Re-marrying after a Death

[LeilaDawn]

Totally different case but it does have something to do with sealing so it is maybe something nice for this topic.

In our ward we had an old couple they where married for the law with eachother. It was their second marriage in life. In the temple they both stood in for eachothers first spouses. So for eternity they both are married to their first and original partner. I also do think that with this action their families are some kind of special eternal friends (I think true friendships are eternal anyway).

They mostly did this because they both lost their partner a bit too soon and to have a friend and companion for the last 20 (???) years in life.

As for other things I believe God has a solution for cases where some one has children with a second partner after loosing the person they actually got married/sealed to. I think we all agree on that he doesn't rip families in pieces... It's just some things on earth seem so complicated or strange in a way while for everything there is a simple solution it's just something we don't need to know here. Most important thing to do here is just to do as good as possible and rest will be provided when needed.

[Bini]

Heh - I already let my wife know that she's free to remarry if I die. In fact, I picked a suitable replacement early on in our marriage, and made her promise to at least consider dating him.

I always told my husband that I'd haunt him if I died and he remarried. It was said partly jokingly but perhaps in more seriousness. But there is one person I'd approve as a second wife, and that is my bestfriend. Unfortunately, she isn't an option anymore because she married a couple years back but she's such a selfless person — and so is my husband. They'd make a good team.

[NeuroTypical]

How did she react to your picking a replacement?

Her reaction has changed over the years. She used to reject the notion out of hand, thinking about how important I was to her. These days, she just says "I keep waiting to take you up on your offer, but you keep not holding up your part of the deal." Hopefully, she's at least partly joking like Bini...

[HEthePrimate]

acostaroad - I was in this exact situation. I was widowed at 26 after having been married (sealed in the temple) for only a short time. We had no children. At the time I was devastated and wholly devoted to my deceased husband. I thought I would live my life single and just "wait" till we were reunited. Over time, I healed and the Lord brought a wonderful man into my life. We were sealed in the temple shortly before our 1st child was born. I had to request special permission for the first sealing to be cancelled so that I could be sealed to my 2nd husband. That IS something the church allows for and I'm sure it is done on an individual basis and is not openly discussed out of reverence.

It is entirely up to this girl to choose what to do when the time comes. She is not "stuck" because she was sealed to someone who is now deceased. The Lord knows that circumstances change and He allows for that.

Thank you for that answer--I was wondering whether a widow could get sealed to another man. Although I have to admit it seems unfair that women have to get their previous sealing cancelled, while men don't.

I am a widower myself--my wife died five years ago. I was not as young as you, but still pretty young to be widowed, so I unless I get remarried, I probably have a few decades of singlehood ahead of me. Whether or not a widow/er remarries is, IMHO, entirely up to them. As for me, I go back and forth on the issue. Sometimes I think "Oh, I couldn't possibly marry another woman--I love her so much!" And it's true, I do love her so much, but... it can get pretty lonely. Sometimes I can imagine getting remarried, and kinda want to. It depends on the day.

What did rather tick me off was on the day after I found my wife lying dead on the living room floor--THE DAY AFTER!!--one person told me her death was sad, but thankfully I was young enough I could get remarried! Within a week, another person was saying something similar! HINT: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT talk about remarriage to a person who just barely lost their spouse! That is very bad form, and can cause a great deal of pain. And you might get punched in the nose. Just sayin'

Edited December 21, 2011 by HEthePrimate

[rameumptom]

Both husbands would have a connection with the children.

Heber J Grant told of his being called as an apostle at the age of 26. He wanted to know why he was called at such an early age. He had a vision, where he saw both Jedediah Grant and Joseph Smith at the bar of God pleading to make him an apostle.

His mother was sealed to Joseph Smith. Jedediah Grant was his biological father, him being born in Utah years after Joseph's death. Interestingly, both fathers were involved. And I think that's how it will work with many relationships in the next life: there will be "official" relationships via sealings, and many unofficial relationships that are built upon love with one another in this life.

[Jezebel2011]

A woman whose husband has died can be remarried in the Temple and Sealed in exactly the same way as her first marriage.

See lds.org

[Jezebel2011]

As an aside we have an issue with an 83 year old lady in my Ward re Sealings.

Her parents were not married, in fact her Father was killed before he even knew that there was going to be a baby born.

Her Mother married someone when the baby was under a year old.

Now she has the problem that she cannot be sealed to her biological Father because her parents were not married, yet she has been sealed to her Step-Father because they were married.

When you think about the way the World has gone over the last 20/30 years with such a low rate of marriage, etc and several children within a family being born to several different Fathers, it is going to pose problems if and when those innocent children choose to become LDS since they cannot be sealed to their parents, or to siblings. It will be interesting.

[Jezebel2011]

Hi, I'm hoping to to be enlightened on a matter. A man died in a car accident leaving behind a lovely 24 year old wife. They had no children and had been married for about 3 years. They'd had a Temple Marriage. I'm sure that one day the sister will want to remarry as she is so young now. What are the ramifications of her remarrying and raising children that she and her new husband will both love, as it relates to her first husband that she is sealed to? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

A woman whose husband has died can be remarried in the Temple and Sealed in exactly the same way as her first marriage.

See lds.org

[lyndashiatt]

As a widow of four years -- I have struggled and continue to struggle with accepting the Lord's will in my life. The decision is just that -- submitting to the Lord's will - in all things. It means for me- living as He would guide me. After prayer, study and obedience according to the authority of the Holy Priesthood (maintaining Temple worthiness) you will be able to make a decision. Reasoning with the Lord (spiritually-mentally and physically) means that a decision (any descision) will be and is your choice. The Lord does know 'you' personally -He is concerned for you-His son Jesus Christ is your Savior. Of this I testify. My prayers are for you to find peace in this matter.

[Guest]

My grandmother was in her mid-20's when her husband died in World War II. She had 3 children.

A woman in the Philippines in that time had very limited means to earn a living. Her younger brother made the decision to take care of his sister and 3 children. He never married. My grandmother never re-married either. Not only that, she wore purple (their wedding colors) from that day onward until the day she died as a tribute to her husband. She loved to tell me stories about their short time together. During her later years, she got stricken with alzheimer's. She would look at her son and think he was her husband. The transformation on my grandmother's persona when she thinks she's talking/dancing with her husband is heart-breaking to watch. I wish my grand-uncle would have found love as well, but he chose to serve my grandmother and her children and I guess he is happy with that.

My grandmother is my idol. She's my role model of what eternal love is 2nd only to Jesus Christ. My grand-uncle a testament to lifelong service and sacrifice. That combination of love, service, sacrifice is a legacy they left me. I am very blessed indeed to have married my husband who I love with that same intensity. Doubly blessed because he loves me right back. I couldn't imagine a world where I'm married to somebody else - even if my husband would die before me. I wouldn't presume my husband would not marry if I die before him. It makes me sad to think about it, but he needs to do what he feels is best for him and our family.

Edited December 28, 2011 by anatess

[lyndashiatt]

Dear Anatess-- What an inspiration your Grandmother is to me -- She is a woman of faith and perserverance--an incredible example for you and those of us who have read your message. Thank you --have a blessed New Year.

[Maureen]

A woman whose husband has died can be remarried in the Temple and Sealed in exactly the same way as her first marriage.

See lds.org

Jezebel, could you elaborate?

M.

[merrellnet]

My wife died 10 months ago after 20 years being sealed in the temple. At 43 with 4 kids, I am eager to find a help mate to spend my time with-- not only to help with the kids, but to share love with for the 2nd half of my life. I am sealed to my first wife for eternity. I'm dating a widow who was also sealed, and it is not an easy thing to consider that I love her, but she will always be sealed to her husband. I reconcile myself knowing that God loves us and things will work out, however they may be settled in heaven.

[Gramajane]

If we go to the Bible, on this, it seems that a widow is expected to marry the next of kin, and raise up seed to her first husband.

I agree that it does not seem quite fair.

I do understand that as also in the bible, more than one wife was ok for the men, that so can a man be sealed to more than one wife, if his first wife is dead (but not if she is living).

--- On this one, I will just trust that God knows best. Personally, I doubt I could find someone I would want to be married to. There was no one before we found each other, and we have been married for more than 40 years, and I sure haven't seen anyone I would trade him for yet. :) --- I think I would just live a widow. Not fun, but was less stress in a lot of ways. But then I'm a lot older. I think this is one for each person involed to pray about and get their confirmation from the Holy ghost about.

[Dixielee]

This is a very interesting thread. I also am a widow. My husband died 4 years ago. It was a second marriage for both of us. His wife died shortly before I met him. We both had grown children, so that was not an issue. We were not sealed in the temple originally, but married civilly.

Even though it has been 4 years, the pain and grief is still very close to the surface. My home teacher recently mentioned that I would want a companion at some point. I just can't imagine that time ever coming. I still wear my wedding band and I still "feel" married. Pres. Monson made reference to death at the last Conference and mentioned the deceased person was not dead, but only in another room. That is exactly how I feel!

Even though my husband had been a member, he had not gone to the temple. We were sealed a year after he died, and I find extreme comfort in that. He also very much loved his first wife and often said how much we would have liked each other. So the natural thing to do was to stand as proxy for her, so they could be sealed as well.

Every situation is different. I probably would have wanted to remarry if I was younger and of child bearing years, but I am quite content in my current state. I work full time, have wonderful friends, am in the Young Women's presidency and am Ward Chorister, so I am certainly not bored.

My prayers go out to all who have lived through the death of a companion. No one could have ever prepared me for how difficult it has been. The sure knowledge of eternal life is such a blessing and is what keeps me going day by day.

[Rabboni]

I don't think I would want my wife after the resurrection if I knew that she had been involved sexually with another man after my death. I don't think I'd be able to cope with that image.

[Just_A_Guy]

If I'm not willing to forgive in the resurrection, I dare say any question about whether I "want" my wife - or any other family member - sealed to me in the eternities will be entirely moot.

[tumbledquartz]

One thing I think people forget in the question of who the children will be sealed to is that in the next life, all your children are going to be grown-up kings and queens, off doing their own thing, creating their own worlds. I don't think it will make a difference to our eternal happiness whether they are officially sealed to us or not.

I don't think I would want my wife after the resurrection if I knew that she had been involved sexually with another man after my death. I don't think I'd be able to cope with that image.

Hopefully in the next life, with our spiritual eyes opened, things like this won't matter so much anymore. Otherwise, there will be a lot of unhappy people in the celestial kingdom, and that just doesn't match with what we know about the next life.

[MorningStar]

I don't think I would want my wife after the resurrection if I knew that she had been involved sexually with another man after my death. I don't think I'd be able to cope with that image.

I hope you would apply the same standard to yourself if your wife died.

[Rabboni]

If I'm not willing to forgive in the resurrection, I dare say any question about whether I "want" my wife - or any other family member - sealed to me in the eternities will be entirely moot.

Oh, I wouldn't begrudge her her place in the Celestial Kingdom. I just wouldn't be interested in her after that point. I'm not implying that she'd be guilty of any sin that would require forgiveness by me or anyone else.

[Rabboni]

I hope you would apply the same standard to yourself if your wife died.

Absolutely. I wouldn't do that to her. I know she'd be heartbroken if I did.

[tumbledquartz]

Oh, I wouldn't begrudge her her place in the Celestial Kingdom. I just wouldn't be interested in her after that point. I'm not implying that she'd be guilty of any sin that would require forgiveness by me or anyone else.

Are you hoping, then, that some other woman who hadn't had sex with anyone at all on earth would then want to be with you? A nun, perhaps, or a child who had died before reaching the age of 8 and then grown up after the resurrection? Or would you just rather be alone than be with a woman who had ever been with another man?

Edited September 15, 2012 by tumbledquartz
Didn't proofread before submitting (oops)

[tumbledquartz]

Absolutely. I wouldn't do that to her. I know she'd be heartbroken if I did.

So, would you be heartbroken, too, if she did it to you? Or just jealous? Because your comment that you wouldn't be interested in her anymore makes me wonder how deep your love for her runs. Not questions you have to answer to me, of course - just points to ponder.

[Just_A_Guy]

Oh, I wouldn't begrudge her her place in the Celestial Kingdom. I just wouldn't be interested in her after that point. I'm not implying that she'd be guilty of any sin that would require forgiveness by me or anyone else.

How magnanimous of you not to "begrudge" anyone a place in the Celestial Kingdom.

But let's look at this logically. If the past incident of adultery is the sole reason you don't want her anymore, then one of two things is true:

1) You believe it indicates she is untrustworthy - in which case she won't be there; or

2) You can't forgive her - in which case you won't be there.

[Vort]

How magnanimous of you not to "begrudge" anyone a place in the Celestial Kingdom.

But let's look at this logically. If the past incident of adultery is the sole reason you don't want her anymore, then one of two things is true:

1) You believe it indicates she is untrustworthy - in which case she won't be there; or

2) You can't forgive her - in which case you won't be there.

I think you misunderstood. I don't believe he was talking about adultery. I think he was saying that if his wife were widowed and then to remarry, he would not want her in the eternities.