I'm a marriage counselor in Southern California


SoCal_Counselor
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Bootstrap_Dove,

I am not sure if there is hope for your situation as I am not familiar with what is going on or your husband's desire to make the relationship work or not. Stay on here this forum and keep going to different areas within this forum. You will slowly start to figure out how it works. Don't be affraid to ask questions of how to do something. For the rules for this forum, go here.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Welcome, Brian... How interesting. This is the first time I decided to read a new member post in quite a while. I have been trying to help my sis and her husband who are going through a divorce. It its hurting them and their children. They have been to counselors, but none of them seem interested in preserving the marriage. I don't have the foggiest idea what to do. It is so obvious to me that their main problem I is a lack of forgiveness...with my sis airing a very long list of grievances, and him doing the same in self defense. Any time I get in a conversation with them they do this. They want mercy for him/her self, but justice for the other.

I don't know how to break this cycle...I even took them to church with me and someone gave a talk on that very thing, and they both loved it, even though neither one of them had been to church with me before and they don't attend church anywhere...they are planning to attend separate churches, seeing out as a quaint way of being social, they are much to intelligent, they say, to believe in a religion.

Outside of a church belief, what can I possibly say that can stop this cycle of destroying one another and instill forgiveness?

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Glad to see there is a professional marriage counselor on the boards - thanks for being here, hopefully I will be able to air my issues soon. I'm new to the boards and haven't figured out how to make a thread in the marriage section yet.

Though we need to remember that this is just the profession of someone who frequents this board and is no way affiliated with the ownership of this site. Therefore, the thoughts and views are to be taken as such.

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Welcome, Brian... How interesting. This is the first time I decided to read a new member post in quite a while. I have been trying to help my sis and her husband who are going through a divorce. It its hurting them and their children. They have been to counselors, but none of them seem interested in preserving the marriage. I don't have the foggiest idea what to do. It is so obvious to me that their main problem I is a lack of forgiveness...with my sis airing a very long list of grievances, and him doing the same in self defense. Any time I get in a conversation with them they do this. They want mercy for him/her self, but justice for the other.

I don't know how to break this cycle...I even took them to church with me and someone gave a talk on that very thing, and they both loved it, even though neither one of them had been to church with me before and they don't attend church anywhere...they are planning to attend separate churches, seeing out as a quaint way of being social, they are much to intelligent, they say, to believe in a religion.

Outside of a church belief, what can I possibly say that can stop this cycle of destroying one another and instill forgiveness?

For ideas on forgiveness, try looking at these resources: Forgiveness in Marriage

What Forgiveness is…

What Forgiveness is Not

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  • 4 weeks later...

Welcome to the forum, unfortunately, my marriage went down the toilet. However, I found peace through the church because when your taught in youth what kind of qualities to seek in a man it's pertinent to life in general. I use to think while in my youth, why am I thinking about qualities in a man, I'm young it doesn't apply. Little did I know that the reason why the church taught us such values in younger years is to prepare us to find individuals who have the same spiritual aspect and values as ourselves. And it makes sense because why are you going to marry someone who isn't spiritual, doesn't care for morals, and lives life as if there is nothing to live for. When in the other hand you can marry someone who has so much in common spiritually and who is willing to share the strife towards achieving the pursuit of happiness as a family. Sorry about venting here....but all in all welcome to the forum!!

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