The Death of Pretty

[skippy740]

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The Death Of Pretty

by Pat Archbold Wednesday, December 21, 2011

This post is intended as a lament of sorts, a lament for something in the culture that is dying and may never been seen again.

Pretty, pretty is dying.

People will define pretty differently. For the purposes of this piece, I define pretty as a mutually enriching balanced combination of beauty and projected innocence.

Once upon a time, women wanted to project an innocence. I am not idealizing another age and I have no illusions about the virtues of our grandparents, concupiscence being what it is. But some things were different in the back then. First and foremost, many beautiful women, whatever the state of their souls, still wished to project a public innocence and virtue. And that combination of beauty and innocence is what I define as pretty.

By nature, generally when men see this combination in women it brings out their better qualities, their best in fact. That special combination of beauty and innocence, the pretty inspires men to protect and defend it.

Young women today do not seem to aspire to pretty, they prefer to be regarded as hot. Hotness is something altogether different. When women want to be hot instead of pretty, they must view themselves in a certain way and consequently men view them differently as well.

As I said, pretty inspires men’s nobler instincts to protect and defend. Pretty is cherished. Hotness, on the other hand, is a commodity. Its value is temporary and must be used. It is a consumable.

Nowhere is this pretty deficit more obvious than in our “stars,” the people we elevate as the “ideal.” The stars of the fifties surely suffered from the same sin as do stars of today. Stars of the fifties weren’t ideal but they pursued a public ideal different from today.

The merits of hotness over pretty is easy enough to understand, they made an entire musical about it. Who can forget how pretty Olivia Newton John was at the beginning of Grease. Beautiful and innocent. But her desire to be desired leads her to throw away all that is valuable in herself in the vain hopes of getting the attention of a boy. In the process, she destroys her innocence and thus destroys the pretty. What we are left with is hotness.

Hotness is a consumable. A consumable that consumes as it is consumed but brings no warmth.

Most girls don’t want to be pretty anymore even if they understand what it is. It is ironic that 40 years of women’s liberation has succeeded only in turning women into a commodity. Something to be used up and thrown out.

Of course men play a role in this as well, but women should know better and they once did. Once upon a time you would hear girls talk about kind of women men date and the kind they marry. You don’t hear things like that anymore.

But here is the real truth. Most men prefer pretty over hot. Even back in 6th grade I hated the “hot” Olivia Newton John and felt sorry for her that she had to debase herself in such a way. Still do.

Our problem is that society doesn’t value innocence anymore, real or imagined. Nobody aspires to innocence anymore. Nobody wants to be thought of as innocent, the good girl. They want to be hot, not pretty.

I still hope that pretty comes back, although I think it not likely any time soon. For every Taylor Swift, there are a hundred Megan Foxs, or Lindsay Lohans, or Miley Cyruses etc.

Girls, please, bring back the pretty.

[Guest]

Yep. I want pretty back too.

[Guest]

Me three.

[jayanna]

Lets' BRING it back!! I hardly ever wish for something....that's it

let's start something

Everybody, when you see a lovely, kind, modest girl, tell at least 3 people that she is pretty, this can spread fast.

In fact I have pink toenails right this minute!

My hubby thinks I prettiest in my temple dress :) 'Hot' girls make him very nervous, you know the ones I'm talking about, well, the ones that currently try to present themselves as hot anyway. If one approached him, I sincerely think he would peel their hand off and run, anywhere...and shower afterward, and brush his teeth, and write her a letter telling her how he is sure God loves her for who she is and how she does not need that type of 'love' to make her feel better. And then he would mail it, and aviod her until she recovered from her insanity, to keep from tempting her into behaving that way again. he he he^_^ He is such a sweetie, it took 6 months to get him to hold my hand in public

[Guest]

I'm in! My first action item is to write more letters to the NFL to stop the practice of endorsing "hot cheerleaders" that don't do anything to encourage fan cheering but are only good for selling legal-porn calendars and replace them with "pretty and athletic cheerleaders" like the ones you see in college games.

Yeah. It's a peeve.

[Jenamarie]

Okay, I'll be the lone dissenter and say I dislike the article.

"As I said, pretty inspires men’s nobler instincts to protect and defend. Pretty is cherished. Hotness, on the other hand, is a commodity. Its value is temporary and must be used. It is a consumable."

This line bothers me. To me, he seems to be linking a woman's value to her sexual purity (whether real or just an "image") It's like it's saying "Ladies, we'll treat you well if you're pretty and innocent (or project the illusion innocence). But if you don't have or project that innocence, you're "consumable". Something to be used, but not of any real value.

Blech.

[Guest]

Okay, I'll be the lone dissenter and say I dislike the article.

"As I said, pretty inspires men’s nobler instincts to protect and defend. Pretty is cherished. Hotness, on the other hand, is a commodity. Its value is temporary and must be used. It is a consumable."

This line bothers me. To me, he seems to be linking a woman's value to her sexual purity (whether real or just an "image") It's like it's saying "Ladies, we'll treat you well if you're pretty and innocent (or project the illusion innocence). But if you don't have or project that innocence, you're "consumable". Something to be used, but not of any real value.

Blech.

That's not what it's saying at all. INSPIRE. You're missing that word.

Tim Tebow inspires. Cam Newton doesn't - even after throwing almost 4,000 yards this season. So, who do you want for your QB? If you put it into the article's context - Tim Tebow's intangibles makes him a unique footballer, Cam Newton's perfect throwing technique is just that... a commodity... easily replaceable with another commodity - like this year's draft picks. Tim Tebow's qualities inspire team-mates to play harder, fans to root for him - win or lose, and TV stations to fight over the right to air his games even with 3 and a half quarters worth of boring 3-down-and-punts. It has nothing to do with "Players, we'll treat you well if you thank God and your team-mates after every game and do some tebowing". That's not what this is about. This is about switching a cultural mindset to what should be the ideal.

That's what the article is trying to tell you.

[Guest]

That wording made me squirm a little too, but I think anatess on the right track. Women so often talk about wanting to be treated as equals, loved for their brains and personalities, and cherished, and then they'll turn around and dress exactly the way they don't want to be seen as.

[Jenamarie]

That wording made me squirm a little too, but I think anatess on the right track. Women so often talk about wanting to be treated as equals, loved for their brains and personalities, and cherished, and then they'll turn around and dress exactly the way they don't want to be seen as.

But why does the way one dresses make it okay to be treated as "less-than"? Does a short skirt make you un-cherishable?

[Windseeker]

But why does the way one dresses make it okay to be treated as "less-than"? Does a short skirt make you un-cherishable?

No it just draws the eye and attention away to cherish something different then an individuals personality or sweet countenance.

[Dravin]

But why does the way one dresses make it okay to be treated as "less-than"?

I don't know, why does it?

[Guest]

But why does the way one dresses make it okay to be treated as "less-than"? Does a short skirt make you un-cherishable?

Yes. That's why we, Mormons, are adviced to wear chaste outfits and not get tattoos and piercings.

I'm a corporate employee. When you go in to work in your housedress, you're not going to be taken seriously. Fact of life. Therefore, the office has a dress code. Different strictness for different types of jobs. If you're meeting clients day in and day out you are expected to wear a suit. If you're just a programmer meeting with interdepartmental staff, you are expected to wear business casual. If you're in the warehouse stacking engineering drawings, you can wear jeans. But, you can't walk in the warehouse with holey, muddy jeans. They'll send you home. Now, why is that? Who cares if you have holes in your jeans when working at the warehouse? Everybody does. It shows an utter lack of disrespect for the workplace. My corporate outlook is: "Dress for success". I'm in the business casual level. But, I wear a power suit when meeting with my bosses. It puts a certain "ambiance" to the meeting.

What you wear is an expression of who you want people to see you as. If you dress in Miami Heat jersey, you're expressing that you are a fan of the Miami Heat. If you dress like the local prostitute, you'll be treated like one.

Edited January 10, 2012 by anatess

[Vort]

But why does the way one dresses make it okay to be treated as "less-than"? Does a short skirt make you un-cherishable?

Obviously, the way one dresses does not affect one's potential worth. But when women dress as if they're on the make, can any reasonable person be surprised when they are objectified?

The absurd feminist fantasy is that a woman should be able to walk down any city street at night, totally naked, without any sexual threat to her. On one level, I don't dispute this; in the same vein, I should be able to leave my car unlocked and the windows rolled down with a thick layer of $100 bills stacked there, without anyone taking them. On another level, it ignores the reality of human nature. Even if 99% of the population does not see my open windows as an invitation to take money, the 1% certainly will.

The article does not apply as directly to men, because men do not normally dress as if they are trying to seduce women. But many women dress exactly in this manner; in my current place of work, there is a woman who occasionally wears very tight, form-fitting (and sometimes sheer) blouses without a bra underneath. Seriously? In a work place? Well, yes.

A woman's chastity (aka innocence) used to be valued. Recognizing her chastity allowed people to see the actual person, daughter of God, as someone to be valued. When women start dressing to attract men's eyes and arouse their lust -- that is, dressing as hookers -- it can hardly be surprising that the other part lessens.

This is not to excuse lecherous men, any more than an exhortation to lock your car doors is an excuse for the thieves. It is a recognition of the way things are.

[skippy740]

"God looks on the inside; people look on the outside. Isn't that good information? You say 'people shouldn't judge you on how you look'... well, let me give you a clue: THEY DO! You can't get mixed up in all these shoulds and shouldn'ts - you'll be tipped over for the rest of your life! Make sure that the outside, is a major reflection of what's going on inside." - Jim Rohn - The Art of Exceptional Living

[dahlia]

This is an interesting topic and I decided to bring it up with my son. He is an attractive guy with a very full dating life. Of course he looks at 'hotties' dancing in the bar, but he likes to date pretty girls. He agreed right away that a man (or at least him) has a different feeling for a pretty girl than a hot girl who puts it all out there. He's no prude, but has mentioned with disdain the short shorts on girls on campus and the type of girls you see on a lot of the reality TV shows. He also agreed with the 'consumption' aspect of hot girls; he doesn't see where there would be a long term relationship with them.

I keep teasing him that he wants a good Mormon girl, and he doesn't disagree, but he doesn't think they would want a guy who isn't LDS. Of course, that can be fixed!

[jayanna]

On this topic, here is an article my hubby posted on our facebook page..

Worthless women and the men who make them

[Guest Denzel]

I truly think he would stem their side off and run, anywhere...and bathtub subsequently, and sweep his tooth, and create her a mail informing her how he is sure God likes her for who she is and how she does not need that form of 'love' to create her experience better.

[Guest]

On this topic, here is an article my hubby posted on our facebook page..

Worthless women and the men who make them

And the writer would be wrong on that concept. We, women, are not brainless idiots who derive our self-worth from what men say.

[Bini]

On this topic, here is an article my hubby posted on our facebook page..

Worthless women and the men who make them

This article was posted on this forum before and received a big applaud. Though I get what Anatess is saying.

[applepansy]

I don't know how I missed the OP in January.

Great Post... and I want pretty back too. I miss pretty.

Growing up I remember hearing (very often) Pretty is as Pretty does (lots of emphasis on "does").

I wish young girls today could see the difference and realize that Pretty is more important than Hot. But we can't put old heads on young shoulders.

[Wingnut]

And the writer would be wrong on that concept. We, women, are not brainless idiots who derive our self-worth from what men say.

Perhaps (and hopefully) you aren't, but many women are.

[Guest]

Perhaps (and hopefully) you aren't, but many women are.

I put the blame square on their shoulders then and stop shifting the responsibility to the males of the species.

[applepansy]

Perhaps (and hopefully) you aren't, but many women are.

I agree that some women are...but many? I think you're selling our gender a bit short.

[HEthePrimate]

I get what the article is saying, but question the wording. My "inner feminist" is asserting himself!

Our problem is that society doesn’t value innocence anymore, real or imagined. Nobody aspires to innocence anymore. Nobody wants to be thought of as innocent, the good girl. They want to be hot, not pretty.

Why the emphasis on innocence? What does "innocence" mean? Isn't innocence associated with childhood?

Why would someone want to be perceived as a "good girl" when she's actually an adult woman? Don't women want to be taken seriously as adults, rather than infantilized by being thought of as children, or childlike?

There's nothing wrong with an adult woman being attractive to members of the opposite sex. But let's call her that, "attractive," rather than reducing her to the status of an "innocent" child. The so-called "hot" women could be called something else, like "sultry," or even "slutty". (Hey, if you're going to criticize them, might as well go the whole nine yards!)

FWIW, I do agree with the author in that I prefer "pretty" women to those who look like they just stepped out of a house of ill repute.

Edited June 20, 2012 by HEthePrimate

[Vort]

I get what the article is saying, but question the wording. My "inner feminist" is asserting himself!

Sometimes, you just need to tell your inner feminist to shut up.

Why the emphasis on innocence? What does "innocence" mean? Isn't innocence associated with childhood?

I believe innocence is associated with lack of guilt. Christ was innocent, not naive.

Why would someone want to be perceived as a "good girl" when she's actually an adult woman?

Perhaps for the same reason that Elder Bednar told us men at the last Priesthood Session that we should be "good boys":

I simply wanted to be a good boy. The Lord needs all of us as bearers of His authority to be honorable, virtuous, and good boys at all times and in all places.

Don't women want to be taken seriously as adults, rather than infantilized by being thought of as children, or childlike?

See, now, that's your inner feminist ranting when it should be keeping its trap shut.