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Bini

Would you let your child date a teen parent?

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I just watched an episode of I Hate My Teenage Daughter (I know it sounds terrible but it's a comedy series) and it was about Annie's daughter wanting to date a boy that is a teen father. Reluctantly, Annie agrees, though she isn't thrilled about it, she feels there's a lesson here to be learned. Annie was a teen parent herself. Anyway, her daughter soon learns that it isn't any fun dating a teen father because he's always stuck at home having to take care of his son. So the episode ends, with their relationship ending.

Would you let your child date a teen parent? Why or why not?

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I would "allow" them (as much as a parent can "allow" a teen to do anything. they usually find ways of doing things even without their parents' permission), but I would *strongly* caution them about forming a relationship with the child (and I'd hope the teen parent would be cautious about who they introduce their child to as well). If BOTH of the child's parents are trying to be involved in the life of their child, I wouldn't want my child to possibly interfer with that bonding. If the other parent is absentee, I'd want them to be careful about possibly causing more pain in the child's life by leaving if/when their relationship with the parent ends. And I also wouldn't want them to feel "stuck" in the relationship because they love the kid, even if they no longer have romantic feelings about the parent.

So, yes I'd "allow" it, but with strong cautions.

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I really have no clue if I would allow it or not. I want to say no, but I really don't know unless I was in a situation.

I see the points of jennamarie, and totally agree, teens find ways aound things. So I would encourage my teen to be honest and open, rather than them sneaking around, but for sure I would not encourage it and there would be surper stict other rules. I mean this teen parent would have broken serious church standards and that in itself would create serious concerns of mine. Once those standards are broken, they are easy to break again, and with my child.

There would be lots of talking and all (as I would hope anyways.) There would be lots of cautions, too.

Also, depending on many facts and details, I might try to tell my teen, I cannot condone this, and then they would have to decide on their own, from there.

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It depends.

I'm gonna go with John on this. Not that I have personal experience with teens, but it seems to me there are a whole host of other factors beyond "teen parent/not teen parent" that need to be considered, most notably my child and the teen parent in question.

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Let? Oh wait...so we have a say? :D

Well.. Like it's been said. We can't monitor or control every aspect of our kid's lives BUT we can voice our stance on certain situations. I know that doesn't always make a difference though, reflecting back on when I lived at home.. Lol

Alright, maybe "let" is the wrong word. How about "approve"? :D

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Hi Bini, I was just kidding. :)

I would say all depends on the situation. It's not something I would look forward to but at the same time it's not something I would be completely against if I know the whole story.

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I think I'd discourage it, but for different reasons depending on gender.

With my daughters - my experience with paternity cases (having represented both unwed mothers and unwed fathers) is that teenaged mothers quickly come to realize the magnitude of what they've gotten themselves into and change their behavior accordingly. Teenaged fathers . . . not so much; at least not until they've built up a 3-4 year history of consistently making their child support payments.

With my son(s?) - I'm not so concerned with the character of the girl as the emotional health of my boy and the stability of any relationship he may form with the girl. As a teenager you're dealing with a lot of different emotions with regard to dating and girls; and those are hard enough to sort out with without introducing what Dr. Laura calls "knight-in-shining-armor syndrome" into the mix.

In other words--with a daughter, my concern is likely to be the partner's character (or probable lack thereof). With a son, the concern is more the nature of the relationship itself.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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I think I'd discourage it, but for different reasons depending on gender.

With my daughters - my experience with paternity cases (having represented both unwed mothers and unwed fathers) is that teenaged mothers quickly come to realize the magnitude of what they've gotten themselves into and change their behavior accordingly. Teenaged fathers . . . not so much; at least not until they've built up a 3-4 year history of consistently making their child support payments.

With my son(s?) - I'm not so concerned with the character of the girl as the emotional health of my boy and the stability of any relationship he may form with the girl. As a teenager you're dealing with a lot of different emotions with regard to dating and girls; and those are hard enough to sort out with without introducing what Dr. Laura calls "knight-in-shining-armor syndrome" into the mix.

In other words--with a daughter, my concern is likely to be the partner's character (or probable lack thereof). With a son, the concern is more the nature of the relationship itself.

Your experience indicates that unwed teenage fathers are of inferior character to unwed teenage mothers? Or you just aren't as worried about that aspect with your sons?

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I would be very worried about the temptation to break the law of chastity. Unfortunately they don't always learn lessons from the experience. I know a girl that is not yet 18 and pregnant with #2.

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Guest gopecon

I'm in the "it depends" camp as well. For one, I hope my kids are dating in the Church. If so, then is the teen parent also/still going to church? If so, then I'd be more likely to approve of the relationship. Going to church after something like that is a good sign of trying to get one's life back in order. It takes a lot of humility/strength to go when everyone can see that you messed up. As JAG said, it does depend on whether it's a boy or a girl. A girl is more likely to be bearing the brunt of the child care responsibilities, and thus have learned her lesson about waiting until she is ready.

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Would you let your child date a teen parent? Why or why not?

My goal as a parent, is to create healthy, mature, smart people who are capable of making their own important decisions about such things.

That said, it takes a long time, and probably won't get there in the teen years. I'd have to look at such things case by case, and make a decision based on chances of good vs bad experience, learning vs wrecking life, etc.

And also what Jenamarie said.

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Your experience indicates that unwed teenage fathers are of inferior character to unwed teenage mothers? Or you just aren't as worried about that aspect with your sons?

Vort, Girls grow up faster, especially after carrying and delivering a child. Boys don't have the physical changes to help them mature into a parent. I've observed the same behaviors JAG described.

Personally, I have a 27yo son who lives at home. We are helping him raise his 3-1/2yo son. We've had the baby for 2 years. Even though my son has made remarkable progress in growing up and learning to be a father, he has a long way to go. I don't even want to think about how much harder it would be if he was still a teenager.

One of the worries I have is the women he dates. My grandson becomes attached and then they go away. There haven't been a lot of women, but one is too many. I can't get my son to understand that every time his son falls in love with a "mommy figure" and she leaves he's learning to distrust women. I have told him to just go out and date. Then when he's ready to make it a personal relationship introduce her to his son. He's not listening. :( Or maybe he's more hopeful about his new 3 week-old relationship than I am.

Have said all that..... Yes, I would let my teenager date an teen parent.....depending on the circumstances.

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I suppose it wouldn't be a problem at all with group dates. When I was a teenager I went to 3 different high school and in only one did the LDS youth do group dates as a rule.

How many 16-17 year olds in the church only group date? For me, once I'm kissing a boy I'm pretty much done for. It's always been all or nothing. I WISH that I was encouraged by my parents to go on group dates, to just be with kids my own age, opposite sex included, without as much pressure as dating one on one creates. Maybe then I'd have had a better time dealing with boys.

My main problem with the idea of my kid dating a teenage parent isn't so much that the teen parent will pressure my teen into sex. I don't think the pressure would be any more than from any other teen who's had sex but got lucky and didn't have a kid. My main problem is that it could put my teen in a mommy/daddy role to the child. So for me the more important question is 'how do I feel about my teenager dating someone who isn't a virgin.' If the answer to that is that I'm ok with it, then I'd be ok if that person is a parent as long as the interaction between my teenager and the baby is appropriate.

I was raised by a single parent and I'm very grateful that I was never introduced to someone my dad was dating until he was thinking of marrying that person. I never knew my dad was dating until it was very serious. This helped me not feel insecure. With younger kids the consequences could be even more far reaching. I don't see a teenager being put into a mommy/daddy roll before necessary as a good thing. This is different than babysitting. This is taking on a very heavy responsibility that they most probably aren't ready for. Having children changes you, a lot of those ways are good, but I want my teenagers to mature in a different way if possible.

edit: I was a teenager just 10 years ago. I reserve the right to change my mind drastically in the follow years:D My oldest won't be a teen for 5 more years. May they be 5 SLOW years.

Edited by Blocky

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Posted (edited) · Hidden
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First off I don't think any teenager in high school should be steady dating.

But back to the question I agree it would depend on the person. Perhaps I would like a certain teen parent much better than a teen who isn't a parent. Parenthood for a teenager can really force responsibility and maturity.

Gwen stated being worried about breaking the laws of chastity. That is always a worry I think, especially for steady dating. Also, you would not know if a teenager that isn't a parent had broken the laws of chastity in the past unless told.

I have a couple friends and one cousin of mine that all became teen moms in high school. Years later they met awesome RM's and were sealed in the temple. They are all going strong, years later.

Edited by Pegasus_

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That's really dependent on the situation, for me. I would be looking more into what kind of a person this kid was, not so much that he/she is also a parent. People make mistakes. I was a teen parent myself. I would hope that my kids are smart enough to know right from wrong and be a good example to the person they are dating. I would probably allow it, if my child wasn't dating a scumbag.

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