My Husband's Addiction To Pornography Is Killing Me


whatthe
 Share

Recommended Posts

i doubt it's speculation. there have been quite afew posts in the past about husbands who do the same thing. whatthe has probably already been to him and he's either denied having a problem, or he's told her to get over it.

If it's an on going problem & it's been happening for a while, have you been to your bishop? is he one who is likely to help, or blame you. If he's the latter go to your mission president or who ever is next up in the chain of command. Ring the church head quarters & report your husband and bishop if that's what it takes. No person in the position of authority has the right to act the way some of the leaders act - EsPeCiAlLy considering everything the prophet has said Condemning pornography. And despite what the husband says, it's a sad fact that once he's hooked on porn, he's more likely to start looking else where for excitement. Look what happened with CoGuy.

i truly hope everything works out. we're all here if you need to talk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

whattthe,

I'm so sorry to hear about that. *sigh* It's a widespread problem, and it really is an addiction.

StrawberryFields is right--it is HIS problem. Remember that you did not in any way cause it.

I hope your husband overcomes it and that things get easier between you.

((hugs))

Dror

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Another one of these "male addicted to porn" threads? Why is he addicted -- does he spend hours viewing the stuff? Does he substitute sex with his wife with auto-erotic activities? Or does he view the stuff occasionally -- like once or twice a month?

Seriously, some people are addicted to porn, others view it occaionally and others once in a while. Of course, it is my hope that LDS people NOT view it at all (all people for that matter would make the world a nicer place) but just because a man or woman (young women are frequenting porn in numbers almost even with young men -- older women generally don't, but they were socialized in different manners) does not constitute addiction.

Also, someone posted something that suggested that males are more visual. Yes, that is true to a degree. However, recent research suggests that females are more affected by viewing porn (it actually stimulates their brains in a comprehensive manner that is far greater than males). Also, for what it is worth, studies also show that women viewing porn show high stimulation to the action regardless of whether they are seeing images of male and female couples, just nude people or females doing naughty things with each other. The old "women just want to cuddle while men are beasts" has been blown away by neurological studies as well as psychological studies since the early 1980s.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i doubt it's speculation. there have been quite afew posts in the past about husbands who do the same thing. whatthe has probably already been to him and he's either denied having a problem, or he's told her to get over it.

If it's an on going problem & it's been happening for a while, have you been to your bishop? is he one who is likely to help, or blame you. If he's the latter go to your mission president or who ever is next up in the chain of command. Ring the church head quarters & report your husband and bishop if that's what it takes. No person in the position of authority has the right to act the way some of the leaders act - EsPeCiAlLy considering everything the prophet has said Condemning pornography.

Yes, there are priesthood leaders that make bad decisions, but we all do. We are human after all. Who are you to just assume that her priesthood leaders will blame her? Let's focus on her problem specifically and not compare it to other situations.

Another one of these "male addicted to porn" threads? Why is he addicted -- does he spend hours viewing the stuff? Does he substitute sex with his wife with auto-erotic activities? Or does he view the stuff occasionally -- like once or twice a month?

Whether it's once in a person's life or everyday, viewing porn is a sin. It doesn't need to turn into an addiction before it becomes wrong. I think whatthe is looking for help or just for an opportunity to vent. She doesn't need people to rationalize her husband's behavior. If you don't have anything that will help, then it's best not to say anything at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Whether it's once in a person's life or everyday, viewing porn is a sin. It doesn't need to turn into an addiction before it becomes wrong. I think whatthe is looking for help or just for an opportunity to vent. She doesn't need people to rationalize her husband's behavior. If you don't have anything that will help, then it's best not to say anything at all.

Maybe you are right. I have friends who drink wine occasionally (they aren't LDS) but since drinking alcohol can be listed as a sin, even if they do not drink to get drunk, then maybe I need to get them to an AA meeting right away.

I have no idea what the person in question's level of porn viewing is -- but I am sure that there are some LDS caught up in the anti porn hysteria (hey, it's one thing to condemn an action as moral or not it's another to start labeling things addiction) that think that if someone once in a great while looks at the stuff they are addicts. To do this actually trivializes what is true addiction as much as saying that people who get body piercings (which IS NOT a sin by the way) are in the same category psychologically as women who cut themselves.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Strange, isn't it...apostles and prophets for years have even said that family limitation is so contrary to the LDS principle of eternal families that one's ability to reach exaltation could be at risk if you buy into the world's view of it, yet some tabloidish statement that holds no doctrinal significance whatsoever (body piercing) is on everybody's minds. Sorry, the urging of people to not get tatoos and piercings is in the same category as white shirts in sacrament. I have gone to the temple in jeans (when I just decided to stop while on a trip) and I have blessed sacrament with a bright sweater and no tie. The prophet has URGED people not to get these things done to your body due to society's views of it (just like in the 60s men were urged not to have long hair and beards if they were in the temple or bishops). However, the last time I was in the temple one of the women who was a temple missionary had a bunch of ear piercings (she was also in her 60s). I could go for a temple recommend and have just had a tatoo put on and there is nothing the bishop can do.

Let's at least put things into proper perspective.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I will give my male opinion on this matter and hope it helps some in understanding. Please understand I am not trying to excuse anything but am attempting to give some sanity to an insane problem.

I believe that men react to things differently than women. Things regarding sexual stimulation is at the core of this difference. I think the reason men are so attracted is because it is part of the bonding process. I am not a big fan of Dr. Laura but I think she is correct in her assessment that women hold an important key to men’s affections. Sometimes I joke in saying that I am a strong male and I can resist anything but temptation. The simple truth is that in most cases men are much more attracted to sexual stimulation than women.

Because of the strong attraction men must learn at an early age to control and master their urges. This is most difficult in our current society that discourages sexual restraint. I believe the most powerful force that can help a struggling male is a strong, loving, companionate and caring wife. I think that sexual attractions were meant to make a marriage commitment strong in the male. I also think that if the male will not honor and respect that marriage commitment that such power is not effective.

The only way I know to overcome pornography is through 100% abstinence.

My suggestion is that a strong loving, compassionate and caring wife sit with her husband and learn how bad the problem has become. Do not allow any blame in this exchange. Do not allow the husband to blame the wife. Find out the full extent of the problem. If the problem is the internet then install a blocker and only allow the husband certain clean sights. Get rid of catalogs like Victory Secret. Do not go to R rated movies and you may want to drop many PG13 as well. Find other activities to do that are physical like walks or bicycle riding, hiking to do on a regular basis. Avoid entertainment and activities that are visual.

If the husband is not willing to tackle the problem then I believe a woman is justified in seeking devoice, not as a threat but as a covenant and promise. When we marry we make a covenant and promise to our spouse of fidelity and if that promise is not kept and if there is not a desire to keep that promise there really is no binding marriage. Please do not make this a game or power struggle. It is just a matter of being honest and living according to commitments.

I would also suggest that the wife work to “clean” up things in her life as well if for nothing else than to be a good example. Attend church regularly (even on vacations), pay tithing, live the word of wisdom, have regular family home evenings, regular family prayer and regular personal scripture study. Set goals and give rewards. Show affection for each other and express you love and feelings. Be both wise and kind.

The Traveler

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share