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ahb1985

Dealing with liking a missionary

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I am a sister in a Young Single Adult ward and I am trying to cope with having a crush on one of our full-time missionaries. I work closely with the missionaries and the ward mission leader so I'm around them a lot, and BAM, it's hitting me. There is no way I would ever tell him or anyone in the ward while he's serving, or even hint at it -- totally out of line. But it's a constant struggle for me to keep from being overly friendly or betraying myself.

What bothers me even more is that he's going home (several states away) in a few weeks, and it breaks my heart to think of never seeing him again. So I friended him on Facebook (his full name is right on the front of his notebook, ok!) with a little message saying hi, knowing he wouldn't see it until after his mission. Now I'm worried that that was the wrong thing to do, although I can't very well take it back.

So I don't know what my actual question is.... I don't know how to even TRY to see if something could progress after his mission. No clue how to broach that topic. Advice needed. Thanks guys.

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First, just make sure that you are acting appropriately around the missionaries.

Second, I wouldn't worry about the facebook message. He shouldn't know about it until he's home. If he brings it up while on his mission, just say that you wanted to "friend" him while you still knew his full name.

Third, according to your profile, you're 27... so I hope this is an older missionary that seems to be closer to your own age?

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Third, according to your profile, you're 27... so I hope this is an older missionary that seems to be closer to your own age?

Why is this important? If he is of the "normal" age, he would be around 21 at this time--a 6 year difference. I'm not seeing a problem with the age difference.

To address the issue. Skippy is right--make sure you act appropriate while around them. Watch yourself to not flirt with him (easy to do when you have a crush).

Once he is home, you can then contact him to begin a real friendship to see if your feelings remain the same or increase and if he feels the same way.

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Ask the missionaries, they can help you. :D

Seriously, I think you are doing fine. You already said you are being careful to be appropriate around them, good job. I imagine it is hard, but you are doing it, so keep up the good work.

I think the Facebook thing was fine. In fact, I think it was a good way to handle your situation. Now all you can do is wait. Once he gets home, and accepts you as a friend on FB, then you two can start chatting and go from there.

Good luck! Be sure and keep us posted if anything interesting develops. ;)

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Okay, you say he's mission is completed in a few weeks...

This is what I would do. Right before he goes home, I would tell him that I would like to keep in touch and ask if you can have a contact info. Facebook is great but not everybody is good with communicating via facebook so I wouldn't put all my eggs in the basket hoping he'd reply to your post.

So then, when he goes home, I would make the contact according to the contact info he gave and express that you are interested in pursuing a relationship if he's open to it. If he's not, then I would lick my wounds and move on.

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Thanks for the input, guys. Yep, he's younger. I haven't been single very long...I ended a long relationship with a nonmember guy a little while back. But at 27 I feel positively ancient in my ward, which is very small and very young. There are a few guys my age who are my friends but I don't see anything more. It seems really, really hard and improbable to find an LDS guy who I like, who likes me, who is single and in his late 20's. It feels like a horrible lottery. So then this guy rolls around -- worthy priesthood holder, genuine, personable, someone I feel spiritually in tune with and get along with....and it's the most awkward and unlikely set of circumstances ever. Seems so not fair. And makes me feel like such a doomed weirdo.

Anyways. I won't make this a full-length confessional. Thanks :huh:

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My brother married someone older than him, they actually met teaching at the MTC in Provo. My wife is 6 years younger I don't see an issue. I met my wife on ldssingles.com even though I'm loathe to admit it. I didn't like LDS singles that much, too much reminded me of Skootchies, a Portland dance club I frequented in the 80's during me early teen years...meat market. Anywho, give it a shot, your single and young and if you live in an area with not too many LDS dudes it might be worth a shot. We have some young singles in our ward here in Florida and it seems like at least once a month some young man get's hooked into flying out and meeting someone he met online.

Best of luck, and btw if you find you're attracted in anyway to Missionaries perhaps you're on the right path to picking an Eternal Companion mmm?

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Ok. Let's tell the truth. Sometimes the missionaries are just cute. Add a burning testimony and all that kindness and it's hard not to have a crush. Especially at this time in your life when you are contemplating marriage and such. I'll admit something to you I've never told anyone. When I was on my mission, I had the hugest ever crush on one of the AP's. He was tall and super handsome and his talks at zone meeting were completely spirit filled. And he could play the piano and I was sure we'd make the cutest babies together. But...I never told a soul. He even asked me to write him when he left the mission. My heart was all a flutter. But, I had to let it go. It wasn't the right time and I had work to do. SO, I got my heart in line and I got back to the work of preaching the gospel and loving my investigators. And I handed the dream to God.

So...have some compassion for yourself. It's ok. It's ok as long as you understand the limits, which it sounds like you do. I think you let your feelings slip out a little and now you are feeling exposed and embarrassed. Heck, I think everyone feels that in those dating years. Don't worry about the FB thing. Just play it cool. And do a little locking of your heart, if you kwim. Feeling a crush is normal. Dwelling on it and nurturing it is inappropriate and just plain torturous.

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You know, ....When my dad was called to be a mission president when I was about to turn 20, I thought it mean Heavenly Father trusted me because I was a virtuous young woman who would close her heart and her eyes to not even look at the missionaries LOL. But man, I have come to a point where I realize that if it was possible, I would be happy if Poligamy was accepted for women so I can marry like 50 missionaries!!!!! hahaha jk jk, but yeah, it is hard not to like some of the missionaries. Being my dad the president I get to see them a lot, and of course, many of them are "appealing to my eye" and got qualities I would love my future husband to have.

Let me tell you a story, when we got off of the plane when we had just arrived to the mission, there was the former president waiting for us with his 2 AP's and boy, the first thing I saw, elder H. was the most handsome thing I had ever seen! LOL. Good start, Super virtuous woman huh? I had a big crush. He was going to finish his mission in one week! And he was so nice and friendly with me, I seriously believed he was the one haha. But I never flirted with him! I promise! I was and still am very respectful to the missionaries and their sacred calling.

Yeah, I wrote him some days after his mission with some words of gratitude for helping my dad and stuff and he didn't answer my e-mail but I thought it was because I wrote to his myldsmail account which he no longer used. Days passed and I started to lose interest. Yeah, the big crush was gone. Anyway, friended him on Facebook months later but without any romantic interest, he accepted my request, and we never chatted or anything. So far he has only liked one status where I say my brother got his mission call, and one image I shared with a quote by pres. Hinckley. Now I look at his pictures and he looks so awkward and by what he posts, I find him boring and a little bit lame. Well he's great but he's not my type.

But wait, my mom also wanted him as her son-in-law when she met him hahaha, more than one year and a half after he's gone from the mission, she's still in contact with him creating opportunities for us to talk and get to know each other better, and yeah he's willing to help me with homeworks, to pick me up at the airport if I ever go to BYU, etc. but I just don't get excited about it. At the time I thought he was the one, the most handsome, fun and spiritual man ever and my heart was filled with joy and desires to become a better person when he was here, but now, he's just one more guy, one that I would never marry.

Now I deal with my secret crush for elder B. lol, eventually stalking his facebook just to find what a talented smart amazing young man he is, but when I remember my experience with elder H. I realize that it's just a temporary feeling. I find many missionaries interesting and atractive but I know they're not for me ,and I am okay with it. Even when I live now in a place where the only atractive guys are the missionaries. I respect them, I never flirt with them, we just shake hands and that's it. I don't know why my dad makes it harder calling the most spiritual and handsome as his AP's lol, but I trust Heavenly Father will bless me with my eternal companion in his due time, and I feel peace to know that the time is not the mission and the right person is not one of the missionaries. I can wait. I will wait and I want to wait. All I can do now is admire them. I still think Heavenly Father trusts me! :) I still think He knows I'm not going to do anything that would ruin the mission of any of His sons :) and I know myself that I will never do it. He will bless me for my efforts :P I just know it. Sometimes we can't help the "natural affection" but we can control our actions.

Stay respectful to the missionary, you will lose interest, I promise. I promise! I have known a bunch of good missionaries and the feeling does fade! Be patient. It is just a temporary feeling, and then, "if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high".... with a good man who is allowed to date you :P

Edited by nellyleyva92

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I don't think dating a 21 year old when you're 27 is a big deal. I dated a 30 year old when I was 20.

Go nuts. He may or may not find it endearing, but the only way to find out is to give it a shot. When he goes home, flirt with him.

Just... Don't wait until he goes home, then send him a huge outpouring show of undying love. That doesn't work for guys doing it to women and it won't work for women doing it to guys.

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My Grandpa always says you're only as old as you act. He's 84 but looks and acts like he's 60. His second wife was 12 years older than him. They had a great marriage. Had one fight in the 40 years they were together.

As far as the missionary, don't sweat it. I had a crush on one of the sisters serving in my ward here. (I can't stand the Singles Wards here in Florida. College Park ward especially...)

But anyways, I knew she liked me as well. Happens. We kept things appropriate, never alone g together, ect. A *little* flirting. But, after I met my Gf/Fiance Sarah, The sister was gone from my mind. It was funny to watch them meeting each other. Never seen a missionary give such a dirty look.

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I am really glad you have posted this, I am dealing with the same struggle right now with my visiting missionary. I know that it could never be being that the age difference is so drastic but I can't help but have those thoughts. I feel that yes the reason being for the crush is because of his morals and values. I find that a breath of fresh air. Over the years I have been with one man whom I thought was my soulmate but due to complications in our relationship I found my way out of a bad situation. I think that because I was with him for so many years I feel as if I have wasted my life for nothing and missionaries show promise for a positive future.

For me it has been hard, going to church lately I am literally one of the only single women in my ward and there are no single men of age in my ward.

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