Help! Ready to give up going to church and marriage.


Guest FixingTheWrongs
 Share

Recommended Posts

Casting Crowns comes to mind.

The brethren repeatedly tell us not to compare ourselves to others. It only leads to feelings of inadequacy. Instead, realize when you are growing and when you are not. This is the best way to judge yourself.

The other piece of advice I have is to engage in intimacy even if you're not feeling it. It's called 'making love,' for a reason. It's not all about satiating lusts.

It really is sad that you came here for help and the people who should have been the first to offer you support instead decided to attack what you already realized was a problem. Keep your chin up- they're not the ones who will be judging you in the end. That belongs to the God of Love.

We're told that no man who is continually, honestly trying will fall short of Celestial Glory.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest FixingTheWrongs

If that doesn't cut it for you, I know of one other way your wife could lose about 200 lbs inside of a day.

As this is the second time I've been told that killing myself is an option to my problems, please remove my account. It is obvious from some of these posts and the email I got that many here really hate me. Please respect my wishes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As this is the second time I've been told that killing myself is an option to my problems, please remove my account. It is obvious from some of these posts and the email I got that many here really hate me. Please respect my wishes.

FixingTheWrongs,

I am sorry that some people on this list seem to feel a deep-seated need to kick people while they're down. I, too, have received hateful emails and PMs, as have many others, so it's not just you. But I agree you have been piled on in an unusual manner. I think it's shameful.

But if you really are done here, why do you care that your account be removed? Just don't sign in. Problem solved. Remove all identifying information from your account and you're golden, whether or not Pam (or someone else) deletes your account.

EDIT: Fwiw, I interpreted IAmMe's comment as a flip reference to divorce, not to your suicide.

Edited by Vort
Link to comment
Share on other sites

FixingTheWrongs,

I, too, have received hateful emails and PMs, as have many others, so it's not just you.

I'm sorry, OK? GOSH!!! :P

FixingTheWrongs:

I hope you can work through this somehow. You had to know that both of your appearances were going to change over time. Both of you are going to get old, wrinkley, saggy, gray, possibly bald (hopefully you and not her), etc. Of course you realize that many couples stay together in their old age even though they are no longer that physically appealing. Did you ever think about that before you got married and how you would handle it?

When women have children, that plays a big part in weight gain and so does sleep deprivation. A lot of women are prone to depression. Stick it out and do what's right! Going to counseling would be a good idea too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As this is the second time I've been told that killing myself is an option to my problems, please remove my account. It is obvious from some of these posts and the email I got that many here really hate me. Please respect my wishes.

Just for the record..I didn't think they meant killing yourself but divorce.

Also if you are insisting on deleting your account...at the bottom of each page is a "contact us" button. You would need to fill one of those out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

EDIT: Fwiw, I interpreted IAmMe's comment as a flip reference to divorce, not to your suicide.

Both yours & Pam's interpretation would be completely correct.

Fwiw, I suspect that the issues you have with your wife are a little more deeper than what is presented. I would suggest that counselling either with your wife or alone would be far more beneficial to you.

To be honest I am dismayed that my comment could even be interpeted as a suicide comment.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why do I know, because I am living it as we speak. Not me personally, but my wife.

One year ago, I never told anyone on this board my wife tore her ACL in her knee, simply by doing jumping jacks at the womans exercise clinic. For a year she on a waiting list to have the opperation to have it repaired. A year passed, doc called for surgery, and she turned it down, because "I would not make enough to pay the bills" Ohonesly, its part of my wifes fault for buying things like a brand new car and other items, while I was not working.

A week passed, she came walking down stairs to greet me, and her maniscus tore! she was in so much pain, she was sick crawled up the stairs to the bathroom, and asked for a barf bag. I went around the corner to get one, heard a thud, and she passed out collpased between cabinate and toylett. her eyes were wide open..but no one was there! I called 911 and she finally came to.

Two weeks latter, the bishop offered to pay for our two months she is off. I was not working then, but in the last month, worked every day. Thankfully, its going to help. She had surgery about a week ago and now is on crutches. That Sunday, my bishop urged people to please stay healthy, exercise on a regular basis as it is affecting our family and the church.

Now, I think this persons motivation may be physical looks and health. But she may have some mental issues that is preventing her from exercising. Has she always been a couch potato? or does she like being outdoors? What is her primary motivations in life to do what she wants to do? Doee she work for a living?

Woman who also suffer anxiety issues, also have weight issues. Seems some kind of chemical issues in the brain are triggered by anxiety cause weight gain.

Sadly, my wife does not like to do anything physical after work and uses money to buy exercise equipment to take off the pounds she she puts on buy eating fatty food :\. She is eating Lasagna as of this writting!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well at least you know your thoughts are selfish.

On the other hand I sympathize with you because I've been feeling similarly about my husband. He's not overweight like your wife, but I don't find myself attracted to him at all. I can 100% agree with you on everything you said about going to church and how you want to stop. I feel the same way!! I always have and while I'm not losing faith in the church, a part of me just wants my 3 hours back.

Anyway, as far as your wife's excuses go, you can try to be more helpful. If she's tired, maybe you need to do more around the house and try taking some responsibilities off of her back, etc. Have you brought up any of this to your wife? If she's resolved to stick to these excuses, then sadly things won't change until she wants to. It's unfortunate that when it comes to issues like this, spouses rarely have any control and the amount of support just isn't good enough.

Your bishop sounds ridiculous or just inexperienced. In any case, you'll need a referral from him to see a counselor at LDS services and depending on your finances, this will be free or you will pay a portion of the cost. Good luck to you, and since it seems we have similar emotions, message me if you'd like to talk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

News flash

First marriages are hard work and good ones really take a lot of work!!

when is the last time you told your wife you loved her? bought her some flowers? candy? took her out for a night of dinner, dancing, movie whatever?

What you both look like in another 10 years just might shock you even more than you are now. I have lost most of my hair, yes I am more rotund than I was 40 years ago, have changed a great deal as a lot of life has pasted. I have had a wife murdered, kids not like me as adults, failed marriages and yet you know I am on the road that the good Lord decided was my road.

I have a dear lady friend that was very large and has after decades lost almost half of that weight was it easy? Think of moving your car with your little finger only that is how I see weight loss is for women.

If your wife feels you don't love her as she is now why try as you will not love her if she changes. My ex has been working real hard with the new guy to change and is some areas she has in others the jury is still out. That is life we get to advance or not and the ball is in our court.

Try not seeing any of her faults as faults because you know I bet she has had them for a very long time just like your faults. Does she tell you everything verbally or not of your faults?

I see a woman as a companion, soul mate and most of all lover and in none of this have I looked at her the way the world sees her as that is not what attracted me to her in the first place. I have been with some very attractive women that were fun to be out with but to marry not my kind of person and yes there have been some I could see me with but it never worked out that way so why worry someday it will either work with someone or life will end and I will still be looking or waiting or maybe that is why I left this life as someone on the other side wants me.

Life is to short to let little things like weight, looks, whatever you want top put in there matter if you truly love your wife then make her believe it, show her and most of never let silly things like weight, wrinkles, failing bodies enter into the relationship as remember in this life we are to be challenged and learn and grow.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share