Are some of supposed to be single in this life?


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I have almost made up my mind for me this is the road I am to travel. I really don't know anyone that would want my life style when I finish college.

I will be working as a counselor and have a small farm to run and my kids and at my age no one wants little kids around them.

Some comments I have received:

I have been told that if I get rid of my kids then we could develop a relationship.

At your age you should have a good paying job not be in college.

Get rid of the beard and we could maybe be friends.

I have raised my kids and will not raise someone else's.

My time being a mom is over now it's me time.

Your a 3 time loser who would want you.

First wife murdered, second left after 20 years, third left after 6. That is the polite side of the issue in the case of 2 and 3. Nope will not go into the real reasons other than they took everything they could get their lawyers hands on. think gold diggers

I think it just time to look forward towards my new career and farm and enjoy being single.

Not looking for any real advice just curious if others have decided there just may not be someone for them in this life.

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I will be working as a counselor and have a small farm to run and my kids and at my age no one wants little kids around them.

Not everyone feels that way. I'm about 10 years behind you but I'm raising a 4yo. Its really hard but its worth it.

Happiness is like a butterfly

The more you chase it the more it will elude you

Turn your thoughts to other things

and

It will come and sit softly on your shoulder.

--Anonymous

My thoughts are to concentrate on your new career, your farm, your children, and your relationship with Heavenly Father. Then put the rest in His hands and relax. He knows the desires of your heart and might just surprise you.

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Apple

You just might be correct but the sad thing is I hate being alone and the longer I am alone the more I accept it.

Once we accept something as the norm for our lives the harder it is to walk away from this life style.

Yes I am looking forward to my new career, farm and time with my kids. If I have it sort of figured out my work week will only have to be 80 hours long, Sunday is taken, so that leaves just enough time to get a nice nap and then begin the new day. ha ha

Good thing I can cook, now to just learn how to sew and I can be my own seamstress and even learn how to buy material to make my own clothes. ha ha

I know how to garden, grow fruits, can, work a farm and yes when I am done counsel others on health issues. So just maybe that is what I am to do with what is left of my life. You see since the divorce Heavenly Father has been after me big time for something.

I went almost 25 years without a temple recommend, why just didn't see the need for one mostly. Since the divorce he has been after me to get things in order so I could attend and have as often as I can. My temple is being worked on so I get to drive 6 hours each way to attend with a dear friend of mine and yes he is a temple worker at the temple we attend it is such a humbling experience to walk into the house of Our Lord and know he is there and he is talking to you.

I have got this much understood, I need to complete my master's degree, get my farm, raise my kids at best I can and then it gets all fuzzy.

I know I am supposed to go on a mission with my spouse but I will be very old when that could happen so wonder if it is in the next life and not this one. It will be an interesting mission to say the least, yea I have some idea of what it will be and even maybe where. Total lifestyle change for me but oh so rewarding at the same time.

The funniest part is since I am single going on a mission with my spouse should be very interesting as I am single right now and there is no one in the picture right now and maybe never.

I have a 6 year old and 5 year old that see dad, then there are others that don't

I have a son who is very challenged in this life and today we are going to celebrate his 21st birthday and no more than likely the ex will not be there. She has little to do with him now, she lives 5 hours away and just doesn't seem to really care anymore. She tried to convince me and my son we didn't want anything to do with the other. But he looked for me and found me and we have been seeing and enjoying each other for a while now. When I am so down with my situation I go and get my son and we go do things together and I see how much he means to me and just how much a part of my life he is. He is so funny and cheerful you can not help but take some of it in.

I have to get in touch with his bishop and see what we need to do to get him ready for his own endowments so we can attend temple together.

I know only this life in this country is going to be greatly changed because of the drought here this year, the election this fall is very important and most of all God's plan is moving forward even if we the people at times may not be.

Edited by shdwlkr
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I was someone who resigned herself to be single in this life. As I passed the "normal" age for marriage, I had a time period that I grieved. I grieved over being lonely for the duration of this life. I grieved over not being able to serve someone as a wife. I grieved over not being able to have babies. It was a dark period in my life.

What I eventually learned was that I could be happy single. That didn't mean I wouldn't have loneliness and a need to connect with someone, but I could still be happy. I learned to deal with those days that I missed having someone in my life. I learned to enjoy the good life that I had and not focus so much on the part of life I didn't have. I found that as I began more and more to focus on positive things and served others, that I was actually happy.

Yes, it is possible to have happiness in this life and in this church as a single adult. There are days that it is difficult. And you may even encounter people making thoughtless or downright rude comments to you. But, single or married, we have to deal with difficult days and rude, thoughtless people. It's just the subject matter changes.

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Apple

You just might be correct but the sad thing is I hate being alone and the longer I am alone the more I accept it.

Once we accept something as the norm for our lives the harder it is to walk away from this life style.

Yes I am looking forward to my new career, farm and time with my kids. If I have it sort of figured out my work week will only have to be 80 hours long, Sunday is taken, so that leaves just enough time to get a nice nap and then begin the new day. ha ha

Good thing I can cook, now to just learn how to sew and I can be my own seamstress and even learn how to buy material to make my own clothes. ha ha

I know how to garden, grow fruits, can, work a farm and yes when I am done counsel others on health issues. So just maybe that is what I am to do with what is left of my life. You see since the divorce Heavenly Father has been after me big time for something.

I went almost 25 years without a temple recommend, why just didn't see the need for one mostly. Since the divorce he has been after me to get things in order so I could attend and have as often as I can. My temple is being worked on so I get to drive 6 hours each way to attend with a dear friend of mine and yes he is a temple worker at the temple we attend it is such a humbling experience to walk into the house of Our Lord and know he is there and he is talking to you.

I have got this much understood, I need to complete my master's degree, get my farm, raise my kids at best I can and then it gets all fuzzy.

I know I am supposed to go on a mission with my spouse but I will be very old when that could happen so wonder if it is in the next life and not this one. It will be an interesting mission to say the least, yea I have some idea of what it will be and even maybe where. Total lifestyle change for me but oh so rewarding at the same time.

The funniest part is since I am single going on a mission with my spouse should be very interesting as I am single right now and there is no one in the picture right now and maybe never.

I have a 6 year old and 5 year old that see dad, then there are others that don't

I have a son who is very challenged in this life and today we are going to celebrate his 21st birthday and no more than likely the ex will not be there. She has little to do with him now, she lives 5 hours away and just doesn't seem to really care anymore. She tried to convince me and my son we didn't want anything to do with the other. But he looked for me and found me and we have been seeing and enjoying each other for a while now. When I am so down with my situation I go and get my son and we go do things together and I see how much he means to me and just how much a part of my life he is. He is so funny and cheerful you can not help but take some of it in.

I have to get in touch with his bishop and see what we need to do to get him ready for his own endowments so we can attend temple together.

I know only this life in this country is going to be greatly changed because of the drought here this year, the election this fall is very important and most of all God's plan is moving forward even if we the people at times may not be.

It sounds like you have your "marching orders" and more will be given more when you need more. The fuzzy part will fill in only AFTER you act. Exercise faith and remember that the Lord knows you, knows your circumstances and knows your heart. Have patience and know it will work out and you'll find the happiness you seek.

You have a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with your son and that's such an awesome blessing. My brother has an autistic boy. Since his divorce he doesn't get to spend much time with this son. They have the best time together and my nephew grows in amazing ways when he's with his Dad. We're praying my brother will get custody eventually. My nephew is 16 now. It might not happen until my nephew is legal age...but he'll never be able to make decisions on his own. His mother refused to believe anything was wrong and locked him in his room instead of getting the early intervention that is so very important. My brother had to work so didn't know what was going on when he wasn't there.

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You're probably more a help to me than I can be to you. Now I know better the kind of comments I can expect to get, especially if I manage to change my career from database programmer to author as my income will drop dramatically. For me it's not about income, it's about having more time and flexibility in my schedule to be able to help my children more.

I'm divorced and have custody of my four children. I've been single now for 3 or more years now - my memory doesn't work as well as it used to and I haven't really kept track of when I became divorced. I haven't dated since becoming divorced and often wonder if I could even find a lady who would be willing to marry me with all the difficulties my children have. I was more open to the idea of having more children if I married someone who wanted children but am realizing now that if I did then I'd be in my 60's before they were 18 and at this point I don't feel I've done very good raising the four I have. I would have thought things would be better than they are but they are not.

I get lonely at times and sometimes feel that I'm just going to end up single for the rest of my life. I haven't really decided there is no one for me but have doubts that if there is I will ever manage to find her.

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Shdwlkr,

I know you havent said this exactly or anything close to it, so dont stone me here, but saying "are some people suppose to be single" is just like saying "Has God made it so, that some people will live their lives single?" am I correct?

Dont take me wrong, but Im going off the deep end ONLY to bring some clarity. A great example is when my best friend who was like a brother to me was shot and killed in a truck my family gave him while i was 6 months out on my mission. I hated life.. hated everything.. and worst, blamed God.

I know you dont blame God consciously like i did, but digging deeper into your question, it really is what your asking. And the answer is a flat out No.

Dont assume that because your life has been a hard one to travel that it is the way its suppose to be forever. Also more importantly, Dont blame God's plan for you for your single life when you should be blaming the person who murdered your first wife and the other two who left you. Should you forgive them and move on? Of course? But is the blame still theirs? Most definitely.

You've just had a run of bad luck, for lack of a more meaningful term. Get on your knees and listen to what God has to say about you before you listen to some selfish women who have turned you down for erroneous reasons. To be fully honest, Im glad they did say those things outloud. Showed their true colors and showed their not worth your time :)

Keep your chin up and dont sell yourself short.

Also remember Priorities. Spouses need attention and time just as much as a farm needs water. If you are choosing to work an 80 hr week, you yourself are choosing to lower the amount of time you could be spending looking for a mate and taking her on those cheesy dates she loves like goofy golfing and bumper cars. Poetically speaking, youre falling on your own sword. cut some time out of your weekend and make some friends. Its not too much of a sacrifice.

Also, i havent read into to much detail about your son, is he old enough to help on the farm?

ps- Next time a woman says something like that to you, ask them to eat their make up instead of wear it, and hopefully someday they'll be pretty on the inside as they are on the outside

Edited by Eleven
adding priorities paragraph
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You're probably more a help to me than I can be to you. Now I know better the kind of comments I can expect to get, especially if I manage to change my career from database programmer to author as my income will drop dramatically. For me it's not about income, it's about having more time and flexibility in my schedule to be able to help my children more.

I'm divorced and have custody of my four children. I've been single now for 3 or more years now - my memory doesn't work as well as it used to and I haven't really kept track of when I became divorced. I haven't dated since becoming divorced and often wonder if I could even find a lady who would be willing to marry me with all the difficulties my children have. I was more open to the idea of having more children if I married someone who wanted children but am realizing now that if I did then I'd be in my 60's before they were 18 and at this point I don't feel I've done very good raising the four I have. I would have thought things would be better than they are but they are not.

I get lonely at times and sometimes feel that I'm just going to end up single for the rest of my life. I haven't really decided there is no one for me but have doubts that if there is I will ever manage to find her.

I don't know a parent who doesn't feel that way. Even those who are still married feel that way. I know I do and I know my husband does. Sometimes I'll say "I did such a poor job raising my children the Lord gave me another chance and I'm raising my grandson." I say it in jest...sort of. I really feel I failed somewhere because my children's choices are so far from what I taught them.

We do our best. Then we have to remind ourselves that our children have their agency. We don't get to change that. They get to choose.

Don't give up.

Any father who is willing to raise his children without a mother is a hero in my book.

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what most here have missed is that I blame no one, well except me for some of the issues that have come into my life. Remember I chose some of them. Do I think the Lord had some part in all this yes but not in the way some would think. I feel he is trying to teach me something about life and I have just missed it so things happen. Look at me I am in my 60's and have a 5 year old and 6 year old in my life, when they are grown I will be in my 70's. I still have a mission to get through too and no wife to go with me yet but in time who knows what will be put in my path, maybe she has already crossed it and I don't even know it yet. See life is full of unknowns and if we knew just 15 minutes of our lives on the Lord's clock I am not sure most of us could handle it but when it comes to us in small doses sometimes it is so much easier to accept sometimes and then it does leave its scars many many times but it is all part of life and what we are to learn here and take back with us when we leave this life.

What we all need to know and accept is we chose to come here at this time in the history of the earth. We chose to come when Satan is really active in so many ways so it is much harder to hang on to the iron rod but it is still there just a arm's reach away.

The 80 hours a week is seasonal as most of the farm work is from may until october, end of june to end of july is my total time with my kids so not much on the farm will be done then. As to making time to make friends I sort of do that now but you know sad truth is most LDS ladies I would be interested don't want little kids around so they get checked off as missing God's plan for us. Yes it bothers me but as time goes on less and less as I can see how shallow their lives are, how not committed to the gospel they are and most of how they would never be there for me. Thanks but I have had enough of those kinds of women in my life.

As to my son he has cerebral palsy really bad but you know what when dad gets a farm and has a garden he wants to come and help care for the garden which he will have all the chances he wants. Maybe some day he may even choose to come live with dad who knows my crystal ball is broken because I dropped it last time I saw into the future and it came true.

zion

Don't think being an author means low pay, I know of an author who makes pretty good money and has only been doing it for just a few years. If the Lord wants you to be an author the income will come just have faith and ask if that is the right direction for you to go.

I had/have 12 kids, 6 have life issues and at one time 6 of them lived in my house it was hectic but you know also fun at times. My 13 year old daughter at the time died at home and I found her and I had just asked her a few hours before how many more times would dad be carrying her into the house. She had the most infectious laugh and the strangest sense of humor but she was fun, a lot of work and yet she still took something from dad when she died.

As to your finding what I have run into there is no guarantee of that you maybe one of the lucky ones and find someone when you least expect it. Me I am just getting to the point what is the point beyond keeping score of those who turn me down. It is up around 79 and counting, why just for something to do really. Will I totally stop looking most likely not but I have accepted that I am going to be alone for some time.

Zion even in my position I believe there is someone for me but I just might have to wait. look harder, be in the right place or who knows what it take. When we totally close the door to possibilities then we have sealed our fate in this life. Granted in my case I am down to around a 5% chance of finding someone but that is still better than 0%.

Eleven

You would not want my life

you know about my wives but read above about my one daughter

I buried my best friend in this life on my 42 birthday that was my birthday present that year, he was the same age as me and we were cousins no less, which we didn't' even know for years we just liked hanging out together we were both working on a farm his was his parents mine was a neighbors. We even helped a neighbor sometimes just for fun to put his hay in. Yea farm kids find the darn-est things fun.

In the military there were many who never came home, some came home with issues and I got to meet and help some. It took a toll on me that took almost 40 years to get over and find the counselor that could help me put it all in the correct places. Much of it I fixed myself, the VA was of little help most of the time.

I have lost my parents but I knew them for a very long time so that worked out well for me. But you know I still miss being able to talk to them. As I kid growing up I met most of my relatives at their funerals yea I was late in getting here. Must not have wanted to come here to soon and enjoy all of this life's fun.

Yes I could have negative feelings for the person that murdered my wife but that only has hurt me so now I hope he has a good life, as to the two divorces(they got rid of me) they made their choices and I have to live with those choices, do I hate them no but there is some issues with understanding why beyond the money, house and kids they took from me. But you know I am still here still putting one foot in front of the other oddly at times but I still move myself around and that is a good thing I think and my kids are my life now along with my two cats and one dog that keep me from going totally nuts except when they make a mess for me to clean up and then I wonder what I missed in their lives. ha ha most likely didn't pet someone long enough or get the treat soon enough or didn't show enough attention.

The farm will help more people than you can understand right now as many of the crops raised will feed so many that don't even know me may never know me. See the bishop will love me when I get things going as I have already made the commitment that all the farm produces beyond my needs is for the bishop's use. Yea you can still do that even today in our time. It deals with the law of consecration and few even understand it today but it is a cool way to live and enjoy some talents I have not used for a very long time. My dad would be real pleased with the way the farm will be used.

Apple

when I walk into the temple I have to have a good friend of mine well he is almost like a brother to me and me to him there to make sure I don't loose my vertical position you see I get talked too most of the time, from the time I pass the entrance until I walk out. I have left with a headache before because so much has been crammed at me. Do I want to go to the temple often yep that way maybe I can get smaller bites of what I am supposed to be doing. ha ha So my caution to all who read this don't let your temple recommend go unused or just not get one for a few decades there is a lot of catching up to do if you do.

The road in this life for us all leads to death of the mortal body and hopefully not of the spiritual body that is what I am working on now and since I have a type A personality I ask questions in prayer and yes I expect answers. Nope not quick ones just answers and they have always shown up, I just have missed them sometimes for years.

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I am inline with Dravin,

Are some supposed to be single in this life? No. Will some be single in this life despite putting in earnest effort towards being in a happy and righteous marriage? Yes.

I remember, when single, kneeling and asking the Lord concerning marriage and this is the answer I received, "In my due time it will come, in the meantime, be watchful, be prayerful, and be happy."

I realize my situation was different. I am sorry to read about your first wife, this is an experience that could throw the strongest of men for a loop.

I am reminded of Elder Packer's words when he decided he was going to be a seminary teacher and the income he would be receiving. He then realized, that he needed to search for a companion who would be willing to live on the measly income he would receive, and the income he received then, is not even similar to the income seminary teachers receive today.

Are there women who will accept a farm boy/men, or an author. Sure there are, however, this is easily said.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am inline with Dravin,

I remember, when single, kneeling and asking the Lord concerning marriage and this is the answer I received, "In my due time it will come, in the meantime, be watchful, be prayerful, and be happy."

.

OP-I am sorry you are sad. I feel that is human nature to want to be loved, and I don't blame you for your sadness. I have been there too and have worked hard to leave the sadness behind me...or to at least put it away.

I think Anddenex is right on about "being happy" We choose happiness. Single or married. This is not to say you should not aspire to a relationship. When you get to a certain age, the love of your life isn't going to come to you...you sometimes have to search..not in desperation but in being a little more proactive than, say, in your 20s where social opportunites are at their height...

And yes..many women may not want someone in your situation. I've been there, done that on the other side. Just keep trying. Don't quit...

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I don't know a parent who doesn't feel that way. Even those who are still married feel that way. I know I do and I know my husband does. Sometimes I'll say "I did such a poor job raising my children the Lord gave me another chance and I'm raising my grandson." I say it in jest...sort of. I really feel I failed somewhere because my children's choices are so far from what I taught them.

We do our best. Then we have to remind ourselves that our children have their agency. We don't get to change that. They get to choose.

Don't give up.

Any father who is willing to raise his children without a mother is a hero in my book.

So far, I haven't completely given up and I hope that with giving my children more opportunities to exercise their agency it is not just because I gave up with those choices.

I often look at many options including the extremes and I have thought that if I marry and have more children that maybe I could do better a second time around but I worry about if not then I'll have more children choosing to not go to church and not wanting anything to do with the gospel.

...

zion

Don't think being an author means low pay, I know of an author who makes pretty good money and has only been doing it for just a few years. If the Lord wants you to be an author the income will come just have faith and ask if that is the right direction for you to go.

I had/have 12 kids, 6 have life issues and at one time 6 of them lived in my house it was hectic but you know also fun at times. My 13 year old daughter at the time died at home and I found her and I had just asked her a few hours before how many more times would dad be carrying her into the house. She had the most infectious laugh and the strangest sense of humor but she was fun, a lot of work and yet she still took something from dad when she died.

As to your finding what I have run into there is no guarantee of that you maybe one of the lucky ones and find someone when you least expect it. Me I am just getting to the point what is the point beyond keeping score of those who turn me down. It is up around 79 and counting, why just for something to do really. Will I totally stop looking most likely not but I have accepted that I am going to be alone for some time.

Zion even in my position I believe there is someone for me but I just might have to wait. look harder, be in the right place or who knows what it take. When we totally close the door to possibilities then we have sealed our fate in this life. Granted in my case I am down to around a 5% chance of finding someone but that is still better than 0%.

...

I know authors can make a lot of money, but few do when they first start out. I am planning to make a living as an author and will make enough money.

I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. That must have been very hard on you, I can't imagine losing one of my children.

I haven't closed the door to the possibility of finding someone but haven't looked very hard, mostly because I have too many doubts and questions that linger - including how to make enough time to have a growing relationship.

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