MathMonk Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 My wife started school again recently, and on her first day, while they were introducing themselves, another girl in her class recognized her last name and asked if she knew me. My wife responded and said that she was my wife, and that we had been married a little over a year. This girl revealed to my wife that we had dated about three years ago, and they got to talking about all the things that they have in common. As it turns out I must have a type, they both went to the same liberal arts college, and they're both working on their second bachelor's degree in the same subject, they were both partially home schooled growing up, and have similar family make-ups and personalities. The biggest difference between them is that my wife is about 9 years younger than this girl, otherwise they would've met years ago. To give a little background, when I dated this girl I wanted to marry her, and she pretty much broke my heart. I pined over her for a long time before moving on, and about a year later I met my wife, who is the love of my life. Needless to say, this is a very awkward situation for me because I hadn't thought about this girl in a very long time, and then my wife comes home and tells me about her new friend who I used to date, and suddenly I'm having a lot of conflicting feelings. These feelings are further complicated by the fact that they really are so incredibly similar, lately I've been thinking that after this girl broke my heart I must have gone looking for someone exactly like her and found it in my wife. I also wonder if this girl is comparing herself to my wife and thinking the same thing. And while it's more likely that I just had a type of girl that I liked, it's still very difficult emotionally. I know that it would be wrong for me to be friends with one of my ex girlfriends, but is it okay for my wife to be her friend? Should I tell my wife that her being this girl's friend is making me uncomfortable, or do I just need to get over it? My wife doesn't have too many friends right now, especially at school, and I don't want to tell her that she can't be friends with this girl, but I'm feeling like my mind is doing "The one that got away" dance far too much, especially when it's my wife that is bringing up the topic. Any thoughts? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 If it makes you uncomfy tell her. Its kinda hard to see why you would pine for the other gf. She broke you heart and your wife didnt. A rather huge difference right off the bat. Not only did she not break your heart she has the qualities you were looking for all along. Sounds like you got a good deal to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Wow. That is super awkward! I would maybe encourage her to be friendly, but not to invite her over because it's too weird for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Awkward! I'm putting myself in your shoes, and if DH took up a bromance with the one that broke my heart, I'd have a tough time. I'd tell him how I feel, but that he was free to have a friendship and work on class stuff as long as they kept me out of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 My husband's opinion is to ask her to not build that friendship. He says it would make him feel uncomfortable too. Lol his reason is that he doesnt like the idea we might be comparing him but ..... :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delanie Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 I don't think I would pursue the friendship without my husband's blessing. I know it's just friendship and girl stuff, but it can tread on old wounds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarlJibbs Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 Tell your wife how you feel and get over it. Not exactly the same, but a here is my story. I had a huge thing for this girl in high school. We kind of dated, but really it came down to liking eachother at different times. When I really liked her, she just liked to hang out with me and flirt, when she really liked me, I was dating my future wife, which happened to be one of her best friends. The awkward part is that she and my wife are still really good friends and I see her all the time since she lives in our stake. But the really funny thing is.... I know it is only awkward to me. My wife and I will see her and stop and chat and I know that I am probably the only one that is thinking "derrr I used to like you"... Who knows, maybe you are getting a wierd type of vengence, maybe your ex GF is thinking about how bad she screwed up. Yeah, take that! !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 One of my best friends is the wife of my ex-fiance. We didn't know each other prior to him. We are also very similar, and when they were first engaged, he always said that she and I would be really great friends if we had met under different circumstances (things were...contentious, to say the least). It's been ten years now, and we've had to acknowledge that he was right. For the first four or five years, we wanted nothing to do with each other (which was fine because I was on a mission part of that time, and we were on opposite ends of the country mostly anyway). But once we finally opened up lines of communication, yeah it was awkward at first, but we grew into it. I don't really ever talk to him at all, though I occasionally ask after his family. He is okay with my friendship with his wife, and my husband doesn't have a problem with it either. In fact, we all think it's a little bizarre, but fun and funny.It sounds like your wife and ex-girlfriend could be good friends because of all their shared interests and history. It's okay to tell your wife that you're uncomfortable with it -- it is a little weird after all. Tell her it's a lot to wrap your head around. I (personally) don't like the idea of asking her not to become friends with the woman, though. Maybe you could ask her not to talk about it, or to take it easy at first, or something.Also, they probably have a lot more differences than you realize -- it's just easy to focus on all the commonalities at first, in a situation like this. That much I know from my own experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 One of my sister's best friends is married to the guy she dated for a long time, wanted to marry, and broke her heart. Sis and his wife met after he married her, and wife even worked for sis for a long time. They double date and hang out and it works for them. I couldn't do it, though. . . starting with the fact that DH would punch my ex-BF's lights out if he ever had the opportunity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_T_R Posted September 12, 2012 Report Share Posted September 12, 2012 All I can say is if my husband were uncomfortable with any friend of mine with legitimate reasoning, as I think you have, I would stop in a diplomatic way.. just slowly pull back and keep it superficial to class only if I had to talk to her. Otherwise, I'd just stop. I doubt you went looking for the same girl. You have specific things you're attracted to.. but I'm sure they're different. The biggest I can see is that your wife didn't break your heart. Let her know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 13, 2012 Report Share Posted September 13, 2012 When my parents attended my Dad's 50th high school reunion it got awkward. An old flame from high school apparently still has a crush on him and stood up and said so. It make everyone feel awkward. She was oblivious and my parents laughed about it for a few years. I think Dad was a little flattered. Why are you having these feelings. She broke up with you. You got a the girl you married with the qualities you want and who loves you back. Tell your wife you're uncomfortable. Talk about it. Don't let it fester. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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