I don't like wearing garments

[Guest HSAB]

Also, most men I know-including my bishop-have told me that garments are unattractive.

[beefche]

I'm really confused. Are you just wearing garments without other clothes? Garments are underclothes, meaning you wear clothes on top of them. I think the majority of panties and bras are unattractive. But then again, no one is seeing them except my husband. I find that the garments themselves don't hinder my ability to find clothing that is attractive and makes me feel pretty and attractive.

And when I want to feel attractive to my husband for intimate times, (how do I put this delicately???), I choose to wear things other than garments for him.

[applepansy]

Women, and men for that matter feel good about the way they look in some clothes and not in others. Just like you were talking about modestly dressed women looking beautiful, all women want to FEEL beautiful. The womens garment bottoms have elastics which cause fat rolls, then the bottoms of some of the shorts also have elastic which can cause another fat roll. The tops don't fit most women right and so they are either too bunchy around the bra area or too small. The reason you probably have not heard many women talk about it is because they are scared of the judgement they will receive for how they feel. I've spent the past three months talking to all the women I know who are endowed and only one out of about fifty said she felt comfortable and attractive in them. It's honestly pretty sad.

There are several threads here discussing garments.

I'll add my vote to feeling comfortable and attractive in my garments. My husband likes them too.

Its very easy to choose to not like something. I love my garments. Yes garments take some getting used to but attitude makes all the difference.

Edited May 18, 2012 by applepansy

[Dravin]

I'm a guy, but I neither feel uncomfortable in garments or find my wife's garments unattractive.

Edited May 18, 2012 by Dravin

[pam]

Also, most men I know-including my bishop-have told me that garments are unattractive.

I'd be a bit uncomfortable if my Bishop started talking to me about what women look like in garments to be honest.

[NeuroTypical]

The reason you probably have not heard many women talk about it is because they are scared of the judgement they will receive for how they feel.

I suppose some women live with such horrible crippling beliefs, but the women I know don't seem to. My wife sure the heck doesn't. In the last 6 wards I've been in, in two different states, there were certainly no shortage of women talking about how they feel without fear of judgement.

HSAB, if you know anyone who lives in fear of judgement from others, I'd suggest you help them overcome that fear and tackle whatever self-esteem or self-worth issues they're carrying around with them. It's a very hard way to live, and so unnecessary.

I've spent the past three months talking to all the women I know who are endowed and only one out of about fifty said she felt comfortable and attractive in them. It's honestly pretty sad.

I can't say I've talked to 50 women in 3 months about it, but I've probably heard the opinions of 50 women in the last ten years. In my (limited) experience, maybe about half of them have questions or concerns or issues, and most of them seem to be able to have the questions/concerns/issues resolved by talking and getting advice from other women.

If you get a chance, maybe you could direct these 50 women to this website? There's certainly no shortage of women here who can probably help them with their questions/concerns/issues...

Also, most men I know-including my bishop-have told me that garments are unattractive.

Hi - my name is LM and I'm a man. Now that we know each other, let me just say that I find garments on my wife to be quite attractive.

[Backroads]

I don't understand what the concern of garment attractiveness is. It's underwear, for goodness' sake! Who puts so much concern into underwear? I chose to make a covenant and wear the garment. I was never forced into it.

I have some lovely little other things purchased from Victoria's Secret for my husband. I also feel that my usual garment combination (a Carinessa top with jersey or cotton bottoms) has a rather cool old-time beauty to it.

[Backroads]

Women, and men for that matter feel good about the way they look in some clothes and not in others. Just like you were talking about modestly dressed women looking beautiful, all women want to FEEL beautiful. The womens garment bottoms have elastics which cause fat rolls, then the bottoms of some of the shorts also have elastic which can cause another fat roll. The tops don't fit most women right and so they are either too bunchy around the bra area or too small. The reason you probably have not heard many women talk about it is because they are scared of the judgement they will receive for how they feel. I've spent the past three months talking to all the women I know who are endowed and only one out of about fifty said she felt comfortable and attractive in them. It's honestly pretty sad.

If a woman feels fat/ugly in garments, there are several reasons:

1. Perhaps said woman needs to lose a bit of weight.

2. Perhaps said woman needs to work on her self-esteem.

3. Perhaps said woman needs to try various sizes/styles/fabrics of the garment until she finds the right set. Practice makes perfect. I know very few women who walked out of the distribution center the first time with the perfect fit.

[Vort]

Also, most men I know-including my bishop-have told me that garments are unattractive.

I'm shocked that most of the men you know, including your own bishop, would share with you how they feel about the attractiveness of women in various kinds of underwear. Wondering if you need to befriend a different class of men.

[Dravin]

3. Perhaps said woman needs to try various sizes/styles/fabrics of the garment until she finds the right set. Practice makes perfect. I know very few women who walked out of the distribution center the first time with the perfect fit.

Also custom fit garment are available if none of the standard sizes and styles fit.

Edited May 18, 2012 by Dravin

[Dravin]

HSAB, that you have an eating disorder which you've strongly connected with your clothes being perfectly flattering is a pertinent bit of information (Link: Blogs » Eating disorders and Garments » LDS Social Network ). This explains why you're so certain that women who aren't complaining about the garment being unattractive secretly feel that way and are just scared of judgement. I suspect there is some projecting going on. That said if the elastic bothers you the possibly of custom ordering garments with out any elastic exists. Though really compression fit tends to smooth out bumps so more elastic rather than less may be the way to go. You know how you'd look in various styles and and fabrics of undergarments better than I though, but realize there are options out there, not only in the standard styles, but in custom orders.

Edited May 18, 2012 by Dravin

[Backroads]

I don't know much about eating disorders myself, though I have a good friend whose story is very similar. She never mentioned having a trigger problem connected to garments, though I suppose it is possible.

But there must be more support for you other than to wear or not to wear the garment.

[Tyler90AZ]

My wife told me one time they are ugly and she was just being honest. Although it doesn't effect if she wears them or not. Like somebody said earlier, "you wear clothes over them." Nobody is going to see them besides you, so they do not hurt your appearance.

[Guest HSAB]

I came to this website because I have a huge problem. I have spent my whole life living the gospel as best as I can. I came to this website looking for understanding and was hoping to be met with love and possibly find someone else who has been through the same thing. I struggle everyday with my impending endowment date, and have searched the scriptures, church articles and spent a lot of time praying about what I should do. If I wait, because I'm 'not ready', I may never be sealed to my husband because eating disorders are a life long battle. When I saw this thread I had to reply with my true feelings because I feel for the woman who posted this original thread. She is not alone in her feelings. For everyone who doesn't understand how eating disorders work, it is how you feel about yourself. So the fact that no one else sees them is not reassuring. I see myself in them. I have been doing really well the last several years, but this is spiraling me downwards. There are many women who share this problem and they live in guilt and agony because they either feel worse about their bodies or if they don't wear their garments they feel like sinners. My best friend struggles with the same problem, but she has had garments for two years. She believes in the gospel and tries to wear them, but has dropped down to 95lbs and is 5'8". She was doing really well before she got her garments. I know that the garments are meant to be a privilege and a symbol of love but to people who have this problem, they are torture. A lot of the women I talked to don't have this problem. But they still feel fat and uncomfortable in them. They wear them anyway though. Yes, my bishop did tell me that when I tried to talk to him about my concerns. In response to getting them custom made, that would help with part of it. For me, the tops are ok, but wearing white on my legs is more than I can handle. No matter how small you are, anything tight makes whatever fat you do have stick out somewhere else. I just wonder, would Heavenly Father prefer me to not go through the temple because of this struggle? Some of you would probably say yes, but I can't really imagine that He would.

[Tyler90AZ]

It sounds like you are going through a hard battle HSAB. I have known people to have similar issues as you. Since I have known people have gone through it I have a love for anyone who has those struggles. I sincerely mean this, I love you and wish you the best! I can see how your garments would hurt you in your battle. Personally if it was me, I think heavenly father being a loving God would not mandate you wear them. Maybe you could only wear them when you are going to the Temple or slowly build yourself up so you can wear them. I think you should talk to your bishop about this and maybe he will understand. If he doesn't don't worry about him. I will be praying for you.

[Dravin]

I just wonder, would Heavenly Father prefer me to not go through the temple because of this struggle?

If the choice is between not getting endowed and slowly starving yourself to death I'm inclined to think the preference is to not get endowed. I'm disinclined to to encourage you to make the commitment involved with the Endowment which includes wearing the garment night and day if you cannot keep that commitment because it'll drive you to kill yourself (albeit slowly).

That said, what Heavenly Father wants you to do concerning your issue is going to be found on your knees and in counseling with priesthood leaders and not from any of us here.

No matter how small you are, anything tight makes whatever fat you do have stick out somewhere else.

Nothing mandates the garments be tight (or loose). Now I expect you've created a canyon for yourself, where tight is bad because it highlights things in your mind, and loose is bad because it doesn't flatter but unless you walk around naked you must have found some medium between tightness and looseness (thinking about your outerwear if you can stomach the look of yourself in a shirt and pants or shorts then some medium exists). I don't have any solution for the color of the garment, but considering your issues and that the Church does create green garments for military members they may be able to accommodate garments in another color.

Thing is, if you've decided that garments will make you look hideous, period, it won't matter what options you may pursue, I suspect you'll end up concluding they make you look hideous.

Edited May 18, 2012 by Dravin

[beefche]

I think you should be in counseling for your eating disorder. You need to get to the root of the problem and garments aren't it. And if your choice is getting endowed or worsening your eating disorder, then I vote you postpone the endowment until you can at least control the disorder.

Get counseling now. The bishop cannot help you with this, other than recommend LDS services (and possibly pay for that). But, bishops are not professional counselors trained in helping people with these type of conditions.

[Dravin]

Get counseling now. The bishop cannot help you with this, other than recommend LDS services (and possibly pay for that). But, bishops are not professional counselors trained in helping people with these type of conditions.

A very valid point. I just want to clarify that my recommendation for counseling with priesthood leaders was concerning what to do about the endowment. As you note, they aren't trained as eating disorder counselors and do not replace them if one is needed.

[Backroads]

I agree with Dravin and Beefche, but I must ask another question: Are you more concerned with your friend's reaction to them then your own? You have never worn them, you don't know how they will make you feel. I am concerned your biggest problem is coming from an experience you have never had based on another person's experience and with your eating disorder that isn't doing you any good. You seem to be obsessed with how your friend felt about them and have taken her problems as your own.

Are you already in any sort of counseling? Have you discussed this with that hypothetical counselor? You need to be focusing on your own issues with the garment and your eating disorder, and that should not stem from another's experience.

Your friend's experience has no real bearing on this situation, but you have let it become one. Fix that and figure out YOUR issue with them.

[Backroads]

By the way, comparing your issue with you OP's issue isn't the best thing to do. She was complaining about heat, you are talking about a different matter entirely.

[john doe]

I came to this website because I have a huge problem. I have spent my whole life living the gospel as best as I can. I came to this website looking for understanding and was hoping to be met with love and possibly find someone else who has been through the same thing. I struggle everyday with my impending endowment date, and have searched the scriptures, church articles and spent a lot of time praying about what I should do. If I wait, because I'm 'not ready', I may never be sealed to my husband because eating disorders are a life long battle. When I saw this thread I had to reply with my true feelings because I feel for the woman who posted this original thread. She is not alone in her feelings. For everyone who doesn't understand how eating disorders work, it is how you feel about yourself. So the fact that no one else sees them is not reassuring. I see myself in them. I have been doing really well the last several years, but this is spiraling me downwards. There are many women who share this problem and they live in guilt and agony because they either feel worse about their bodies or if they don't wear their garments they feel like sinners. My best friend struggles with the same problem, but she has had garments for two years. She believes in the gospel and tries to wear them, but has dropped down to 95lbs and is 5'8". She was doing really well before she got her garments. I know that the garments are meant to be a privilege and a symbol of love but to people who have this problem, they are torture. A lot of the women I talked to don't have this problem. But they still feel fat and uncomfortable in them. They wear them anyway though. Yes, my bishop did tell me that when I tried to talk to him about my concerns. In response to getting them custom made, that would help with part of it. For me, the tops are ok, but wearing white on my legs is more than I can handle. No matter how small you are, anything tight makes whatever fat you do have stick out somewhere else. I just wonder, would Heavenly Father prefer me to not go through the temple because of this struggle? Some of you would probably say yes, but I can't really imagine that He would.

My thoughts? You need to find a therapist who deals with people suffering from poor body image issues. A 5'8" woman who still thinks they are too fat at 95lbs needs a different solution than just not wearing the garments. I suspect there are psychological issues at play here that should be dealt with.

Your statements

wearing white on my legs is more than I can handle. No matter how small you are, anything tight makes whatever fat you do have stick out somewhere else.

are confusing. Is your issue with white garments? Do you have an aversion to wearing anything white near your legs or just the garment? Or is the problem that the garments are too tight and you (or she) need to get the proper size?

[NeuroTypical]

I know that the garments are meant to be a privilege and a symbol of love but to people who have this problem, they are torture.

I hear you HSAB. I honestly don't have a clue what it's like for you, but I hear you. There are a lot of illnesses and struggles that I can understand to a degree, but this isn't one of them.

God bless you, and I hope you find someone who can help.

[Guest HSAB]

Obviously my issue with garments is tied into body image issues. But the point is, it's a real issue. And a big one. No, I would NEVER wear anything tight and white on my legs. Ever. I've been to plenty of therapists over the years. Just like someone struggling with alcohol can be triggered by the smell of it a poor body image and eating disorders are triggered by things that make you feel bad about yourself. Going therapy is not going to curr me. I battle with it everyday, and will for the rest of my life. No matter how much someone tells me to not feel that way, i do. I am obviously trying, otherwise i wouldn't be on here trying to sort this out. I am also obviously taking going through the temple as a serious commitment. This is a real struggle for

a lot of women. I understand why most don't speak up, because honestly the judgements I've felt on this are almost too much to handle.

[Guest HSAB]

I hear you HSAB. I honestly don't have a clue what it's like for you, but I hear you. There are a lot of illnesses and struggles that I can understand to a degree, but this isn't one of them.

God bless you, and I hope you find someone who can help.

Thank you. I really appreciate this post.

[Dravin]

This is a real struggle for a lot of women.

A lot of women have body issues such that if they wear garments they will engaging in unhealthy weight loss behavior? I have a hard time believing this and suspect you're projecting. Thing is you don't need to project, you don't have to attribute you and your friends feelings to a nebulous 'lot of women' for them to be real.