Still struggling aftger all this time

[daenvgiell]

Hi guys me again... for those of you who remember me.

I am still struggling with doubts and am unsure all the time. I live a good life (well I try to) I go to church every week, I try and read/study the scriptures every day, I pray every day and I still feel like I'm getting no where. I also have 2 callings. Relief Society music director and Stake YSA secretary. I am trying to understand but I feel like I don't feel/recognise the spirit, rather that I'm just plodding along in my life. I feel lost and confused and like I'm missing something but I just can't seem to catch a break. I want to go to the Temple, but I feel like I can't go when I have all of these thoughts, like I'm not worthy.

What more can I do? I want to beat this, but I feel like I can't.

[SoCal_Counselor]

Do you think you might be dealing with some depression? Is there a history of depression in your family? Sometimes depression can cause us to be hopeless about the future and have excessive guilt.

[zuko725]

I'm so glad you posted this because I feel the same exact way!!

I pray every day, go to church every Sunday, have a calling in Young Women's, read church magazines, read the scriptures etc and hang out on LDS sites such as this one but I still feel like I don't have the spirit with me and, like you, am just plodding through life. I almost feel like I'm completely on my own here. I know that's not true.. but that's how I feel. I feel like I'm searching for guidance and I'm just not getting it.

I know I'm not being much help, just letting you know I feel the same way and I will be checking back to see what anyone else has to say on the matter.

[daenvgiell]

Do you think you might be dealing with some depression? Is there a history of depression in your family? Sometimes depression can cause us to be hopeless about the future and have excessive guilt.

I'm not sure if there is a history of depression in my family, but I didn't think there was. If it was depression though would I generally be a happy person, because I am, it's just when it comes to the gospel and everything associated with it that gets me down, just the fact that I feel like I'm not getting it right and not understanding which is why I'm still struggling, I don't understand why this has gone on for 4 years now, I feel like I'm not making any progress.

[beefche]

What are you expecting? What are your thoughts of someone who is "making progress?" How do you know someone is making progress or worthy? What makes you think you aren't worthy?

I'm wondering if your expectations are too high or unrealistic.

[JudoMinja]

If you are going to feel like you are making progress, you need to have some form of measurement in order to see that progress. This is part of the reason why our youth programs are so goal oriented, with the scout merit badges and the personal progress. As you fulfill these small goals, you can check off your accomplishments, and you can later look back on it and see your progress.

This is also part of the reason we are advised to keep journals. Do you keep a journal? I used to keep one when I was younger, but struggle with doing so now- I spend so much time writing other things that I just don't feel like writing in a journal. Maybe this needs to be one of my personal goals . But, I know that when I've gone back and read things I've written in my journal in the past, I can literally see growth that I never would have realized happened on my own. I could spot areas where I'd struggled before and no longer do now, things I didn't understand that I now understand, barriers I'd been able to cross, etc.

It's hard to see the progress when we are always stuck in the now and can't look back at where we were before. We keep looking forward (or at others) expecting ourselves to be in certain places or certain states of being, and when we find we still aren't there, we get frustrated and start thinking we are getting nowhere.

I think you are getting somewhere. You are moving forward. The pace is just slow and the changes difficult to see. Start looking for ways that you can measure your growth. Set small goals that will lead into bigger goals and keep a record of what you acheive. If there is a particular area where you want to improve, but you don't know how- study it out, seek advice, and start out very small. When you find yourself feeling unaccomplished and/or unworthy (like you just don't "measure up") look back on your records of your goals and acheivements so you have something to measure. I bet you will see quite a bit more progress than you feel like you've made.

[rameumptom]

Sometimes we do two things to ourselves as Mormons.

1. We try to save ourselves by trying to keep every little commandment and serve beyond what we are able. The reality is, we cannot save ourselves. We can only approach the mercy seat of God and trust in his redeeming power.

2. We do not believe in the atonement of Christ. We believe the facts regarding the atonement, but do not believe that the atonement could ever apply to us. This is Satan's effort to keep us from experiencing the full effect of the redemption, by casting doubt and fear, so we lose faith.

Here are some things that will help:

1. Think and meditate (a lot) on those moments when you have felt the Spirit, and how it brought great peace into your life. Focus on these experiences until you begin again to feel what you did then.

2. Talk to your bishop. Let him know that you are struggling and want his input on whether he feels you are temple worthy or not. If you are not, he can give you guidance on getting prepared. As judge in Israel, if he feels you are ready, then trust and believe, and get your recommend. Satan will do a lot to keep you out of the temple, where the Spirit is felt so strongly.

3. Read the Book of Mormon. This time, however, focus on what it says regarding Christ's atonement. See how it speaks of God's love for his children, and that faith and repentance qualify us for the ordinances. Don't focus on the commandments or the events going on, but just on the teachings regarding Jesus as our Savior.

4. Reading "Believing Christ" by Stephen Robinson. He begins explaining the process for being saved and redeemed in Christ. I personally feel it is even simpler than how he explains it, but it is a very good start. At the very beginning, you'll see that his wife possibly felt just as you do now.

Edited March 22, 2012 by rameumptom

[NoxNullaEgetDeumPerfectum]

I'm not sure if there is a history of depression in my family, but I didn't think there was. If it was depression though would I generally be a happy person, because I am, it's just when it comes to the gospel and everything associated with it that gets me down, just the fact that I feel like I'm not getting it right and not understanding which is why I'm still struggling, I don't understand why this has gone on for 4 years now, I feel like I'm not making any progress.

If i may ask, in what ways do you feel you are not progressing? To me it sounds like you have obtained the knowledge of the spirit and carry it. You are trying to answer questions to which that you feel. In what areas of the gospel do you feel lacking in?

Besides, you should not feel bad about yourself. Remember Gods plan, you are his child and chose his plan of free agency to increase your wisdom and knowledge. Also to act in faith of your own choice in following God. You denied the man of the morning who proposed for all in the spirit world to not have free aganecy so that no one could sin. No one would be inadequate, but wouldent we all be left stagnet? Wouldent that keep us from becomeing closer to our father? In the end it was a selfish attempt by satan to keep knowledge from all of Gods children by denying free agency. You are already great for coming to this world, and holding true to Gods teachings. The most important being free agency.

You are always making progress everday here on this Earth.

[SoCal_Counselor]

I'm not sure if there is a history of depression in my family, but I didn't think there was. If it was depression though would I generally be a happy person, because I am, it's just when it comes to the gospel and everything associated with it that gets me down, just the fact that I feel like I'm not getting it right and not understanding which is why I'm still struggling, I don't understand why this has gone on for 4 years now, I feel like I'm not making any progress.

You are right, it is probably not depression. I personally think accepting the gospel comes very easy to some people, and it is very difficult for others. It is kind of like school in some ways. Some people do absolutely nothing and get straight A's while other work their tails off for a bunch of C's.

Nevertheless, you still seem to be trying despite it not coming easy to you. That shows more integrity to me than for someone who easily accepts every aspect whole heartily of this gospel.

[daenvgiell]

What are you expecting? What are your thoughts of someone who is "making progress?" How do you know someone is making progress or worthy? What makes you think you aren't worthy?

I'm wondering if your expectations are too high or unrealistic.

Well I feel like I'm pretty much in the same place I was 4 years ago, not understanding how the spirit works with me, if I even feel the spirit, why I still continually have doubts. I thought they would have gone by now if I stuck at it, but here I still am. As for worthiness, I feel like because I have all these doubts therefore I don't "know" and therefore I do not qualify as worthy.

Do you keep a journal?

It's hard to see the progress when we are always stuck in the now and can't look back at where we were before. We keep looking forward (or at others) expecting ourselves to be in certain places or certain states of being, and when we find we still aren't there, we get frustrated and start thinking we are getting nowhere.

I sort of keep a journal. I write in it every now and then, but that's about it. I have re read some of the things and feel like I have gotten somewhere only to be faced with all the doubts all over again and then feel as if yes I've still gotten nowhere.

If i may ask, in what ways do you feel you are not progressing? To me it sounds like you have obtained the knowledge of the spirit and carry it. You are trying to answer questions to which that you feel. In what areas of the gospel do you feel lacking in?

I feel like I'm not progressing because I don't think I feel the spirit, or if I do I don't recognise it. Also because I am still doubting after all this time. I just don't get it. I try to be the best kind of person I can be, I try to do all the right things and yet I still don't feel like I have all the pieces together.

What makes you say that it sounds like I have obtained the knowledge?

[JudoMinja]

Well I feel like I'm pretty much in the same place I was 4 years ago, not understanding how the spirit works with me, if I even feel the spirit, why I still continually have doubts. I thought they would have gone by now if I stuck at it, but here I still am. As for worthiness, I feel like because I have all these doubts therefore I don't "know" and therefore I do not qualify as worthy.

God doesn't want us to know. He wants us to have faith.

"And now as I said concerning faith—faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." Alma 32:21 (emphasis added)

Do you believe (not know) that the things you are taught are true and have hope? Then you are doing just fine. You don't need to beat yourself up for having doubts. Everyone has doubts. They come simply because our knowledge is lacking and we are imperfect in our ability and capacity to perceive the big picture.

If you haven't already- I encourage you to re-read the rest of Alma 32 and take up the challenge to plant some seeds of faith in your heart. Pick whatever area of the gospel you are struggling the most with and keep a log of your goals so that you can measure your "growth".

I sort of keep a journal. I write in it every now and then, but that's about it. I have re read some of the things and feel like I have gotten somewhere only to be faced with all the doubts all over again and then feel as if yes I've still gotten nowhere.

Keep looking back on that journal when you're having troubles. The doubts don't mean you're not progressing. Don't let it cloud the progress you are seeing.

I feel like I'm not progressing because I don't think I feel the spirit, or if I do I don't recognise it. Also because I am still doubting after all this time. I just don't get it. I try to be the best kind of person I can be, I try to do all the right things and yet I still don't feel like I have all the pieces together.

I can think of two possibilities why you are having trouble feeling/interpreting the spirit.

1. You need to do more "spiritual" things, so that the presence of the spirit will be there.

and/or

2. You just aren't recognizing it when you feel it.

Both of which you mentioned. So, how do you work on it now?

Well, number one is easy. Think of ways to fill your time with more spiritual things by cutting out stuff that is unneccessary or detracts from the spirit, and then do more that will invite Him. Some simple possibilities that wouldn't require too much effort or clutter your time-

1. You could turn on a Christian radio station so that you have uplifting music in the background all the time.

2. Make sure you're remembering to spend at least half-an-hour on scripture study daily at whatever time of day fits your schedule best- first thing in the morning is a good idea if possible, because it sets the "mood" for the day.

3. Pray. Any time. All the time. Little prayers. Short prayers. Long prayers. Don't be afraid to pray over every little thing.

4. Keep uplifting quotes and pictures plastered around. Put them places where you will see them frequently.

Now, number two requires figuring out how to recognize the spirit when you feel it. The spirit communicates in a very unique and individualized way, so it can be difficult to pinpoint because nobody can just describe it and have you look for the same feeling. Here's something that has helped me:

"Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me.

But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right.

But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong; therefore, you cannot write that which is sacred save it be given you from me." D&C 9:7-9

I've found that the key here is to keep prayers simple. Whenever you want to pray for an answer about something, you need to study it out first. To me, this means going through the entire process of examining all the information/evidence possible and coming to a conclusion. Then, the prayer should simply ask if your conclusion is correct. This makes it so that the spirit has a very simple task of providing you a "yes" or "no" answer.

If the answer is going to be yes, you will feel the spirit- however that feels to you. A calm, a peace, a burning, an enlightening thought, etc.

If the answer is going to be no, you will continue to feel uncertain, confused, doubtful, etc.

This works for absolutely everything that you can narrow down to a yes or no request. You can use it to "test" the spirit by seeking out the answers to things you already feel certain about. When you start recognizing what the spirit feels like, then you should be able to pinpoint situations where you are feeling promptings and guidance from the spirit.

Hope this helps. :)