What church discipline am I looking at?


James73
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I messed up. A few years ago. While on a training assignment with the Air Force, a buddy took me to his home town not far from where we were training. A bunch of his friends came to see him and stayed the night at his house. All the couches and floor space was filled with people and I was given the only air mattress. Instead of giving it up to a female friend of his that was spending the night I offered her the other side of the bed. I was an idiot for doing this. I never kissed, or had any form of intercourse with her whatsoever, but I did wake up at one point in the night, aroused and not thinking clearly at all and removed my clothes with the intent of waking her up and starting something. I laid there for a while and finally came to my senses enough to put my clothes back on and go back to sleep. The next night I was back at the training base and the girl called me and told me some things that she wished had happened while I was there which led to an explicit phone conversation. That was the end of my communication with that girl. I was newly endowed and married. I felt that my marriage was going to be over and I was in deep depression. I didnt see anyway i could tell my wife what i had done. And telling a bishop would require telling my wife. I decided that i would gladly bear the burden of guilt for the rest of my life if that spared my wife from living the rest of her's in doubt and insecurity. After weeks and months of prayer I felt different. I felt that so long as I used that experience as a rallying cry against all future temptation and used it to be stronger I could be forgiven, but if I ever did anything like it again I would be held responsible for this sin as well as the new one. I promised the Lord that I would remain pure if he would grant me a change of heart. He did. Of that I am certain. I have spent the last four years staying far from temptation and living a virtuous life. I have used that one time event to drive me toward a higher level of perfection and self discipline. I have felt the spirit in my life again for these four years and have felt forgiven and have acted accordingly with no conflict of conscience. I am a student at byu and after taking some religion classes the point has been made quite specifically that unless you go to a bishop about certain sins you cannot be forgiven. Although I have felt forgiven this whole time, I realize this sin would certainly qualify as something to go to a bishop about. I have begun to doubt what I have felt this while time. I want nothing more than to know I am in good standing with the. Birch and with the Lord, and I do not want my efforts to preserve my marriage here on earth to disqualify me for eternal marriage to my wife. I feel I should go in and seek judgement. I do want to know though what I will likely be facing as far as disciplinary action. Any insight would be appreciated.

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I think the answer to something like this is always- it depends. I really doubt it would be excommunication, but short of that, I really have no idea- I think it all depends on you and your bishop and the inspiration you and he both feel. I guess just be prepared for whatever the Lord has in store. God bless you for your faith.

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I want to give you another perspective:

If you never confess this, you will always be living in your own personal hell of your own creation.

You will begin (have already begun?) to sew the seeds of distrust within your character. Your soul will be forever tormented.

Which hell would you rather have? The tormented soul? Or the confessed soul?

In either case, you are creating your own hell, so I would pick the one that may have a time-limit through confession.

Just another perspective worth considering.

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Thanks for the replies. It truly is becoming my own hell now. I'm confused why though. Why would I feel like everything was ok, more than just in my own head, I was close to the Spirit again and felt its influence in reading scriptures, going to the temple, in guiding my life. I felt like a normal, repented, fully-active member. Why the sudden change? And I guess my other big question is about going to the bishop. When I was younger (early teen) I had to go to my bishop about an issue with seeing some pornography. I felt horrible and all the things he told me about how to repent and how to feel I had already thought of and already felt. I didn't feel any different or any more repentant than the harrowing up of my own soul made me feel. Why will this be any different? What is it about going to the bishop that will get me forgiveness that I can't do on my own? I am planning in going regardless, but since this will likely end my marriage I need to know that there is something I will get out of it more than I can get from my own repentance between me and the Lord.

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This is a very interesting experience. Well, first off, at least you ended up having the strength to overcome and not do something that would have resulted in some form of disciplinary action.

As we draw closer to the spirit, certain sins begin to way heavier on our souls. At first you may thought personal repentance was sufficient, but as we grow spiritual some sins may need the Priesthood.

I am unsure why you think it will end your marriage. Nothing actually happened, although the intent was there. I would hope that your wife actually focuses on the idea that you didn't actually loose yourself, but regained composure and recognized your fault.

I don't see any formal disciplinary action needed, nor any informal disciplinary action required, however this will be solely up to your Bishop.

I am assuming your Bishop will look at three factors:

1. Time span from when the incident actually occurred

2. Discerning truly your repentant heart

3. Nothing actually happened, despite initial intent.

I would agree with another poster who mentioned if your heart is feeling you need to speak with your Bishop, do what is right and let the consequence follow.

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Guest Doctrine

from what i read i heard you were tempted but did not give in to temptation,(very close to giving in) and since temptation is not a sin then your alright. and since you have countinued to keep the commandments then your all right.

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It sounds like you thought you could bargain your way out of telling the bishop what you did (by being extra good). If your wife did the same thing, wouldn't you want to know?

If it was a one time thing that didn't result in physical adultery I think I'd rather not know. That would be something I could get over, so I think I'd rather not have that bump in the road at all. I'd rather not lose confidence in her if she had actually gotten back to a place where I could trust her again.

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Sometimes the Lord allows us to repent and move forward, instead of always being stuck in reverse. I know some who have held onto a sin for decades, and in finally confessing it, the bishop/stake president told them the Lord has long since forgiven them and to move on. You did some stupid things. Fortunately, they did not go extremely far. If the Spirit has told you that you have been forgiven, then believe it and be grateful the Lord is giving you another chance. Then, be extra dutiful to your covenants and wife.

We have to note that some things do not have to be confessed to a bishop. This one is probably on the line. You did not touch the girl nor commit adultery. It was a one time event. It has been years, and you've been faithful (at least that's what you state). You feel the Spirit again. I suggest you ask the Lord what you should do, and then do it. If the Lord says to just move on, then do so. If the Lord says you need to confess, then set up an appointment.

Edited by rameumptom
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