Question about Bishops and confession?

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

That's what she's concerned about...He's a brand new bishop (under two weeks) and she's worried he won't know what to do.

Her concern is understandable. I feel like I had to train my Bishop (I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse with repressed memories). However, I am an adult and people wonder why I can't let it go etc, etc. Her situation is different. Even a brand new Bishop will understand that a 15 yr old girl is not emotionally ready to consent to sex with a man that much older than she is. Even if she doesn't say the word abuse, it will automatically come to his mind.

My point is that while I agree that Bishops are not perfect, I think her case is very clear that what this man did was abusive. I mean it is clear to adults; I understand that it is confusing for her. But it was pretty clear to you, right? You didn't think she needed to "confess" but instead needs help. The Bishop will understand. And any questions he might have about how to proceed he can direct to the Stake Pres.

I agree with Loudmouth...that you have been a great support to her. It is obvious because she felt comfortable telling you--that says a lot about your friendship. Continue to be yourself, be the friend you have been, because now that the relationship is over, her healing can begin, and the healing journey can be a hard one. Totally necessary and worth it, but hard.

[ADoyle90815]

There's very little doubt that at some level she will share in the fault. But it certainly isn't her fault. She was a 15 year old girl faced with pressure from a 30 year old man who knew that what he was doing was wrong both morally and legally.

One of the things that the adults here are considering is that a 15 year old girl has a different viewpoint on the world. Her brain literally isn't fully developed yet...most notably, that part of the brain that evaluates risk and long term consequences isn't fully developed yet. The parts that are most active are the parts that measure the need to fit in and gain acceptance from those she associates with.

Simply put--at 15 years old, girls (and boys) are not fully rational human beings.

The man in this situation, at 30 years old, has a fully developed brain and I suspect he knew fully well what he was doing. He knew what he did was wrong, but he manipulated the natural state of her emotional development to suit his physical desires. Plain and simple, he took advantage of her.

It is, in my opinion, a small share of the blame that she will shoulder (especially considering her parents approved of the relationship). You say that the phrase "something horrible has happened to me" is side-stepping responsibility, but I'd suggest that going to her bishop to talk about it is taking the responsibility head on.

This is sexual abuse, not just statutory rape and this was someone who probably knew full well what he was doing, and he manipulated her just so he could take advantage of her. This person is likely to move on to other victims if this doesn't get reported to law enforcement, and clergy are mandated reporters. If she told a teacher or school counselor about the relationship, that would also be reported as well. It's NOT her fault, often abusers tell their victims that it is their fault so they will be too ashamed to report the abuse. Abusers are also great at getting parents to trust them as this man convinced her parents that he was a good person for their daughter to date. They know perfectly well what they're doing, and it's why there are often several victims over the years.

What the bishop will do besides his legal obligation is give her a referral to a trained counselor who specializes in sexual abuse recovery. Unlike other church clergy, bishops aren't usually trained in counseling, so they tend to refer members to those who are trained.

Edited November 28, 2012 by ADoyle90815