Adult children ruining relationship with husband


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I was fired on Christmas Eve many years ago. Having 3 kids to support I went to my parents and was surprised by how little sympathy I recieved. They basically told me to get a job. I immediately went and got a Job as a security guard and while working late at night I continued to search for a better paying job. It was a ruff time, but I'm grateful to the example and response of my parents. I didn't need their sympathy or help, I needed a job. If your daughter has been out of work longer than a week then she is being too picky. I learned that no job is below me and that I'm the one responsible. It sounds like your daughter needs this same lesson. Your husband obviously loves her enough to allow his relationship to take a bit of a hit inorder to help her learn to be responsible. And if he thought about it, he'd realize he is supporting her, just not in the way she wants.

As a side note my parents were amazing with the older kids, but I have a younger brother that my Dad lost the battle with my Mom's reluctance to let go of the apron strings which created dependancy issues with my younger brother. At age 30 they literally had to kick him out of the house...He called the cops on my parents and they had to get an official eviction notice inorder to get him removed. Only by my parents removing themselves by going on a mission to Brazil did they finally experience a bit of success getting him to be somewhat self reliant. (currently he's living at a Salvation Army facility in Maui)

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I'm going through another rough spot with this. One of my daughters has been in tears for a few days now becaus she can't find work. She has told me she feels unloved and unsupported. My husband told her she's love, just not supported as much anymore. He also told her she is being far too picky about jobs. I'm feeling stuck in the middle of it.

She's manipulating you. It's time for your adult children to sink or swim. You did your job raising them. You don't have to feel guilty about expecting them to be adults.

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  • 1 month later...

We did something last night. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I feel jubilant about it.

We kicked one daughter's boyfriend out last night.

He broke our rules for drugs plus hit one of the other kids (not his). My husband ordered him out of the house, threw all of his clothes in a bag, and threw it out on the lawn. Our daughter's boyfriend isn't ordinarly violent (the hitting has never happened before) and was even apologetic about it, so we're not worried that way (though locks were changed today and we're looking into laws.)

My daughter said he's bunking with a friend and says she understands, but she's in tears over it.

I feel quite empowered, but I hope I didn't break up a family.

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I don't get it.

When you're single, young, trying to make a go of things you can afford to be picky about jobs.. or at least a little picky.

When you're a parent and you have a child depend on you to provide things like food and a roof over your head, you flip burgers at McDonald's if that's what it takes.

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We did something last night. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but I feel jubilant about it.

We kicked one daughter's boyfriend out last night.

He broke our rules for drugs plus hit one of the other kids (not his). My husband ordered him out of the house, threw all of his clothes in a bag, and threw it out on the lawn. Our daughter's boyfriend isn't ordinarly violent (the hitting has never happened before) and was even apologetic about it, so we're not worried that way (though locks were changed today and we're looking into laws.)

My daughter said he's bunking with a friend and says she understands, but she's in tears over it.

I feel quite empowered, but I hope I didn't break up a family.

You didn't! If anyone has broken a family its your daughter's boyfriend. He broke the rules. He has probably been breaking the rules about drugs for awhile now. Don't let him back in.

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Part of me hopes I did break it up. I like the boy well enough most days (though this certainly has clouded my opinion), but my daughter has confessed a few times lately she feels she is mainly with him because they have a child together. maybe this will lead to an actual break-up.

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I don't think anyone wants my opinion, but here it is: kick them all out now. My parents conveniently kicked me out the morning after my high school graduation. Best way to go. Seems they had 7 kids and needed the space lol.

My younger three siblings seemed to want to live with mom and dad forever. So they moved from a 7 bedroom house to a 3 bedroom apartment. That didn't work. Two of the three moved with them. So they moved from a 3 bedroom to a one bedroom. LOL That took care of the issue.

Amazingly.... my three younger siblings all bought condos in the same building. Two were right across the hall from each other and the other was down one floor right underneath. :o

Now they have all moved on. :lol:

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  • 2 weeks later...

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