No Point...

[candyprpl]

You do have a testimony -- I have read your profile and I've read your posts and even in between the lines, your testimony is there. What is it that your missing?

[Chrissy3818]

You do have a testimony -- I have read your profile and I've read your posts and even in between the lines, your testimony is there. What is it that your missing?

I stronger one, I guess. I fear that I am wrong, I am afraid to disappoint God. There are a lot of things I question, but I now realize that I may not realize it when I am reading the New Testament, but it is actually helping.

Because I use to be like, I don't want to get married in the temple and now I do. I feel it's right and everything will eventually come together.

[candyprpl]

I stronger one, I guess. I fear that I am wrong, I am afraid to disappoint God. There are a lot of things I question, but I now realize that I may not realize it when I am reading the New Testament, but it is actually helping.

Because I use to be like, I don't want to get married in the temple and now I do. I feel it's right and everything will eventually come together.

Conversion is an ongoing process. When I look back at the eight years I been a member I see how my testimony has grown step by step. I also at one time had reservations about temple marriage -- well let me start at the beginning. I had reservations about being baptized -- I had been baptized when I was 14 (in another faith) and didn't quite understand the "under proper authority" BUT I moved by faith and was baptized. That actually was a great lesson for me because it was after the baptism that I received my assurance that it was true. And I remember that lesson taught whenever I have reservations about anything the gospel has to offer. So when it came to being sealed in the temple even at the time I was having reservations I went ahead and was sealed and once again received confirmation and blessings.

As a person who is old enough and has gained some experience in life I feel confident in telling you that as a young person. one is often impatient in a lot of ways and I feel that maybe you are being a little impatient with yourself. You seem to be on the right track as far as gaining a stronger testimony. You're doing exactly what a lot of members are doing, young or old, new converts or life long members, and that is trying to grow a stronger testimony. It is a life long process, full of ups and downs.:)

[candyprpl]

Oh and by the way -- you won't disappoint God as long as you are trying to do your best in following Jesus Christ's example. We're not perfect and Heavenly Father understands that better than anyone here on earth.

[Chrissy3818]

I am trying to keep strong in the church and gain a stronger testimony and I still don't know what to believe, but that's not my whole issue.

I think I am now officially the only one in my immediate family who is a member of the LDS church (I've been thinking like this for around 2-3 weeks now). I hate it when people ask "Where are you're parents or Are you parents coming to church, or lets invite them over"... JUST STOP! You're not helping and trying to get them to go to church is just making things worse, just stop. (I know how my mom is and I know that by trying to get her to go to church or come back will just make her fall away even further).

This week when I came home, the house smelt funny and I noticed she'd been drinking coffee. (I am not trying to judge her, but it pains me). I feel like I just need to leave my house and leave them behind to do what they want so I can gain a testimony of my own...

So lost... They are falling away more and more...

[skippy740]

This vaguely reminds me of when I was 19 and there was plenty of church pressure to serve a mission. My bishop was a returned mission president... and he had me in his sights. My parents had to talk to him to get him to back off.

But you're in the reverse situation. Here's what I would say: My parents have oppositional defiance disorder when it comes to taking ideas from their children. If you want to invite them to whatever it is, go ahead and do so. But they're not going to listen to me. They need to watch my example and happiness in following the gospel, but I must respect and honor my parents - regardless of their choices.

[Guest]

The older you get, the less your family of origin will be a part of who you are. Yes, you'll be sad when they make bad choices. But you'll be living your life and you can find peace in your own choices. Just keep praying for them and loving them, and focus on what you're doing.

[foolbornlolly]

I can somewhat relate to your feelings about people always wanting to get the person who isn't to church back to church! I had a middle aged man while on my mission who would come to church but his wife wouldn't. After about a month of us constantly nagging him(I was a new missionary at that point so I didn't know any better) he finally said something that I would never forget-

"Look Elder I AM HERE, have you ever thought I may be someone who needs your help too?"

Your parents are going to make their decisions probably without much if any input from you. I really think you need to help the members of your ward understand that you need support and prayers as much as your parents do. It's hard to do something on your own, especially with no support at home.

Find someone to lean on and know that things will get better.

[bythelake]

Chrissy,

I sympathize with you. I am a convert who took the discussions near the end of my senior year of high school. Until I married and had children, I was the only member in my family. I also, initially went to a community college. For the first semester, there was one other member attending, and after that I was the only one.

Your situation has to be much harder though....having parents who are members and seeing them fall away from the Church.

I don't know what you can do for them, except to be an example.

For you, though, just remember, you won't always be the only member in your family.

Also, should you choose to go to a Church college, that could be helpful. I went to BYU Idaho and BYU and it was a wonderful experience.

[Chrissy3818]

Also, should you choose to go to a Church college

I am applying for LDSBC and BYU-Idaho I am excited and I think it will help my testimony and faith grow.

[BadWolf]

It's so much more FUN to be around people we can freely emulate :)

That said... Some of the most growth Ive had as a person has been when Im around people I respect in A-V, but I radically differ from in x, y, z.

It's one of those concepts that messes a lot of people up. Just to use an example I'm 92% sure doesn't apply to you so we can keep it academic for a minute:

There are some incrediably kind, compassionate, intelligent, honorable members of gangs. Just because they're a gangbanger doesn't make them a terrible person. BUT just because they're deserving of respect for all of their admirable qualities... Doesn't make being a gangbanger a good thing... Right? And it definitely doesn't make gangs a good thing. I'm hoping this example doesn't apply in your situation, because its a lot easier to see some things when our heart isn't involved.

There comes a point in most people's lives where we see our parents not as our Parents, but as people.

Who not only do things differently than we do, but are actually 2 people, with flaws/ struggles/ challenges attempting to do what is best and learn in their own lives. And LOVE us.

Sometimes their struggles and challenges make them not safe people to be around. Sometimes their struggles and challenges just. Drive. Us. Up. The. Wall. (In no small part, because when you live someone you can see how they COULD be "if" they'd "just" start/stop ______.)

Whenever I really and truly love someone... I can SEE the potential they have. It makes it soooo exciting when they're working towards that. But conversely, it makes it scary/disappointing/frustrating when they're not.

Whether its a minor thing (like saying the wrong thing), or a major one (think toxic behaviors)... Being able to take a step back and grant them their humanity is hard-hard-hard when you love someone. Small things feel huge, and huge things feel almost like a personal attack (both on you and on the person you love).

It's very easy for those things to actually be devastating. Either in prompting you to do the same stuff as they are (joining a gang, losing faith, etc.) to make it okay/less painful, or in prompting totally condemning them/losing all respect for them... When its really "just" this one area.

To jump back to the banger... Being in a gang doesn't negate his kindness, generosity, honor, etc.

Having a crisis of faith doesn't negate all of the faith, love, support, etc that your parents showed you in the past NOR their good qualities now.

They're struggling. But that doesn't have to be devastating, and it doesn't have to define you.

Just my .02!!!

Oh. Just as a heads up: It's okay to tell people "Theyre struggling, right now." Or "They've been pulling away from the church for a bit." Not only does that let people know that YOU might need some support, but most people Ive met have gone through those same struggles for a time, themselves. So that will change in how they're dealing with your parents. Also, you. It's POLITE to let kids know that we like/miss your parents. And it makes parents feel good (when they were just swamped, or working, etc.) to know they're being missed. When people know they're struggling, though, you probably won't find yourself put in the middle so much. Because the 'rules' change. Instead of teasing/jollying/passing on their wishes to "Get out here, already! We miss you! Via "When are we gonna see your parents?!?" ... You're dealt with as individuals instead of a "Where's the rest of you?!?"

[Chrissy3818]

Because the 'rules' change. Instead of teasing/jollying/passing on their wishes to "Get out here, already! We miss you! Via "When are we gonna see your parents?!?" ... You're dealt with as individuals instead of a "Where's the rest of you?!?"

My parents are, IDK... If you try and get her to come to church she'll fall away. I just ask her every once in a while "are you going to come to church?" If she says no I drop it and I don't bring it up.

But when people are constantly nagging "COme to church" or "Come to this" or trying to preach to them its pushing them away further. I think/hope they come back, but you have to be their friend first and 75% people don't do this. They just want them to come to church and then once they are there and look like they are going to be active again they stop. I just wish people would leave my parents a lone because they are making it worse. I don't know if my visiting teacher is helping but I think she is and my mother loves her, but others, she just doesn't. they are too pushy

[skippy740]

It's not being pushy. It's the 'nag' method.

Somehow, they think that if they bring it up as often as possible, it'll work.

Name one person that it has worked for that is over the age of 18? No one.

What does work? Just showing you care about the person... not where they are every Sunday.

[RMGuy]

Just showing you care about the person... not where they are every Sunday.

I think Skippy is spot on. I would add that really caring about the person matters. With no offense intended to anyone, I have observed that for some (not all) HT/VT'ers are not helpful because they see it as assign a friend. Similarly when something happens in our lives and all of a sudden the ward rally's around. Some see that as supportive, caring, and compassionate. Others see it as love-bombing, and you didn't care about me before, so please leave me alone now.

That is whay it needs to be genuine, and not by way of assignment or contrived. If you really love me, you love me in spite of my flaws.

-RM

[BrendaM]

Chrissy

Keep on truckin baby!! I know how you feel. I have 5 sisters, 2 brothers and 1 young adult daughter. All have chosen to no longer live according to the Lord's Gospel. At this time.

Chrissy

That's what you have to remember. Pray for your family and love them. Go forward for yourself. The Lord loves you and will help you. You are responsible for your salvation, not your families. I ask my daughter pretty much every week if she would like to join me at church. Every week she says no. So far. I love her so much. But it's her choice.

And yeah, there are people at church who ask about my daughter or one of my siblings. I tell them they are fine and leave it at that.

Don't give up!!

[jayanna]

Chrissy, I think you so have a testimony, you're just jaded. You have heard a lot of junk from people who are supposed to be Christlike, and that can hurt anybody's testimony. You still have one though, or you would not have any desire to be married in the temple.

Your testimony of Christ is there, or you would not bother praying.

You are right to focus on the Gospel and not on what people are saying, whether they are just being inconsiderate or judgemental or whatever. It is important for you to learn this because in the future you will not be judgemental or callous of others. This experience will be to your good, and you will be stronger for it in the long run, and will help you become a force for good.

Yes, sometimes the Spirit makes himself known in very subtle ways. Sometimes you will feel like crying or will cry and not know why. Recently my daughter went to the temple to do family baptisms, and she started to cry. When I asked her why she was crying she replied that she didn't know.

It is hard to continue when it seems like you can't see the fruits of living the gospel. It is hard to believe in the Spirit when the people who are around you claiming to have it are acting stupid. Don't have faith in the people, have faith in Christ.

I am thinking that it might be a good idea for you to go to the temple and do baptisms. I would suggest you speak with your bishop and go. Sometimes to have a testimony of spiritual experiences, you have to go out and get spiritual experiences.

When we are surrounded by troubles and need the iron rod to hold onto, it is a good idea to go to the temple where we can be reminded of the truth of things, where we can have a respite from the storms surrounding us, where we can be at peace and ponder the teachings of the gospel, where we can be reminded of the love that the Lord has for us.

I would suggest going to the temple, even if you can't do baptisms, go to the visitor's center, maybe have lunch on the temple grounds. Spend some time there and get in touch with the eternal growth that is available to all of us.

[Chrissy3818]

I can't explain it, but when I woke up today I felt there was no point in even trying anymore. No point in going to church or reading my scriptures because no matter how much I try I will never find my answer. I feel as if I am unworthy to receive my answer even though I try really hard and do not sin big, they are just small and simple and I do repent for them, but still. I don't know what it is, but I feel like crying because nothing I do will help me. I feel like I am a lost soul forever and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been trying since August and I see no improvement, there's just no point in trying...

[Chrissy3818]

I can't explain it, but when I woke up today I felt there was no point in even trying anymore. No point in going to church or reading my scriptures because no matter how much I try I will never find my answer. I feel as if I am unworthy to receive my answer even though I try really hard and do not sin big, they are just small and simple and I do repent for them, but still. I don't know what it is, but I feel like crying because nothing I do will help me. I feel like I am a lost soul forever and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been trying since August and I see no improvement, there's just no point in trying...

[Chrissy3818]

I can't explain it, but when I woke up today I felt there was no point in even trying anymore. No point in going to church or reading my scriptures because no matter how much I try I will never find my answer. I feel as if I am unworthy to receive my answer even though I try really hard and do not sin big, they are just small and simple and I do repent for them, but still. I don't know what it is, but I feel like crying because nothing I do will help me. I feel like I am a lost soul forever and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been trying since August and I see no improvement, there's just no point in trying...

[Guest SquidMom]

Satan is working so hard against you. Don't give up! Don't let him win....

[Guest]

Chrissy, please watch this ASAP.

[Star_]

I can't explain it, but when I woke up today I felt there was no point in even trying anymore. No point in going to church or reading my scriptures because no matter how much I try I will never find my answer. I feel as if I am unworthy to receive my answer even though I try really hard and do not sin big, they are just small and simple and I do repent for them, but still. I don't know what it is, but I feel like crying because nothing I do will help me. I feel like I am a lost soul forever and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been trying since August and I see no improvement, there's just no point in trying...

Chrissy,

You sound like you are feeling hopeless and depressed. I wonder if you have depression or bi-polar disorder. I say that because I have severe depression (plus an anxiety disorder). I have had it for over 11 years now and likely will have it the rest of my life. There have been times in my life when I haven't gotten the help I needed and haven't properly treated my depression. During those times I have felt absolutely hopeless, depressed, no point in trying, no point in practically anything anymore and some more severe things. In addition, it effected me spiritually. I really think Satan uses depression to his advantage. It was like rain cloud over my head the majority of the time.

I wonder if you are depressed in other areas of your life. Depression can be devastating, disruptive and it makes life so much harder than it needs to be. If you have depression you should get help because that rain overhead will stop. That is not to say everything will be perfect. You will still have to fight through the clouds to get to the sun. It will take away the unnecessary rain though so you can reach the clouds and work on them in order to reach the sun. There are some online depression and bi-polar self assessments and you can google symptoms of those, to see if you can relate. I am not bi-polar but I know people that are get really depressed sometimes too. I know what it is like to be and not be depressed. Help is available in many forms and it's such a blessing. Help can make a night and day difference. I am sorry if I have offended you. It is just that I can relate to some of the things you have said and I am concerned.

Edited November 5, 2012 by Star_

[Chrissy3818]

I wonder if you are depressed in other areas of your life.

I think I may be, I use to take medication for depression, but then I stopped back in February and have been fine up until recently. It's gotten worse since it began to rain and be cloudy.

[Star_]

I think I may be, I use to take medication for depression, but then I stopped back in February and have been fine up until recently. It's gotten worse since it began to rain and be cloudy.

Do you mean rain and cloudy literally, as in bad weather outside? I was using the rain as a simile to depression, clouds as a simile to other obstacles. Does bad weather negatively affect your moods? Some people have seasonal depression.

If you have been fine for 9 months, maybe you are just really stressed out and feeling temporarily down in the dumps. If you don't already, you could try exercising regularly. It is great for depression and stress. Some people exercise most days of the week for at least 20 minutes to treat depression. It has been proven to help. I tried natural treatments. Exercise was one of those natural ways. I tried being off medication for awhile but needed to get back on medication.

Edited November 5, 2012 by Star_

[Chrissy3818]

Do you mean rain and cloudy literally, as in bad weather outside? I was using the rain as a simile to depression, clouds as a simile to other obstacles. Does bad weather negatively affect your moods? Some people have seasonal depression.

I don't know, ever since we got into fall and it began raining and the clouds rolled in my moods and my crankiness has become worse. I exercise when I can, but with two schools and work sometimes I don't get the chance to. Whenever I am at school or work (mostly work) I am happy, but then I come home and get... bleh