How selective should you be when choosing someone to marry


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We still harping on this topic? Since OP and Garry have made their stances quite clear in previous threads, I'm not sure why we continue to push the issue on how they choose to select a partner. I don't necessarily agree with their thinking but I have my own list of "red flags". I guess, we should just take a breather and be grateful for the men that we DID marry. :D I know I caught a winner.

"Harping"? Really?

Someone made a post. I asked some questions because I am curious as to how/why/where they set their "dealbreakers".

What is with the tendency on this forum for wanting to shut down/criticize/judge others who have a different opinion? It's really off-putting and unwelcoming.

As for "pushing the issue"...again, someone gets to make a post on an issue, but no one should respond? Or just the people you disagree with don't get to respond?

If you don't want to comment on the topic, then don't. But you don't get to tell others that they can't/shouldn't post..

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"Harping"? Really?

Someone made a post. I asked some questions because I am curious as to how/why/where they set their "dealbreakers".

What is with the tendency on this forum for wanting to shut down/criticize/judge others who have a different opinion? It's really off-putting and unwelcoming.

As for "pushing the issue"...again, someone gets to make a post on an issue, but no one should respond? Or just the people you disagree with don't get to respond?

If you don't want to comment on the topic, then don't. But you don't get to tell others that they can't/shouldn't post..

Wow. You got quite the short fuse don't you.

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So if you put 8 women in a room together I would have to automatically exclude 2..... Sorry....

That does not mean that they are not marriage material. They are just not

Marriage material for me. Hey some guys like a project.

oh my gosh. I was molested when I was 7. Good thing my husband of 41 years didnt exclude me for that. I am darn sure he would have excluded the pedophile from living if he were still alive. He was raped repeatedly during his childhood. Gee I am sure glad I didnt hold that against him. I am also sure glad the guy is no doubt dead by now.

I guess we were both 'projects'.

Guess what? You all are too. Marriage is a huge PROJECT. Doesnt matter who you marry.

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I agree that all marriages require work, and anyone that thinks otherwise is sorely mistaken. Having said that, it's important that we "sift" through our dating pool when deciding what we can and what we won't live with. I might not have met other's criteria but I made my husband's and my husband made mine.

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I don't think mental health is too high a bar to ask for.

Well, just to be clear, I believe a marriage partner should be one of the most selective, selfish choices one makes in life. So to each their own. That said, there's really little difference between garryw's comment and these:

I don't think a racially acceptable heritage is too high a bar to ask for.

I don't think inherited riches is too high a bar to ask for.

I don't think at least a DD cup is too high a bar to ask for.

I don't think naturally blonde hair is too high a bar to ask for.

I don't think someone who has never broken a bone is too high a bar to ask for.

I don't think perfect in-laws is too high a bar to ask for.

I don't think total absence of freckles is too high a bar to ask for.

Again, to each their own. And I've said this before, but yeah, folks who consider any mental issue a dealbreaker, really are doing everyone a favor by being upfront about such things. Why on earth would anyone want to date someone who finds an aspect of their existence 'below the bar'?

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Again, to each their own. And I've said this before, but yeah, folks who consider any mental issue a dealbreaker, really are doing everyone a favor by being upfront about such things. Why on earth would anyone want to date someone who finds an aspect of their existence 'below the bar'?

The same could be said of the YW who ask are you a RM? And when get no drop them like a bad apple.

Do you really want to date someone that for any reason... any reason at all, thinks you are not good enough for them?

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It becomes hurtful when we allow other's criteria to determine our own self worth. As said before, if someone flat out refuses to give you a chance based on this or that, and you feel that this or that element doesn't make who you are - be grateful you dodged that bullet. There are so many people out there. Some will share the same criteria list as you, others won't.

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I agree that all marriages require work, and anyone that thinks otherwise is sorely mistaken. Having said that, it's important that we "sift" through our dating pool when deciding what we can and what we won't live with. I might not have met other's criteria but I made my husband's and my husband made mine.

This is well-said, Bini. I have gotten the impression from some individuals on this thread that marriage, on their parts, should be an easy lie-back while their partners do everything they can to please them. Not how it works.

However, I have been thinking a bit about this thread. Saw an old boyfriend at my high school reunion and again at a mini-reunion the other day. There were PLENTY of things I noticed about him that would have been deal-breakers.

I guess I just can't fathom some reasons I happen to consider shallow.

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