Is it "wrong" to wait to have children?


zuko725
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Your "as soon as possible" may not be "as soon as possible" to someone else. You may think this factor or that factor would not/should not contribute to starting having a family and think someone should start a famiy, despite [whatever factor]. But [whatever factor] may need to be met for another family to start their family "as soon as possible".

Isn't individual revelation a wonderful thing? :)

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Oh Pegasus, just stop lol

You listed a different family as an example to each of my reasons.. if I ONLY had school to worry about, no problem. If I ONLY had the full time job thing to worry about.. no problem etc. But I have ALL of these reaons keeping me from wanting to start a family right now.

If you can give me an example of a family who fits in with every reason I have listed (keep in mind that we would NOT be able to live on our own, esp with a baby, if he got laid off) then I will take my hat off to them. Yes, I know there are people out there who have had children under less favorable circumstances and have done fine, but that doesn't mean I WANT to try for children just because it could work out fine. I'd rather wait until we are more secure. There are teenage girls out there who have had babies and "everything turned out ok".. that doesn't mean teenagers should go out and get pregnant. That may not be the best example, but hopefully you get my point.

I felt our reasons for wanting to wait were very reasonable and responsible, but then I heard that young married couples shouldn't wait it made me curious to know if waiting, given our reasons, was a bad thing.

As to everyone else, I really appreciate your answers! I was feeling pretty guilty about not starting a family yet because it almost seemed like I was supposed to. As many people have suggested, I will take it up with the Lord and let him let us know when the time is right. Thanks again everyone :)

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Are you sure I listed a different family for all of your reasons? Your circumstances are not that uncommon.

I would never tell anyone else to stop on a forum. We all have freedom of speech within the forum rules. I was not just responding to what you said but what others said too.

I'm sorry my typings have not helped you. I have only been trying to help by sharing my thoughts and the experiences/circumstances of others. Good luck to you.

Edited by Pegasus_
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Zuko, your reasonings for waiting are valid and acceptable ones. Yes, there are always exceptions to every rule but you'd be wise to plan the best that you can for your future (and for your kids). Too many people bring children into this world without any considerations or preparations.

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Three years ago when I was in a young student married ward, the Bishop encouraged not waiting to have children.

I have some quotes from previous Presidents of The Church:

“Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor—that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children until they are more secure, until the military service period is over; until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient. They have forgotten that the first commandment is to ‘be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.’ ( Genesis 1:28 .) And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and even mothers sometimes encourage birth control for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family” ( Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 328–29).

“The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says, ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: . . . Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. . . .’ ( Ps. 127:3, 5 .) We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness” (Ezra Taft Benson in Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 12).

Eternal Marriage Student Manual - Birth Control

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them (1 Nephi 3:7)".

Edited by Kyman
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Zuko- You want me to stop. I will stop. I am sorry my typings have not helped you. I am sorry if I typed too much. I was was trying to help. Your circumstances (even many, all but 1 or 2 or all of them together) are not that uncommon. Good luck to you, your husband and your future.

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Three years ago when I was in a young student married ward, the Bishop encouraged not waiting to have children.

I have some quotes from previous Presidents of The Church:

“Supreme happiness in marriage is governed considerably by a primary factor—that of the bearing and rearing of children. Too many young people set their minds, determining they will not marry or have children until they are more secure, until the military service period is over; until the college degree is secured; until the occupation is more well-defined; until the debts are paid; or until it is more convenient. They have forgotten that the first commandment is to ‘be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it.’ ( Genesis 1:28 .) And so brides continue their employment and husbands encourage it, and contraceptives are used to prevent conception. Relatives and friends and even mothers sometimes encourage birth control for their young newlyweds. But the excuses are many, mostly weak. The wife is not robust; the family budget will not feed extra mouths; or the expense of the doctor, hospital, and other incidentals is too great; it will disturb social life; it would prevent two salaries; and so abnormal living prevents the birth of children. The Church cannot approve nor condone the measures which so greatly limit the family” ( Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 328–29).

“The first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four children. The Bible says, ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: . . . Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. . . .’ ( Ps. 127:3, 5 .) We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in righteousness” (Ezra Taft Benson in Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 12).

Eternal Marriage Student Manual - Birth Control

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them (1 Nephi 3:7)".

From the same source you just quoted:

President Gordon B. Hinckley

“I am offended by the sophistry that the only lot of the Latter-day Saint woman is to be barefoot and pregnant. It’s a clever phrase, but it’s false. Of course we believe in children. The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families. But he did not designate the number, nor has the Church. That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord. The official statement of the Church includes this language: ‘Husbands must be considerate of their wives, who have the greater responsibility not only of bearing children but of caring for them through childhood, and should help them conserve their health and strength. Married couples should exercise self-control in all of their relationships. They should seek inspiration from the Lord in meeting their marital challenges and rearing their children according to the teachings of the gospel’ ( General Handbook of Instructions [1983], p. 77)” ( Cornerstones of a Happy Home, 6).

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There are times to keep the Sabbath holy. There are times to get your ox out of the mire.

There are times to stay away from the usage of strong drugs. There are times to follow your doctor's prescription.

There are times to get advice from internet forums. This is not one of those times.

Seriously, do what the Lord would have YOU to do.

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From the same source you just quoted:

President Gordon B. Hinckley

“I am offended by the sophistry that the only lot of the Latter-day Saint woman is to be barefoot and pregnant. It’s a clever phrase, but it’s false. Of course we believe in children. The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families. But he did not designate the number, nor has the Church. That is a sacred matter left to the couple and the Lord. The official statement of the Church includes this language: ‘Husbands must be considerate of their wives, who have the greater responsibility not only of bearing children but of caring for them through childhood, and should help them conserve their health and strength. Married couples should exercise self-control in all of their relationships. They should seek inspiration from the Lord in meeting their marital challenges and rearing their children according to the teachings of the gospel’ ( General Handbook of Instructions [1983], p. 77)” ( Cornerstones of a Happy Home, 6).

Do you understand what you are quoting? The whole quote should be understood and applied. It is talking about the TOTAL number of CHILDREN a couple decides to have. Neither the Lord or the Church has designated the number of children every couple must have. He is talking about meeting marital challenges and rearing children according to the Gospel teachings. This quote is NOT talking about when to start a family or postponing starting a family. How can you bear, care for and rear children according to the quote if you don't have any? You bolded the parts that talk of bearing children, caring for children, rearing children. You can't do those things without first being a parent. If President Hinckley is saying "The Lord has told us to multiply and replenish the earth that we might have joy in our posterity, and there is no greater joy than the joy that comes of happy children in good families", do you really think he thinks that joy of starting a family should be prevented or postponed?

Another quote from the same source:

President Spencer W. Kimball

“Tomorrow when I repeat the phrases that will bind you for eternity, I shall say the same impressive words that the Lord said to that handsome youth and his lovely bride in the Garden of Eden: ‘Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth.’ . . .

“. . . You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits. . . . And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work"

Edited by Kyman
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Oh Pegasus, just stop lol

You listed a different family as an example to each of my reasons.. if I ONLY had school to worry about, no problem. If I ONLY had the full time job thing to worry about.. no problem etc. But I have ALL of these reaons keeping me from wanting to start a family right now.

If you can give me an example of a family who fits in with every reason I have listed (keep in mind that we would NOT be able to live on our own, esp with a baby, if he got laid off) then I will take my hat off to them. Yes, I know there are people out there who have had children under less favorable circumstances and have done fine, but that doesn't mean I WANT to try for children just because it could work out fine. I'd rather wait until we are more secure. There are teenage girls out there who have had babies and "everything turned out ok".. that doesn't mean teenagers should go out and get pregnant. That may not be the best example, but hopefully you get my point.

I felt our reasons for wanting to wait were very reasonable and responsible, but then I heard that young married couples shouldn't wait it made me curious to know if waiting, given our reasons, was a bad thing.

As to everyone else, I really appreciate your answers! I was feeling pretty guilty about not starting a family yet because it almost seemed like I was supposed to. As many people have suggested, I will take it up with the Lord and let him let us know when the time is right. Thanks again everyone :)

If ONLY, if ONLY...? Seriously? Do you really think you are the ONLY one out there with those situations/concerns? Honestly?

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Kyman, please read carefully:

It is the privilege of married couples who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for the spirit children of God, whom they are then responsible to nurture and rear. The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord. Church members should not judge one another in this matter. (Church Handbook of Instructions, Book 2: Administering the Church, 21.4.4)

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Kyman, I really do think that if your plan is to have babies and then pay for them entirely with welfare, you are going to be in for a world of hurt and I do not think that is what God or the prophets intended.

It seems you either did not read or don't understand the quotes I shared.

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Kyman, please read carefully:

I am aware that is in the handbook. That is in the handbook but that does not change the fact Prophets have still spoken against married couples postponing the start of their family. That is in the handbook but this thread was still started. The questions of "is it wrong to wait to have children?", "So does this mean my husband and I shouldn't wait to have kids?", "I can't help but wonder if waiting is the wrong thing to do?" and "what you think?" were still asked.

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Interesting how understanding quotes as they were quoted or even reading all of the words in a quote translates into that.

I know. I can't imagine why you think you're justified in doing so. Don't lay your expectations of 'righteousness' on other people!

HiJolly

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I am aware that is in the handbook. That is in the handbook but that does not change the fact Prophets have still spoken against married couples postponing the start of their family. That is in the handbook but this thread was still started. The questions of "is it wrong to wait to have children?", "So does this mean my husband and I shouldn't wait to have kids?", "I can't help but wonder if waiting is the wrong thing to do?" and "what you think?" were still asked.

Yes, and the correct answer is "it's between you and your spouse and the Lord". Not "what Kyman said".

HiJolly

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I am aware that is in the handbook. That is in the handbook but that does not change the fact Prophets have still spoken against married couples postponing the start of their family. That is in the handbook but this thread was still started. The questions of "is it wrong to wait to have children?", "So does this mean my husband and I shouldn't wait to have kids?", "I can't help but wonder if waiting is the wrong thing to do?" and "what you think?" were still asked.

The problem is that you are quoting prophets who spoke for their time and trying to apply that to a time when counsel has been given that it's between the couple and the Lord.

By all means, your'e welcome to your opinion, but don't be shocked when people are willing to point out that the justifications for your opinion are of questionable relevance now.

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I know. I can't imagine why you think you're justified in doing so. Don't lay your expectations of 'righteousness' on other people!

HiJolly

Are you aware of the questions that were asked in this thread? The question of "what do you think?" was asked in the advice thread mind you and I am answering. The thread is entitled "is it "wrong" to wait to have children?". Please excuse me for responding to a thread on a forum. How dare I speak my mind indeed. Wow.

Am I unaware that the right of expressing/defending opinions within forum rules was taken away? Do you not want the right to express what you want to (within forum rules) just as much as I want that right? We enjoy our right to express as allowed but when other people express as allowed in opposition to us- it can be a outrage.

You are free and anyone is free to ignore my thoughts and to ignore what Presidents of the Church have said regarding to preventing the start of a family. I never said you have to agree with me or have to follow the advice of previous Prophets.

Edited by Kyman
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The problem is that you are quoting prophets who spoke for their time and trying to apply that to a time when counsel has been given that it's between the couple and the Lord.

By all means, your'e welcome to your opinion, but don't be shocked when people are willing to point out that the justifications for your opinion are of questionable relevance now.

But yet those quotes are still in the current eternal marriage handbook for the eternal marriage institute classes that are currently taught. If were were to disregard quotes from long ago regarding birth control- why would those quotes still be in the current student eternal marriage handbooks?

So if something a Prophet was said long ago- that means it has no meaning anymore to you? The Church recognizes and still applies quotes from Prophets of old. The quotes from long ago are still studied, applied, taught and still in official Church materials today. We still study Prophets from old and their quotes. Such as the "Teachings of Presidents of The Church: [Jospeh Smith, etc]".

Do you disregard the scriptures because they were written long ago? Do you only apply God's commandments if you feel they are convenient to your time?

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