a question of offense

[jayanna]

Thanks, guys, I'm actually starting to regret complaining...I worry about investigators/less actives that might read this and not want to go. The church really is true, it is lead by Christ, and I know that there is a reason for all of this, I just don't know what it is. Maybe I need to fast for them more, maybe I don't know I just need to keep going, but I can't think of anything...I'm just gonna try to make sure this doesn't happen to someone else. I wonder how many times I've said something I shouldn't have, or was not there when someone needed me, I wonder if I've ever made someone feel how I feel and I hope not.

As far as the sisters in the ward, I know the Lord loves them and I'm sure they learn more about the gospel all the time. I do wish more would go to the temple so they can feel there what I feel, the peace, the individuality, and yet equality...the completeness of the gospel. Temple work is truly the least selfish thing I can think of. It's great and I want to share that with others, especially these new investigators/members...Sigh, I think I'm done venting. I would love to work in the temple some day.

[JudoMinja]

The only other advice I can think of to offer right now is to pray, and pray earnestly. Pray to find the peace, serenity, and patience to continue enduring this for however long it lasts. Pray for the strength to do what is necessary to make the problems known to the stake president. Pray for "eyes to see" from the point of view of the sisters causing offense, so that maybe you can find a way to communicate with them in a way they will understand. Pray for inspiration that you may find ways to be helpful and useful to the ward even though you do not have a calling. Pray for fortitude. Pray for compassion. Pray for forgiveness- for yourself and for these sisters.

There is always something to be learned from every experience if we will but open our hearts. Perhaps, if nothing else, this experience is meant to help you grow in Christ-like qualities, learning patience, humility, and compassion. It has been my experience that the Lord finds situations that will push us to our breaking point, as these are the truest test of our character- where we see what we will do when we feel like we simply cannot handle any more.

You may not be able to change these sisters, but you can inform those who have the power and authority to change the environment that is feeding this hurtful situation, and you can work on yourself. You clearly have a strong character, and this experience will only make it stronger. I will be praying for you.

[JanSan]

I had a problem with a bishop once. He was just newly called and had wanted me to do something just opposite of what my former bishop had wanted me to do. I did not know who to talk to about it because I didn't want to appear to be gossiping or putting him down. It ate at me untill it started to affect my testimony so I went to the visitor temple (not the one in SLC but a much smaller one), The couple missionaries there were so nice, but I looked at one of the sisters there and told her what was going on and asked if I could speak to the man in charge. He came and talked to me and gave me a blessing. He told me to talk to the Stake Pres, because the Bishop was definitely out of line and it was his responsibility to train him. It took awhile but I finally got the nerve to talk to him and he thanked me for coming in and put me back on track and said that he would talk to the Bishop. If I were you I would talk to the Stake RS Pres. Not to get the sisters in trouble but to make them aware that there is a problem.They cannot do anything about the problem if they do not know that there is one. Our church is having a hard time holding on to converts and we need to do all we can to help them want to stay. I think also that we are in a weeding out period. There are many who go to church because it is a social thing for them to do, or because it's what they have always done, and not because of testimony. My mission pres once told me that any scripture for praise can be turned around for or condemnation, such as the one... how great will be your joy if you bring but one soul into the kingdom of God (or something like that ) turn it around, how great will be your sorrow if your actions prevent one from coming to the kingdom. Many people are going to have a rude awaking come judgement day.

[zippy_do46]

I agree Jayanna, Pray. We have been told these things will happen. Sounds very much like you have done all you can do. The sad part is there will always be some people that believe that they are right even when they see it in black in white. You cannot make it any diffrent because it is not your problem, it is their problem. You can not make them choose the right. The choice is theirs.

Jayanna, is there a core of people in your ward that get together and have a study group. I am not saying have your own church. I mean so you can build a spiritual group in your ward. Maybe using FHE manual so things could get back on track using families instead of groups.

My heart goes out to you and the people in your ward.

Edited January 6, 2012 by zippy_do46

[Colirio]

Jayanna, as I read through this thread and marvel at how well you are coping with your struggles and how large the great and spacious building seems to be in your ward, my sincerest compliment and counsel to you would be:

Perhaps it's time that your service and love grows to an even greater degree.

I recognize the tendencies we all have at times that have been mentioned in this thread about wanting to let the gossipers have it and verbally punishing them for their uncharitable behavior. But, isn't that causing us to be guilty of the very thing we are accusing them of?

So, how do we handle these types who profess to be disciples of Christ and yet are wolves in sheep's clothing? The answer is always the same.

We love them. We pray for them. And we do the things for them that will help bring them to the Savior. (This is NOT an endorsement for murder! )

When others are not looking at investigators through the eye of charity, the question should not be, "How can we rudely make them feel guilty and belittle them at the same time?" but rather, "How can I help this person to see this investigator the way that I do? The way that Christ would?"

Perhaps when a public statement is made disparaging the parenting techniques of someone else we could respond with, "You know, I really want to help them. What do you suppose we could do to help them?" I have often found that such statements bring an opportunity to show that we were not alone in our thinking after all. My experience has shown that usually someone else comes forward, sometimes after enduring another snide remark or two unfortunately, and offers a suggestion or perhaps offers their own service.

Sometimes, people need an invitation. Asking a question can be a great way of opening an invitation for another to allow the Spirit to touch them. Perhaps you might even have some help getting others to church on Sunday.

The point is, this thread should show you that you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. The Savior also heard the comments being made. He also loves that wayward RS Pres just as much as He loves that investigator.

3 Nephi 12:43 And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;

44 But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

45 That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good.

One of the hardest and most daunting tasks set before us in this life is to love those who don't "deserve" our love. It sounds like you have a blackbelt in love-jitsu already. Perhaps it's time to really take things to the next level in your training.

[applepansy]

Thanks, guys, I'm actually starting to regret complaining...I worry about investigators/less actives that might read this and not want to go. The church really is true, it is lead by Christ, and I know that there is a reason for all of this, I just don't know what it is. Maybe I need to fast for them more, maybe I don't know I just need to keep going, but I can't think of anything...I'm just gonna try to make sure this doesn't happen to someone else. I wonder how many times I've said something I shouldn't have, or was not there when someone needed me, I wonder if I've ever made someone feel how I feel and I hope not.

As far as the sisters in the ward, I know the Lord loves them and I'm sure they learn more about the gospel all the time. I do wish more would go to the temple so they can feel there what I feel, the peace, the individuality, and yet equality...the completeness of the gospel. Temple work is truly the least selfish thing I can think of. It's great and I want to share that with others, especially these new investigators/members...Sigh, I think I'm done venting. I would love to work in the temple some day.

I don't think you should regret posting about this. What you and others have described happens all too often. And all too often the person who is hurt stops coming to church. I think this discussion has shown that not everyone in the church acts as uncharitably as the people and situations that have been discussed.

What this thread shows is that we go to church for ourselves. We do our best. We cannot stop going to church because there are people who are being Un-Christlike.

More importantly we got to church to worship, renew our covenants and serve.

Ok... I guess that's my third thought. :)

Jayanna,

Talking about the tough things is important. Maybe someone reading this will realize that the people who offended them at church were wrong and just maybe and hopefully, that person will go back to church.

Again...you're a wonderful example of charity. Keep up the good work!