When is respect due and when is respect earned?

[Bini]

This is not about politics. On another forum that I frequent, a member posted a rant about how disappointed she is that people are disrespectful of the President. Her belief is that regardless of political stance, there is a certain degree of respect that should be shown for the President. A response was left by another member:

I personally don't believe holding a certain type of job should entitle anyone to unearned respect. Respect must be earned and kept, it's not automatically conferred when someone gets hired, promoted or elected.

Now, to steer away from getting into a political debate, I'm going to inject another scenario. Students are required to show respect to their teachers, regardless, of personality and teaching methods. The same applies to children honouring and obeying their parents. The Lord instructs that children should respect both mother and father, even if mother is nagging and father has a temper.

All people should be respected. So when is respect due and when is respect earned?

[Anddenex]

All people should be respected. So when is respect due and when is respect earned?

On my mission and in other places I have heard the statement, "I would rather be respected than loved."

The interesting aspect about this statement, is that if I don't love you I don't respect you." There are people I respect, but I don't like, but you will never finding me respecting someone I do not love.

I don't think any position automatically assumes respect, even as parents. If we have come to a point to think our position deserves respect, then we think to highly of ourselves.

In my minds eye, a person should always be living in a manner that is respectful and earning respect. I can't stand it when bosses think they are able to disrespect people because they are the boss, but nobody can disrespect them, because of their position.

Whenever I see this, I leave that workplace. It isn't a workplace that one can grow and find happiness.

Position has never mattered to me, if they are disrespectful then they are earning the lack of respect they receive.

*This is solely the thoughts of Anddenex.

[NightSG]

I can't stand it when bosses think they are able to disrespect people because they are the boss, but nobody can disrespect them, because of their position.

That's not respect, it's fearful deference to a tyrant.

[Wingnut]

On my mission and in other places I have heard the statement, "I would rather be respected than loved."

I believe that was taught by Harold B. Lee.

[Aino]

I don't disrespect anyone unless given a very solid reason to.

[jayanna]

My stepson, when he first moved in with my husband and I, was very disrespectful towards me. I told him that he was being disrespectful and he replied with, "Respect has to be earned." I don't know where this phrase came from but it is not any gospel principle I am familiar with. So I asked him, "who says it has to be earned?"

I told him that the man who drives the school bus says he is very respectful on the bus, and his teachers have commented that he is very respectful in class. I asked him, had I not done at least as much for him as they had? At what point would I earn this respect that they evidently deserved? I had treated him with respect and care, cooking his meals, cleaning his clothes, taking care of his needs, and helping him with his homework....but if I asked him to take out the trash, whoa, I get yelled at. Well, I told him that if would like me to continue my service to him, he could at least give me the common courtesy he offered to adults that were in his life that barely knew his name. Things were much better after that. He did agree. I still don't know where that phrase came from, but if you are a Christian, I think it would be an incorrect phrase to live by.

[Chubbs]

In my opinion, respect is an automatic that I will give to everyone that I meet, it is something that is innate that we as humans deserve. The idea that "respect needs to be earned" is an excuse for people to be disrespectful and crass, because you haven't earned their respect. Anddenex, a question on your comment about love: I don't love you, frankly, however I do respect you. And I assume vice-versa, specifically about loving me. So, do you not respect me then? (I'm asking this as a point of clarification just because the stance seems "wrong," and I'm assuming it is a semantics thing)

I believe that respect can be lost however.

Edited August 6, 2012 by Chubbs
Addition to Anddenex

[Thekey]

first of all you should respect your family , your family is given , you can't choose your family....friends should earn your respect and viceversa

[Guest]

Respect is like reverence. It is something you do to glorify God in his creation. Respect does not need to be earned. Never show disrespect - not even to those who earned disrespect.

In the words of Tecumseh:

Live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.

Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none.

When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.

When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

[applepansy]

Good question Bini. Sometimes a tough one to answer.

I was taught growing up that I was always to treat everyone in a respectful manner. That didn't mean I needed to agree with them but I needed to be respectful. There are different levels of respect.

I respect a position/office (President, Governor, Bishop, Teacher, Mayor, Store Owner, etc). I don't always respect the person in that position unless their behavior has shown they deserve my respect. I will continue to be respectful as long as they are in their position/office but that is the line in the sand unless they have acted in a way that deserves respect. And even then, they are a child of God just like I am and I can respectfully disagree with them.

The definition of respect is:

re·spect/riˈspekt/

Noun:

A feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Verb:

Admire (someone or something) deeply, as a result of their abilities, qualities, or achievements.

Synonyms:

noun. regard - esteem - reverence - deference - consideration

verb. honour - honor - esteem - regard - venerate - revere

Just because someone is in a political position or other position of power doesn't mean they personally deserve respect as its defined. But their position does deserve respect. I think its possible to respectfully disagree. I also believe that sometimes a person in a political position will act in ways that doesn't deserve respect. It seems we see that more and more in our world today. When that happens we work to replace them.

I have been criticized for being honest about my feelings about the actions of political people I don't agree with and accused of not being respectful. I believe we can still be respectful to a position even if we don't agree with an action. I guess what it boils down to for me for people in public positions is this: Calling a spade a spade is respectful unless we use bad language.

[RipplecutBuddha]

I'm respectful to people until they do something that demeans themselves, myself, friends, or family. Up to that point, respect is given freely. After that point, respect must be earned back.

[Guest]

The definition of respect is:

Good definition. The quality of being a Child of God is enough for due respect.

[Backroads]

I believe, in most cases, a minimum amount of respect should be given to everyone--you know, common decency and courtsey. After that point, I believe it's up to the recipient to earn further respect. Beyond the aforementioned basics, I don't think anyone is entitled.

[Misshalfway]

Respect, for me, comes out on two fronts. It related to how I view a person and how I treat them respectively. I can lose my respect for someone based upon how they treat me, handle a situation, or behave towards someone else. But that doesn't mean that I allow my behavior to descend into something disrespectful.

We can protect ourselves, say no, withhold a vote, or highlight discrepancies, all in a spirit of respect for all mankind.

I think in order to respect others, we must respect ourselves. I also think that this requires in us higher emotions found inside the umbrella of charity. Such as compassion and righteous discernment. I think respect can only happen if we truly love others as we do ourselves. And I can do all of that without liking the person or what they do.

[Anddenex]

When is respect due and when is respect earned?

After rereading this thread and the comments, I have been thinking there are roles that are either inherited, or earned, which have a due respect.

One of these roles is motherhood. We live in a day and age when the role of motherhood is not as valued as it used to be. My generation has very little experience that generations before us knew as commonplace. Not long ago, when a women conceived and was near the time of delivery, the woman, the husband, and family did not know if she would live or if she would die.

The act of childbirth, even still today, draws the closest to the atonement of Jesus Christ, and bears full witness, to the principle,

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

After watching my first child born made me realize truly how close this is to the atonement, as a woman knowingly exercises her agency to give life to another, despite the obvious pain and suffering she will endure.

Roles, such as Bishop, Prophet, Apostle.... should receive a due amount of respect, however those who fill this roles or positions have a responsibility to live up to this respect by their choices.

[john doe]

I believe I can respect a person's calling or office while still not respecting the person occupying that position or office. I also believe that some people in callings or positions deserving respect engage in actions which are disgraceful to the position, office or calling they hold.

[Dove]

I've read through everyone's comments and I like a lot of what I've read.

After reading through them, a thought has occurred to me. Maybe "respecting others" with common courtesy is more about who I am than who or what they are. I am reminded of a scripture in the Doctrine and Covenants. This is in regards to casting out an evil spirit; "And it shall be given unto you, power over that spirit; and you shall proclaim against that spirit with a loud voice that it is not of God- Not with railing accusation, that ye be not overcome, neither with boasting nor rejoicing, lest you be seized therewith."

These verses tell me that even when I am dealing with an evil spirit to not do it rudely or unkindly lest I will be "overcome" or "seized therewith." This tells me that how I act towards another person/entity is what matters, not what they're doing. To always speak with kindness and respect. For myself, regardless of what they've done. Maybe this is a different meaning of respect than what's being discussed here. Evil is evil and is not desirable. But, I don't have to be evil when dealing with an evil person or entity.

Dove

[Blackmarch]

This is not about politics. On another forum that I frequent, a member posted a rant about how disappointed she is that people are disrespectful of the President. Her belief is that regardless of political stance, there is a certain degree of respect that should be shown for the President. A response was left by another member:

Now, to steer away from getting into a political debate, I'm going to inject another scenario. Students are required to show respect to their teachers, regardless, of personality and teaching methods. The same applies to children honouring and obeying their parents. The Lord instructs that children should respect both mother and father, even if mother is nagging and father has a temper.

All people should be respected. So when is respect due and when is respect earned?

Respect is due at all times, regardless. From the greatest the most minute.

Your respect for for another will influence how you will treat them.

In general i've found those that claim others have to earn their respect generally have had personalities i care not to be around.

[Sicily510]

Respect is a human expectation for a human authoritativeness. I think about the gospel of Jesus Christ is our inheritance and Heavenly Father so freely blessed us with this spiritual intellectual knowledge. He didn't demand respect from us, but with his grace delivered a spiritual seed among us his children. The LDS church is sharing this restored full gospel of Jesus Christ knowledge with all whom willingly will feast upon it and seek out it's truth spiritually. This OP brought to mind a talk that was given in General Conference:

Forgiving, he said, is not easy. “In fact, for most of us it requires a major change in our attitude and way of thinking—even a change of heart. But there is good news. This mighty change of heart is exactly what the gospel of Jesus Christ is designed to bring about.”

President Uchtdorf said the more Church members allow the love of God to govern their minds and emotions, the easier it is to love others with the pure love of Christ. “As we open our hearts to the glowing dawn of the love of God, the darkness and cold of animosity and envy will eventually fade.”

The pure love of Christ can remove the scales of resentment and wrath “from our eyes, allowing us to see others the way our Heavenly Father sees us: as flawed and imperfect mortal who have potential and worth far beyond our capacity to imagine. Because God loves us so much, we too must love and forgive each other.”

He said in a world of accusations and unfriendliness, it is easy to gather and cast stones.

Respect, I feel has nothing to do with being understanding, humble and forgiving. However, if one is capable of understanding, humility, and repenting and forgive will they know self-respect and inherit respect from others.

Just like the Merciful will obtain the mercy, the respectful will obtain respect.

Edited August 10, 2012 by Sicily510

[annewandering]

I dont teach anyone to respect someone just because they have authority. If anything they need to be looked at closer to see if they deserve respect. Now I do teach that we should respect the presidential office just not necessarily the person in the office.

Problem is if they are in a position of power it is too easy to use that power for ill unless they are kept under scrutiny. Thinking they deserve respect automatically, makes people careless about keeping watch.

[Blackmarch]

While thinkiong about the question in the OP i had this one come to mind what is greater, love or respect?

[Backroads]

I do believe positions of authority do deserve basic respect. Who is anyone to believe they are automatically above people in positions of authority?

[RipplecutBuddha]

I'm respectful to people until they do something that demeans themselves, myself, friends, or family. Up to that point, respect is given freely. After that point, respect must be earned back.

Just to clarify, I always try to treat people respectfully, but that's not the same thing as respecting them.

[Bini]

So.. Does this mean respect is conditional? Many of us would say that love should be unconditional. When loving thy neighbour as thy self, should this be taken literally and in an unconditional sense? But you cannot have love without respect.

[RipplecutBuddha]

I think it can be separated, but very carefully. I can treat people respectfully and even love them, but I don't have any requirement to respect their actions/decisions.

There could be some random celebrity that I could totally treat kindly and be friendly to them. However I don't need to respect them if I feel their actions/comments are contrary to what I believe is just and true.

In that manner, respect could become associated with trust or agreement.