Flutterfly Posted July 7, 2012 Report Share Posted July 7, 2012 My boyfriend is a Mormon (24) and I am not (21) (I am a real good friend of Church, I do want to get baptized but my parents are against it). A little bit of pre-history: We met on his mission. When he got home, we started communicating over the Internet, that's how our relationship started. Then he came back to visit me. In a year, I went to visit him. My parents knew nothing about us, because they are pretty anti-mormon people. In one more year, it was his turn to visit me. My boyfriend and I both realized that we can't conceal our relationship forever and that's when we decided that I should tell my parents that an American friend of mine is coming and he needs a place to stay. They were pretty welcoming and happy to have a foreigner stay with us... but I didn't tell them he is a Mormon. Eventually, they realized themselves he is a Mormon and they didn't know how to feel about it. Obviously they were not happy about it, especially my Dad. We didn't tell them he is a Mormon on purpose, because since they are prejudicial, I wanted them to see that he is just as normal as other people (they never met Mormons). My boyfriend and I started talking about marriage long time ago. Both of us want it. I already feel I am a part of his family. His family accepts me and knows our plans. I don't know how to tell my parents about marriage. It is not just me marrying a Mormon, but also leaving my country. My parents will not approve it because for them it's me leaving to a foreign country with a Mormon stranger. I am not close with my parents and I just don't have guts to start a conversation with them. This situation makes me so depressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james12 Posted July 7, 2012 Report Share Posted July 7, 2012 As a dispassionate observer let me tell you that I think you need a little more time before getting married. This marriage will mean major life changes; a new religion, a new country, and potential estrangement from your parents. I can think of few things that would be more significant than these. I would suggest determining whether you want to join the church for you or strictly for your boyfriend. Have you prayed and received an answer of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon? If he is a returned missionary then he likely takes his faith seriously. Some time after your marriage you may find that you do not feel the commitment he feels towards the LDS church. It takes more time then simply Sunday for a few hours. It will effect every aspect of your lives. For this reason I think you need to find out if you have an independent testimony. If so, then get baptized. I realize there is a hurdle there with you're parents but this will be only a small step compared to moving away, getting baptized and married all at the same time. From your post it sounds like you are planning on living in the US. Is this the long term plan? If so, I have to say that I have had a few friends with wives from other countries. Their wives have really missed their family. They have had to work out long term and regular trips. Make sure you figure out how his is going to work. A marriage does not solve all problems. At some point that blissful feeling is lessened and we come back to earth. We realize that we now must forge out a life. Work on this aspect now before you get married because you will need a solid foundation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted July 7, 2012 Report Share Posted July 7, 2012 How to tell my parents that I am marrying a Mormon? ...Eventually, they realized themselves he is a Mormon and they didn't know how to feel about it.Sounds like you only need to say "[boyfriend] has asked me to marry him and move to his country, and I've accepted." That's the obvious answer to your question, right? It looks like you didn't ask the wrong question. I'm guessing the question you meant to ask is "How do I get my parents to accept this incredibly major life choice that will forever alter our relationship?" The answer to that question is easy too - you can't. Only your parents can accept it.I am interested though, has he actually proposed? Do you have a ring and a date? Without those things, you are not "marrying a mormon", you are just hoping to. And those are two very different things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted July 7, 2012 Report Share Posted July 7, 2012 Simple answer: just tell them. James12 said it nicely. To add, I think some more serious thought should be considered regarding cultural differences. Yes, it's doable but no, it's not easy. I have Filipina friends that moved to the United States after marrying Americans. The initial transition was exciting and blissful, and then reality kicked in. Filipinos are very tight-knit with their families. These women expected (and were expected) to return home to visit family on a frequent basis. This can be a strenuous situation when the couple cannot afford trips in and out of the country twice a year. These women also expect (and were expected) to be able to send money home to their families (maybe friends), and this can be a real problem too, especially when the husband doesn't understand why it's their responsibility. I understand your cultural and ties with family/friends may be different but my point is to take into consideration the cultural changes that you will be making by proceeding with this. Again, it's all doable. It's just a really really big jump. Best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted July 8, 2012 Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 This made me think of my uncle and his wife. He met her while in the military and stationed in Japan. When they met she could speak no English and he only knew a handful of words in Japanese, but love blossomed even without a shared language, as well as without a shared culture or faith. He was Lutheran, she was Buddhist. Upon bringing his bride to America it proved to be a very difficult cultural change and adjustment for her and also very hard for her to move so far away from her family. But, love being what it is, or can be, she was completely devoted to my uncle. Fortunately, too, my uncle adored her and did all he could to see to it that she was able to travel home to see her family as often as possible. As much as she missed them, though, she and my uncle were very happy and though America was always a foreign land to her, it became her home because it was his. They had one child, who was their world. She was killed in a car accident shortly after entering the military and then some years later my uncle passed, but his wife stayed on in America for the remainder of her life, even though she could have gone back to Japan to spend several more years of her life with her family she so missed and loved. But I don't think leaving the place her husband and daughter were buried was something she could bring herself to do either. Love truly can conquer all, but it can sometimes be a difficult road of sacrifices along the way. I don't know how to advise you on ways to discuss things with your parents, though something like Loudmouth_Mormon's simple and forthright approach sounds best. Things such as marriage, religion, and having a child move far from home can all be difficult for families to accept sometimes, though, so all of this could be challenging for you, depending on their reaction, so I'd just say be prayerful and let the Lord guide your thoughts, words, and steps. As for leaving your country, if or when you do, I would suggest maybe finding a group or organization that reflects your culture and heritage to become involved with. That can be helpful in not feeling as much loss at the changes immigrating to a new country can bring. I would also think those kinds of ties, especially if family is not accepting of one's decisions and where estrangement sometimes occurs, can help keep one from feeling so adrift, alone, or abandoned in a strange land without ties with their family or friends. P.S. The temple work has been done for my uncle, his wife, and their daughter. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flutterfly Posted July 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 I think you need a little more time before getting married.We've been on long-distance relationship for way too long. It's been 3 and a half years. We never broke up or dated someone else during 3 years of our relationship^_^ I think we don't need to wait longer.I would suggest determining whether you want to join the church for you or strictly for your boyfriend.I do want to join the church. I want to get baptized, go to the temple with my future husband, have a happy marriage. And I can do it only in this church which is the only true church.From your post it sounds like you are planning on living in the USMy boyfriend and I decided to live in the US since 1) we want to have kids sometime and we think that it will be better for them to grow up there. 2) he still has 2 years of college and i am graduating in like 2 months Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flutterfly Posted July 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 I am interested though, has he actually proposed? Do you have a ring and a date? Without those things, you are not "marrying a mormon", you are just hoping to. And those are two very different things.He has proposed.. 2 times I don't have a ring though. He does not have lots of money since he has to pay for college and plane tickets (to come visit me) which are very expensive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flutterfly Posted July 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 Thank you guys for your posts! They encouraged me much and made me think one more time about some things! :) I think it's always hard for some people to find words to tell your parents about getting married even if you have the same religion and you live in the same city. I just wish my boyfriend was with me so we could talk to my parents together Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted July 8, 2012 Report Share Posted July 8, 2012 If you're grown-up enough to get married, you're grown-up enough to tell your parents of your decision. :) They might flip out, but I imagine they'll adjust. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mnn727 Posted July 9, 2012 Report Share Posted July 9, 2012 If you're grown-up enough to get married, you're grown-up enough to tell your parents of your decision. :) They might flip out, but I imagine they'll adjust.At 21 you are an adult.Ahh Youth........ I mean no offense to you at all, but I wonder if you are really ready to marry if you can not even tell your parents. I think some serious thinking and decision making is in order. Good luck to all involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flutterfly Posted October 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2013 hey I just wanted to thank you guys for advice you gave me over a year ago and share some news on my story with you. First of, I got baptized 6 months ago. And... I got married. yay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 28, 2013 Report Share Posted October 28, 2013 How did your parents take it? Are you in the US now? Give us more detail! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flutterfly Posted October 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2013 My parents took it ok. At first, they didn't like the idea of me getting married and moving to another country (especially my dad) but they wanted me to be happy so overall they were supportive. I didn't expect them to be supportive at all. They are happy for me and not so worried anymore that I married a mormon. yes, I am in the States now. My fiancee (now husband ) and I did tons of paperwork and went through a long immigration process that took almost a year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted October 28, 2013 Report Share Posted October 28, 2013 Hooray for a happy ending, Flutterfly! Best of luck to you in this very new stage of your life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flutterfly Posted October 28, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 28, 2013 Hooray for a happy ending, Flutterfly! Best of luck to you in this very new stage of your life.Thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SanctitasDeo Posted October 29, 2013 Report Share Posted October 29, 2013 Pozdravlyayoo! That is great news. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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