Misshalfway Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 So....we had these mudslides in our neighborhood and lots of homes were damaged. One of the effected families is on my VTing list. We've been visiting her for about a year...my partner and I. The day after the mudslide I made a call to the RS pres to keep me informed. And my companion and I agreed to keep each other informed about our sister in light of all the commotion. At the very same time earlier this month, another sister on our list was hit by a car and almost lost her leg. She's currently in a wheelchair and needs help with various things. I didn't find out about this event until yesterday when I spoke with my companion over the phone. Come to find out, that my companion has known about this for weeks and has been shuttling dinners, tending kids, and going over for supportive visits. But she didn't involve me in any of it. I also found out that she has been serving our mudslide sister in the same way.....getting needset info from the RSP and then acting independently to meet the need. I came away from this phone call feeling quite badly about the whole thing. I guess I feel excluded and forgotten and frankly a little T.O.ed. I've known my partner for a long time. She's amazingly loving and incredibly capable, like so many of us mormon women. She can make a meal in a minute and spin a service project on her pinky finger! But I wonder if she NEEDS this for her ego. I wonder if she NEEDS to be the star of the show and if others talents or involvement threatens her in some way. With tears I couldn't conceal, I told my companion how her behavior made me feel especially after we promised each other that we'd coordinate together. I told her how I needed the chance to serve too and how it sometimes feels like the "overachiever" in RS sisters can sometimes crowd people out. She apologized. I was gracious about it. But I come away from it feeling like this stuff happens a lot. My previous companion would always insist on being the one who baked the treats or who brought the cute drop off gift. It was like she was ravenous for the accolades that acknowledged her cleverness. I guess what I'm saying is that being awesome at stuff just isn't all that awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 I agree. What I've done is do my own thing. I try not to depend on someone else to let me know. I'm not always successful because I'm not part of the "communication loop", but I do what I can. As for the treats and the cute drop off gift, will somebody please tell my VTs and any who are assigned in the future to just stop with the sugar and the junk I send to the DI or with a guilty heart throw away. I've asked, asked, asked and nobody listens. Its not about serving me...its about making themselves feel like they made a visit. Meaningful service is not treats, nor a cute drop off gift. Meaningful service is a visit to find out what the need is and then fulfilling that need. And Its Never Ever Convenient. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted September 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 I agree.What I've done is do my own thing. I try not to depend on someone else to let me know. I'm not always successful because I'm not part of the "communication loop", but I do what I can.As for the treats and the cute drop off gift, will somebody please tell my VTs and any who are assigned in the future to just stop with the sugar and the junk I send to the DI or with a guilty heart throw away. I've asked, asked, asked and nobody listens. Its not about serving me...its about making themselves feel like they made a visit. Meaningful service is not treats, nor a cute drop off gift. Meaningful service is a visit to find out what the need is and then fulfilling that need. And Its Never Ever Convenient.Yeah!How do you deal with "not being in the communication loop"? I dont' think I'm dealing well. It feel like I'm in Jr. High trying to break into the "cool girls" club. And they don't even notice.Maybe I need to run for office and demand more vending machines in the church lobby's or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 (edited) Yeah!How do you deal with "not being in the communication loop"? I dont' think I'm dealing well. It feel like I'm in Jr. High trying to break into the "cool girls" club. And they don't even notice.Maybe I need to run for office and demand more vending machines in the church lobby's or something. Sometimes its hard to not feel left out. But when I do feel left out I try to actively do something for someone else instead of worrying about feeling it. I try to get my head on straight because really being left out doesn't affect my ability to serve.I also beg The RS President and the Compassionate Service Coordinator. They both know that I want to help. I remind them often.P.S. The Jr. High feeling never goes completely away. I just don't play that game. I removed myself. If others want to play that game they can do it without me. There have been some nasty consequences on occassion but in the end it reflected on the other person and not on me. Edited September 28, 2012 by applepansy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 I'm grateful for the overachievers. I feel like I don't contribute as much as I should, so I'm grateful when someone else does. I would feel left out though, if my VT companion was helping our sisters, and I wasn't at least given a phone call to tell me what was going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 It's a good thing I'm in primary, because I'm absolutely useless when it comes to making cute things. Oh, I can deliver a fine lesson for my visiting teaching girls, but that's about it. I don't think I've had an overachiever in Mormondom make me feel bad in quite some time, but something like this would really hurt. I would feel "was I considered that useless?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted September 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Yup. It hurt. So....if someone could say something like...."Yeah, that partner of yours is a real poo-face", I'd feel better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
applepansy Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Yeah, that partner of yours is a real poo-face. Does that help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted September 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Yes. I feel a little better. :) But I'd be willing to feel more better if anyone wants to help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Your partner is a cotton-headed ninnymuggins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Yup. It hurt.So....if someone could say something like...."Yeah, that partner of yours is a real poo-face", I'd feel better. That partner of yours is a real poo-face. Feel better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted September 28, 2012 Report Share Posted September 28, 2012 Oh dang it. Apple beat me to it. I guess I should read the rest of the responses before I respond. hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annewandering Posted September 29, 2012 Report Share Posted September 29, 2012 Your partner is clueless. Probably has a good heart etc but still clueless. Good thing you talked it out with her. Now maybe she will share. Then again maybe not. It makes sense to just check up on them yourself. Then you can give her a call to let her know next time. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted September 29, 2012 Report Share Posted September 29, 2012 I've got a story that might make you laugh. In my ward we have a high flux and turnover during the Summer. Visiting teaching routes get changed every 3 weeks or so -- no joke. By the time you've made an appointment, the sister you're going to see isn't even on your route anymore. Things have settled down a little and I've had my current route for about seven weeks or so, I think. I've been out of town and/or had family visiting for at least half the time I've had the route, and I was sick another week and not at church, etc. Needless to say, I haven't been a good visiting teacher. Last Saturday we had a stake women's conference. I didn't call any of my teachees to offer a ride because I wasn't going to be to go myself (that plan changed, thanks to the good graces of my own visiting teacher, less than an hour before the meeting started). None of my sisters were there, but I didn't even notice until the end (I've been in a place lately where I'm the needing service and uplifting, which is usually not the case). As one of my friends was leaving, she stopped, came back to me, and said, "Oh, just so you know, I'm going to type up some notes from today to send to [Rachel], [Jane], and [sally]." I looked at her blankly, like, "That's nice. Why are you telling me?" Suddenly it occurred to me that she was my companion. Duuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted September 29, 2012 Report Share Posted September 29, 2012 I'm sometimes an overachiever, but I don't think I'm a poo-face. I let my companions know about stuff so I can be at least a little bit lazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted September 29, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 29, 2012 Oh dang it. Apple beat me to it. I guess I should read the rest of the responses before I respond. hahahaThat's ok! I think it sunk in a little deeper with the second dose. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seeking_peace Posted September 30, 2012 Report Share Posted September 30, 2012 I tried to think of some reasons that Sister Poo-Face might have left you out of the loop. Perhaps, she thought that you were busy and didn't want to bother you. Perhaps, she is uncomfortable delegating tasks. Maybe it is just easier for her to do something than to explain the way she wants it done (and she might be the kind of person that thinks it can only be done her way). Maybe she hates making phone calls. Maybe YOU intimidate HER.... Ummm.... I have nothing else. Hopefully, now that you've explained the way she made you feel, things will be better and she will dump all the service opportunities in your lap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misshalfway Posted October 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2012 I actually love this sister. I'll stop calling her "poo face" I'm not as bent about the whole thing. And I actually value her talents and her go-getter-ness. In talking to her, I think she realizes a little that she oversteps sometimes. It's been a little rocky here the last couple of weeks, but I'm hoping things will equalize. I can see how I can improve. I don't think I'm the easiest companion. I've been very busy finishing graduate school and I'm not as "active" as I have been in younger years. I'm sure I can do more to help her trust my contributions too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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