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Bini
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.. about kids with people that hate kids and never want them!

Lately I've been getting into more discussions than I can keep up with. I just broke away from a heated discussion on another forum (non-faith based) regarding the topic No Children, Ever! I totally get the initial feelings of not wanting kids. While others cooed over babies and little children, I stood clear, as if they were contagious diseases. I didn't find them to be cute or adorable, and I certainly didn't want to have any of my own. I also tended to date men that shared the same view as I did on procreation - never ever - not gonna happen - no way Jose! Fast forwarding, I end up meeting my husband, and something changed. I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Bini and I couldn't wait for us to start our own family. So naturally, I share my own experiences. There's no condemning of any sort. I simply suggest that with time and finding the right person, hearts change. Nobody liked that. In fact, some of the older women who were in their 30's and 40's, made clear that they were indeed VERY HAPPY that they and their partner's have never "spawned" (as they liked to call it). The reasons varied. Some just hate kids, period. Others felt they'd be doing the world a disservice by becoming parents because of their own screwy upbringings. I'm not one to be pushy with my views. So things were left at that.

I can't imagine my life without my daughter. I have already learned so much in the first year with her. Every new discovery she makes, and every milestone she reaches, gives me the warm fuzzies inside. I guess I was blown away that there are so many people that don't want children, ever.

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It's okay Bini. You are back here with us now. Everything is going to be okay. :)

I sat my 4 kids last night (ranging from 10-1.5 years) that having kids is the hardest thing I have ever done. Then I talked about how happy I am to have them. If I didnt have kids, it would be purely selfish decision (for me).

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In this world of children turning into adults who were raised with the mantra of "question authority," "What's in it for me" and "I am first, special and all important," it's no wonder they don't want to replicate themselves.

I'm glad my husband and I are very much against such a mantra.

Our genetic progeny will be even more exceptional because they realize there are other people in the world.

Bini, was anyone dead set against those who did choose to have children? Because I've seen those debates before.

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Teen Mom taught me that having kids raised by their grandparents is hip.

I really am not sure what the point of arguing with someone elses choice is. If they don't want kids, fine, thats their choice. Your own choice should not supercede theirs and to get offended about it, speaks of a strange defensive logic. Even if you claim that its a commandment to thrust your seed or the fruit of your loins into the world, it doesn't change anyone elses options. Even more odd, is that within the next forum topic, someone will be complaining that China and India have too many people.

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I'm glad my husband and I are very much against such a mantra.

Our genetic progeny will be even more exceptional because they realize there are other people in the world.

Bini, was anyone dead set against those who did choose to have children? Because I've seen those debates before.

I didn't notice anyone arguing that having children was a bad thing but I have heard the debate that people should opt to adopt instead of procreating. In a sense, I can understand what they're getting at. There are so many unwanted children in the world, why create more children, when adoption or fostering is an option? BUT that said, as an LDS, I understand the importance of procreating and bringing more spirits into the world to gain bodies - I get that. Just sayin', I can see both sides but only take to one side.

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Teen Mom taught me that having kids raised by their grandparents is hip.

I really am not sure what the point of arguing with someone elses choice is. If they don't want kids, fine, thats their choice. Your own choice should not supercede theirs and to get offended about it, speaks of a strange defensive logic. Even if you claim that its a commandment to thrust your seed or the fruit of your loins into the world, it doesn't change anyone elses options. Even more odd, is that within the next forum topic, someone will be complaining that China and India have too many people.

Looks like you might be the one with their panties in a twist.

I never said that I was offended, or that my opinion superseded theirs. I said that: I can't imagine my life without my daughter. That is a direct quote. In addition, my comments "suggested" that hearts can change with time and with the right person. Never did I say that hearts WILL change.

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I'm glad my husband and I are very much against such a mantra.

Our genetic progeny will be even more exceptional because they realize there are other people in the world.

Oh my, aren't you setting yourself up for disappointment :huh: I can assure you, your kids will make you shake your collective heads wondering what side of the family you can blame them on.

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wondering what side of the family you can blame them on.

Wondering? Oh, it is never a wonder which side of the family we can blame our kids actions on.

When they are obedient, cheerful, honest, etc... we know to blame Kristi. Kristi was even President of the V.L (Virgin Lip) club in high school. Although I wasn't her first kiss, I am her best kiss. ;)

When our children are disruptive, obnoxious, ornery, etc... We know I am to blame. I, myself, being the child who had to be physically carried to the the principles office, while hitting the teacher the whole way there (third grade). I didn't calm down until I saw the paddle in the principles office, and I asked, "Are you going to use that on me?"

Yes, it is very easy to tell which side of the family to blame things on. :)

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Yes, it is very easy to tell which side of the family to blame things on. :)

Right! When they're misbehaved, they take after my husband's side of the family. When they're behaved, they take after me.

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.. about kids with people that hate kids and never want them!

Lately I've been getting into more discussions than I can keep up with. I just broke away from a heated discussion on another forum (non-faith based) regarding the topic No Children, Ever! I totally get the initial feelings of not wanting kids. While others cooed over babies and little children, I stood clear, as if they were contagious diseases. I didn't find them to be cute or adorable, and I certainly didn't want to have any of my own. I also tended to date men that shared the same view as I did on procreation - never ever - not gonna happen - no way Jose! Fast forwarding, I end up meeting my husband, and something changed. I couldn't wait to be Mrs. Bini and I couldn't wait for us to start our own family. So naturally, I share my own experiences. There's no condemning of any sort. I simply suggest that with time and finding the right person, hearts change. Nobody liked that. In fact, some of the older women who were in their 30's and 40's, made clear that they were indeed VERY HAPPY that they and their partner's have never "spawned" (as they liked to call it). The reasons varied. Some just hate kids, period. Others felt they'd be doing the world a disservice by becoming parents because of their own screwy upbringings. I'm not one to be pushy with my views. So things were left at that.

I can't imagine my life without my daughter. I have already learned so much in the first year with her. Every new discovery she makes, and every milestone she reaches, gives me the warm fuzzies inside. I guess I was blown away that there are so many people that don't want children, ever.

For a long time as a young adult, I was for abortion because I thought that no unwanted children should be born. and wished I had not been born. Then we had our first two, and gradually I could see that neither of us had the slightest clue about how to parent. I was really frightened because I knew I was not getting the job done, and the idea of damaging them sent chills up my back.

Those children are the reason I sought help from Heavenly Father. It took a long time for Heavenly Father to penetrate my faults and I am afraid that the children were gone before He was finished with me.

Children drag the best out of us, whether we want to give it or not.

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For a long time as a young adult, I was for abortion because I thought that no unwanted children should be born. and wished I had not been born. Then we had our first two, and gradually I could see that neither of us had the slightest clue about how to parent. I was really frightened because I knew I was not getting the job done, and the idea of damaging them sent chills up my back.

Those children are the reason I sought help from Heavenly Father. It took a long time for Heavenly Father to penetrate my faults and I am afraid that the children were gone before He was finished with me.

Children drag the best out of us, whether we want to give it or not.

So... we're still having Middle School problems with my son getting harassed by girls...

Anyway, I always have this fear that I'm going to ruin my kids somehow. I mean, when I had kids, I only knew what I liked and didn't like about how I was raised and I really don't know much beyond that. And I always think - we only have one chance at this thing, ya know?

So, last weekend, we got into another Middle School girls discussion with my son and my son told me - Well, mom, it's your's and dad's fault because you are the reason I look like Taylor Lautner. And of course, I was quick to blame Stephanie Meyers for making Taylor Lautner popular. We were just saying it in jest, of course, but it still made me think... yeah, there are challenges my kids face because of my and my husband's choices. But, in the end, I still believe that each of my kids will have to figure out how to rise above all those challenges and whatever they are is just going to make them that much stronger.

So yeah, even with the bad stuff we can still say having my children was best for all involved. But then that is rooted in a belief in God. Because, without that faith, it is pretty logical to treat children like how we treat dogs - neuter the dogs and adopt one instead of buying one.

Okay, so I'm just being paranoid about Middle School. It too will pass.

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Hahaha!

Sorry, Anatess, I know this middle school thing has been an issue for your son but.. He'll THANK you and DH later on when he realises that resembling Taylor Lautner is a compliment and a girl magnet! Noticed I said "later on", hehe, not now..

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So... we're still having Middle School problems with my son getting harassed by girls...

Not to hi-jack this thread, however our good friend is also having trouble with girls and their little boy.

I say little boy, because he is 7 years old, not in middle school. The first week of school, two girls tackled her son and gave him kisses. When he came home from school the mother asked, "Why is your shirt ripped?"

I keep telling my wife, it's his crystal blue eyes.

Ha!

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Not to hi-jack this thread, however our good friend is also having trouble with girls and their little boy.

I say little boy, because he is 7 years old, not in middle school. The first week of school, two girls tackled her son and gave him kisses. When he came home from school the mother asked, "Why is your shirt ripped?"

I keep telling my wife, it's his crystal blue eyes.

Ha!

Omgosh! Hah!

Still, there's a double standard here, and most people don't see it. If a girl came home with a ripped or torn shirt from boys man-handling her, there'd be hell to pay for. In all honesty, my reaction to the same story if my child were male, would probably be a chuckle and then a hug. I'd tell him that he'd survive. However, if it were my daughter that came home in such a state, I'd be PO'd! It's in these situations that sometimes boys get the short end of the stick, and society is okay with that. Anyway, someone needs to be teaching these girls what it means to "act like a lady". If they're throwing themselves at boys now.. I hate to think what's going to happen when they're teenagers, and young women out and about in the world.. Yikes!

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Omgosh! Hah!

Still, there's a double standard here, and most people don't see it. If a girl came home with a ripped or torn shirt from boys man-handling her, there'd be hell to pay for. In all honesty, my reaction to the same story if my child were male, would probably be a chuckle and then a hug. I'd tell him that he'd survive. However, if it were my daughter that came home in such a state, I'd be PO'd! It's in these situations that sometimes boys get the short end of the stick, and society is okay with that. Anyway, someone needs to be teaching these girls what it means to "act like a lady". If they're throwing themselves at boys now.. I hate to think what's going to happen when they're teenagers, and young women out and about in the world.. Yikes!

His mom was not happy in the least. Kristi and I laugh, only, because he is not our son. Yes, it definitely makes one wonder for sure. :)

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So... we're still having Middle School problems with my son getting harassed by girls...

Anyway, I always have this fear that I'm going to ruin my kids somehow. I mean, when I had kids, I only knew what I liked and didn't like about how I was raised and I really don't know much beyond that. And I always think - we only have one chance at this thing, ya know?

So, last weekend, we got into another Middle School girls discussion with my son and my son told me - Well, mom, it's your's and dad's fault because you are the reason I look like Taylor Lautner. And of course, I was quick to blame Stephanie Meyers for making Taylor Lautner popular. We were just saying it in jest, of course, but it still made me think... yeah, there are challenges my kids face because of my and my husband's choices. But, in the end, I still believe that each of my kids will have to figure out how to rise above all those challenges and whatever they are is just going to make them that much stronger.

So yeah, even with the bad stuff we can still say having my children was best for all involved. But then that is rooted in a belief in God. Because, without that faith, it is pretty logical to treat children like how we treat dogs - neuter the dogs and adopt one instead of buying one.

Okay, so I'm just being paranoid about Middle School. It too will pass.

Looks like Taylor Lautner and he is complaining !?! Someone smack that boy. :)

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His mom was not happy in the least. Kristi and I laugh, only, because he is not our son. Yes, it definitely makes one wonder for sure. :)

In real society, a torn shirt, done by girls will just give him bragging rights, and possibly make him big headed and impossible to deal with. :)

In many cultures outside the US, one of the informal social mores is that every girl is taught is that men are animals and it is up to her not to arouse the dragon. Even in the US, there seems to be a primal edict that if a girl has a problem with a boy, it is her fault.

It is a relatively recent phenomenon where our society seems to be accepting the idea that it is up to the guy to behave toward women. STILL, you won't find me wondering the streets alone at night.

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Hahaha!

Sorry, Anatess, I know this middle school thing has been an issue for your son but.. He'll THANK you and DH later on when he realises that resembling Taylor Lautner is a compliment and a girl magnet! Noticed I said "later on", hehe, not now..

Looks like Taylor Lautner and he is complaining !?! Someone smack that boy. :)

I know I sound like I'm making too a big deal about this but I am not using the word "harassed" lightly. My son is now getting teased left and right by his friends. He is having a harder time making new friends - other boys seem to be wary about him. A teacher has already singled him out - treating him like a trouble-maker. And now we're getting text messages on my phone, my husband's phone, and his phone, some really "racy" messages. His cousin's best friend goes to that school - the friend asks the cousin for phone numbers and she didn't think twice about giving her all 3 numbers. So then the best friend gave out the phone numbers to people she wants to gain "bff points" with... it is really, really, really annoying.

My son is taking it in stride. I'm sitting on pins and needles trying to manage the issue from afar, just getting ready to swoop in if the time will come that my son asks for my help.

I'm just thinking about this - and I remember watching that 2nd Twilight movie and Taylor Lautner takes off his shirt and ADULT WOMEN go crazy. This fanatism is really getting out of hand, I think.

Edited by anatess
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Taylor Lautner doesn't do anything for me, personally but a lot of girls and women find him very attractive. I sure hope things settle down for you, Anatess. Are you keeping record of these racy texts? That is something I would definitely address. Maybe you are, I might have misunderstood your post on that.

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Taylor Lautner doesn't do anything for me, personally but a lot of girls and women find him very attractive. I sure hope things settle down for you, Anatess. Are you keeping record of these racy texts? That is something I would definitely address. Maybe you are, I might have misunderstood your post on that.

I am more than willing to bet that if some other actor would have been hired to do the Twilight movie that Taylor Lautner wouldn't be swooned over. I don't think his popularity has much to do with him being attractive as him being a Twilight character.

We are ignoring the texts for now (racy or not) and yes, it's saved just in case it's needed. Most of the time, we don't know who sent the text - it's just a phone number and they don't bother introducing themselves. We asked the best friend to not share the phone numbers to anyone anymore - but it's already out there. If needed, we're going to change our numbers which is going to be a pain in the neck because my number is also my work number!

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OK, I know that this is going to sound strange, but I had to do some internet search to find out what Twilight was. I did not see it. Vampire movies are just too icky to me. And romance centered around the killing of others by draining their blood? OH MY GOSH, where do they get this stuff? I think the reason that I did not see it is that it felt evil, and I was brand new with the LDS and thankful, and wide eyed, and most certainly did not want to do anything to spoil this new relationship that had me star struck.

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I was a good kid in school never missed a day. I did see the paddle..with holes in it. But, that was for some one else.

I wonder if kids are worse of today without the adults , principle allowing to spank them at a early age.

BTW, me and my brother were always at each other like Spy VS Spy. Always trying to get into wrestling matches or annoy each other :)

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