Sign in to follow this  
moronirz

Pornography Problem... Me too, Detailed Story

Recommended Posts

This is my story...

Well, Here I go. My problem started because I began to explore my body when it began to change. Ya, Puberty lol. I grew up in a family where we didn't discuss sex or anything related to sex. I think this can have a toll on a boy who is discovering new changes everday it seems like. See needless to say, I eventually "discovered" masturbation. Immedietly, I was guilt ridden. I didn't know it was wrong until about 3 years later, when I was fourteen.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm on wikipedia, all this vast information and I'm curious what they have to say about the church. I see the law of chastitiy, wow, yep thats all bad stuff, I will never do that cuz I want to go to the temple. BOOM! It hit me, Masturbation is against the Law of Chastitiy. I couldn't believe it, this is terrible, I'm going to hell what am i going to do. What do you do when your are frantically worried about something like this?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

INTERNET, because I cant go to my parents and I'm not sure if its serious enought to confess. Unfortunately, the Internet isn't the safest place to research masturbation. I came across the most disgusting things, but I could't find my own answer. I knew I wasnt supposed to look at nasty pictures so I tried to stay away from those, but I was curious, was I the only one going through this, my age my situation or even any boy our there.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I look up masturbation stories, this took to a world of what i think is called Erotica. So I dealt with this problem for some time, I believe this made me feel guiltier. By the way, all this time I felt detached from the church, participating but I felt like my work was wrong because nobody really knew me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I never did look at porn pictures, until I got a phone. A smartphone allows so much secrecey, and now I can look up all those questions that nobody can answer. I was curious, is my penis the right size, shape whatever. Guys, you know what I'm talking about, burning questions. So I look up pictures, and it seems wrong but not that wrong, I mean I have one of those so how bad could it be.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Internet, does in fact have an unlimited amount of pictures from people that are obsesed with their own bodies, guys for some reason love to take pictures of themselves. So I was exposed to all of this pollution to my brain. But, the Internet took it upon itself to go beyond just pictures of privates, It wanted to show privates together. So I was finally exposed to sexual situations. From there, it seemed to have just skyrocketed into a probem compared to my gradual exploration in my earlier years.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Summer, 2011. Im 16, we're moving and staying with relatives. I have nothing to do, nothing. So I look up porn on my phone. It was strange, I actually never used that word in a search inquiry, but I decided thats what I've been doing all along, why lie to myself. From their, ever since I "decided" that it was ok I guess, nothing was wrong to look up. Before, I would never look at actual nasty scenes but now, it's like why not. BTW, I didnt go to church during the summer, for sure this has to do somehting with it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, Im 17, all my promises of stoping have been pathetic. But, I feel a tide turning, I had to tell this to someone. Even to all of you out there, no body I'll ever meet. I can't talk to my parents about anything, hopefully I wont have to. They call me the perfect son wayy to much, weird burden. But, the Bishop set up a meeting this Wed without me knowing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Any of you guys have advice for me? my meeting is tomorrow!

What's your story?

Edited by moronirz
Take out extra info.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for being willing to share.

First let me tell you that you are not alone. Many individuals in and out of the church have experienced exactly the same thing. The question is: now what?

If you feel like it is taking control of your life then perhaps it is something that is leading you to addiction- you might need help with that. If it is something that is causing you to feel great guilt/self-loathing etc. then you do need help with that.

The pattern you are in is not unique. Some say that it is the natural road for porn addiction....that you keep getting sucked in farther and farther (you started with honest questions and got sucked in). Others will tell you that it is a result of not knowing what is acceptable and not. For example, you start with honest inquiry and research....feel guilty for something that you should not feel guilty for.....and then figure well, if I've already done that I might as well do this. Only you know where you really are in regards to this.

If it is something that you need help to control then talk to someone you trust: a parent, bishop, school counselor etc. If you are continuing down the path only because you think that you have already done to much wrong, then know that this is not the case!

You will know between you and the Lord if it is something that you need to repent of, think it through, inquire of Him if you are on the right track, and then act accordingly.

-RM

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If the bishop doesn't have you read "A Miracle of forgiveness" I definitively suggest looking it up by yourself and reading it. I'm in the middle of it right now and its really helpful :)

I think considering getting rid of your smartphone would be a good idea.

And, when you see the bishop. Know that he loves and cares about your well being :) Bishops aren't as scary as they might seem.

I set an appointment up to see my bishop and ended up writing this letter. Because, i was afraid I wouldn't tell him what was going on otherwise.

Study Alma the younger :)

Good luck!

Lizzy

Also, make sure you make prayer a part of your day. Remind yourself that you are a son of God. And, Satan is trying to tempt you. Block him out. You can do this! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If the bishop doesn't have you read "A Miracle of forgiveness" I definitively suggest looking it up by yourself and reading it. I'm in the middle of it right now and its really helpful :)

I think considering getting rid of your smartphone would be a good idea.

And, when you see the bishop. Know that he loves and cares about your well being :) Bishops aren't as scary as they might seem.

I set an appointment up to see my bishop and ended up writing this letter. Because, i was afraid I wouldn't tell him what was going on otherwise.

Study Alma the younger :)

Good luck!

Lizzy

Also, make sure you make prayer a part of your day. Remind yourself that you are a son of God. And, Satan is trying to tempt you. Block him out. You can do this! :)

If you are going to read The Miracle of Forgiveness, might I suggest also reading "Believing in Christ" to balance out the messages.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PLEASE don't give up. Even if you try and fail, and try and fail, and try and fail again... PLEASE don't give up. Hold in your mind the knowledge, that YOU are a beloved son of the Almighty God, who knows and loves you. He knows your struggles, and He knows that you can overcome them.

There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

From this beautiful scripture we learn that no matter what you've done, it is "common to man", you are not alone. We also learn that God will hold you back from falling into situations you can't overcome, so you can absolutely turn away. And finally, we learn that in temptation, God will always "make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

Easier said than done, right? I know. Try to pray, pray always, when you feel absolutely rotten, pray. Study the scriptures daily, even if only one verse, or one chapter. Finally, if you think you're still not up to the task, remember this:

In all ages, prophets have looked down through the corridors of time to our day. Billions of the deceased and those yet to be born have their eyes on us. Make no mistake about it—you are a marked generation. …

“For nearly six thousand years, God has held you in reserve to make your appearance in the final days before the second coming of the Lord. Some individuals will fall away, but the kingdom of God will remain intact to welcome the return of its Head—even Jesus Christ.

“While this generation will be comparable in wickedness to the days of Noah, when the Lord cleansed the earth by flood, there is a major difference this time: [it is that] God has saved for the final inning some of His strongest … children, who will help bear off the kingdom triumphantly.

You, my brother, are one of the most precious souls our Heavenly Father has. He has chosen YOU (and all of us) to be here now, when things are at their worst, because He knows we can do it, we can overcome all that this world will throw at us.

He created all things. He knows all things. He can do anything. If He believes in you, and He does, so do I.

Edited by Prodigalsen
spelling

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Your story is very common, so you don't need to feel like you are weird, perverted, or even bad. You are of worth! You are a son of God and he loves you. Please let the self loathing go.

Be honest with your bishop. He just set up the appointment because he is supposed to meet with you once or twice a year. Tell him how it started (very innocently) and how it developed. The more you keep it a secret the more hurt you will be. Your bishop should be very understanding and helpful. If you want some good info goto abettermormon.org.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you read "The Miracle of Forgiveness" (a good book), START with the LAST two chapters. This will frame the entire rest of the book with the hope and direction you need. This is a "no holds barred" book, so "begin with the end in mind".

I also echo the site abettermormon.org for the free downloads there.

If you don't have filters on your computer, go to K9 Web Protection - Free Internet Filter and Parental Control Software | Free Internet Filtering and Parental Controls Software and download filters for every device you have. If you need to, have your bishop set the password for you. He will RESPECT you for doing so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for being willing to share.

First let me tell you that you are not alone. Many individuals in and out of the church have experienced exactly the same thing. The question is: now what?

If you feel like it is taking control of your life then perhaps it is something that is leading you to addiction- you might need help with that. If it is something that is causing you to feel great guilt/self-loathing etc. then you do need help with that.

The pattern you are in is not unique. Some say that it is the natural road for porn addiction....that you keep getting sucked in farther and farther (you started with honest questions and got sucked in). Others will tell you that it is a result of not knowing what is acceptable and not. For example, you start with honest inquiry and research....feel guilty for something that you should not feel guilty for.....and then figure well, if I've already done that I might as well do this. Only you know where you really are in regards to this.

If it is something that you need help to control then talk to someone you trust: a parent, bishop, school counselor etc. If you are continuing down the path only because you think that you have already done to much wrong, then know that this is not the case!

You will know between you and the Lord if it is something that you need to repent of, think it through, inquire of Him if you are on the right track, and then act accordingly.

-RM

I haven't personally talked to anybody who has gone through this problem but thanks for telling me that. You are spot on on how the process went, thanks. Its so easier to fall into a trap, but not even realize your in one until it feels too late. So my hope is that those traps are prevented for all of you who haven't been exposed to a disgusting world.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Skippy has a good point. My bishop told me to read the last chapter first and go from there.

And, lots of people have pornography and masturbation problems. You'd be surprised. It's one of the easiest things Satan "gets us" with. But, don't justify your actions because of others sinning.

Personally, I don't think I fell in any trap. I knew exactly what I was doing, which I suppose in the end makes it all worse.

Anyways, Life gets better! Do what the bishop says and You Will Be Okay!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since you asked for stories and are probably hoping to feel less "alone" right now- I'll share with you a bit of mine:

It started almost identical to yours. My parents didn't really talk about sex much. My sexual education pretty much consisted of how to use pads and tampons (yes I'm female), and just "don't do it until you're married". No details, no feeling like I could ask questions and have them answered...

I didn't really care at first though. I was a "late bloomer" when it came to having even any interest in dating, and it wasn't until I was going to college that I started getting curious. I had many peers engaging in sexual relations and I was feeling naive and ignorant. Curiosity led to internet searches, originally just to find answers to my questions, but one thing led to another, and eventually I was looking at pornography and addicted to masturbation.

Along with this I was, of course, becoming plagued with guilt and depression and became inactive in church. I felt like I had to hide what I was doing from everyone, even my non religious friends who were doing the same things, because it made me feel dirty. Keeping it secret just made it worse, and I sank deeper and deeper into it.

There were several times when I told myself I was going to turn things around. That I was going to stop viewing porn and stop masturbating and repent, but I wanted to do it on my own. I didn't want to confess. I read "Putting on the Armor of God" and "The Miracle of Forgiveness" and tried to set goals for myself to give up these sins. But inevitably, I would falter and fall back into it, which would feed into my feelings of guilt and depression. My self-worth was being utterly destroyed.

I didn't confess until I reached a point where I "had" to, because I'd engaged in pre-marital sex and become pregnant. I couldn't hide it anymore. Couldn't keep it secret anymore. And at that point, I knew I didn't want to either. I knew I needed help, that I couldn't overcome it on my own, and it was a very humbling experience when I went to my bishop and confessed everything, from beginning to end.

It took some work, a strong resolve, fortitude, and dedication to repentance and improvement, but I am now "clean" and have been for about two years. You probably feel very hopeless and alone right now, but there is hope and you are not alone. Our sins bring us closer to Christ, when we go through the process of repentance, because it is thanks to Him that such is possible.

"Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool."Isaiah 1:18

The pathway to cleanliness, happiness, and perfection is before you. All you need do is take the first step, and you will find loving and helpful support all along the way as you seek out the Lord with a repentant heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

prodigalsen thanks for having so much hope, that is a very cool way to look at our generation, definitely makes me think.

@hawaiifly thats very true, I think being 100% honest is the only way I can go. You know it's harder being a guy in the church because of our duties, but I think it keeps us at a higher standard and makes us better. Girls do too, but I think guys in general having an extra curiousity that gets into trouble

@skippy740 thats very true. I might have a lot more control now even from the last couple of days. Reading on these sites has helped me a lot and you guys are helpful too so thanks.

BTW I was trying to decide whether to be so, mm right word, truthful or "explicit" in what i was going through but i figured, a lot of us go through this and for any of you guys out there who are, its not weird that you are going through this. It happens to a lot of us and it will make us better people if we fight it and win. So for any of you that need help, your not alone and getting help sooner will be better for YOU in the end, and even now. I wish i got help 5 years ago. So thanks and i look forward to other comments and questions

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Skippy has a good point. My bishop told me to read the last chapter first and go from there.

And, lots of people have pornography and masturbation problems. You'd be surprised. It's one of the easiest things Satan "gets us" with. But, don't justify your actions because of others sinning.

Personally, I don't think I fell in any trap. I knew exactly what I was doing, which I suppose in the end makes it all worse.

Anyways, Life gets better! Do what the bishop says and You Will Be Okay!!

I know, a lot of people go through things, especially in our church so knowing that helps someone like me to know that we are all fighting this, day and day out. I'm not justifying anything but I get what you mean.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@JudoMinja thank you for sharing your story. It does help, to understand what somebody else has gone through and I appreciate it. I know exactly what you mean when you are talking about feeling guilty and becoming in active. I would never call myself inactive, but when I look back, at how much I avoided church and all the excuses I made, to not be around people from church (the very people who could help me be the best person I could be) I realized, I really am in active. I was the definition, and I've been lying to myself to hide it.

So what I take out of this, and I think you would agree Judo, please all of you out there struggling, dont lie to yourself. Start out by telling the truth to yourself. Realize that any shame you have now can be relieved through Repentece, and I know you justify by saying you can stop on your own. But it will, and I guarantee you, it will turn out better if you get help from your bishop. Your biggest eorry is dissapointing your parents but they want what's best for you, and maybe, depending on your situation you want have to tell your parents. So thanks for your story, looking forward to others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Talk to your parents. Ask for their help to overcome this. Give them your phone and any other media that tempts you. Then talk to your bishop. He will give you guidance and things to do to help you overcome.

See if there is an Addiction Recovery Program in your area. They will have a program for sex addictions like yours. If not, then download the manual here, and start studying it as a daily part of what you need to do to overcome. I use the manual in counseling members in many addictions, including marital problems, and it is a great tool.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

See if there is an Addiction Recovery Program in your area. They will have a program for sex addictions like yours.

Rameumptom,

I think that we need to be very careful about how we throw around the word "addiction". We have become VERY sensitized to this in the church over the last couple of years.

I am not saying that the OP doesn't have a problem, but labeling it addiction may or may not be true.

Just because someone has a drink with dinner does not them an alcoholic make. I can't speak for you local area, but here everytime someone seems to have a problem we seem to be pointing them towards addiction recovery. We may all have things that we would like to work on or overcome or change that hard for us, but that does not make them "addicitions" Classifying them as such, undermines the difficulty associated with real addiction, and can in fact be harmful the mental health of the individual who then begins to see themselves as an addict, or in someway seriously flawed, where such a self-image did not previously exist. In extreme cases it can provide a rationale for the individual to continue a behavior that they otherwise would not because after all "they're addicted".

The addiction recovery program is a great thing, and it may be helpful for the OP, but respectfully, can we please not label individuals with such language as "for sex addictions like yours" unless you are qualified to make such a diagnosis.

-RM

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

RM, given the facts that 1. the person has admitted having a problem, and 2. the person has evolved into a worse and worse situation, 3. the person has done this over a period of several years, and 4. the person is now seeking help, usually determines that there is either an addiction or a potential addiction involved.

For those who look at porn once or twice, feel bad and never do it again, there is no addiction. They walk away from the problem, repent and move on. This hasn't happened here. There is secretive stuff going on with a phone, etc. The problem is growing, not staying at a manageable or negligible level. Then again, the person probably isn't going out looking for serious assistance in the problem.

The brain works in a way to increase those things done habitually. As a person performs the same way in a specific event, the neural pathways for that choice are strengthened, eventually making it the default and instinctual action taken. Whether the issue is drugs, porn, sex, anger, gambling, or any other habit (good or bad), it works the same way. A habit is an addiction. We treat bad addictions/habits.

From what was written, there is an addiction here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, and sexual addictions are serious and are difficult to overcome. Prison recidivism rates for sexual offenders are much higher than other crimes, at least 60% recidivate.

Sexual sins are the most common sins seen by bishops and stake presidents. And the recidivism rate is rather high there, too. Internet access to porn increases this tendency and the addiction. Just like with drugs, eventually the simple stuff doesn't excite and fulfill as it once did, and so the person seeks more and more stimulation. That is exactly what the OP noted in describing his problem.

So, I take any person's sexual struggles as serious and as potentially being an addiction, especially if they have not succeeded in overcoming it by her/himself.

BTW, I work as a counselor in a state prison facility, where I deal with addicts of all kinds frequently.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Rameumpton,

I don't disagree with any of what you said above. I do disagree with diagnosing an addiction on the basis of one anonymous internet post. Especially when it is stated as 'a sexual addiction like yours'. Modified as below, I have no qualms.

So, I take any person's sexual struggles as serious and as potentially being an addiction, especially if they have not succeeded in overcoming it by her/himself.

That word "potentially" is a big one ;)

-RM

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, I appreciate the both of you for you comments, I'm not trying to take sides or anything just gonna tell you my opinion. I think addiction, is a strange word no? What is addiction, I know one of you pointed out we shouldn't use that word unless you are a professional but I guess since this is a comment board we can just give our opinion. True, we shouldn't throw it around, and there are some people on here who take everything people write in here way to serious, but I won't make life changing decisions from blogs.

Moving on, the dictionary says Addiction: "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma"

I dont think im enslaved, but then again I dont know what that means exactly. Habit forming, ya I think it's a habit. But, I dont think I have any severe trauma. So, I'll let you guys know what my bishop says. But both of you male valid points.

But I guess some extra information I forgot to mention in my main story: I haven't got to church much, so I think my spirit has mind of gone numb, and the worst thing that has gone through mu had lately, and this was in the past two months, is that I dont feel truly bad. In my mind, I know this is wrong, but I dont feel it inside, in my heart I guess. I dont know what this means, but I think im not balling and sulking all the time. So maybe an addict has to be so depressed that he can't go on with regular relationships and daily activities. I do. But also, I dont have the reasoning in my heart to stop, so I haven't given this a true attempt to stop, so idk if wanting to stop and not succeeding, puts me with some of the other "addicts"

I understand both of your concerns, what do you guys think how with this new info?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I dont think im enslaved, but then again I dont know what that means exactly. Habit forming, ya I think it's a habit. But, I dont think I have any severe trauma. So, I'll let you guys know what my bishop says. But both of you male valid points.

of course you dont....the drunk never says he is an alcoholic. first step is always admitting there is a problem till this is done you will never label yourself as addicted and neer get help

concerning trauma. the nasty hidden secret of porn and general filthy movies is this. it sticks to your brain like a fly sticks to a spiders web.for the vast majority this means porn you viewed years ago will in 30 years from now you will be able to perfectly recall it. the very first instance of porn i view and a lot of porn i viewed in the first year so 10 years ago is still very vivid and easily recall-able in my brain. the way our brain functions filth gets stuck to it like a fly in a spiders web. traumatizing visuals and experiences stick with ease. you have injected years of junk into your brain that is now likely there forever.

so yes you will be traumatized. if not by this but by other things read on

Moving on, the dictionary says Addiction: "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma"

can you stop right? i thought so then you are addicted. another nasty secret of porn is this. you might be able to tough it out for a year or two but unless you actually got your head on straight you will fall back into it and hard. even then a lot of maintence is required.

Well, I appreciate the both of you for you comments, I'm not trying to take sides or anything just gonna tell you my opinion. I think addiction, is a strange word no? What is addiction, I know one of you pointed out we shouldn't use that word unless you are a professional but I guess since this is a comment board we can just give our opinion. True, we shouldn't throw it around, and there are some people on here who take everything people write in here way to serious, but I won't make life changing decisions from blogs.

fair enough. however the facts are you cannot stop viewing it at least according to your post therefore you are addicted. i dont need a degree to define what addiction is all i need is a dictionary which we established already.

But I guess some extra information I forgot to mention in my main story: I haven't got to church much, so I think my spirit has mind of gone numb, and the worst thing that has gone through mu had lately, and this was in the past two months, is that I dont feel truly bad. In my mind, I know this is wrong, but I dont feel it inside, in my heart I guess. I dont know what this means, but I think im not balling and sulking all the time. So maybe an addict has to be so depressed that he can't go on with regular relationships and daily activities. I do. But also, I dont have the reasoning in my heart to stop, so I haven't given this a true attempt to stop, so idk if wanting to stop and not succeeding, puts me with some of the other "addicts"

of course not. you are blinded by your own addiction. see here is the thing you dont ask the addict to tell you if he is addicted. you take a seperate person to make that judgement call the reason being is your brain has no moral compass of its own. all your brain knows is porn feels good. so it will tell you that there is no problem. Satan will then use this to whisper sweet sweet seductive lies in your ear without your knowledge. you will then slowly by surely by a flaxen cord be lead straight down the pathways of hell. you are blinded by your addiction and Satan both have blinds placed on your eyes. you are in little shape to make a good judgement call on your addiction. the best you can do is admit you have a problem and seek outside help.

another secret is sex addictions thrives in the dark. it isolates you till you feel alone. it wants you to tell no one. it wants you to eventually make sweet love with it forever and ever till you have no one else. then it will leave you to die.

you havent quite lived till youve seen a 60 year old grown man cry because he discovered daddy's playboy at age 10 and now 50 years later he has divorced a few times, no contact with kids and all he has is the sickening lover known as porn. dont be that man. stop now.

confess, goto addiction programs, google candeo(worked miracles for me in fact i am proud to say i added a thing or two that they now use on their program so my failures are helping others so can yours), LDS addiction programs. study scriptures for 6 hours a day. do whatever it takes escape the awful hell of sex addiction.

i was you...i used to pray and say God I cant do this. I sincerely like this porn. i sincerely like this fetish. i thought it no problem. the fact here is i was lieing to myself and being deceived.

the cruel choices are....do nothing and keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your porn and enjoy a false happiness. or get help and become truely happy. one is a life of misery. one is a life of happiness.

you know....if i could do it all over again....the very first time i masterbated at age 18 i would of gone running screaming back to the church and pleaded for forgiveness....but eh thats hindsight for you eh. instead i decided walking through hell was the more worthwhile choice. statistics show you are very likely to never get out of your porn habit so really start now it might take 10 years. i was lucky i graduated candeo in 6 months while some older members of 5+ years or some that had been there since the site was conceived still cant escape. its sad.

the choice is yours my friends the choice is yours.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The part about admitting the problem: I dont the im a pornaholic, and im really not trying to justify anything I just want to put things a little clearer. One of the previous commentors, RMGuy I think, said you dont want to label people an addict because then you might take the wrong approach and then things might or might not get worse. So im just trying to put my thoughts out there for any other poor soul who is going through this.

First off, idk if in my original story I mislead you guys or you guys interpreted this wrong or whatever but, I have not been looking at porn for years. In fact, I've been looking at real porn, (videos,many pictures), for about 7 months now. Thats when, I feel I gave up inside, I was Thi king what's the point anymore, what matters. We were kinda unstable then, moving and all, but thats not an excuse. excuse wish I kept fighting, I really do, I hate this thing, life would be so much simpler and smooth, no underlying guilt, I could just move on with my life. But, I think my mind still has that general tone, of not understanding truly why I need to stop, and I believe that my spirit and testimony has weakened. But my point is I haven't been looking st porn for years, because you guys keep saying I do and that makes me an addict.

I dont quite understand the trauma part. Pornographic pictures do stick in your mind, I honestly wish I never had a look, and its true they are terrible. They can/will lead to worse and worse things, I agree.

Can I stop right now? I believe I can, i do think i have the willpower if you will, to stop without looming back. but like I said, I have to believe it in my brain to stop, I have to feel the Godly pain that you need in order to repent and I really want it so bad, but I dont know hoe to get it, and until then, which I think is soon when I talk to the bishop, ill follow up with your question.

And the last part of the first half, i dont think you treat all addicts the same. Should I get the same type of therapy as someone who lost their job or quit school because all they think about is porn and they feel so much guilt that it creates a vicious cycle, should somebody approach me the same way they would approach that guy? I think this is one of the points RMGuy was making.

The second half of your Post, I think hit home. It didn't seem to be logic or rezoning, which I feel I can talk about continuously, but about your experience and wisdom you have. I know I have a problem, but not because the spirit has told me with great influence, and thats my fault for not strengthening my testimony, but it's a fact that porn is wrong. That fact, that i just told you, makes me feel me guilty than the porn itself. That i dont feel that bad about looking at it, even tho i know it's wrong, I want wants spirit to guide me, I really do. I wish I asked for help from the start, way back when I first masturbated, and you know I hope parents talk to their children about this, I know I wish my parents talked to me. But then, recently somewhat, I took it up a bunch of notches and I wish I stopped then, because I can't imagine the blessing I and others couldve received. I'm going to do everything in my lower to stop now, not soon, now, because I've done that too many times where soon can be never.

Haha, needless to say I dont like your statistic, it does nothing for me. I'm going to stop, i have no doubt in my mind. There is way too much out there for me.

I hope im helping someone out there, im putting every single thought I have on here so people can really see the thought process someone like me goes through. I invite more comments and questions.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this