Missionary age: How does this change things in your family?

[JustSimplyMe]

Whether it's BYU or anywhere else, in or out the Church... 20 year old folks getting married? I hope they won't.

I think that it may be less people getting married at 18 and 19, but if YM decide to serve at 18, they will get home at 20 and if a YW serves at 19 she will be home at 20 1/2. So I honestly think a lot of marriages are going to be 20, 21+ or just 21+. That is a little better than how it is now at BYU and BYU-Idaho. Another thing is, if they both serve missions the marriage probably will be blessed by it.

[JustSimplyMe]

I am a convert of 4 years (Oct 18 will make 4 yrs) and a lot of people think I actually was born in the church because I have a strong testimony and pick things up quick, so I know I will be ready at 19 to serve, if I choose to. However, I am sure I will. I don't have money for school so I am hoping to get financial aid for that. Then I usually work once a week for 5 hrs and get paid $40 and I could put some into the ward missionary fund or save half of that and then go work part time when I am at college next year. I know my bishop would help any of us in my ward who needs help.

[carlimac]

Whether it's BYU or anywhere else, in or out the Church... 20 year old folks getting married? I hope they won't.

My daughter was 20 when she got married. She was mature and has handled marriage well- perhaps better than I did at 26. She's mom of two now at 24 and again, a great little mom.

My only disappointment for her was that she didn't get to go on a mission. (Not sure she would have anyway) but also didn't have any of the really fun adventures I had and that you can do so much more easily when you're single. I went on study abroad, worked at a summer camp in the mountains of CA, performed in the Hill Cumorah Pageant, went on a mission and traveled with my parents. I also graduated from college, worked full time and bought my own car, all before getting married. Since getting married we've hardly traveled at all. So I'm glad I did lots of that before I got married.

[carlimac]

No problem...cause it was mine.

I'm an adult convert (joined at 19 1/2), so I didn't have the advantage of preparing and saving for a mission like the born-members (nor do my parents have the means to support a missionary, not that I would ask that burden of them for somehing they didn't believe in anyways). I had wanted to go a few years back, and was even encouraged by several members (who had revealed to me in confidence that they had made large donations to the ward mission fund recently, so help was available).

The response from my Bishop was "we have other potentials we are saving that money for. Maybe in the future, but you are on your own." It was very spirit crushing (more so when their "potentials" didn't end up going).

Now I am in better financial and physical shape (I got sick shortly after).....but alas at 27 I have "aged out". that's the part that frustrates me about this whole thing today.... We want more born-in-the-church YM to serve missions, let's lower the age...... but older adult converts, you still are unwanted

That's not Church policy. Perhaps it was the wrong thing for your bishop to say. He should have helped you in my opinion. But don't let it ruin your life. Get on with it. Plan to go when you're "senior" missionary age.

[carlimac]

I never considered sending my daughters into the mission field...

Not until today.

Why not? This sounds somehow presumptiuous to me. I'm glad you're thinking about "sending" them now but what if they had made the decision to go whether you wanted them to or not? It's not you sending them. It's the Lord calling them! And it's them making the decision to go.

Edited October 7, 2012 by carlimac

[Wingnut]

And any mormon boy not married by the age of 27 is a menace to society - Brigham Young.

Fiction.

My only disappointment for her was that she didn't get to go on a mission. (Not sure she would have anyway) but also didn't have any of the really fun adventures I had and that you can do so much more easily when you're single. I went on study abroad, worked at a summer camp in the mountains of CA, performed in the Hill Cumorah Pageant, went on a mission and traveled with my parents. I also graduated from college, worked full time and bought my own car, all before getting married. Since getting married we've hardly traveled at all. So I'm glad I did lots of that before I got married.

I agree. When people get married young, they miss a lot of opportunities for things like this that can be harder to do financially and logistically after marriage. The flip side of that, obviously, is that marriage and starting a family isn't exactly "missing out" on things, which I also agree with. I got married a month after my 25th birthday, and I thought it was perfect. I was able to enjoy being single during my early 20's, and had fun with it. But I also didn't get to the point where I felt old and like my options were thinning. I also know that I was a very different person at 25 than I was at 19 (when I almost got married).

The last few conferences (this weekend not included), we've heard the Brethren express concern about the average marriage age in the Church being on the rise. This should remedy that...for better or for worse.

[JustSimplyMe]

Fiction.

I agree. When people get married young, they miss a lot of opportunities for things like this that can be harder to do financially and logistically after marriage. The flip side of that, obviously, is that marriage and starting a family isn't exactly "missing out" on things, which I also agree with. I got married a month after my 25th birthday, and I thought it was perfect. I was able to enjoy being single during my early 20's, and had fun with it. But I also didn't get to the point where I felt old and like my options were thinning. I also know that I was a very different person at 25 than I was at 19 (when I almost got married).

The last few conferences (this weekend not included), we've heard the Brethren express concern about the average marriage age in the Church being on the rise. This should remedy that...for better or for worse.

I think it depends on the person. Like when I was 13 I remember telling people I will serve a mission and wanted to get married around 25. Then 14 or 15 years old I was thinking oh I rather get married at 20 or 21. Now at 16, a month away from being 17, I rather go on a mission and come home then get married around 21-25. I rather grow spiritually and emotionally and I think that is needed for me. Plus, with me wanting to serve it may make my marriage stronger, I don't know. It all depends on my freshman year of college next year. But, I know I am doing 2 semesters next year and then taking my fall sophomore semester off because I would enter the mtc around that time. :) Another thing is I would like to travel a bit too:)

[carlimac]

Fiction.

I agree. When people get married young, they miss a lot of opportunities for things like this that can be harder to do financially and logistically after marriage. The flip side of that, obviously, is that marriage and starting a family isn't exactly "missing out" on things, which I also agree with. I got married a month after my 25th birthday, and I thought it was perfect. I was able to enjoy being single during my early 20's, and had fun with it. But I also didn't get to the point where I felt old and like my options were thinning. I also know that I was a very different person at 25 than I was at 19 (when I almost got married).

The last few conferences (this weekend not included), we've heard the Brethren express concern about the average marriage age in the Church being on the rise. This should remedy that...for better or for worse.

The vision of me married at 19 or 20 is frightening.

[Just_A_Guy]

FWIW, Just_A_Girl was 19 on our wedding day. I won't say our marriage has been perfect, but the trials we've had were not related to age or maturity. Yeah, we've both grown since then, but we made a conscious decision to grow together and so we've only gotten closer as the years go by.

My 22 year old RM brother-in-law is wailing piteously about how his prospective dating pool is about to shrink dramatically.

Edited October 7, 2012 by Just_A_Guy

[JustSimplyMe]

The vision of me married at 19 or 20 is frightening.

I don't think I could see myself married in 2-3 years, unless I do a lot of growing up and a lot of learning.

[Guest]

I don't know anyone who didn't have to grow up and grow into their marriage., however old they were on their wedding day.

[JustSimplyMe]

I don't know anyone who didn't have to grow up and grow into their marriage., however old they were on their wedding day.

It probably because they were ready to be married and were ready to marry that person. I was just saying I have a lot of growing up and learning before I get married because there is a lot of stuff I don't know.

[Blackmarch]

Church Lowers Age Requirement for Missionary Service

YM can now serve at 18 instead of 19

YW can now serve at 19 instead of 21

As a young woman, I find it amazing that I can serve a mission in two years, and I am actually considering it. The only thing I have to worry if I serve is money for a mission. Also, I think there will be more missionaries out in the field (elders and sisters). Sister missionaries definitely would increase because at 21 a lot of them are married or about to start a career and may feel to old. Lastly, I think it is cool that most of the elders and sisters will be home around the same time.

What do you all feel about the new change?

i think this is probably a smart move- more motivation to be of the lord, and less time to get distracted between school and a mission.

[dahlia]

I wonder if some of this angst regarding marriage age is related to generations? Certainly within the last 120 years, people in the US married at 18, some at 16. Many boys went into WWII at 18 and 19 and left a new bride behind.

My husband married at 18 when he was in boot camp, headed off to Vietnam and who knows what. That marriage didn't last (more due to the separation than age), but he wasn't unusual to marry at 18. He used to say that people in his small town graduated high school on Friday, got married on Saturday, honeymooned on Sunday, and went to work at the car plant (he was a Michigan boy) on Monday. He was 28 and I was 23 when we married - and all of his friends had kids who were 10 yrs old already. He felt behind the curve and wanted us to have children immediately. As long as I had completed my degree, my parents didn't think 23 was young at all.

Nowadays, young people can extend their single life into their late 30's and no one says anything. Those who go to grad school or med school often think they don't have time to get married and pursue their degree. Others just enjoy the single life. They are told they can wait, and wait, and wait - and then face fertility problems, career demands, and other issues which might have been lessened or not present at all if they had married younger. Not everyone is ready for marriage at 20 or even 25, but those who are shouldn't put it off for some shadowy 'perfect time,' which may never come.

[DasMarcos]

It probably because they were ready to be married and were ready to marry that person. I was just saying I have a lot of growing up and learning before I get married because there is a lot of stuff I don't know.

Your different strokes for different folks view point is very true. My wife and I were married at the respective ages of 19 and 20. It's a personal choice that needs to take in the circumstances pertaining to those individual set of lives.

Whenever one gets married it's important that one is spiritually, emotionally, and physically ready to do so. There is no rush or hurry to wed and there never should be. The time will come, and that time will be magical as when it is designated.

[tcage]

That's not Church policy. Perhaps it was the wrong thing for your bishop to say. He should have helped you in my opinion. But don't let it ruin your life. Get on with it. Plan to go when you're "senior" missionary age.

I hope to...I REALLY hope to..though that is another "locked-out" area for guys...... you can only serve a senior mission if you are married (unless this has changed, but i have heard nothing of it).

That is hard when the leaders tell women that RMs are "more choice" husbands than those that didn't serve (either off-handed with statements like "no other experience will give you the spiritual growth that a mission does", or YW leaders just outright teaching it). Likely I won't have the chance to serve a senior mission either. I'm now seeing this happen with men younger than me in the church who haven't had the chance to go yet, and I feel he rocky path they have ahead of them Especially since earlier missions will lower marriage ages, so the "spare parts" in the ward will stand out moreso.

Even among boys that DO get to serve though....there always has been a "class distinction" between those that went right away at 19, and those who prepared a little longer (I've been a YSA leader for several years and a YM President currently, so you notice these things). I worry while Pres Monson did stress it was optional (that man is never off his A-game, love it), this will create yet another judgment for my Young Men, that those that waited until 19 aren't as "quality" as those that leave right from the graduation stage into a waiting plane

This whole thing makes me feel terrible inside.....prob the first time i can say that walking out of a General Conference...

[tcage]

((On the positive side though, LOVE the other half of the announcement though. Lowering the sister missionary age was LONG overdue, and I'm excited that more women in the church will serve missions! And greatly improve the mission force imo...))

[JustSimplyMe]

I wonder if some of this angst regarding marriage age is related to generations? Certainly within the last 120 years, people in the US married at 18, some at 16. Many boys went into WWII at 18 and 19 and left a new bride behind.

My husband married at 18 when he was in boot camp, headed off to Vietnam and who knows what. That marriage didn't last (more due to the separation than age), but he wasn't unusual to marry at 18. He used to say that people in his small town graduated high school on Friday, got married on Saturday, honeymooned on Sunday, and went to work at the car plant (he was a Michigan boy) on Monday. He was 28 and I was 23 when we married - and all of his friends had kids who were 10 yrs old already. He felt behind the curve and wanted us to have children immediately. As long as I had completed my degree, my parents didn't think 23 was young at all.

Nowadays, young people can extend their single life into their late 30's and no one says anything. Those who go to grad school or med school often think they don't have time to get married and pursue their degree. Others just enjoy the single life. They are told they can wait, and wait, and wait - and then face fertility problems, career demands, and other issues which might have been lessened or not present at all if they had married younger. Not everyone is ready for marriage at 20 or even 25, but those who are shouldn't put it off for some shadowy 'perfect time,' which may never come.

I think getting married at 30 is way to old!

[JustSimplyMe]

((On the positive side though, LOVE the other half of the announcement though. Lowering the sister missionary age was LONG overdue, and I'm excited that more women in the church will serve missions! And greatly improve the mission force imo...))

I agree, I'm excited and in seminary tomorrow we are having a discussion on this:)

[Shortstuff]

You marry when you find the right person and unfortunately for some people this comes later than others. I have good friends who didn't find the right person until they were in their 30's or 40's and it wasn't for any lack of trying. I would have LOVED to have served a mission. Unfortunately my Dad pressured me out of it even though I wasn't married until I was 23! He held the purse strings and had a lot of control over my life. I worried by not serving a mission I wasn't going to be good enough for the "good" guys. Lots of us girls would have loved the lack of complication that comes from serving at a younger age. It's easy to avoid guys for one year but for three it was tough! For some by the time you got to 21 you were so close to graduating that you just skipped it. It's a good time to be young.

[Scovy]

I predict a huge influx of 19 year old girls getting marriage proposals in the coming weeks at BYU Universities.

[Vort]

Fiction.

Ernest Wilkinson, former president of BYU, once said in a commencement address:

"As to the single men, I need merely to repeat the admonition attributed to Brigham Young, "Every man not married and over twenty-five is a menace to the community." I asked Dr. Lyman Tyler yesterday if he would document this for me, but he said he had been trying to document it for years; he had given up, so you will have to accept it either on faith, or as apocryphal."

[LeilaDawn]

For me nothing much changes. But I know a young 17 year old girl who wants to go on a mission very badly a week or a bit more ago she posted on facebook how she wished to be 21 and have enough money to go. Also how long 4 years waiting are... I believe she must be jumping for joy now that she only has half that time to wait, actually not even 2 years but a small 1,5 year untill she turns 19. I have to say I am actually quite curious for her reaction.

[rayhale]

I missed the Conference session where the Prophet changed the missionary age, if someone could put up the link to the talk, I would be grateful.

In the meantime, I have some questions that I’m surprised that hasn’t really been brought up:

-What about converts? Will a person still have to wait one year after baptism to go on a mission? This question mostly concerns the people that have to wait until 18, since his/her parents wouldn’t allow baptism beforehand.

-Will the lowered age create a modern version of class distinction? For instance, I noticed most of the replies mentioned money concerns. I can see most so-to-be 18-year old missionaries to be from wealthy families. In other words a classic case of the haves vs. the have-nots.

-Will the price per month for a mission rise?

-What would the Church do if the MTC in Provo meets, or even exceeds, capacity?

[kayne]

I wonder if some of this angst regarding marriage age is related to generations? Certainly within the last 120 years, people in the US married at 18, some at 16. Many boys went into WWII at 18 and 19 and left a new bride behind.

My husband married at 18 when he was in boot camp, headed off to Vietnam and who knows what. That marriage didn't last (more due to the separation than age), but he wasn't unusual to marry at 18. He used to say that people in his small town graduated high school on Friday, got married on Saturday, honeymooned on Sunday, and went to work at the car plant (he was a Michigan boy) on Monday. He was 28 and I was 23 when we married - and all of his friends had kids who were 10 yrs old already. He felt behind the curve and wanted us to have children immediately. As long as I had completed my degree, my parents didn't think 23 was young at all.

Nowadays, young people can extend their single life into their late 30's and no one says anything. Those who go to grad school or med school often think they don't have time to get married and pursue their degree. Others just enjoy the single life. They are told they can wait, and wait, and wait - and then face fertility problems, career demands, and other issues which might have been lessened or not present at all if they had married younger. Not everyone is ready for marriage at 20 or even 25, but those who are shouldn't put it off for some shadowy 'perfect time,' which may never come.

this really. plus its a cultural thing that is occurring more and more people are not mentally maturing enough for such a concept as marriage until their mid 20s and then dont actually get around to marriage until late 20s or 30s even....and women having kids in their 30s. i think gone are the days where everyone gets married at 18 or even many years ago a man and wife paired up by 16 or 15 and days before that princesses and princes got married at 12(we would call them pedophiles today) or whenever the woman could bare a child...so really i think the church needs to come to grips with the fact the world is just marrying later(for or better or worse can be argued but the fact is it is happening). mixed with the fact most 18 year olds have little clue as to what they want to do in the world. there is also the fact and probably in relation to getting married later people are having less kids once again we need to stop pretending marriage at 20 after getting off a mission is what happens and is realistic these days.

couple this with the fact the church quite frankly as 0 clue as to what to do with a single 20s person or 30s....really 0 clue. they quite frankly dont have much for you if you arent already committed. and if you are that age and DIDNT serve a mission God help you man. seriously be in your late 20s single and never gone a mission or even in your 30s....the church really is a rotten place for folks like that. i know i know its a dirty little secret people dont like to address. God knows conference never addresses this. heck the entire YSA is largely ignored by conference. i really honestly wish there was an entire conference session devoted to YSA because it really needs it. talks are always a mix of children or married people and all the YSA folks can get out of that is stockpiled knowledge for those days(assuming that happens....you know you could die before then or it just might not happen) or take home messages like follow Christ(which was a nice theme of this conference) which is good dont get me wrong just nothing ever directly hits the YSA segment and if it does it is always dont wait to get married k thx bai

that said....i like the annoucement....though i found it odd the way in which it was presented throughout conference and even originally announced at the beginning i dont recall hearing it was a revelation or The Lord said to do this or anything along these lines it just seemed to happen cause it was tried elsewhere and worked....so it doesnt strike me as The Lord put Himself out on the line for this one.

that said i like that fact the option is there. i do it find it odd YW must wait till they are 19 and cant just be 18 like YM....i also find it odd men are still under some mandate to serve yet women are not it just seems weird and out of touch i mean sure i get it motherhood is great and all and i dont deny it but it seems odd women arent under the same pressure to preach the gospel when in all reality that is everyones job. but i am glad YW can go earlier and hopefully that will mean the YW wont just being going cause they arent married attitude will die.

i also most importantly hope and sincerely truly do hope 18 is not the new 19 in that if a YM is not going on a mission at 19 good gosh the amount of pressure he will face and scrutiny is absurd. its bad enough 19 is that magic age that he goes or faces hell...it really doesnt need to be bumped up a year.