Intro and maybe advice?


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Hi.

I am a life long member of the Church and going on another divorce. I am struggling with two complete polar opposite views here. My husband has cheated on me and has committed, what a therapist says, is spousal rape. I am being urged to stay in the marriage by leaders. I don't know what to do. My life is very bleak right now, in spite of praying and reading scriptures, being on LDS.org and reading whatever I can get my hands on, from the LDS perspective. I am broken hearted. There have been many instances where I have defended him to the public, but have come to find out that he was lying and cheating all along. I have people coming up to me in the market to tell me things about him. The wife is always the last to know. I keep thinking that I am being punished for some reason. Has anyone come back from a similar experience? Come back to a happy place and to the marriage? I would love to hear from someone who has been there, done that.

Thank you in advance...

SAD

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It's hard when church leaders champion marriage at all costs. I don't know if it's denial or ignorance or fear or misdirected hope or spirit filling invitations to do God sanctioned hard things. But what I do know is that the Lord sends his Spirit to confirm when the counsel is good/right for us. And if it's not there strengthening you, then it's ok to question what was said.

You said that you worry that you are getting punished somehow. This statement is particularly concerning for me. God isn't in the business of promoting abuse for any reason. God is God. His motive is to help us course correct sometimes. And He certainly allows consequences. But if God were trying to get through to you in some way, you should know that He will NEVER use abuse to accomplish it.

From the little you have shared, it sure does appear that this marriage is very bad for you.

Edited by Misshalfway
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I am being urged to stay in the marriage by leaders. I don't know what to do.

Are your church leaders actually "counseling" you to remain married, or are they seeking to honor the church leader counsels provided in the church Handbook, that they are not supposed to steer any relationship towards divorce.

Divorce is between you, the Lord and your current spouse. The Lord recognizes times where divorce is necessary.

I, like others, am surprised women would allow themselves to remain in a abusive relationship.

I am sorry to hear about your current trials and the Lord bless you to continue faithful in reading and praying.

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I just went through my second divorce. There were some major (abuse) problems in my marriage. I talked to my bishop about it about 8 years ago. He threatened me and said, "You have already let one marriage fail, if you walk away from this marriage you will have a lot to account for someday." (It's irrelevant but my first marriage failed because my ex left the church and wanted us to have an 'open' marriage.)

My Bishop scared me into staying in an abusive marriage for much, much longer than I should have. Fast forward to this year, the abuse only got worse in time. I separated from my husband at the beginning of the summer and our divorce was finalized at the end of Aug. When I counseled with my Bishop (different ward from where we were 8 years ago) on my situation he said the Church discourages Bishops from counseling in either direction. But, he told me to rely on the Spirit and do whatever I am prompted to do. The Spirit made it very clear that leaving my marriage was the only option for me. I also attended the temple to verify what I felt. Also, later in a Priesthood blessing I was told I made the right decision.

Bishops are not perfect and sometime their personal biases can get in the way. I need to find a way to forgive my Bishop 8 years ago for his bad advice and threats to me. If all else fails, have your bishop read to you from the Handbook about the church's position on abuse.

Best of luck to you.

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I don't remember the exact lines from the movies Chocolat.

The woman leaves an abusive marriage. Her husband complains to the mayor. The mayor shows up to say marriage is sanctioned of God. Vian shows him the woman's black eye and asks if God sanctioned that.

The mayor may have been the bully of the movie, but he recognized abuse in a marriage was certainly not alright with God.l

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