Frustration

[applepansy]

Well this post isn't about baptism. It's about girls not wanting big families

As has been said previously in this thread. Any girl worth her salt will want a young man who is committed to following the commandments and who is honoring his covenants and his priesthood.

As I said before. Instead of looking for a girl who wants a big family. Start making yourself into the type of man a young woman would want to have a big family with.

[applepansy]

Lol I haven't been indoctrinated to believe anything I don't want to. And just because a guy wants a large family and for his wife to stay home and raise the kids while he works doesn't mean he is an unworthy, disrespectful, male supremacist. It just means he wants his family to be the way he thinks it should be. And he was just asking why there are no girls who think the same way

You made my point for me. :)

[Wingnut]

So, I've come to the conclusion that the OP is, in fact, 19 years old...at the most...but that family size and/or polygamy, etc. are in no way real concerns of his.

Mormons and magnets.

[prisonchaplain]

Look, this is really simple, if the string is just about women not wanting big families. The OP defines "big" in extremely inflated terms. The current U.S. birthrate is 2.03. U.S. birth rates, population growth, and the environment - SUSPS So, if a family has three children it is 50% above the norm. Ergo, a family with three or more children is BIG.

--so says PC, a father of 3 children. :-)

[SportManiac_1]

Yes marriage is a real concern of mine. I think about it everyday. And according to you guys I should since I'm gonna have a hard time finding a girl who wants 10 kids. Then I guess she's gonna hate me because my parents and because I'm not a member and because I dont have the priesthood and because I haven't served a mission. So yeah! It's a real concern of mine.

[prisonchaplain]

Sport, you probably figured out that I am not LDS either. Nevertheless, I agree with you that family is so important. Additionally, I lament the declining birthrates, and believe our nation, and certainly my church, would be blessed if we returned to larger families. There was a recent article in Christianity Today advocating that evangelicals consider teaching more about marriage, and encouraging couples to consider marrying earlier. So, I appreciate your heart.

Some may find your numbers off-putting. 10-12 seems extreme to most of us. Additionally, the ease with which you labeled most women, and your quickness to say the gal must stay home, period--these come across as pretty hardline.

Nevertheless, I think most here actually sympathize with your general points. And so, how do you get to where you want to be, and where you believe God wants you? Job 1, in my humble estimation, is for you to really seek God's face. Present your desires to him. Figure out if this church is really the one, and if it's doctrines are true. If so, submit. Even if you think the new rules are unnecessary, if this is really the right Church--the one restored one, with the fullness of the gospel--then obey, if for no other reason than the unity of the faithful.

If you really are not sure...if you have doubts that go beyond whether or not you should be required to move out of your home before being baptized--then figuring that out will have to come before you find a wife. After all, when you do marry, the two of you must become one...meaning you should share like precious faith.

[MorningStar]

I just think people are becoming more selfish and irresponsible.

And I hate birth control.

Is it selfish not to want to feel like puking for 9 months straight? Is it selfish not to want hemorrhoids? Loss of bladder control?

SportManiac, how many babies would you be willing to have if it meant having your most tender areas stitched up every single time? Have you ever heard of women tearing ALL THE WAY DOWN?

Pregnancy and delivery is just one aspect. After the birth you are dealing with possible mastitis, sleep deprivation, thrush, cracked/bleeding nipples, and a baby who wants to nurse non-stop because you're waiting for your milk to come in. Then they become toddlers!

It's a little silly for a man to demand a woman have 12 kids when he doesn't have to go through all of that.

[applepansy]

Yes marriage is a real concern of mine. I think about it everyday. And according to you guys I should since I'm gonna have a hard time finding a girl who wants 10 kids. Then I guess she's gonna hate me because my parents and because I'm not a member and because I dont have the priesthood and because I haven't served a mission. So yeah! It's a real concern of mine.

Marriage should be a concern. But you're NINETEEN! There are things you need to do to prepare to be a provider, husband and father. Its harder to do today than is was 100 years ago when young men and women were routinely married at much younger ages.

You're missing what we've been trying to tell you.

Prepare!!! Stop lamenting the selfishness of all women and get yourself ready to fulfill your role. I'll bet if you said to your parents "The people online think I need to get and education, maybe go on a mission and be a priesthood holder before I start having kids" they would probably agree. Parents today understand the difficulties of trying to raise a family of whatever size in today's world.

so.... get the beam out of your eye before you start criticizing the mote in the eye of every woman on earth.

Basically "Be the right person so you can Find the right person"

[Leah]

Why shouldn't I be looking for a wife at 19? If I start now I might find one before I'm too old

And I just think birth control is immoral.

Why is birth control "immoral"? You must have some reasoning to back up that statement.

[Leah]

Because the church doesn't agree with the way my parents live. Not me. My parents. So they say I can't be baptized until I move out.

So move out.

[Leah]

Yes marriage is a real concern of mine. I think about it everyday. And according to you guys I should since I'm gonna have a hard time finding a girl who wants 10 kids. Then I guess she's gonna hate me because my parents and because I'm not a member and because I dont have the priesthood and because I haven't served a mission. So yeah! It's a real concern of mine.

Then quit whining and do something about it.

[john doe]

Brigham Young said if you're 18 and not married you're a menace to society

I assume you have a reference for that somewhere. When did he say that?

[pam]

I assume you have a reference for that somewhere. When did he say that?

Yeh I'd like to know too. Because I know he never said it. It's a myth.

[prisonchaplain]

Yeh I'd like to know too. Because I know he never said it. It's a myth.

I found this from a forum called AnswerBag. The respondents seemed to all be LDS.

In 1963, BYU President Ernest L. Wilkinson said:

"As to the single men, I need merely to repeat the admonition attributed to Brigham Young, "Every man not married and over twenty-five is a menace to the community." I asked Dr. Lyman Tyler yesterday if he would document this for me, but he said he had been trying to document it for years; he had given up, so you will have to accept it either on faith, or as apocryphal." (Commencement Exercises May 31, 1963 BYU Speeches of the Year, p.1)

[john doe]

I found this from a forum called AnswerBag. The respondents seemed to all be LDS.

That is the age I had always heard, 25. I had never heard 18 before. There is a huge amount of maturing and growing up done between 18 and 25 in most men, even if the quote were true.

[SportManiac_1]

If I get the chance to serve a mission before I find a girl then I probably will. But if I find a girl first, I might not because I may not find another one

[NeuroTypical]

I remember that quote about being a menace to society. Probably half a dozen people mentioned it to me in my mid-20's as I wandered around single. Mostly it was in jest. I wore it as a badge of honor that I made it to 26 before getting married. :)

[JudoMinja]

Ok Sport-

You want to complain that there are NO women out there who want to stay home and raise a big family of approximately 12 children while the husband works as the breadwinner....

Well, guess what. You just met one. I'd LOVE to be a stay-at-home mother to a large family. And as you've seen from some of the others posts, there are also other women out there who are having big families and living at home while their husband works. So you cannot say that there are NO women who want to stay home and raise big families.

The problem is- you are having a hard time finding a woman willing to marry YOU and stay home to raise 12+ children.

Instead of putting the blame on annonymous females who don't agree with your views, perhaps you should be looking inward and striving to work on bettering yourself. Even though I am a single woman who fits your description as a person who'd like to have a large family and stay at home- just from what I've seen of your posts here I certainly wouldn't want to do so with YOU. And it's not because of your parents or you being raised in a polygamist household- once again, that is putting the blame outside yourself.

The problem is your attitude. You want what you want, and if you can't get it you are unhappy and pin the blame on outside sources. Until you can accept responsibility for your OWN happiness and start looking inward so that you can work on improving yourself, you will have a hard time finding a girl willing to enter a relationship with you. And if you DO find one, I'll be praying for her, because it sounds like you are the one struggling with selfishness and I doubt she'll be treated as an equal.

The details behind your complaint seem to have come out like the picking of teeth. While you see this post as being about the lack of women willing to have big families, you need to recognize that with any problem you are faced with, in the center of that problem is YOU. The details matter. Where you are coming from matters. The tinted lenses through which you view the world matters. Whether or not you feel your views need adjustment, you will continue to have difficulty finding a partner so long as you focus on the things you can't control. The only thing you can change and adjust is yourself. And if you're so rigid as to be unwilling to accept that, you will never have a successful relationship.

[BadWolf]

This may or may not be helpful... Depends on if you can see the parallel. Instead of telling you what you should do (but do, please go back and read, you've gotten some SOLID instruction to seriously consider), I'm goi g to tell you about what I AM doing. And why. See if it helps.

I made a promise to myself not to date for at least 2 years, and preferably 5, following my divorce.

Why?

Because my husband was abusive, and I was a SAHM for 10 years...

- Statistically, it takes women coming out of an abusive marriage 5 years to not just repeat the same mistake (subconsciously going for exactly the same TYPE of man they just left. 2nd verse, same as the first.

- Because statistically it takes longterm SAHMs 5 years to 'get back on their feet' after rejoining the workforce to a level COMPARABLE to where they were in their marriage.

- After having been married to my ex for 11 years, I cannot adequately describe how low my standards are. The bar is low. Very. Very. Loooooooow. (Which is a good thing. If it wasn't as low as it is, I might think it was 'normal'.)

- As a newly divorced single mom... I'm a target. For every creep looking for someone desperate or damaged.

- As a newly divorced single mom, I'm a target for every single pedophile who is looking for easy access to a kid, who can use the desperate and damaged aspect to win mom's heart and blind her to what's happening to her kid.

In other words "I don't want to belong to any club that would have me for a member!"

So... Chafe! Chafe! Chafe!.... I'm spending the next few years getting solidly on my own 2 feet again. Doing what I need to do, not for anyone else, but for me.

Is it what I WANT to be doing?

Bwahahahaha!

Nope. No. Not at all. Let me repeat, no.

But it's what I need to do. To be a good mom. To maybe be a good wife to a good man again someday.

Its not what I want. It's head meet drywall hard. It's irritating, vexing, frustrating, annoying. But those 5 years are going to pass no matter what. At the end of them, who will I be? The woman I am now? Or one I want to be?

So I grit my teeth, and do what I need to, instead of what I want to. <grin> And try and have as much fun doing it as possible!!! When all else fails... Eyes crossed in frustration are actually kinda funny. If I can just manage to laugh at myself.

Sounds like you have some things you need to do, too. S'allright. But get ON that, yah? Take care of business. Time is going to pass no matter what. How you choose to spend it, and who you are at the end is on you.

Just my .02

(Standard please pardon my phone's autocorrect, I can barely see 9 words at a time, so editing is unlikely.)

Edited October 9, 2012 by BadWolf
The most glaring of typos

[sister8]

No. Because I'd be doing the man's real role while she stays at home and raises the kids just how a woman is supposed to!

Since when was it only the man's role to have a job? Why aren't women allowed to have jobs? Call me a feminist, but gosh dang, sir, you're gonna have lots of problems finding a wife if you think you can tell a woman what her role is. A marriage is a partnership. I know TONS of LDS families where the guy is out of work and the woman goes to work. Does that make their marriage invalid? Not. At. All. It just means that for the time being (especially in the current economy) the more sensible thing to do in order to survive is to let the woman keep the job and the man can be the stay at home parent for a while.

There is NOTHING wrong with that.

[NoxNullaEgetDeumPerfectum]

Ten to Twelve kid's is alot to handle, muchless eight. Every child need's attention and love. It's hard to do that with that many childeren. But if you can, then good for you and your wife. Also now these day's it's a struggle to support such a family and can be a strain on relationship.

I say have kid's as you go and stop to when you feel it's to much. My older sister wanted eight kid's with her hsuband, and ended up only having four due to financial support and just the love and care required to raise childeren. And they are happy.