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easterbunny009

Keeping the Flame Alive, long distance

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So my husband is participating in a work opportunity for three months in another country. We are trying to find ways to keep each other satisfied long distance, but I am trying to do so while staying within the confines of the gospel. I was thinking about sending him some photos of me, so that he could find inspiration from them and not some random photos off the internet. He suggesting that we watch some "tasteful" films so we can take care of ourselves. Is any of this considered adultery if it is open, honest, and meant to keep our flame alive? I hope none of this is too graphic, but I could really use some advice. Thanks!

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What is your definition of "tasteful"? Church Leaders have told us to avoid pornography, regardless, of marital status. That aside, I believe bedroom talk and or exchanging sensual images of each other inside marriage, is fine. My husband and I enjoy being playful and expressive, and it has kept our intimacy fresh and satisfying - no matter what the distance between us.

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I recommend that you send a PM to Pam to gain access to the Open Forum - which discusses content that may not be appropriate for everybody. There are quite a few discussions on various aspects of your question that may help you refine your perspective.

When you send a PM to Pam (she is the only one who grants access to the open forum), you must state that you are 18 or over, that you want access to the Open Forum and acknowledge that the discussions are of a sensitive nature and that you are okay with that.

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As mentioned by others avoid pornography (the issue of images/videos of yourselves together is a bit of a grey area in my opinion), and I'm disinclined to say that tastefulness negates using something as pornography. It doesn't matter if it's hardcore, softcore, people in swimsuits, or just people fully clothed tossing a Frisbee in the park, if you're masturbating to it you've basically turned it into pornography for yourself. And even if it wasn't pornography you're purposely using someone other than your spouse as a focus for your sexual desires. There is nothing about:

28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

That contains a disclaimer, "Unless you can classify it as tasteful, then knock yourself out."

Edited by Dravin

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I would advise caution in these types of things. Please remember when filming or photographing yourself that once that image goes out into the World Wide Web, it's always going to be out there. Never intentionally make a photo or film of yourself that you wouldn't feel comfortable seeing with your bishop or the Savior. You might think it's 'spicy' or 'just for the two of us', but these kinds of things have a way of making it out into the world for all, including your children and parents, to see.

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That's not keeping the flame alive. That just sounds like an excuse not to have self-control. My husband and I were apart for months while we were newlyweds. We stayed busy and we wrote love letters to each other, not with the intent of arousing because the goal was for both of us to remain chaste during that time.

I've never read anything from the church that suggests married people have the green light to masturbate when they are apart. We are expected to have self-control before, during, and after marriage. Also, there's nothing "tasteful" about watching other people have sex (or pretend to have sex).

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Having been a Navy wife for several years and gone through numerous 6-7 month deployments I don't see why something like this to keep the "fires burning" has to be done. As Morningstar mentioned, write love letters. Lots of them. I remember that just getting letters telling him of my daily adventures meant more than anything. Kept him connected to the homefront.

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Because of illness, bedrest, etc. we've had a couple of dry spells much longer than that. You'll be okay.

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How you and your husband choose to be intimidate with each other behind closed doors is YOUR business - excluding pornography and infidelity, of course.

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How you and your husband choose to be intimidate with each other behind closed doors is YOUR business - excluding pornography and infidelity, of course.

I sure hope they don't intimidate each other. :P

Edited by pam

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I once heard of a couple that has Skype sex when they are apart. Exactly what you do or how far you go while video chatting with each other is up to you and what you are both comfortable with. The church has made no statement about what is appropriate or not appropriate between married couples, that is between you and God.

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I once heard of a couple that has Skype sex when they are apart. Exactly what you do or how far you go while video chatting with each other is up to you and what you are both comfortable with. The church has made no statement about what is appropriate or not appropriate between married couples, that is between you and God.

Incorrect. The Church has made statements against masturbating, which is where you seem to be going with this.

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I once heard of a couple that has Skype sex when they are apart. Exactly what you do or how far you go while video chatting with each other is up to you and what you are both comfortable with. The church has made no statement about what is appropriate or not appropriate between married couples, that is between you and God.

Actually I think what has been said is what goes on behind closed doors...not what goes over the air waves.

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Incorrect. The Church has made statements against masturbating, which is where you seem to be going with this.

I understand that most people in the church feel the same way you do. However, I would like to see a statement from the Church that specifically prohibits masturbation between married couples.

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Masturbation by definition is pleasuring oneself, whether you're alone or your spouse is watching you. I don't think the Church needs to prohibit it in every possible format or circumstance. It's not okay whether you're in a boat, in a coat, in your house, or with your spouse.

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There is a reason Dieter F. Uchtdorf referred to the For the Strength of Youth booklet as "a gem for any age group." He went on to say "It contains standards which are sacred symbols representing our membership in the Church." These are the standards we are to keep regardless of age or marriage status.

On a side note, i've heard the "what goes on behind closed doors" stuff quite a bit, but i can't recall if i've ever seen anyone give a reference. If anyone would like to share their reference for that, i'd really appreciate it.

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Perhaps the lack of any authoratative statement from church leaders on what is acceptable or not within the confines of marriage speaks volumes itself. I don't think the church wants to dictate to consenting adults what they should or should not do. What do we want, a list? I think a couple should talk things out and determine what they are or are not comfortable with, pray about it if needed, and decide where to draw the line. If a couple were to go to their bishop and ask, "Is it OK if we do this or that?" the bishop would probably plug his hears and say he doesn't want to hear any details and doesn't want to get involved in their sex life.

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Perhaps the lack of any authoratative statement from church leaders on what is acceptable or not within the confines of marriage speaks volumes itself. I don't think the church wants to dictate to consenting adults what they should or should not do. What do we want, a list? I think a couple should talk things out and determine what they are or are not comfortable with, pray about it if needed, and decide where to draw the line. If a couple were to go to their bishop and ask, "Is it OK if we do this or that?" the bishop would probably plug his hears and say he doesn't want to hear any details and doesn't want to get involved in their sex life.

How about you ask your bishop if it's okay to masturbate together over Skype, and see if he plugs his ears. Let us know how it goes.

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I think the church is trying to avoid a nauseating list of things couples shouldn't do and people are taking advantage of the "behind closed doors" comment, but that doesn't mean they won't be held accountable for activities that offend the Lord.

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The statement in For the Strength of Youth seems to be warning youth to avoid masturbation because it arouses feelings that can lead to breaking the loc. Doesn't seem to be applicable to a married couple having relations via Skype

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The statement in For the Strength of Youth seems to be warning youth to avoid masturbation because it arouses feelings that can lead to breaking the loc. Doesn't seem to be applicable to a married couple having relations via Skype

That's what masturbating married people would like to think. :rolleyes:

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