Suicidal son please help me!

[pooter1]

I know I said I would not post here anymore but I do not know where to go at the moment. I have been up all night long with my 22 year old son. He has suffered with mental problems all his life.When he was a teenager we tried to get him help.We went to doctor after doctor.He has tried so many meds with none of them helping him.He has been hospitalized twice for suicidal attempts.He has had blessing after blessing.We knew we had to do something before he turned 18 or he would try to fix himself with drugs of his own. 18 came and thats exactly what happened.He has been on drugs since then.Recently he told us he is trying to change and quit everything.Last night I sat on my living room floor with my 22 year old son and cried with him.He says he should have never came to earth.He hates life and being here.He has hated being here on earth since he was 12 and has prayed for death nightly. What am I going to do? I have been praying for this kid since all this began? Why didn't God help us get the right meds to help him before he turned 18?? He is so miserable here on earth.He cries like a baby at night and I hear him plead for with lord "Please let me die" He refuses any further help.Since it didn't work when he was a teenager he says there is nothing to help him. this breaks a mothers heart.i can't tell how miserable I am hearing my son cry for help and their is nothing I can do. I have prayed and prayed for years and nothing. So tired.

[NeuroTypical]

Sorry to hear of your son's struggles angel. I wish I had something useful to say. You have limited ability to help him. Does he steal from you or manipulate you with threats to harm himself? Do you give him money which he ends up spending on drugs? If so, stop letting any of that happen. I mean I hope he's not doing these things, but you'd hardly be the first mom in that position if he is.

What state do you live in? I may be able to give some specific advice on what's available in your area.

[Gretchen]

Hugs to you all. Can you get his name on the temple prayer roll? And ask your bishop and home teachers to pray for him?

[Just_A_Guy]

I know I said I would not post here anymore but I do not know where to go at the moment. I have been up all night long with my 22 year old son. He has suffered with mental problems all his life.When he was a teenager we tried to get him help.We went to doctor after doctor.He has tried so many meds with none of them helping him.He has been hospitalized twice for suicidal attempts.He has had blessing after blessing.We knew we had to do something before he turned 18 or he would try to fix himself with drugs of his own. 18 came and thats exactly what happened.He has been on drugs since then.Recently he told us he is trying to change and quit everything.Last night I sat on my living room floor with my 22 year old son and cried with him.He says he should have never came to earth.He hates life and being here.He has hated being here on earth since he was 12 and has prayed for death nightly. What am I going to do? I have been praying for this kid since all this began? Why didn't God help us get the right meds to help him before he turned 18?? He is so miserable here on earth.He cries like a baby at night and I hear him plead for with lord "Please let me die" He refuses any further help.Since it didn't work when he was a teenager he says there is nothing to help him. this breaks a mothers heart.i can't tell how miserable I am hearing my son cry for help and their is nothing I can do. I have prayed and prayed for years and nothing. So tired.

Two days ago I was with a young lady who had had some mental health/anxiety issues and got a felony warrant issued against her ten years ago. She had finally gotten herself straightened out, and we were in court trying to set her right with the law. The progress she had made over those last ten years was staggering - from going to your run-of-the-mill junkie (earning her drug money as a stripper) to a full-time employee (in an honorable trade), wife, and volunteer worker who had single-handedly raised $300K for a local charity last year.

The point I'm trying to make is that your son's road may be very long, but there is always the prospect for a recovery beyond your wildest dreams. Keep the faith.

(I don't recommend staying on the lam for ten years, though. The judge did not like that one.)

[pooter1]

I keep thinkng if he gets put in jail that maybe that might be the low point and he will turn around.He knows we will not help him if that happens. I just keep hanging on and keep praying.

[classylady]

Angel333, I wish I knew what to do to help. All I can do is offer prayers for you and your son.

[BadWolf]

1) Those 4 years of street drugs may be a blessing in disguise. SOMETHING worked. And worked well enough to keep him alive for four whole years. His doctors as a teenager didn't, for whatever reason, stumble across 'it' or the right combo to make 'it' for his specific neurochemistry.

2) Every street drug has its medical counterpart.

3) Using this 4 years as a guide, a GOOD neurologist will be able to track the chemicals involved, along with neuro pathways (uptake, reuptake, inhibitors, etc.) and work out the specific mode of action needed IF there isn't a direct parallel (like alcohol or heroin to opioid receptors)

Your son would hand to be completely honest about both the drugs used when he felt BEST as well as other behaviors he may not want to admit to (sex releases both hormones and neurotransmitters, risky behaviors release adrenaline and other chemicals, etc.). Whatever your son was doing that was WORKING on his depression a good neurologist can come up with a short list of variables to put together a treatment plan where he has the RIGHT meds, at the RIGHT dosage (that always takes tweaking) so that he's himself (instead of high), not struggling with addictions, and not having to be in a dark world trying to self medicate himself.

If your son's been suicidal for 10 years.... He's HUGELY strong, and even though he wants to due, is fighting to live. If a neurologist is able to use those 4 years to put together the right meds so he can live with HIMSELF, be himself, and be the man he wants to be? It may not make those years worth it, but it would make the following years worth it, mas oui?

4) After 6 years of doctors and meds that didn't work, your son has learned to have faith that they will NOT work. That there is no option outside of the illegal drug world. It will take even more strength on his part to be willing to TRY, even though the first few attempts may fail again, while trying to get the right combo. On average, it takes about a year. But that year is going to pass no matter what. At the end of that year, he has a chance to be himself again, or be the same & or gone. HONEWORK ASSIGNMENT: Have your son start researching the drugs he used, and their mode of action (hormonal, dopamine reuptake inhibitor, etc. there are dozens), so that when he meets with the neurologist he can be an ACTIVE participant. He's already spent 4 years as a lab rat, so he knows on a personal level what these drugs do. Studying will give him the language. He's not a kid, anymore. That year will pass. How he chooses to spend it will NOT be as a child, but hopefully as an active participant... Who... Due to his trials is PARTICULARLY capable and knowledgeable about how he's affected. He's not a powerless kid. TELL him that. Have him turn ghjbgs on their head and look at how different (knowledge & capability) he is NOW from when he was 'new'. Former addicts make the BEST students of neurology. If he chooses to, he will be able to accomplish amazing things using that HARD won skillset.

Hope some/any of this MIGHT help.

All my best.

[applepansy]

You're in my prayers.

[Mute]

I think you may possibly be trying the wrong approach. No where in your post did you say you ever just sat down and tried talking with him. Is your son close to you? Does he often share his thoughts and feelings with you about why he feels unhappy? If the answer is no, then maybe that would be a good place to start. If your son isn't wanting to talk about the root of the problem with you, then there is probably a reason for that.

I felt suicidal for a very long time. I didn't have that connection with my family where I could just talk to them about things. A large part of that was because of physical abuse by relatives and neglect from parents. I didn't feel close to my family. Often times, the subjects that made me unhappy were not comfortable for me to talk or think about. So I kept them inside even though they bothered me. My family was oblivious to the fact that I was feeling unhappy and that too made me feel distant from them. Not that a family needs to be mind readers, but it is nice when someone at least notices you're not feeling happy. It wasn't until a friend told them that I was feeling suicidal that they realized how I was feeling.

Yes, my parents loved me but there was no connection there. There wasn't the ability for me to really open up and feel compassion from them even if they were offering. There just wasn't anything there anymore. When I did try to talk to them, I felt like they didn't understand or missed the point. It was frustrating and it made it increasingly difficult. However, they were who I wanted to talk to. Even if I didn't feel they understood, even if I didn't feel close to them or hurt by them, they were still the only ones I wanted and the only ones I felt could help. I think in spending time with your son, maybe he will open up to you about what is really bothering him.

This may not be 100% how your son is but I'd say it's not a bad guess since you never mentioned just trying to talk to him about it. Also, I'd suggest not over reacting and trying to commit him to a hospital or anything like that. Things shortly went south after my family found out from a friend that I was feeling suicidal. I was staying in my room for a day. They apparently thought I was going to shoot myself in my room after I locked the door. They called the police after I asked to be left alone. Next thing I know, the police are knocking on my bedroom door telling me I have to go to a hospital. This did not exactly strengthen my relations to my family. I didn't get committed to the hospital though. When my sister was trying to check me into the hospital, I told the lady at the desk I was not suicidal and that it was a misunderstanding. So the lady could not force me to stay unless I admitted I was suicidal. My point is, if your son was going to kill himself, I'm betting he would have done it by now or at least that he won't do it as long as he sees hope. If you keep talking with him, I don't think he will just give up. Encourage him, let him know you love him and listen without interrupting if he wants to talk to you. That's my advice and hopefully it applies to your situation. Good luck with that.

[candyprpl]

This tears at my heart!!! I wish I knew what to say. I struggled all my life with debilitating depression and had many suicide attempts -- and hospitalizations and self drugging. I KNOW his feelings of desperation and wishings of not wanting to have been born. My family also was very grieved over me. I hope this doesn't sound too much like a downer --- I'm truly blessed to be alive now. But it did take almost succeeding in an suicide attempt to come to realize how much Heavenly Father loves me. I hope and pray that your son will not have to go through such a trial. I'm not saying that it will take such measures for him but for stubborn ole me, that's what worked. I strongly suggest that you and your family who are affected by this seek counsel.

[pooter1]

BadWolf, What you say is true. There are times when my son seems normal and I find out it is because he has been smoking pot. I tried to tell him there are legal drugs that can help him. He doesn't believe me. So many doctors tried to help him and none of the drugs ever worked for him. I tried to tell him it takes time to find the right drugs to help.He doesn't believe me.He only knows what helps him right now and he doesn't have to wait.

Mute,Yes we have talked to him till we are blue in the face. We have stayed up all night with him when he cries.He feels quilt about the drugs and I think he wants us to tell him its ok but we can't abide by illegal drugs. I am constantly on edge.Everytime I leave the house I think this could be the day he dies either by drugs or suicide.Its a nightmare life.We were up again saturday night with him and both his dad and I were so distraught sunday we couldn't evem watch conference. We have prayed over and over and we feel that God does not hear our prayers.Even just a little relief would be great but we don't even get that. Its a very depressing and sad time in our life.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Angel, have you tried therapy? I'm not saying there isn't a place for meds, but I think too often we "jump to medicating" when therapy is needed. Sometimes both therapy and meds are in order.

I'm a big fan of therapy, because I am in therapy and I know what it has done for me. :)

[candyprpl]

Angel, have you tried therapy? I'm not saying there isn't a place for meds, but I think too often we "jump to medicating" when therapy is needed. Sometimes both therapy and meds are in order.

I'm a big fan of therapy, because I am in therapy and I know what it has done for me. :)

I also went through many years of therapy and meds -- worked a little but what was missing from my life and what the doctors didn't offer was the spiritual healing I so desperately needed.

It's interesting to note that after I came out of my 5 day coma the first thing the therapist in the hospital asked me, "What is your relationship with God?" Wow, that had never been addressed, ever, in all the years of therapy. It started me on the path, 'come unto Christ' and be HEALED.:)

[Misshalfway]

BadWolf, What you say is true. There are times when my son seems normal and I find out it is because he has been smoking pot. I tried to tell him there are legal drugs that can help him. He doesn't believe me. So many doctors tried to help him and none of the drugs ever worked for him. I tried to tell him it takes time to find the right drugs to help.He doesn't believe me.He only knows what helps him right now and he doesn't have to wait.

Mute,Yes we have talked to him till we are blue in the face. We have stayed up all night with him when he cries.He feels quilt about the drugs and I think he wants us to tell him its ok but we can't abide by illegal drugs. I am constantly on edge.Everytime I leave the house I think this could be the day he dies either by drugs or suicide.Its a nightmare life.We were up again saturday night with him and both his dad and I were so distraught sunday we couldn't evem watch conference. We have prayed over and over and we feel that God does not hear our prayers.Even just a little relief would be great but we don't even get that. Its a very depressing and sad time in our life.

Hi Angel333. I can't imagine what this has been like for you. I'm reading this and thinking of Elder Eyring's Sunday morning conference talk where he spoke of trials that sometimes last a lifetime. I cried when he talked about that. And my heart is crying for you and your son.

It sounds like your son has lost his strength. I pray that he can find it again. That the people around him help to cut through the layers of denials and lies. I pray that you can find your strength so that you can go the distance and so that your influence will be one that creates opportunities for change.

How are you doing? How strong is your support system and your relationship to God? I don't know that God always "saves" us from life, but I do know that he makes our burdens lighter. I'm wondering if tapping into that process of how God equalizes our abilities with our challenges is something that could help you just now.

Blessings to you, my dear. May angels surround you on your right and on your left and help to bear both you and your son up at this very difficult time.

[Chrissy3818]

I know I said I would not post here anymore but I do not know where to go at the moment. I have been up all night long with my 22 year old son. He has suffered with mental problems all his life.When he was a teenager we tried to get him help.We went to doctor after doctor.He has tried so many meds with none of them helping him.He has been hospitalized twice for suicidal attempts.He has had blessing after blessing.We knew we had to do something before he turned 18 or he would try to fix himself with drugs of his own. 18 came and thats exactly what happened.He has been on drugs since then.Recently he told us he is trying to change and quit everything.Last night I sat on my living room floor with my 22 year old son and cried with him.He says he should have never came to earth.He hates life and being here.He has hated being here on earth since he was 12 and has prayed for death nightly. What am I going to do? I have been praying for this kid since all this began? Why didn't God help us get the right meds to help him before he turned 18?? He is so miserable here on earth.He cries like a baby at night and I hear him plead for with lord "Please let me die" He refuses any further help.Since it didn't work when he was a teenager he says there is nothing to help him. this breaks a mothers heart.i can't tell how miserable I am hearing my son cry for help and their is nothing I can do. I have prayed and prayed for years and nothing. So tired.

I just want to wrap both you and him in my arms and say everything is going to be all right! Everything will! Maybe not now and maybe not tomorrow. But it will happen.

Prayers are heard so pray as much as you like and ask heavenly father what you want to do and do what he says (doing is the hardest part for me). Heavenly father is there for you, it may just not be that time yet for him to be helped. Help will come, in one form or another, but with faith and patients everything will be fine!

May I ask what mental problem he has?

[pooter1]

He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I thank you all for the kind words. I had a blessing last night and I feel a little better.Heading to the temple tomorrow. My son seemed more calm today.It was a good day but not enough of them. I have come to realize that there are some things you have absolutley no control over. When you know there is nothing else you can do,Its a horrible feeling. I can tell him what to do for help all I want but until he wants to change its going to stay the same.Everyone you have been a great help with your kind words.Thank you.

[candyprpl]

You are in my prayers.

[Windseeker]

Hi Angel,

My heart goes out to you. My brother last month attempted to end his life by jumping off a building in Hawaii. He ended up with two broken ankles and some broken ribs. He has had problems with drugs since High School. My parents who just returned from serving a mission in Brazil have been thrust it seems straight into hell. I hate thinking they are anywhere near my younger brother as he has learned to manipulate and play their emotions to get what he wants. A couple of my brothers and myself that have been closest to this situation have tried to encourage my parents to exercise tuff love but we finally stopped as it seems like all we do is add to their grief.

My parents against our wishes flew him home and have tried to take care of him while he recovers. After continued threats and then an attempt to wrap a seat belt around his neck and jump out of the car my parents took him to the emergency room. They now have a reprieve of sorts as he will spend the next few weeks in a mental facility in Seattle. I found out recently that his Doctor is LDS (no big deal in the BoM belt but outside it’s a surprising comfort) and after an evaluation and review of his past history she said he will always need medication the rest of his life. Currently they have him on Methadone.

They visit him every day. I think they feel it’s their calling in life. But having been to Al-anon I know there is little I can do to help him. You’re either on the rollercoaster that they control or you are off it. I’ve chosen to be off it but I am preparing to write him a letter just letting him know I love him and hope he gets better.

I think you need support Angel. I think you’re doing everything you can do to help your son. But you need to get some help and support yourself. Where is your husband in all this?

[pooter1]

Thanks Windseeker. My husband has been right by my side and by my sons. When my son gets suicidal Im usually breaking down myself crying out of control while my husband is doing the talking. I have already been through a suicide in my lifetime.One was enough.I know I can't handle another one.I know this.When my fiance killed himself years ago I lost my mind and had no control.I have been on meds ever since. I have no idea what woud happen to me if my son killed himself.I truly don't.My mind would do what ever it feels to survive.I would have no control.

[Shortstuff]

It may take years for him to get the right balance of meds. However taking meds without therapy is like trying to read the user's manual to your body without understanding the language. I'm guessing this came on around puberty which it usually does. But seeing someone is crucial because right now he is forming the habits that will last for life. My husband found the right meds in his 30's but the problem was he had gotten into the habit of blaming every bad behavior on his depression. My brother had the same issue and my parents let all sorts of irresponsible behavior slide because of the "depression". Luckily your son is still young enough that he can avoid this and live a productive life.

1) He needs to recognize his problem. If illegal drugs are an issue that he's serious about quitting, a 12 step program support group would be invaluable.

2) He needs to recognize this as HIS problem and not expect anyone to fix it and get serious about fighting for his life.

3) He needs to recognize how his problem hurts those around him and get serious about fighting for his life.

You can't do that for him and I think you know it. The hardest part is that when it comes down to it, it's his life. God gave us free agency and he's free to let his depression defeat him via suicide or to fight it with the resources he has (friends, family, doctors, God etc.) Maybe you're praying for the wrong thing? Maybe we should be praying for God to help him embrace what he has to fight the battle not to take the battle away.

[BadWolf]

1) He needs to recognize his problem. If illegal drugs are an issue that he's serious about quitting, a 12 step program support group would be invaluable.

I agree with absolutely everything SS is saying EXCEPT this.

12 step programs are free and everywhere... So they're tempting, HOWEVER, for people who are dual-diagnosis (both addiction and a neurological disorder) they can be lethal.

As WRITTEN (and sometimes practiced) they specifically say that medications can be useful or necessary and need to be overseen by a doctor.

In PRACTICE, there's an overriding attitude of 'A drug is a drug is a drug.' And a general mistrust of doctors (as many NA and other 12step groups have scammed doctors for drugs to get high on).

For even non-dangerous disorders like ADHD, a person will be told COUNTLESS times to get off of their meds, by countless well meaning idiots. For depression, this goes x1000. When its suicidal depression, bipolar disorder, etc... Even just the act of going off meds can kill a person (needing to be weaned off, instead), and not having ghe meds at all often leads to suicide attempts or successes in depressions and mixed episodes.

SS doesn't specify what TYPE of 12-step group, which is the only part I don't wholeheartedly second.

The TYPE, if he chooses to go that route. NEEDS to be a (caps because I can't highlight any other way -on my phone) DUAL DIAGNOSIS.

Dual Diagnosis groups are not typical 12step groups in that

1) They're often overseen by a doctor instead of self led

2) They're usually not in any meeting list

3) They're usually held in hospital settings or in dual diagnosis specific treatment centers (neat always within a hospital)

4) There is a requirement for addiction PLUS a co-occurring neurological issue (that may or may not require medication)

[NeuroTypical]

In PRACTICE, there's an overriding attitude of 'A drug is a drug is a drug.' And a general mistrust of doctors (as many NA and other 12step groups have scammed doctors for drugs to get high on).

For even non-dangerous disorders like ADHD, a person will be told COUNTLESS times to get off of their meds, by countless well meaning idiots.

Hi Bad - my wife has attended and sponsored at numerous AA groups in two different stattes, and this is not her experience at all. Certainly you can find groups poisoned with such nonsense, but no, this is not an overriding attitude of all, most, or even many of AA mtgs, at least the ones in UT and CO.

When someone is thinking about going to an AA meeting, my wife suggests finding a list of all the meetings in your area, picking one that sounds good to you, and just showing up and not saying anything until you feel comfortable with that particular group.