YaYaYaYana Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 - I have read this small paragraph a while ago.. I think it was on this forum actually... not quite sure who wrote it down.. I just copied and pasted it into a word pad entry and saved it for later so that I could wonder and ponder on this quote. "I was talking to one of my religion professors and he said the Church is worried about the dating situation at BYU (Provo). More and more students are graduating while still single."- I have been baptized in the Church at the age of 10 and now 23. I have been actively attending church until I was 19.... I had to stop due to family reasons... However, I do plan to go back sometime in the near future-The point is ..... One thing that always bothered me about the church is the pressure to get married young... by young I mean really young as the op quote shows... the pressure is on university students to be married by the time they are out of school..... -When I think of The church ... I think of it as 1800's in terms of their views on dating and marriage where you get married young and end up having 4/ 5 children.. The women give up their careers and become stay at home mothers .... If and when a problem a serious problem with the husband arises.. they cannot leave in the case where he is the "Good sole provider..-As for BYU... when I read that quote I though back to titanic... the part where Roses mother was talking to another lady... They were discussing weather or not Rose should attend university and the mother replies... some thing along the lines of, that it is for the purpose of finding a suitable husband and Rose has already done that..... The setting of the movie was 1912.... It's 2012... the fact that BYU has this atmosphere that pressures young women to hunt for a spouse is really uncomfortable to me ...-I know that there is no particular right or wrong time for people to get married...However, when I became inactive in the Mormon church due to my father... I took up an interest in learning an Asian language... through a language exchange club I met a friend and she invited me to her church... I thought it would be a good idea since I could practice listening to the language I was learning and continue to worship God meanwhile telling my father that I was attending a language club with her on Sundays...-The church is a Presbyterian Church and even though I know they do not have the fullness of the Gospel the way our LDS Church does ... I feel that they go about the consideration of marriage and family much better than Mormons do..-The average age to get married in Asia (Korea/Japan) would be starting from 26 for women and somewhere from 28 to 30 for men. There have been over 5 children born in the church this year and the mothers who had their first Baby where 29-33 years old... -A LDS friend who came along with me that day felt that it was too old to start a family but my friend explained to him like this ...-30 Years old is when the person becomes a real mature adult ... with ( in most cases) enough stability and maturity to have a family ..... 26-30 is a great age to get married at because at this point the person had enough time to enjoy their youthful days being a student and starting a career that they feel fulfilled enough to start a family... and also have fiances set aside for needs of future children and expenses ... -Now, being 23 years old... I actually have a bias towards this mind set! At the age of 20 and 21 I have dated some men and wanted to marry them... now That i look back I realize how totally Immature my ways of thinking were.... and If I have gotten married and had children I would have ended up in a bad position.. Young/ uneducated/ unfulfilled dreams ... At age 23 I'm now only beginning to consider serious dating .. and realized that my mind is maturing enough to look for better qualities in a potential partner than what i looked for in a boy friend at age 20... -Even now at age 23 I feel that this is the time for me to study/work/learn/travel/ enjoy life with my friends...and only by 27 will likely feel the need and maturity to prepare for marriage and family life ) Early 20's till is considered youth or young adults a time that should be spent achieving dreams and accomplishing academic goals and preparing for a career... - Encouraging young women in their early 20's who are just uni or fresh out to get married and start a family sounds frightening to me..because children are not cheap.... quite a bit of money should be set a side for any future children that one might plan to have .... If you choose to bring a child/ children into this world... it is the responsibility of that mother and father to make sure they can provide financially and emotionally. The child needs to grow up enjoying life not enduring it.. This is where being older (27-30) comes in handy... Older= more time to save up finances for child/ and for the emotional part= more mature Parent is more likely to be more devoted to the child.... nurture the child and spend more time focusing on the needs of the baby where as a younger moth might feel lonely/ unhappy being at home with the baby while friends her age are enjoying them selves by going out and she can't...-Sorry for the long rant-ish post ... I guess i have an issue with the church on this subject as quite a few times I read post like " My husband and I were married while we were really young.... and we have this ..this ... this problem..) * In many cases I felt could have been avoided... with a does of maturity and finances that come with age*--- Just feel like the Church/BYU could catch on with the times and not be stuck in this 1900's perception of marriage *__*-Yana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Sorry, could you clarify what it is you're wondering? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 I only read through the first couple of paragraphs? What age numerically is too young? Seems that most college students graduate between ages 20 and 30. To me that's not "really" young. Really young to me is under age 20. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Family is the best thing in life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_T_R Posted August 26, 2012 Report Share Posted August 26, 2012 Hey Yana, I hear what you're saying and quite honestly agree with you that people should probably be older when they get married. I've seen many young women get married because that's the thing to do and I think that's not a reason at all to get married. They are too young usually. I'm not sure if it has to do with age per se, as much as just finding out who you are so that then you can choose wisely an eternal companion. The Gospel of Jesus Christ does not say you should get married young. I feel that that pressure IS antiquated and is also due to a cultural aspect that is unfortunate. I think it's in place due to the Law of Chastity, and because perhaps they think if you don't get married in college, you won't get married. It is a good place to meet single people! For some people it's okay to get married in their early 20s.. Hopefully the women continue their education if they meet at BYU. The family is definitely viewed differently than society says.. and there isn't shame for women to give up careers to be a mother which is the highest calling you can receive.. but then some aren't able to view it that way. I agree that women that have chosen that life should have a fall-back plan, though, in case something does happen to their husbands. Anyway, my advice to you is don't worry about getting married. It isn't a Gospel-based pressure at all. The last statistics I heard were that 1/3 of the church members are single which is more than it's ever been. I also heard that as a whole in the U.S. if you're now married you're in the minority. I'm not trying to down marriage, I'm just saying wait until you're ready and know what you want.. and if that's when you're 30, then that's okay! And if that's when you're 50 that's okay too! And if it's not in this life at all, that's okay too! Pray about it. No matter what religion you join yourself with (or don't) your Heavenly Father is right there and wants to have a personal relationship with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 No one is forced to get married "young", so if you don't want to get married at what you consider too young, then don't. Indeed, I would venture to say by your post, that you are correct in that you are not ready for marriage,as your post indicates that you do not have a clear understanding of marriage nor of its role in the church's teachings or in the plan of salvation. But your desires to focus on things such as traveling and going out with your friends does not mean that the church's focus on marriage and family is in any way wrong or misguided. It doesn't mean that the Church needs to "catch on with the times" as you state. In fact, society would be far better off it "the times" caught on with the Church and realized the importance of marriage and family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 - -The point is ..... One thing that always bothered me about the church is the pressure to get married young... by young I mean really young as the op quote shows... the pressure is on university students to be married by the time they are out of school..... -When I think of The church ... I think of it as 1800's in terms of their views on dating and marriage where you get married young and end up having 4/ 5 children.. The women give up their careers and become stay at home mothers .... If and when a problem a serious problem with the husband arises.. they cannot leave in the case where he is the "Good sole provider..-The church is a Presbyterian Church and even though I know they do not have the fullness of the Gospel the way our LDS Church does ... I feel that they go about the consideration of marriage and family much better than Mormons do..- Encouraging young women in their early 20's who are just uni or fresh out to get married and start a family sounds frightening to me..because children are not cheap.... quite a bit of money should be set a side for any future children that one might plan to have .... If you choose to bring a child/ children into this world... it is the responsibility of that mother and father to make sure they can provide financially and emotionally. The child needs to grow up enjoying life not enduring it.. This is where being older (27-30) comes in handy... Older= more time to save up finances for child/ and for the emotional part= more mature Parent is more likely to be more devoted to the child.... nurture the child and spend more time focusing on the needs of the baby where as a younger moth might feel lonely/ unhappy being at home with the baby while friends her age are enjoying them selves by going out and she can't...-Sorry for the long rant-ish post ... I guess i have an issue with the church on this subject as quite a few times I read post like " My husband and I were married while we were really young.... and we have this ..this ... this problem..)--- Just feel like the Church/BYU could catch on with the times and not be stuck in this 1900's perception of marriage *__*-YanaFirst, here is some data for you to consider:1890: Men 26.1, Women 22.01900: Men 25.9, Women 21.91910: Men 25.1, Women 21.61920: Men 24.6, Women 21.21930: Men 24.3, Women 21.31940: Men 24.5, Women 21.51950: Men 22.8, Women 20.31960: Men 22.8, Women 20.31970: Men 23.2, Women 20.61980: Men 24.7, Women 22.01990: Men 26.1, Women 23.92000: Men 26.8, Women 25.12007: Men 27.5, Women 25.6 (source: Demographic history of the United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)Second, why is it that women who choose to get married and have children are considered to be repressed or wrong for their choice? Shouldn't feminists be rejoicing that women actually have a choice in the matter?Finally, what does the Presbyterian church teach about families that is superior to the LDS church? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 IMO, the problem isn't the age, it's that there's more emphasis on getting married than on choosing a suitable mate. I know several women who, in the rush to get married because they were under pressure from parents and church, ended up with abusive and/or unfaithful men. I know a few men who had the same problems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 IMO, the problem isn't the age, it's that there's more emphasis on getting married than on choosing a suitable mate. I know several women who, in the rush to get married because they were under pressure from parents and church, ended up with abusive and/or unfaithful men. I know a few men who had the same problems.Is there really that much pressure?I was baptized a year ago, so I have known plenty of young women not of the church. They seem quite anxious to marry, and are not subject to the supposed pressures of church and family. I see these women rushing into marriage because of a lack of self-esteem - they feel they have to have a boyfriend/husband in their lives to prove they are loved and valued - and end up choosing poorly because of that. I don't know that we can blame the church for women choosing poorly when it comes to choosing a husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 What I learned in Young Women's was to not put off marriage/having a family but also to marry the right person. I knew that could take a very short time or quite a few years, so I planned on having a career in music until then. I wasn't in a rush to get married and decided it would happen when I met the right guy and prayed about it. Unfortunately, I became very ill two weeks after I started college and struggled the rest of that year to keep going. I thought I finally conquered it, but then I was sick for a while again and I started having heart palpitations. During those worst three months, I literally threw-up over 1,000 times and wondered if I might die, but my Patriarchal Blessing gave me comfort that that wouldn't happen. I read the things it said about my husband and children, which helped me to know that my life wasn't over yet. I started to want a family more than anything. When I thought I might die, I wasn't thinking, "Oh no! How will I ever have a career?" It was, "What if I never get married? What if I never have children?" I met my husband when I was 20 and we were married when I was 21. It was a good thing we tried to have a baby very soon after we got married because it took two years. We had our first son when I was 24. Even if a woman waits until just her late 20's, it can be much more difficult to get pregnant. With my husband's Air Force pay that we were stuck with for 4 years (we had no idea we would be at poverty level), there is no way we could have saved enough money that the world would consider enough to have a baby. It was a leap of faith just like tithing and we made it work somehow. We were thrilled to have our son. We now have four wonderful children and are still trying to save to buy a house. I also believe that not having everything has made my children who they are. Going through the struggles we have has changed me too. I get the most joy now out of teaching my children and other children music. I don't have to have the praise of the world to prove I am talented or of worth. I still might go back to college someday, but I always knew I would stay home and raise my kids. Music is one of the most demanding majors, so I might just start with some online courses. I have my whole life to focus on getting a career if I want one. Fertillity is temporary. I wasn't going to give up having the eternal family I wanted because our situation wasn't ideal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anddenex Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Pressure? Yes, there is pressure from the Church to choose an eternal companion. I won't go into details regarding the words Elder Richard G. Scott spoke during one of our Zone Conferences, however his preface was this, "I don't know why I am being impressed to speak to you regarding this topic, understanding that marriage should be the furthest from your thoughts..." As Elders we were informed by Elder Scott to have a goal of being married 9 months after our missions. Pressure? An Apostle. Time given. Just a little. Why would Heavenly Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ be concerned about keeping up with times pertaining to marriage? This is one of the reasons why we have received the vision of the tree of life, IMO, the great and spacious building representing "keeping up with the times". Keeping up with times is a slippery slope. Should we keep up with times regarding tatoos? Earrings (all my best friends have earrings at least in one ear, and my very best friends have one in both ears)? What about keeping the law of chastity, should we keep up with the times in this also? I knew a member who whole heartedly believed that it was better for members to have sex before marriage, gain practice, this way we are better experienced lovers when married? Or maybe we should keep up with the times in cohabitating? Actually, live with the person, potentially have children together, and then decide if we are good match. Marriage is a matter of maturity and character. I was 23 when Kristi and I were married. She was 19. When it comes to maturity, motherhood, intelligence, wisdom, character, and determination, she is 1 in a billion of woman. Honestly, I am a little biased regarding her, however anybody who has met Kristi finds her extremely mature and personable, and intelligent. I have met 35 year old women and men who are less mature than a 19 year old covenant keeping, goal-oriented, woman. The option of choosing a persons companion should be a balance between the desire for marriage and choosing the right companion. If we rush to quickly, we may find ourselves with the wrong companion. However I have always been intrigued by Specer W. Kimball's words when he said if he could he would line up all the young men and young women at BYU and then get them through the temple sealing all of them. I am glad to say, Kristi and I surely prove your friends wrong, 5 kids later, happy marriage, and we started early. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finrock Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Good evening Yana. It is a pleasure to meet you. I hope you have had a good evening! :)Here are my thoughts and my advice:It sounds like to me that you have two competing desires and you are perhaps looking for validation to a lifestyle that, in your opinion, fits the times better.Well, all I can say is that you need to get your priorities straight. Determine right now what you want to do with your life and who do you want to be? How important is the gospel to you? Are you ready to dedicate your life to living as a disciple of Jesus Christ? Because if you truly desire to serve and love God then your pursuits in life would reflect that. What I mean is, do you have a true, solid, testimony of the gospel? If yes, then do your desires and your pursuits match up with the gospel of Jesus Christ? Are you concerned for what God wants for you above all else?If you do not have a solid testimony of the gospel then I encourage you to take the time to find out whether or not the gospel is true and then make a determination as to what type of life you want to live. If you make the determination to dedicate your life to serving and following God, which I hope you do or already are doing, then afterwards, seek guidance from Heavenly Father giving deference, preference, and faith in the principles of the gospel to guide your decisions in life.Regards,Finrock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 I only read through the first couple of paragraphs? What age numerically is too young? Seems that most college students graduate between ages 20 and 30. To me that's not "really" young.Really young to me is under age 20.-NOPE, 20-26 is incredibly young! That's when people start time discovered them selves as an adult and go through their last stages of education and start to establish themselves career wise and feel accomplished....27 -37 are still young stong adult that are more stable and capable of holding a. Family as well as supporting them... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 This is one of those arguments that will never be won. What is young to one would not be young to another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Pressure? Yes, there is pressure from the Church to choose an eternal companion. I won't go into details regarding the words Elder Richard G. Scott spoke during one of our Zone Conferences, however his preface was this, "I don't know why I am being impressed to speak to you regarding this topic, understanding that marriage should be the furthest from your thoughts..."As Elders we were informed by Elder Scott to have a goal of being married 9 months after our missions. Pressure? An Apostle. Time given. Just a little.Why would Heavenly Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ be concerned about keeping up with times pertaining to marriage? This is one of the reasons why we have received the vision of the tree of life, IMO, the great and spacious building representing "keeping up with the times". Keeping up with times is a slippery slope. Should we keep up with times regarding tatoos? Earrings (all my best friends have earrings at least in one ear, and my very best friends have one in both ears)? What about keeping the law of chastity, should we keep up with the times in this also? I knew a member who whole heartedly believed that it was better for members to have sex before marriage, gain practice, this way we are better experienced lovers when married? Or maybe we should keep up with the times in cohabitating? Actually, live with the person, potentially have children together, and then decide if we are good match.Marriage is a matter of maturity and character. I was 23 when Kristi and I were married. She was 19. When it comes to maturity, motherhood, intelligence, wisdom, character, and determination, she is 1 in a billion of woman. Honestly, I am a little biased regarding her, however anybody who has met Kristi finds her extremely mature and personable, and intelligent. I have met 35 year old women and men who are less mature than a 19 year old covenant keeping, goal-oriented, woman.The option of choosing a persons companion should be a balance between the desire for marriage and choosing the right companion. If we rush to quickly, we may find ourselves with the wrong companion. However I have always been intrigued by Specer W. Kimball's words when he said if he could he would line up all the young men and young women at BYU and then get them through the temple sealing all of them. I am glad to say, Kristi and I surely prove your friends wrong, 5 kids later, happy marriage, and we started early.There is nothing wrong in your situation! In fact if you guys felt accomplished and had the maturity level at youR age to perhaps sacrifice othet less important things in life and devoted yourselves to creating a family than that is great! Your wife and your self seemed to be mature enough to probably look for a companion with similar goal and you've done a great job... ... You would be the kinda of role model in the church...... but this is where the problem comes in.... If your lifestyle is seen as ideal and pressured as the norm in church culture... people your age with much less maturity and responsibility would try to live up to that kind of exampe... but with their level of maturity end up making poor choices...The thing about lining up all the women and men up are byu and getting them sealed would work perfectly inall theory as... all are expected to follow the law of chasity and if any man and woman put in the. Effort to make a marriage work and live by the comandmands it works out perfectly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 I remember many lessons about choosing the right husband rather than telling us to go out and marry the first guy who asks. We also wrote down traits we wanted in a husband. I was going to marry an LDS British guy who sings. Basically the plan was to convert the lead singer from Breathe. I married an American guy who plays the drums and guitar. And he hates this song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 This is one of those arguments that will never be won. What is young to one would not be young to another.- That is true ... Age can only be seen/felt?.. through ones own perspective based on their won age I guess... When I was attending LDS church from age 10-19... I was use to the idea that most people married in their 20's and had kids... When I was in young women's class at age 13 there was a 22 year old girl who brought in her new born and sat in class with us to help teach... At that time I thought Wow she is really old... !! I thought that 22 was a good old motherly age.....- However; now that I am 23 ... I would probably think that 30 is old and 13 is young... I decided to stop looking at age like that and instead think of the accomplishment and stability at certain ages... and based on my friends at the Asian church that I am visiting ... I would say 27-33 is about right... Since that is the time most are already done university/ college had time to enjoy their student life/ work a little to save up finances and feel accomplished enough to start settling down... at this point ,,.,,-Marriage and Family is a step in life ... the same as elementary school or middle school or high school or college and career.... And church culture promoting marriages to young 20 years old does not seem like the best thing as the pressure can mess up important steps for some people... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Sorry, could you clarify what it is you're wondering?-Why church culture and BYU puts so much pressure on young 20's people to get married and start a family... It is a step in life ... that shouldn't be rushed... In this day and age ... University/ college education and career should definitely come first if one wants to give their future kids a good life which they can enjoy and not endure... -Seeing how every good secure job requires at least a minimum of a bachelors degreewhich is costly to get in the first place ... and if you have a baby and try to juggle school and it's finances it just becomes impossible.... I mean step one before step 2 right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 This talk is awesome.https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/that-the-lost-may-be-found?lang=eng&query=young+couples Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Good evening Yana. It is a pleasure to meet you. I hope you have had a good evening! :)Here are my thoughts and my advice:It sounds like to me that you have two competing desires and you are perhaps looking for validation to a lifestyle that, in your opinion, fits the times better.Well, all I can say is that you need to get your priorities straight. Determine right now what you want to do with your life and who do you want to be? How important is the gospel to you? Are you ready to dedicate your life to living as a disciple of Jesus Christ? Because if you truly desire to serve and love God then your pursuits in life would reflect that. What I mean is, do you have a true, solid, testimony of the gospel? If yes, then do your desires and your pursuits match up with the gospel of Jesus Christ? Are you concerned for what God wants for you above all else?If you do not have a solid testimony of the gospel then I encourage you to take the time to find out whether or not the gospel is true and then make a determination as to what type of life you want to live. If you make the determination to dedicate your life to serving and following God, which I hope you do or already are doing, then afterwards, seek guidance from Heavenly Father giving deference, preference, and faith in the principles of the gospel to guide your decisions in life.Regards,FinrockHello!! ~ Nice to meet you too ~ I am having a good evening and I hope that you are having a good time as well.- I'm not trying to validate a lifestyle that I think is right or wrong ... I am just stating a point about the Church culture and BYU pressure to get married young and how it makes things complicated with the way things are today ,,,,,First off, -Why church culture and BYU puts so much pressure on young 20's people to get married and start a family... It is a step in life ... that shouldn't be rushed...In this day and age ... University/ college education and career should definitely come first if one wants to give their future family and kids a good life which they can enjoy and not need to endure...-Seeing how every good secure job requires at least a minimum of a bachelors degreewhich is costly to get in the first place ... and if you have a baby and try to juggle school and it's finances it just becomes impossible.... I mean step one before step 2 right?2) I'm not saying no one should marry while younger... I just think every one shouldn't do that or feel pressured to making this kind of choice. For example) I know a girl who got married at 20 last year and she is doing fine.. She just graduated Uni. Her father is a really rich businessman... So she was able to enjoy traveling and accomplishing dreams while in high school and summer breaks during college... She did a lot of internship work as well do to connections her father has and now at age 21 she hold a bachelor and a high position in marketing career... Why shouldn't she settle down now and follow the commandments or God to start a family ..... -In her case if it probably be a selfish and a sin not to... Since she is well accomplished and has a good financial position to support 5 or 6 kids with her husbands work alone not counting in hers... and even if she didn't graduate she could easily afford child care and school with the kind of money her father makes.... -However; most people are not that fortunate... like me for instance.... and some of my friends... in middle school and high school we spent most of our time only dreaming of things that this girl did ... My parents do not have the money to pay for my college education... I got scholarships for small diploma program in drawing because I attended an arts high school and won the top award at my graduation... However that did nothing for me ... I realize that I need a career ... I work full time during summer and have to finance my own education now and for the next four years.... -By the time I graduate I will be 27 and so will most of my friends... We do have dreams we want to accomplish as well as save up finances ... so It just falls in to the right age range for most people to be 27-30 ...to become parents ... where they are more or less accomplished and capable to support their children .......- If I and some friends were to give into the pressure to find a husband and get married now... We would all feel miserably failed I'm sure..... As I would miss out on my youth as a student ....even now at 23 I feel kinda old .... I sure don't want to be in class with 17 year old kids.... and at that point money should be setting aside money to put into my own children's college funds... which I wouldn't have any ... If i don't graduate - Also If one doesn't accomplish some of their goals/ traveling somewhere / or learning some specific in order to make them feel accomplished and satisfied in their life I doubt they would have a very fulfilling time raising their children and setting aside money for them .... while feeling unfulfilled unaccomplished themselves ....------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------To make my point more clear Being 23 I have a close friend who is 31 years old and mother to a 1 year old girl. I met her as a language exchange partner and while talking with her she told me that she and her friends feel very young and perfect time to become mothers. - She said if she had become a mother at 23 or 24 she would have missed out on a lot of amazing opportunities in life... One of her dreams was to study in Japan... That is what she did in university spent quite a bit of time traveling and studying abroad ( all paid for by her hard working parents) After she finished she got a job worked and Got married... -She said that by being 30 and having had the experience she had... made her feel satisfied and accomplish in life. She appreciates her parents example for what they have done for her and opportunities that they have created for her to enjoy life ... which she will do for her child and future children.... - Also she said that when you have a family it doesn't get cheaper and mothers dreams are sacrificed a lot because the child is priority for the parents... Now she will need to put money aside for her daughter in case she wants to take any kind of lessons/ for hobbies / traveling that she might want to do as well...-This is why her advise was that 27-30 is the best time...because by that time you would have a well balanced life of accomplishments and fulfillment and you want to take the step forward to start a family life .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaYaYaYana Posted August 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) First, here is some data for you to consider:1890: Men 26.1, Women 22.01900: Men 25.9, Women 21.91910: Men 25.1, Women 21.61920: Men 24.6, Women 21.21930: Men 24.3, Women 21.31940: Men 24.5, Women 21.51950: Men 22.8, Women 20.31960: Men 22.8, Women 20.31970: Men 23.2, Women 20.61980: Men 24.7, Women 22.01990: Men 26.1, Women 23.92000: Men 26.8, Women 25.12007: Men 27.5, Women 25.6 (source: Demographic history of the United States - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia)Second, why is it that women who choose to get married and have children are considered to be repressed or wrong for their choice? Shouldn't feminists be rejoicing that women actually have a choice in the matter?Finally, what does the Presbyterian church teach about families that is superior to the LDS church?I'm not saying women who choose to get married are making the wrong choice... If they have the finances or even if they don't but they feel accomplished enough and confident about the choice that they and their husbands can make it work...willing to sacrifice some things (e.g career/ some dreams) ... Decide to live on husbands income and be a stay at home mom for some.... Is fine if they made that choice feeling that it's what they wanted...I just don't like how pressure and emphasis I push in the LDS church for them to be married earlier ..... Like for example I heard from a friend ...sometimes the attitude seems like it's the end of the world in BYU if you don't find a mate by the end of college....This kind of pressure is just bad... for young/ sometimes immature / and sometimes financially unstable people.... Just saying...-Also the Presbyterian church doesn't teach anything superior about family... It's just when i see how the slightly older couples in their 30's with young babies are living quite securely and happily compared to some young women I know in my old LDS ward ..... makes me think Edited August 27, 2012 by YaYaYaYana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 Haven't read the whole thread but Yana, you make valid points. I have sensed what you are saying. I personally believe that you (not directly YOU but people in general) should educate themselves, date lots of different people, and explore their options and learn who they are before tying the knot. That's me. I think a lot of incompatibility can be avoided, and a lot of maturity can be developed, if this is done beforehand and not when it's too late. Obviously, there is no ideal age to meet someone, fall in love, and get married - everyone will be different. That said, it doesn't hurt to take a breather, evaluate your situation, and consider the preparations and sacrifices that entail marriage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 The problem is not marrying young. The problem is the Peter Pan syndrome, which is now infecting our young women as well as the young men. A 21-year-old is physically old enough to be married and having children. There is no reason such a person should not get married, establish a family, and help build our society, except for the ridiculously extended adolescence we have developed. The best solution is for young men and women to accept and seek for adult responsibility, including marriage, not postpone marriage to ridiculous lengths. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightSG Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 The best solution is for young men and women to accept and seek for adult responsibility, including marriage, not postpone marriage to ridiculous lengths.The problem comes when they don't postpone marriage, but do postpone maturing enough to pick the right mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted August 27, 2012 Report Share Posted August 27, 2012 (edited) Why don't we look at some facts???????? Age at marriage for those who divorce in America Age Women Men Under 20 years old 27.6% 11.7% 20 to 24 years old 36.6% 38.8% 25 to 29 years old 16.4% 22.3% 30 to 34 years old 8.5% 11.6% 35 to 39 years old 5.1% 6.5% The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73% The above stats are from Information on Divorce and Rate StatisticsClearly young marraige is a problem in these statistics. I don't believe from what I've heard that Mormon marragies are much different. They certainly are not in my personal experience. It's obvious the divorce rate plummets as couples are more mature. I understand the Church's vested interest in getting families started, but it is not doctrine that is should be done at the earliest opportunity!Bishop's offices and even this forum is crowded with people who married without full consideration of the facts, or with the necessary maturity levels.This hits home personally. My two oldest sons got involved in the "culture" and married at 22 and 23 respectively. Both marraiges ended up in divorce. In the case of the 22YO he is now 37, married again and is having my second grandchild in December this year. Both he and his current wife laid the groundwork for these events by laying the foundation of education, getting a career and having a home.The 23YO is also 37 (yes they're twins) just now divorcing. He married a woman who was just interested in the MRS degree, and essentially checked out of life after that. Luckily no children!!! He has a chance to press the reset button on his life. But 14 years down the drain, IMHO.So I'm not a fan of early marraige, even though I know that at the church schools this is a big deal. Edited August 27, 2012 by mrmarklin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts