Married people: How do you handle your finances with your spouse?


lizzy16
 Share

Recommended Posts

I grew up with my parents having everything shared.

I would like to do the same. I don't see how two people can really be united and in love if they aren't willing to share finances. I was raised thinking "Sharing money=normal thing for married people." It wasn't until mid high school that I realized a lot of couples didn't share money.

If I'm going to live with someone eternally then I better feel comfortable sharing my money (and vice versa.) "Sure lets have a temple marriage. Together forever. By the way, lets keep everything separate. I'll cover these expenses, you cover those. The kids we'll split. And, we can have separate savings!" That doesn't seem at all right.

You are spot on, Lizzy (with the pretty hair! I love your hair!). When your boyfriend asks you to sign a prenupt... RUN! :)

But... just to be really nitpicky... it's not really "sharing" either. I see sharing as - somebody who received her paycheck then she goes, one dollar for you, one dollar for me. Make sense? It's more like the law of consecration. Everybody put everything they have right on this here table. Then we all decide what to do with it.

Do you see how marriage is completely the foundation of all God's principles? Unconditional love, and now the law of consecration...

Edited by anatess
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 61
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

We have equal access to all our money. One joint bank account and one small one for a small business my wife runs. I have access to the account. In general I pay the bills, I buy the groceries. We share all the responsibilities, but each take the lead in certain areas.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my marriage, 'we' have an allowance. Specifically: Each of us has a monthly budget to spend on personal items. Want a book, or to go out to dinner? That's in our personal allowance.

This is separate.

We also have a communal fund which pays our bills, and only our bills, and is tracked. We have a fourth fund which is going towards purchasing a house and isn't touched at all. If you run out of your personal funds early on(Of which I am guilty, often), then you're out of luck. I love it. Our budget has worked fantastically.

Last month, when planning our budget to allow for travel to Vancouver to visit my family, we found out at the beginning of the month we were about £120 over our monthly allowance if we just chose not to put our funds towards a house this month. Our choices were to take it from our personal funds, which would mean a very broke month, or spend our previously saved housing budget(Not an option), or touch our emergency stash. We chose to be broke this month.

This has resulted in us saving up about £6000($9000 US) which, when factoring in end of year bonuses in a few months, will grow to be about £10, 000($15, 000 US) by July 1st. This hasn't been because we have spectacular high paying jobs. We don't. It's because we can stick to a budget.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

In my marriage, 'we' have an allowance. Specifically: Each of us has a monthly budget to spend on personal items. Want a book, or to go out to dinner? That's in our personal allowance.

This is separate.

We also have a communal fund which pays our bills, and only our bills, and is tracked. We have a fourth fund which is going towards purchasing a house and isn't touched at all. If you run out of your personal funds early on(Of which I am guilty, often), then you're out of luck. I love it. Our budget has worked fantastically.

It's the 29th day of the month and I still have $200+ of allowance money!!! You won't believe how awesome that is... because next month is my husband's bday and I can WOW him with that necklace to match his bracelet I got him for Christmas! w00t!

For some people, hanging on to money is easy. For me, tightening the belt so much this month for a coming bday was incredibly difficult... I feel very proud of myself. w00t!

By the way... I still find it funny that my husband loves jewelry while I find no use for them. I walk into a jewelry store and there's this whole floor full of women sparklies and one little table of men's stuff and all the sales people always show me all these stuff for me and I'm like... bleh, not interested, and they stare at me like I have a third eye on my forehead.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

MorningStar... in my opinion, you are not waiting for your husband to give you your allowance. You are waiting for your financial manager to give you your allowance.

Whoever handles the money becomes the family's financial manager. If you can afford a person to handle your finances like Mitt Romney can, then you're going to be waiting for a 3rd party financial manager to give you your allowance. Unfortunately, for us regular folks, you or your husband gets to wear the financial manager hat. So, if you decided that your husband is going to handle your finances, then you get to wait for your husband to give you your allowance just as your husband gets to wait on himself to give him his allowance (I know it sounds funny, but this is how it should be).

Now, of course, this is predicated on both of you having already set the process by which you receive an allowance... called The Family Budget.

And, of course, it is assumed that no financial abuse is being made by the chosen finance manager.

I don't have a problem with each spouse having a budgeted amount they spend each month. What bothers me is one spouse not having access to the account, as if they are a child. I know there are extreme cases like a spouse being a compulsive spender, but I do the budgeting/paying bills and when we agreed on an amount to spend, my husband is capable of withdrawing the money himself instead of waiting for me to give it to him. I associate the word "allowance" with a parent child relationship rather than partners.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm fortunate that M is great running the family money and I'm happy to go out working and earn what I can. She always puts out €10 week as 'spends', it's a bit of a joke as she knows I spend money as needed but leave her to look after the bulk of it, so she puts it out and says "there's your pocket money" while I make a joke to the little 'un about blowing it all on crisps, sweets and pirate tattoos :D

In practice we have seperate accounts, I transfer the money that's left after mortgage and some bills. The rest I move into her account and I couldn't tell you how it gets spent from there. Food, school, etc. all just get magically paid.

In truth as well this is the first time, in a previous life I lived with my girlfriends and ex-wife and I have to say they were clueless with money. To the point I had to look after every penny. I hated it, I prefer to leave M to run the family home and am thankful she's way better at it than me, we're never short at the end of the month (tight, sure!) and all the bills get paid.

I guess to answer the questions - we handle finances through trust, I trust her to spend it well and she trusts me to earn more, hahah. You know what I mean though ;p

What it comes down to is communicating, and not being secretive about the money in any way.

Wisdom indeed, NEVER be secretive about money, if you find you have to then there's bigger questions and concerns. It would be so terrible to trust in faith and then discover your other half was not being honest.

The rule there of course is the money you spirit away for birthdays, etc. ^_^ But of course that comes from you pretending to buy your stuff but not doing (lunch, buses, etc.).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't have a problem with each spouse having a budgeted amount they spend each month. What bothers me is one spouse not having access to the account, as if they are a child. I know there are extreme cases like a spouse being a compulsive spender, but I do the budgeting/paying bills and when we agreed on an amount to spend, my husband is capable of withdrawing the money himself instead of waiting for me to give it to him. I associate the word "allowance" with a parent child relationship rather than partners.

You have a problem with the WORD allowance? How about if we call it something else like... I don't know, "your money". Does that make it better? It doesn't matter what it is called. The point of the money is, it is that part of your financial pie that you can spend on anything you want, regardless of how it is taken out of the bank.

But yes, I have access to the bank account. But no, I'm not touching the bank account. That's just not how we're set up. We have experienced it before where we use the bank card to buy gas at the pump and it held something like $100 of our money for over 2 days. Our bill-bank holds very little cushion money. If I would have taken money out of the bank without asking my husband, we could easily bounce some checks. I don't bother to look at the bank activity. It's his job to do so. I look to him for everything money-related. And that's why a separate account for me is the best way I found. Even if I happen to grow a brain and learn to control myself, the separate account is just the best way. Then I won't have to ask my husband for money. If it's not in my account, then I can't spend any and yes... I get to wait for my husband to "give me money".

My parents worked on a cash basis (bank cards were not common in the Philippines at that time). My dad lined up for his cash money from my mom every week just like us kids.

I really don't see anything wrong with that. And I don't see how it is a "parent-child" relationship. It's a financial management style agreed upon by both parties set up to protect the family from conflicting self-interests.

Edited by anatess
Link to comment
Share on other sites

You have a problem with the WORD allowance? How about if we call it something else like... I don't know, "your money". Does that make it better? It doesn't matter what it is called. The point of the money is, it is that part of your financial pie that you can spend on anything you want, regardless of how it is taken out of the bank.

But yes, I have access to the bank account. But no, I'm not touching the bank account. That's just not how we're set up. We have experienced it before where we use the bank card to buy gas at the pump and it held something like $100 of our money for over 2 days. Our bill-bank holds very little cushion money. If I would have taken money out of the bank without asking my husband, we could easily bounce some checks. I don't bother to look at the bank activity. It's his job to do so. I look to him for everything money-related. And that's why a separate account for me is the best way I found. Even if I happen to grow a brain and learn to control myself, the separate account is just the best way. Then I won't have to ask my husband for money. If it's not in my account, then I can't spend any and yes... I get to wait for my husband to "give me money".

My parents worked on a cash basis (bank cards were not common in the Philippines at that time). My dad lined up for his cash money from my mom every week just like us kids.

I really don't see anything wrong with that. And I don't see how it is a "parent-child" relationship. It's a financial management style agreed upon by both parties set up to protect the family from conflicting self-interests.

I had never heard a husband and wife use the word "allowance" regarding their budgets until recently. Up until then, I only heard the word used when it came to giving their children money for the purpose of teaching them how to manage it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had never heard a husband and wife use the word "allowance" regarding their budgets until recently. Up until then, I only heard the word used when it came to giving their children money for the purpose of teaching them how to manage it.

Maybe I'm not using the correct word. What is the correct word? English is only my 3rd language. My American husband calls it allowance but that's probably because I call it allowance...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Maybe I'm not using the correct word. What is the correct word? English is only my 3rd language. My American husband calls it allowance but that's probably because I call it allowance...

I don't see anything wrong with the word allowance. It's just that in people's mind is about children. The meaning of the word and how you are using it, it's correct IMHO.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share