Question of Opinion


georgia2
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It's been a long time since I posted here. But tonight I have come up with a question and don't know where to go to to get an objective opinion. It involves what someone may or may not consider neglect or abuse and if any legal stances can or should be sought after.

A single mom, who has 2 kids. the oldest 12. HAs a live in boyfriend who has drug issues. He is going for a new job and will have to submit to a drug test on his first day. She tells the 12 year old to pee in a cup. The kid feels something is not right and seeks info from another adult as to what the mom is up too. THe 12 year old is suspicious her pee is being used to cover up drugs on the boyfriend. Knowing this woman, I too think this is what us up. Im wondering if the legal, or child protection, or court systems would consider this enough to take kids out of home to live with family who is more nurturing and responsible. Seeing as how most places wait till kids are dead before doing anything, should this thing be reported with the potential of fall out to the kid???

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I know it is hard, but yeah, would you regret it if the 12 year old needed help, asked for it, and no one responded. I think you do have to do something...but if the first person you tell is the mom, it has been my experience that in a situation like this they will move away leaving no forwarding address. Making a girl an accessory to falisfying drug testing for a job...not cool.

It doesn't necessarily mean the kid has to be blamed by the parents, but what will happen to her? I wonder...does she have grandparents that can take care of her?

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She is a good kid. I think what is going to have to happen is she is going to need the support of the people around her, like the person she confided this in.

You know you could just call cps and ask if anything would be done.

My husband said she should just refuse to do it.

Do they check sex on tests to verify they are the right person? I really have no experience with the tests myself.

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They will catch it .... they check for all kinds of things to make sure that the samples are legit. I ran trucking companies for years (mostly logging). 12 year old girl now adays have female hormones all over the place. Our consortium did not allow any thing to be taken into the restroom (coats, bags etc) and if there was a problem suspected our general manager went with the guy and watched. Not fun but necessary.

Good on saying the girl should talk to a school counselor. someone needs to listen to her.

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UPDATE> called CPS and told them the whole story. They said it was not abuse or neglect but FRAUD ! Said if I got hair sample proving drug use, even while pregnant (has 3 month old) woiuld not do anything. THey test at delivery and if clean that's that. Of course someone knows it's coming up and stays clean for a month so it wont show up. simple.

CPS does not help kids. THey only come in when the damage in the life has been totally destroyed. Or the kid is dead.

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One group of people say CPS does not help kids until they're dead.

Another group of people say CPS ruins the family by taking a child out of a responsible parent for idiot reasons like a kid got slapped for mouthing off.

Make up your mind, people.

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One group of people say CPS does not help kids until they're dead.

Another group of people say CPS ruins the family by taking a child out of a responsible parent for idiot reasons like a kid got slapped for mouthing off.

Make up your mind, people.

IT depends on where you live. Some areas are good and take the kids when they are living in drug homes. Some don't warn the parents they are coming which gives the parents time to threaten and punish the kids for telling the truth.

SOme wait for a month or longer, call the parents, tell them why they are coming, then wait a few more weeks for appointment. By then, place cleaned up, groceries in fridge, kids cleaned up, spanked, threatened, and wouldn't dare open their mouths. Thats the kind of town this kid lives in. Been dealing with it for 13 years.. ALl I can really hope for is the kid to tell or to grow up and will give car so they can come live with me.

I can't wait and am very excited to get to the other side so I can find out what the plan is that HEavenly Father has that this situation could bring about good. Develop patience for those that have to watch and endure and can't stop it?? Develop strength in the kids that they will never do these things?? MAke all of us more humble, understanding and helpful to others who go through this??? One day we will find out!!!

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They will catch it .... they check for all kinds of things to make sure that the samples are legit. I ran trucking companies for years (mostly logging). 12 year old girl now adays have female hormones all over the place. Our consortium did not allow any thing to be taken into the restroom (coats, bags etc) and if there was a problem suspected our general manager went with the guy and watched. Not fun but necessary.

Good on saying the girl should talk to a school counselor. someone needs to listen to her.

PROBLEM !!! kid is scared! Talked before and just got punished and restricted. ALso scared because even though mom mean and abusive, she loves her and wanted her to love her back!!

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Do you know when they are actually doing the drugs? You could call the cops at that time and report the drug use, or that they are driving under the influence. If the adults are arrested then the children will be sent to cps until a family member can be found to take care of them (if none then a foster home). That gets a ball rolling.

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Georgia2? If you want to make a difference in this kid's life, consider some of this stuff:

* Be a safe place for this girl to visit.

* Feed her (both food and wisdom).

* Role models can come from anywhere. If you can be the good person in her life, even if you hardly ever see her, you will make a difference that will last her throughout her life.

* Keep stewardship in mind - this is not your problem to fix. But if you can help this kid navigate through her troubled home life, go for it.

* Be her friend - teach by example.

Kids can survive all sorts of horrible circumstances. I know a lady who was abused by older brother for years. She has lots of stories about the judgemental idiots in her life who did nothing to help. The authorities who couldn't or wouldn't help. There are a few stories of random encounters from good people who stuck with her - she held on to those good examples as something to emulate. Be one of those stories.

Edited by Loudmouth_Mormon
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UPDATE> called CPS and told them the whole story. They said it was not abuse or neglect but FRAUD ! Said if I got hair sample proving drug use, even while pregnant (has 3 month old) woiuld not do anything. THey test at delivery and if clean that's that. Of course someone knows it's coming up and stays clean for a month so it wont show up. simple.

CPS does not help kids. THey only come in when the damage in the life has been totally destroyed. Or the kid is dead.

My grandson was born with drugs in his system and DCFS did NOTHING for 17 more months. At the time he was born his older brother had already been taken away. And the children had a Guardian Ad Litem.....

..... No reason to subject in infant to 17 months of abuse and neglect and all the evidence to take both younger children out of the home when he was born. But DCFS did NOTHING.

Unless the child speaks up not much is going to happen...and maybe not even then.

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One group of people say CPS does not help kids until they're dead.

Another group of people say CPS ruins the family by taking a child out of a responsible parent for idiot reasons like a kid got slapped for mouthing off.

Make up your mind, people.

Both are accurate!

Addition: Several years ago my husband had an employee call him from jail to say he couldn't make it to work. Usually this would be grounds for dismissal. The circumstances were such that he didn't lose his job. The story: Husband and wife divorce. Wife on drugs. Wife gets custody....its Utah. After about a year she drops the child off for his weekend visit with Dad. The child was 2yo. She dropped him off with nothing. And then...never came back. Fast forward 10 years. Child is now 12. Mom comes back in town and goes to DCFS. The dead beat dad laws had just been passed here in Utah. She tells DCFS that he has the child but doesn't have custody and he hasn't paid child support for 10 years. DCFS arrests dad and takes the child and tries to give him to his mother. The poor kid doesn't even know who she is. It eventually got ironed out and she went to jail. But it cost a lot of money and Dad now has a record.

Edited by applepansy
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Societies need social workers and ways to protect children and all that.

That said, I want nothing to do with them. Sometimes they're ignorant of what's legal and what isn't. Sometimes they're trained to bluff and bend laws. Sometimes they see stuff that isn't there, or don't see stuff that is there. Some care about right and wrong, some could care less.

My homeschooling family practices what we'll do if some busybody ever reports us to DCS because the kids are out playing in the sun when they "should be in school". They're welcome to stand on the porch and look at the kids through a window. If they push, we'll mail them a letter from our kid's doctor, and references on our character and parenting skills or whatever.

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