort isn't here to do the honors.)

Ah yes, very good advice to husbands, lol. The couple I knew - the husband was so very kind and so loving toward his wife. So patient. Always so calm and gentle and mild. Always wanting to make her happy. I can't even imagine anything she could have ever done that would have ruffled his feathers, at all, or that he would have allowed to, and she absolutely adored him for it.

He also showered her with gifts, but cost didn't matter to her and she described some of the most humble of gifts she loved that he'd given her when they were poor and struggling in their early years and loved those every bit as much as the more costly gifts he could give her later in life. But she loved all his gifts because he gave to her from his heart. She was truly his queen and he her king. They were a very beautiful and rare example of happiness in marriage.

[beefche]

And specifically to Dravin: My friend, sometimes a man just has to put up with bald-faced inequities. Call it PMS or women's prerogative or whatever lets you get through it, but realize that part of being a man and a loving husband is putting up with blatantly illogical and unfair situations. Take the long view. Love your wife. Remember how precious she is to you.

Thank you Vort!

"Honey, I took $20 from your wallet and forgot to tell you." (Dravin remembers Vort's advice and doesn't complain that beefche comes home with another pair of shoes.)

[Iggy]

Thank you Vort!

"Honey, I took $20 from your wallet and forgot to tell you." (Dravin remembers Vort's advice and doesn't complain that beefche comes home with another pair of shoes.)

WHAT are you doing in his wallet???? You need to keep some things strictly your own. For men it is their wallet, for women it is the purse.

And where in the world can you buy shoes for just $20.00???

[StrawberryFields]

WHAT!?!?!?

I didn't even know the two of you were DATING!!!!

I guess that's what happens when life at home becomes REALLY INTERESTING!

Where can I go to catch up on the events that lead to marriage? Surely it's documented here somewhere?

Happy to hear that you've found each other. :)

[Dravin]

Some threads about the subject:

http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/37360-i-got-engaged.html

http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/37386-engagement-wedding-advice.html

http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/40358-congratulations-beefche-dravin.html

[beefche]

Strawberry, here is the extent of our "dating." We didn't really tell people until we were engaged (a few knew, but we never mentioned it on here).

http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/37360-i-got-engaged.html

[Guest]

And specifically to Dravin: My friend, sometimes a man just has to put up with bald-faced inequities. Call it PMS or women's prerogative or whatever lets you get through it, but realize that part of being a man and a loving husband is putting up with blatantly illogical and unfair situations. Take the long view. Love your wife. Remember how precious she is to you. (I'm sure corresponding advice could be given to Beefche, but I can't give it and Sister Vort isn't here to do the honors.)

Excellent advice, Mr. Vort!

I just have to ammend it...

Yes, you may call it PMS or woman's prerogative but never, ever, let her know that's what you're thinking.

Here's a disaster argument:

beefche (in exasperation): Dravin, you said you were going to fix the gutters 2 weeks ago. Now it has flooded my petunias and wasted all my hard work on the garden! When are you going to fix it?

Dravin: Are you having PMS again?

Here's a better option:

Dravin (thinking to yourself, it's PMS time): Sorry, dear. I'll get to it first chance I get. Just a little more patience. I'll even help you pick out new petunias.

And here's my advice to beefche: Learn the intricacies of knowing when it is "good enough".

Here's a disaster argument:

Dravin: beefche, honey, did you notice the brand-spanking new gutters?

beefche: Red? Really, Dravin? Red gutters completely does not match our siding!

Here's a better option:

beefche (thinking to yourself red gutters are absolutely hideous): Oh, honey! You are the best husband on the planet. You make me soooo happy.

Then next Easter - honey... can we paint the gutters white to match our siding?

[Bini]

That is good advice.

Congrats again! Bliss.. hehe.

[Blackmarch]

Dravin and I are still blissfully happy. We've been married now for nearly 5 months and are still very in love.

Although we've had some tense moments, we've not actually argued. It seems that when one of us is stressed or frustrated and gets a little snippy in our tone, the other becomes more patient and kind. Something I do that helps me to not snap back when he gets snippy with me is to remember that he isn't like that normally. There is a reason behind the snippiness and I need to react to that reason, not his tone. When I focus on that, I find that I can then be patient with him and try to get to the bottom of his stress or frustration.

But, overall, we are very happy together. We still make people sick with our lovey dovey ways (we try to tone it down when we are with others, but sometimes we can't help but make eyes at each other). We enjoy just being together--even if we aren't doing anything.

I've heard so many stories about how once the "honeymoon" period is over, the real stress begins. My question is when does that begin? I find that we are beginning to get really comfortable with each other and don't need to be sitting next to the other all the time, but we still need the connection with each other on a daily basis (a good thing, IMO). But, I keep hearing about how couples begin to fight/argue at some point in the marriage. I truly don't see that happening with us--we've had disagreements on things, but we've worked through them to come to a decision together without arguing.

So, tell us what to expect and the approximate time to expect it.

In my lifetime in growing up I've seen or heard my parents seriously argue over something maybe 3 times at most that i can recall.... and even then its been tame compared to what I've seen in other households.

I'd say that if youre not having serious arguments like youre wondering about, you are doing something right. Keep up the good work.

[Dravin]

Come back after two years.

Eighteen months and still hanging in there. I'll check back in another six months.

[mordorbund]

You can return the starter baby back to your matron of honor now. (that is an LDS tradition, right? don't the more "experienced" couples give the newlyweds a baby to practice on so they won't make so many mistakes with their own? That is a thing, isn't it?)

[Guest SquidMom]

WHAT are you doing in his wallet???? You need to keep some things strictly your own. For men it is their wallet, for women it is the purse.

And where in the world can you buy shoes for just $20.00???

My husband can do what ever he wants in my purse... As long as he leaves the admission fee. :) But really, the first 7 yrs were perfect. I went a little crazy for a bit and almost wrecked us, but we're getting through it. Communication, patience, consideration, sacrifice, compromise.... It sounds like you 2 are off to a good start. Marriage doesn't have to be hard work.

In our 1st 7 yrs I can remember 3 times that we actually had a heated argument. Not a fight, just heated. It's alright to get hurt, angry, offended, or whatever. But never let it fester. We had never (until past 8 months) gone to bed angry with eachother. Get it out and over with and move on. (We're getting better, now...)

The honeymoon doesn't have to end! Good luck.

[Irishcolleen]

Beefche-

My dear husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. I still feel like we are in our honeymoon period. I don't think my grandparents left that stage in the 50+ years they were married. This doesn't mean we haven't ha fights or struggles. It does mean that I am thrilled every time he walks in the door. I can't wait to see him when he comes home from work! I love snuggling with him and holing his hand. He is part of me and I am part of him.

If you forgive each other, and don't let the sun go down on your wrath, think of each others needs first, and put Christ first you will remain in love with each other. Also, when kids come along, make sure you put your marriage before your kids. If you do this the kids needs for security and peace will be met. The best thing you can give your children is a happy marriage.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I've heard so many stories about how once the "honeymoon" period is over, the real stress begins. My question is when does that begin? I find that we are beginning to get really comfortable with each other and don't need to be sitting next to the other all the time, but we still need the connection with each other on a daily basis (a good thing, IMO). But, I keep hearing about how couples begin to fight/argue at some point in the marriage. I truly don't see that happening with us--we've had disagreements on things, but we've worked through them to come to a decision together without arguing.

Trust your instincts and don't believe everything you hear. :) I think you and Dravin have set a wonderful foundation for your marraige....and that will continue and see you through any tough times that are ahead.

How do I know? Because my husband and I have the same type of relationship. We don't argue. We disagree, but we work it out calmly and are considerate of each other while we do so. We will celebrate 19 years in April!

[Dove]

I love my husband. He is a wonderfully loving, Christlike person.

Our "honeymoon phase" is pretty much over. We disagree and have had some serious fights/issues crop up in the past months. To the point where I was talking to him about finding myself a studio apartment to leave. One sore point of contention in our relationship has been about his family/my in-laws. I have felt very persecuted/treated with much rudeness/ostracized by them over the years. It's to the point where I no longer expect or force myself to go to any family gatherings that are his family's. Every time I go someone is angry at me and willing to criticize/ignore/say rude things to me. (Some of it may be the differences in religion.) My latest grief is that he is going alone to a family party for Christmas night. It hurts not to be with him and I feel jealous (I'm not saying this is fair or right) that he is willing to go without me.

My sister in law gave me wonderful advice on how to handle this. Which is, to acknowledge and support his agency in going. To give him free reign in all areas of our relationship in this sense; to always acknowledge his agency and to set him free by not attempting to control him. Even in the worst case scenario (infidelity, which I really believe he would never do) that really is his choice. Of course, my choice at that point would be whether or not to stay.

I remember a saying I learned in High School about ownership of a living thing; "If you love it, set it free. If it comes back to you then it is yours. If it doesn't, it never was." Something like that. Anyway, that quote comes back ringing in my years in this situation. It applies to my situation.

Dove

[mnn727]

Dravin and I are still blissfully happy. We've been married now for nearly 5 months and are still very in love.

So, tell us what to expect and the approximate time to expect it.

5 months and 1 day

[MargaretCordilia]

Kids! And work,school,life, ect when you try and do too much. Too much stress is the only thing that has been hard. Oh, and him deciding to go inactive... Stress... But 6 years and 4 kids and going strong, there is no rule that says you have to fight.