Why bother with getting sealed?


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I guess I don't know a whole lot about how things are going to shake out in the next life and there's a lot I really don't care to speculate about but here's my question, so far as it relates to marriage and sealings: why bother?

I grew up under the impression that "families are forever," and got a little teary-eyed when Elder Bednar talked about, in his tender mercies talk, the widow receiving the note from her recently deceased husband about how families can be together forever.

But...

Some of the things I'm learning about doctrine (?) make me think that my perspective that if I am sealed in the temple and I am faithful and my spouse is faithful that we will have an eternal marriage is incredibly myopic and seemingly childish.

Here's what I've found:

1. After a husband and wife die and wife can be sealed to ALL of the husbands she was married to - presumably (as some on this board have speculated) so she can chose who she REALLY wants to be married with.

2. After a spouse dies (and I know it doesn't happen frequently but if I am to believe what I'm told it does happen) the living spouse can have the sealing cancelled so that he/she can be sealed to someone else.

I know there are no guarantees in marriage, life or anything. A spouse can cheat on you or divorce you -- but at least in those situations I'm there and whether or not I can control it I can at least be there to know it wasn't simply my uncontrollable absence that caused a spouse to up and cancel a temple sealing or simply decide someone was a bit better than what I had to offer.

Ground rules: I'm only talking about situations where spouses are both living faithfully to the gospel. I have no issue at all with someone who had a deadbeat, unfaithful or abusive spouse wanting to get sealed to someone who treated him or her better. No issue there and so let's skip the "everyone deserves a faithful spouse and some spouses leave the church, etc" speech.

The second part of this is that I'm not really interested in discussing what will or won't happen in the next life, whether it is polygamy or whether we are all living in a nudist, hippie colony or whatever crazy ideas people have because it is nothing more than speculation and we're not going to have answers to in this life.

If I'm not concerned about speculating about the next life then why the question, right? Because the sealing is in this life and my understanding of it and the answer to "why bother" affects whether I do or not and what of myself I give to a marriage. To be blunt, this, for me, goes much further than simply "obey or not obey"; I've been in some relationships that have ended in devastating ways and it affects how much of myself I will give to another. And the degree to which relationship has the possibility to exist affects how much I will give. A one-night stand (don't worry - just an example, not a lifestyle choice for me) would require very little commitment and it can be purely selfish. A til-death marriage is a nice, little vacation that you share with another person before you go your separate ways and if you outlive the other person you may or may not (as your discretion) replace the person with someone else to continue the remainder of your vacation in this life with. A temple sealing is something that you give ALL of yourself to and "cleave" to the other person because it is forever and your investment can yield greater than your whole self.

But why would I invest ALL of myself in something that "may" last forever... but may not (assuming again that both parties are faithful)? Some people have no problem with that and the risk is something they are willing to accept because, hey, it might turn out awesome in the end. Hopefully. But I do not have enough of myself left to invest in the risky proposition of, say, I die early and she decides to proceed to temple sealing number two or whatever the case.

It seems at that point easier to simply do the "til death do you part" and worry about the next life in the next life and not have to worry about investing in something that may not last more than this brief flicker of a life anyway, despite a person's best efforts.

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This is my two cents.

My husband and I have been married for 35 years. We were sealed in the temple on our first anniversary. We were already committed to being together...period. We were up against a lot of opposition from family and friends. We still get some crap from a few family members. We were and are best friends. Even when life gets tough, or on days when I'm not very happy with him :) we are still best friends and eternal companions. Complete commitment. No conditions. The year we waited to be sealed was awful for us both. We were young. I was 18. If my husband had died in that first year I wouldn't not have been allowed to be sealed to him. I would have been advised to find someone else and be sealed, have a family, etc. But that wasn't an option for me because of how I understand one scripture:

3 Nephi 12:32

Verily, verily, I say unto you, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery; and whoso shall marry her who is divorced committeth adultery.

For me this means if my husband died and I married another man, and did those things married people usually do (sex), then I would be committing adultery. Others will argue that I'm reading too much into this scripture or that I'm taking it too literally. I'm ok with other people thinking that. But because of the witness I've felt for my life... there will not be a second husband... ever! (I will not discuss my interpretation of this scripture. I know there will be posters who will disagree. For me I truly don't care what other interpretations are. I know my Heavenly Father's will for me and that is what I will follow.)

A few years ago our Stake had a two night fireside on Marriage and Family. The speaker said that currently, as a membership, we are not living celestial marriage. We're trying but its not happening. There are too many divorces. Too many people are not taking their temple covenants seriously. Too many broken families. That gave me another reason why being sealed to my husband is important to me. Neither of us had has another spouse, or relationship. We are in it for the long haul... all of eternity. There are blessing I want and to get those blessings I have to be obedient to the covenants I've made with my Heavenly Father. I didn't covenant with my husband to be his wife, I made a covenant with Heavenly Father to be my husband's wife. I take that very seriously.

So why is it important to be sealed? For me its because I want that forever family AND I want a celestial marriage. I want to keep the covenants I made in the temple.

You asked "why would I invest ALL of myself in something that 'may' last forever... but may not". Covenants are two way promises. You promises certain things and Heavenly Father makes a promise back. Do you have faith in your Heavenly Father? Do you believe He will keep his promises if you keep yours?

Doctrine and Covenants 82:10

I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.

He has told us He is bound when we do as he asks.

My short answer to your question "why bother with getting sealed? is: Because I want what my Heavenly Father has promised me I can have if I'm obedient.

Wow! There's that word obedient. Also, I don't know how you really can talk about a sealing (eternal ordinance) and expect that the next life doesn't have any bearing on it. We are not just in this life for this life. We in this life to prepare for the next.

Trust is a fragile thing and once lost its very hard to get over. You have stated you've been in relationship where you've been hurt deeply. I'm so sorry. When we give all we do risk being hurt. Its difficult to put it all back out there again. It hurts! But someday I hope you find a person who will be that forever person for you. When that happens you might be cautiously optimistic at first...but I hope that with time enough trust will be built that you want the promises you can only receive through being sealed. Try to heal yourself of the hurts. Its important. You can, and most people often do, sabotage the new relationship because of the hurtful things that happened in the last one.

Give yourself time to heal. Then re-evaluate your commitment to Heavenly Father's commandments. I hope by then you will try again.

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Here's my thoughts from an un-wed un-endowed member. Take them for what you will:

The sealing is about MUCH more than marriage or even an eternal marriage. Remember that we do far more than get sealed to spouses. Children are sealed to their parents (if born "in the covenant" you don't physically take them to the temple and perform the sealing, but they are still considered sealed). We do temple work for our dead so that they can also be sealed- to their spouses, their parents, and their children. We are essentially weaving together a familial fabric- connecting everyone together. Why?

Before every worthy male member could receive the priesthood, many sealings were done "by adoption" and to members who held the priesthood. It is my understanding that this practice was actually the root behind plural marriages. The practice of sealing by adoption was discontinued, much like the practice of plural marriage was discontinued, with a revelation that we should be sealing ourselves to our "next of kin" not to others. Such sealing would not be possible without the priesthood- we are sealing ourselves to and under Priesthood power- the power of God. This sealing entails a covenant, a promise, between ourselves and God.

Have you heard of or studied the Abrahamic covenant at all? This covenant actually began with Adam, but it is recorded in scripture through a conversation Abraham had with God in which he was promised that his seed would be as numerous as the stars. There are many other things entailed in this promise. To be one of the "covenant" people is to be a person who promises to do certain things, refrain from certain items and activities, and in return this person is promised a great number of blessings from God. Part of those blessings includes the power of the Priesthood- the ability to act in His name and perform healings and miracles and other ordinances, the ability to bless and therefore receive the sacrament, the ability to baptise. To be sealed is to be sealed one if His people, one of His children.

We are essentially building the "body of Christ" talked about in other Christian faiths. Of course, this requires more than just going through the temple to go through the ritual of being sealed. Ordinances are important. If they weren't Christ would never have been baptised. God recognizes our effort to go through and perform these ordinances, and such creates a record that will bear witness for or against us. However, equally important is understanding and keeping the covenants made through those ordinances. What do you promise to do when you are baptised? What does it mean to "take upon you the name of Christ"? What does it take to be one of God's "chosen people"?

I think you will appreciate and understand sealings much better if you take the time to review just what it is you promise to do when you go through the ordinances of baptism, the endowment, the sealing itself, and in partaking of the sacrament. Review the Abrahamic covenant, talks about temple work for the dead, scriptures about the Priesthood. Being sealed to your spouse is just one small part of something far greater and far more grand. God requires so very little of us, and in return we are immensely blessed.

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I guess I don't know a whole lot about how things are going to shake out in the next life and there's a lot I really don't care to speculate about but here's my question, so far as it relates to marriage and sealings: why bother?

I grew up under the impression that "families are forever," and got a little teary-eyed when Elder Bednar talked about, in his tender mercies talk, the widow receiving the note from her recently deceased husband about how families can be together forever.

But...

Some of the things I'm learning about doctrine (?) make me think that my perspective that if I am sealed in the temple and I am faithful and my spouse is faithful that we will have an eternal marriage is incredibly myopic and seemingly childish.

Most of the things you talk about are actually policies implemented to deal with the fact that mortal people are notoriously imperfect at applying doctrine to their lives.

Here's what I've found:

1. After a husband and wife die and wife can be sealed to ALL of the husbands she was married to - presumably (as some on this board have speculated) so she can chose who she REALLY wants to be married with.

Not quite. A wife will be sealed to all of them men to whom she was married because we don't know what the Lord has in mind for these situations. Any explanation for why we do this is speculation. The policy is in place specifically because we don't know. At least doing it this way we cover all of the bases. (whether or not that's the right approach can be debated, but I think that debate ultimately comes down to opinion).

2. After a spouse dies (and I know it doesn't happen frequently but if I am to believe what I'm told it does happen) the living spouse can have the sealing cancelled so that he/she can be sealed to someone else.

This can happen, but whether or not it actually happens can depend on the circumstances. For instance, my grandmother remarried after my grandfather died. She married a man who had previously been sealed to an earlier wife (who had passed away a few years before). Rather than cancelling her sealing, she just married him civilly. However, if he had not been previously sealed, she would have considered cancelling her sealing so that he could be sealed to someone in this life.

Again, whether this is truly necessary is anyone's guess. The best we can do is try to match policy to the best understanding we have of the doctrine.

Another thing to consider: when my wife and I married, I told her that if I were to die and she wanted to marry a man who had not been subsequently married, I advised her to cancel her sealing to me--especially if they wanted to have children together. I felt it was important that if she were to have children with a second husband, that they be born in the covenant so that they could enjoy the blessings of that covenant.

I know there are no guarantees in marriage, life or anything. A spouse can cheat on you or divorce you -- but at least in those situations I'm there and whether or not I can control it I can at least be there to know it wasn't simply my uncontrollable absence that caused a spouse to up and cancel a temple sealing or simply decide someone was a bit better than what I had to offer.

Ground rules: I'm only talking about situations where spouses are both living faithfully to the gospel. I have no issue at all with someone who had a deadbeat, unfaithful or abusive spouse wanting to get sealed to someone who treated him or her better. No issue there and so let's skip the "everyone deserves a faithful spouse and some spouses leave the church, etc" speech.

The second part of this is that I'm not really interested in discussing what will or won't happen in the next life, whether it is polygamy or whether we are all living in a nudist, hippie colony or whatever crazy ideas people have because it is nothing more than speculation and we're not going to have answers to in this life.

If I'm not concerned about speculating about the next life then why the question, right? Because the sealing is in this life and my understanding of it and the answer to "why bother" affects whether I do or not and what of myself I give to a marriage. To be blunt, this, for me, goes much further than simply "obey or not obey"; I've been in some relationships that have ended in devastating ways and it affects how much of myself I will give to another. And the degree to which relationship has the possibility to exist affects how much I will give. A one-night stand (don't worry - just an example, not a lifestyle choice for me) would require very little commitment and it can be purely selfish. A til-death marriage is a nice, little vacation that you share with another person before you go your separate ways and if you outlive the other person you may or may not (as your discretion) replace the person with someone else to continue the remainder of your vacation in this life with. A temple sealing is something that you give ALL of yourself to and "cleave" to the other person because it is forever and your investment can yield greater than your whole self.

But why would I invest ALL of myself in something that "may" last forever... but may not (assuming again that both parties are faithful)? Some people have no problem with that and the risk is something they are willing to accept because, hey, it might turn out awesome in the end. Hopefully. But I do not have enough of myself left to invest in the risky proposition of, say, I die early and she decides to proceed to temple sealing number two or whatever the case.

It seems at that point easier to simply do the "til death do you part" and worry about the next life in the next life and not have to worry about investing in something that may not last more than this brief flicker of a life anyway, despite a person's best efforts.

I really only have two things to say

1) The biggest predictor of what you will be like in the afterlife is what are like in this life. You don't give your all to your spouse because you plan to be with him or her when you're dead. You give your all to your spouse because that's what makes marriages so rewarding.

2) Mortality can be long and lonely if you have a spouse that dies young. There's nothing wrong with wanting companionship. Sure, things might not work out in the eternities like you expected right now, but that, to me, indicates that you have too many expectations. Personally, I'd recommend not having any expectations of the afterlife. Be the best person you can possibly be right now; try to improve that every day; and let the eternal things take care of themselves.

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...Not quite. A wife will be sealed to all of them men to whom she was married because we don't know what the Lord has in mind for these situations. Any explanation for why we do this is speculation. The policy is in place specifically because we don't know. At least doing it this way we cover all of the bases. (whether or not that's the right approach can be debated, but I think that debate ultimately comes down to opinion)...

You say a wife will be sealed to all men that she married but, isn't this a choice? If a woman was sealed to her first husband and he died and she remarried, wouldn't it be her and her 2nd husband's choice if they have proxy sealings done after their deaths?

M.

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You say a wife will be sealed to all men that she married but, isn't this a choice? If a woman was sealed to her first husband and he died and she remarried, wouldn't it be her and her 2nd husband's choice if they have proxy sealings done after their deaths?

M.

I'm trying to think of any time I've heard anyone say "Grandma came to me last night in dream. She wanted me to know its her choice to be sealed to that guy she married the year before they both died."

hmmmmmm.... can't think of one.

Sorry that just hit me funny. :D

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I'm trying to think of any time I've heard anyone say "Grandma came to me last night in dream. She wanted me to know its her choice to be sealed to that guy she married the year before they both died."

hmmmmmm.... can't think of one.

Sorry that just hit me funny. :D

OK, I can see how that may seem funny but, if couples do have this choice and they know about it, couldn't they just tell their family members, children and grandchildren, before their deaths; since it will be these people that will do the proxy work?

M.

Edited by Maureen
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OK, I can see how that may seem funny but, if couples do have this choice and they know about it, couldn't they just tell their family members, children and grandchildren, before their deaths; since it will these people that will do the proxy work?

M.

I suppose so. LOL Never heard of it happening.

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OK, I can see how that may seem funny but, if couples do have this choice and they know about it, couldn't they just tell their family members, children and grandchildren, before their deaths; since it will these people that will do the proxy work?

M.

What's your plan for ensuring that such information gets passed down for 10+ generations?

As far as administration and record keeping of such a program, I think it sounds like a huge nightmare to take on.

I think that's why we're encouraged to focus on making good decisions, trying to do things the right way as best as we can, and not worrying too much about the myriad exceptions.

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What's your plan for ensuring that such information gets passed down for 10+ generations?...

Why would you have to worry about later generations? If grandma and step-grandpa or grandpa and step-grandma have told the family while they are alive that they wish to be sealed to each other after their deaths, how would family members not understand that and have the work done as soon as is possible?

M.

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Why would you have to worry about later generations? If grandma and step-grandpa or grandpa and step-grandma have told the family while they are alive that they wish to be sealed to each other after their deaths, how would family members not understand that and have the work done as soon as is possible?

M.

Oh. I misinterpreted what you said. I thought you meant if they did not want to be sealed.

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Oh. I misinterpreted what you said. I thought you meant if they did not want to be sealed.

My main thought is that it is their choice to be sealed. I guess it's possible that a family member could choose to do their proxy sealing 50 years after their deaths without realizing they did not want it done. And in this case, I would think it would become a "the other side of the veil" choice for wife and 2nd husband.

M.

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Quote "But why would I invest ALL of myself in something that "may" last forever... but may not (assuming again that both parties are faithful)? " End Quote

I guess my answer is why not? If you get married "till death do you part" or "for time and eternity" would not you go into it investing your all.

The future is not etched in stone, but irregardless I would think that no matter what kind of commitment you embark on in life that you would invest your ALL.

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The sealing is about MUCH more than marriage or even an eternal marriage. Remember that we do far more than get sealed to spouses. Children are sealed to their parents (if born "in the covenant" you don't physically take them to the temple and perform the sealing, but they are still considered sealed). We do temple work for our dead so that they can also be sealed- to their spouses, their parents, and their children. We are essentially weaving together a familial fabric- connecting everyone together. Why?

Before every worthy male member could receive the priesthood, many sealings were done "by adoption" and to members who held the priesthood. It is my understanding that this practice was actually the root behind plural marriages. The practice of sealing by adoption was discontinued, much like the practice of plural marriage was discontinued, with a revelation that we should be sealing ourselves to our "next of kin" not to others. Such sealing would not be possible without the priesthood- we are sealing ourselves to and under Priesthood power- the power of God. This sealing entails a covenant, a promise, between ourselves and God.

Have you heard of or studied the Abrahamic covenant at all? This covenant actually began with Adam, but it is recorded in scripture through a conversation Abraham had with God in which he was promised that his seed would be as numerous as the stars. There are many other things entailed in this promise. To be one of the "covenant" people is to be a person who promises to do certain things, refrain from certain items and activities, and in return this person is promised a great number of blessings from God. Part of those blessings includes the power of the Priesthood- the ability to act in His name and perform healings and miracles and other ordinances, the ability to bless and therefore receive the sacrament, the ability to baptise. To be sealed is to be sealed one if His people, one of His children.

Without getting too much into the whole family thing as opposed to the question of sealing between spouses let me just say this: I come from a broken family. Both parents remarried after the divorce, mom and step-dad active while dad is not and step-mom is non-member. A broken family is what it is: broken. I love my family but I don't want to be sealed to my step-dad (he's not my father) as much as I appreciate him and as good of a person as he is. I don't want to be sealed between two couples. I have nothing against the idea of "families forever" but once I figure out how to cancel the sealing that took place between me and my parents that's my next project (and I don't want to give the impression that I have abusive parents, cold, unloving parents or anything like that - I just want nothing to do with an eternal broken family.

I'm very familiar with the Abrahamic covenant. I'm not really sure how to state this without sounding cynical but I feel like if I want the blessings of the Abrahamic covenant it is because I'm supposed to want them, not because I really do want them. It just isn't something I wake up in the morning thinking, man if I'm righteous than I can have... There are many things that I like the idea of but at best I just don't really have an opinion on the Abrahamic covenant. I'm not apostate, I swear *smile*, it's more of an issue that I go down the route of I do right because I believe it is right, not because I anticipate great mansions or lots of kids or whatever in the future. And if I don't desire after something, I don't and certainly not simply because I'm supposed to.

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The best reason for being sealed here on earth is that it is an earthly ordinance and we can't get to the celestial kingdom without it. For those who aren't married here, me being one ... if we live worthy of the blessing it will be taken care of.

My doctrinal understanding of this is different. I don't believe there is any requirement of sealing to get in the celestial kingdom. President Kimball said (in my two-second search) in general conference "Even unmarried, we may reach the celestial kingdom..." (though there are limitations on the unmarried but they are still in the celestial kingdom).

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2) Mortality can be long and lonely if you have a spouse that dies young. There's nothing wrong with wanting companionship. Sure, things might not work out in the eternities like you expected right now, but that, to me, indicates that you have too many expectations. Personally, I'd recommend not having any expectations of the afterlife. Be the best person you can possibly be right now; try to improve that every day; and let the eternal things take care of themselves.

I have no disagreement about the first part of what you say EXCEPT where you get into having too many expectations. Those expectations derive directly out of the doctrine that we are taught by the general authorities and concern what will happen in the next life. The teachings aren't "get sealed, period" the teachings are "get sealed so that in the next life we can be together with the person we are sealed to for all eternity."

I'm fine with the "don't have expectations in the next life" but then I'm back to the, I don't know what is going to happen in the next life so why bother getting sealed, I'll get married and whatever happens in the next life, happens. If the response to the attitude is, we are taught that we can't be sealed to our families in the next life if we aren't sealed here then my response is, well, what I'm hearing from everyone is that we don't even know if we'll be sealed to our families in the next life anyway and WHO KNOWS what will happen there. And back to why bother worrying about the next life, why bother getting sealed.

I think sometimes that what we want in the next life is not what we as individuals want but we want what we do because we are SUPPPOSED to want those things. If that's the case, then I'm in serious trouble in the next life :).

1) The biggest predictor of what you will be like in the afterlife is what are like in this life. You don't give your all to your spouse because you plan to be with him or her when you're dead. You give your all to your spouse because that's what makes marriages so rewarding.

I guess my answer is why not? If you get married "till death do you part" or "for time and eternity" would not you go into it investing your all.

The future is not etched in stone, but irregardless I would think that no matter what kind of commitment you embark on in life that you would invest your ALL.

As a general matte I don't disagree with these statements and I think it's important to be committed to who you marry. But I've found the nature of the relationship affects my feelings towards it. If I'm casually dating someone I'm going to approach it very different than when I am engaged to someone. Likewise, if I'm married to someone and it's for time I will commit all of myself to that person for this life but I will always know in the back of my mind that when the ride ends, I get off. I don't see how a person could ignore the HUGE difference between being with a person for life vs for all eternity. Maybe that's not significant to some but for someone who has been in very lengthy and serious relationships that have ended for various reasons abruptly it is difficult for me to look at a forthcoming relationship with any sort of "this will last for ever if both are committed" when in all likelihood that just isn't true. Even the gospel can't promise that to two people who want that because as I'm hearing "who knows what happens in the next life." So I can happily give all of myself to another person for this life with a nice civil ceremony but if the sealings can promise nothing then I will assume it ends at death and worry about the next life in the next life.

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Without getting too much into the whole family thing as opposed to the question of sealing between spouses let me just say this: I come from a broken family. Both parents remarried after the divorce, mom and step-dad active while dad is not and step-mom is non-member. A broken family is what it is: broken. I love my family but I don't want to be sealed to my step-dad (he's not my father) as much as I appreciate him and as good of a person as he is. I don't want to be sealed between two couples. I have nothing against the idea of "families forever" but once I figure out how to cancel the sealing that took place between me and my parents that's my next project (and I don't want to give the impression that I have abusive parents, cold, unloving parents or anything like that - I just want nothing to do with an eternal broken family.

I'm very familiar with the Abrahamic covenant. I'm not really sure how to state this without sounding cynical but I feel like if I want the blessings of the Abrahamic covenant it is because I'm supposed to want them, not because I really do want them. It just isn't something I wake up in the morning thinking, man if I'm righteous than I can have... There are many things that I like the idea of but at best I just don't really have an opinion on the Abrahamic covenant. I'm not apostate, I swear *smile*, it's more of an issue that I go down the route of I do right because I believe it is right, not because I anticipate great mansions or lots of kids or whatever in the future. And if I don't desire after something, I don't and certainly not simply because I'm supposed to.

As far as your concern about being sealed to a "broken family", you need not worry. Anyone who does not live up to the celestial requirements, while still recognized as sealed at this time, will no longer be so come judgement day and our placements in heaven. No eternal family will be broken. All the links in the chain will be mended, all the people perfected through their efforts and the atonement. Our focus should be an attempt to extend the sealing to all possible, so that God can sort it out later and everyone who has the potential of living up to the celestial law can enjoy those blessings. Remember that our covenants are an earthly requirement and can only be completed in this life. If you have the opportunity to be sealed, and you pass it up, you will not get another opportunity later. Sealings for the dead are meant to provide those who never had the chance in this life to also be sealed- and it is performed by those who are alive, by proxy, because it is an ordinance/covenant that must be performed while on earth.

As for the rest, I understand where you are coming from. I've entertained thoughts along a similar vein myself in the past. That is actually why I am still unendowed. I felt like I shouldn't go through the endowment when I didn't even feel a desire for the blessings and responsibilities of a celestial glory. I've always been the kind of person who is perfectly happy in a serviant/background role, maybe offering advice to whoever is in charge or running everything "backstage" so the process goes smoothly for the actors and directors. But I never felt a desire to take on the roles of director, manager, etc. In my mind, I saw a placement in the celestial kingdom as taking up one of these leadership roles that I just didn't want.

What I did then was start really studying, in depth, what we know about the afterlife and placement in the different kingdoms, as well as the covenants and promises we make and the details of the Abrahamic covenant. It's been about a year now since I first started delving deeper into everything, to get a better understanding and appreciation, and I can say that I am only now starting to feel like I want to go through with getting endowed.

Here's some scriptural food-for-thought for you:

D&C 131:1-4 "In the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; And in order to obtain the highest, a man must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]; And if he does not, he cannot obtain it. He may enter into the other, but that is the end of his kingdom; he cannot have an increase." (emphasis added)

So, yes- sealing IS required for entry into at least the highest degree of the celestial glory. We know enough to know that those who aren't sealed cannot make it here. We may not know everything about the afterlife and how God is going to sort things out, but we know this at least.

D&C 88:22 "For he who is not able to abide the law of a celestial kingdom cannot abide a celestial glory."

What is the celestial law? That gets clarified here:

D&C 76:50-70 It's a bit lengthy. You can look it up if you wish, but here's the footnotes version-

Requirements for entry into celestial kingdom:

Faith in Christ, baptism, receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, repentance, receive the Melchizedek Priesthood (males), be endowed and sealed, glory in God (humility and gratitude), gather upon Mount Zion (temples), be "just" (righteousness, self-improvement, enduring).

Blessings for fulfilling those requirements:

Be a "god" or co-inheriter with Christ of all God has, overcome all things, enemies subdued by God, dwell with God and Christ forever, come forth in the first resurrection, name written in heaven, receive a celestial body (light, knowledge, understanding, power).

Still don't feel like this is something you want? That's okay. I didn't at this point either. I felt I would probably be much happier in the terrestrial glory- not because I thought the requirements were difficult and didn't want to do them, but because I just had no desire for receiving the blessings. I felt I would be adequately happy and at peace with the blessings given to those who receive a terrestrial glory, as I could then serve in one of those "background" roles I prefer.

I started looking more deeply into the topic of covenants and found several articles on the topic on lds.org. There's:

The Abrahamaic Covenant - by S. Michael Wilcox

Of Compasses and Covenants - by Lance B. Wickman and

Children of the Covenant - by Russell M. Nelson

just to name a select few.

I started reaching a better understanding and started making comparisons to our service in the church and our families here on earth. Our life is a type or symbol of what is to come. Right now, our attempts are flawed and we come across many "broken" circumstances. But when we strive to abide by the ideals set before us- to magnify our divine roles as parents and spouses, and to magnify our callings in the church, and to reach out in service to those in our community- that is when we can begin to see what heaven is meant to be like.

Heaven isn't a place just for you. It isn't a place just for me. It isn't a place where we have strived to perfect ourselves and can then become the greatest being we can on our own. Heaven is going to be a very social place, filled with people. Heaven is a place for service. It's been said, we cannot be saved without our dead. It's been said that if we can bring but one soul unto Christ that our joy in heaven will be immeasurable. It's been said that the work will not be finished until everyone has had a chance to hear the gospel. Why? Because heaven is for everyone, and we are to reach out to help and serve and lift up those around us so that we can build the perfect heavenly community like the city of Enoch.

You will not feel a desire for this until you feel a desire to reach out to those around you, until you wish to help them be lifted up and to enjoy the blessings of an Enoch-like life. There is nothing wrong with wanting to cut yourself off from imperfection, but there should be an equal desire to bring the people forward while cleansing them of all that causes them to be imperfect. We all have imperfection within ourselves, and we will need to tolerate such imperfections while in mortality, and then do everything within our power to slowly work that imperfection out of ourselves and out of others- through service, magnifying our callings, and example- leaving others to exercise their agency and hopefully strive for the same.

Edited by JudoMinja
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Here's what I've found:

1. After a husband and wife die and wife can be sealed to ALL of the husbands she was married to - presumably (as some on this board have speculated) so she can chose who she REALLY wants to be married with.

2. After a spouse dies (and I know it doesn't happen frequently but if I am to believe what I'm told it does happen) the living spouse can have the sealing cancelled so that he/she can be sealed to someone else.

My 2cents worth:

1. in geneology they let a wife be sealed to all the husbands she's had during mortality so that the children can be sealed to two parents. Otherwise we would have to choose here who we seal all the children to ie mother and husband No.3 or No.2 or whatever. Presumably she will stay with the first or the one she really wants but that's a later decision she will take in the spirit world which we wont know about here on earth.

2. Rarely approved. She can have the sealing cancelled by the first presidency but I have never known a widow to have her sealing cancelled, even when it was a 26yold who was widowed after 5 weeks at 22. Rarely, if ever, approved by 1st presidency.

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I guess I don't know a whole lot about how things are going to shake out in the next life and there's a lot I really don't care to speculate about but here's my question, so far as it relates to marriage and sealings: why bother?

I grew up under the impression that "families are forever," and got a little teary-eyed when Elder Bednar talked about, in his tender mercies talk, the widow receiving the note from her recently deceased husband about how families can be together forever.

But...

Some of the things I'm learning about doctrine (?) make me think that my perspective that if I am sealed in the temple and I am faithful and my spouse is faithful that we will have an eternal marriage is incredibly myopic and seemingly childish.

Here's what I've found:

1. After a husband and wife die and wife can be sealed to ALL of the husbands she was married to - presumably (as some on this board have speculated) so she can chose who she REALLY wants to be married with.

2. After a spouse dies (and I know it doesn't happen frequently but if I am to believe what I'm told it does happen) the living spouse can have the sealing cancelled so that he/she can be sealed to someone else.

I know there are no guarantees in marriage, life or anything. A spouse can cheat on you or divorce you -- but at least in those situations I'm there and whether or not I can control it I can at least be there to know it wasn't simply my uncontrollable absence that caused a spouse to up and cancel a temple sealing or simply decide someone was a bit better than what I had to offer.

Ground rules: I'm only talking about situations where spouses are both living faithfully to the gospel. I have no issue at all with someone who had a deadbeat, unfaithful or abusive spouse wanting to get sealed to someone who treated him or her better. No issue there and so let's skip the "everyone deserves a faithful spouse and some spouses leave the church, etc" speech.

The second part of this is that I'm not really interested in discussing what will or won't happen in the next life, whether it is polygamy or whether we are all living in a nudist, hippie colony or whatever crazy ideas people have because it is nothing more than speculation and we're not going to have answers to in this life.

If I'm not concerned about speculating about the next life then why the question, right? Because the sealing is in this life and my understanding of it and the answer to "why bother" affects whether I do or not and what of myself I give to a marriage. To be blunt, this, for me, goes much further than simply "obey or not obey"; I've been in some relationships that have ended in devastating ways and it affects how much of myself I will give to another. And the degree to which relationship has the possibility to exist affects how much I will give. A one-night stand (don't worry - just an example, not a lifestyle choice for me) would require very little commitment and it can be purely selfish. A til-death marriage is a nice, little vacation that you share with another person before you go your separate ways and if you outlive the other person you may or may not (as your discretion) replace the person with someone else to continue the remainder of your vacation in this life with. A temple sealing is something that you give ALL of yourself to and "cleave" to the other person because it is forever and your investment can yield greater than your whole self.

But why would I invest ALL of myself in something that "may" last forever... but may not (assuming again that both parties are faithful)? Some people have no problem with that and the risk is something they are willing to accept because, hey, it might turn out awesome in the end. Hopefully. But I do not have enough of myself left to invest in the risky proposition of, say, I die early and she decides to proceed to temple sealing number two or whatever the case.

It seems at that point easier to simply do the "til death do you part" and worry about the next life in the next life and not have to worry about investing in something that may not last more than this brief flicker of a life anyway, despite a person's best efforts.

Hi Guast;

Just to make you aware, I haven't fully read all the responding posts to your op yet. I wanted to answer your original question first....I apologize if I repeat some of what's already been said. Also, this is just my .02 cents worth, so please take it for what it's worth.

I, too, have come from a "broken" home where my dad was quite abusive. My parents divorced when I was in Jr. High. Both of them married spouses whom I've not really been close to at all. My stepdad is kind; but, we're not very close and more formal with each other than anything. Probably would not even associate with each other were it not my mom that connected us.

I don't get along with my stepmom anymore. She kept all of my dad's personal effects when he passed (special things we remember about him growing up) and gave us, his children, nothing.....

I am married to a wonderful husband of another faith. So, no, we don't have an eternal marriage. For us, it's "till death do us part."

Hopefully these experiences will give a little credence to what I have to say....

First of all, I don't believe I have to give all of who I am to my spouse. I believe the only People/Beings I want to give all of myself to is my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. Even then, it seems for me that God often hands it right back to me to work out my own "eternal salvation." Meaning, He wants me to use the talents and abilities He has already given me to work at finding my path back home.

As far as my husband goes on this, I am finding that I want to be autonomous and independent a great deal in our marriage, so that I can offer to my spouse a position of strength in building our marriage. My dear sister-in-law used to tell me, when I was single, that if I was unhappy being single, I would end up being unhappy in marriage. That my happiness wasn't conditioned on my spouse, or lack of one. That it was up to me to be happy within myself.

Placing God first in my life and then taking responsibility for my own happiness leads me to relate a little differently to my spouse. It has grieved me for awhile that we do not have a "temple marriage." I used to pray quite a bit for his heart to soften towards the gospel so that eventually we could be sealed in the temple. Heavenly Father showed me through promptings and experiences to absolutely respect my husband's agency in not wanting to embrace my beliefs. So, I've decided to love my husband the best I can for who he is; differences, shortcomings and all. I want to love him with the pure love of Christ. This isn't about ''giving all of who I am" to him. It's about altruism. Thinking about his wants/needs/hopes/dreams. Loving him tenderly, kindly, and in the language of love that he understands.

Luckily, my husband does a great job already of loving me in the way I just described. While he's not perfect, neither am I. I am soo far from being so. Most of what needs to be corrected in my frame of mind lies within my own power to do so, not my husband's.

Hope this helps.

Dove

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