He wants you

[skippy740]

He Wants You - Life Studies - Prager University

What do you think?

[Guest]

We're never going to Hawaii.

[jayanna]

Well, my husband doesn't look. Actually it is kind of funny what he doesn't notice. I have always expected him to, but he just doesn't. At first I though it was kind of eerie, I thought everyone looked. He isn't a sexually motivated person, though.

What I wonder is what their little girls think when daddy turns his head to look. Do they think, "i need to get a top like that," or a bikini, to get loved or noticed.

So glad my hubby pays more attention to countenance than lack of clothingness. I do have two daughters. When they were little, one of them saw a girl in a barely there bikini and said, "oh, her poor poor daddy is crying right now." !!

[Backroads]

I have never noticed my husband looking, though he does mention when he gets checked out. I don't think I'd have a problem with some looking, because, hey, I think the female body is more attractive than the male body and I've also done the very non-sexual "She is very attractive" thing. I've never felt slighted.

'Sides, my husband knows which male celebrities I love.

[garryw]

I have a business friend I travel with who always points out good looking women. He asks why I'm not tempted to check them out and I said when I am tempted I just think of a song and the thoughts go away. He is not LDS so he didnt get the inference I was thinking of a hymn. So now whenever he sees a cute girl on an airplane he sings the smurf song out loud and its always hilarious. He's over 60, has a white beard, so he looks like papa smurf.

Edited November 28, 2012 by garryw

[tumbledquartz]

This made me kinda sad, because my husband has explicitly told me he does look at other women, compare them to me, usually find me lacking, and wishes he had them instead. On the other hand, it also made me feel a little hopeful. What an awesome feeling it would be to watch this and ask my husband if it was true and have him say yes! Holy cow. Maybe someday I will have that experience, though not likely with my current dearest.

[Vort]

I don't think I'd have a problem with some looking, because, hey, I think the female body is more attractive than the male body

Huh. I think I would be a little offended and a little grossed out if my wife felt this way. If I could remove sexual feelings from the equation, I think that I would consider the (fit and healthy) male human body to be a marvelous miracle of design and engineering, every bit as beautiful as the female human body. I certainly do not think my sons are any less attractive than my daughter (who, by the way, is certifiably gorgeous, a fact that is beginning to concern me).

This made me kinda sad, because my husband has explicitly told me he does look at other women, compare them to me, usually find me lacking, and wishes he had them instead.

I am almost speechless at this. Even if a man actually felt this way, what could possibly possess him to say it to his wife?! I don't know what to say except that I am very sorry you ever heard any such thing from your husband.

[tumbledquartz]

I am almost speechless at this. Even if a man actually felt this way, what could possibly possess him to say it to his wife?! I don't know what to say except that I am very sorry you ever heard any such thing from your husband.

He thinks telling me this will motivate me to lose weight. He has told me he will never set foot in church again until we are either divorced or I'm skinny because he doesn't like to covet and that's all he does at church. Nice, huh? These are my everyday realities....

[Guest]

...and that kind of objectification and lack of feeling is a part of why I think it's a bad idea to casually "appreciate" the female form at will. But we already have all the wisdom we need on the topic:

27 ¶Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

28 But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

29 And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

30 And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

[Bini]

I believe that for a lot of couples this is true. Many of my own girlfriends struggle with boyfriends or husbands that google over other women, and she needn't be scantily clad either, a shapely body or pretty face is enough.

My husband is the most loyal person I know. I have never seen him look at other women, nor have I ever felt that he is remotely interested in another woman, be it a quick glance or whatever. To him, I am hands down the most beautiful woman in the world - no contest. In turn, his support and unconditional love has helped me deal with and manage my long time struggle with bulimia, which has been under control now for almost three years.

For me what's yucky, is when men checkout young girls thinking they are older, when in actuality they are 14 year olds. It's also yucky when men checkout mothers with children! It's happened to me and my friends while out and about, and you just want to take a shower. My one friend is especially beautiful, and often gets looked at and cat called, and she's a mother of two children - like - her two girls are RIGHT THERE with us! It's really gross.

[Sali]

Hmmm I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand, those points of view are very similar to what we hear from the world regarding why it's ok that your husband looks at pornography. On the other hand, I guess all men look at other women to a degree, but I am sure a lot more men are more disciplined than what this guy is trying to say. I know my husband is very respectful of me and while I am sure he notices other women, he never makes remarks or even gives me any reason to think he is noticing them. I am thankful for that.

[mnn727]

He thinks telling me this will motivate me to lose weight. He has told me he will never set foot in church again until we are either divorced or I'm skinny because he doesn't like to covet and that's all he does at church. Nice, huh? These are my everyday realities....

I hate to ask, but why are you still with him?

If my spouse said that they would get served with divorce papers very quickly.

I do like to look at a pretty woman just for beauty's sake -- I'll look at a handsome man also -- not quite as much. God made a lot of variety and there's nothing wrong with that. My views of beauty are not always the: movie star, super model type. Eyes and smiles mean a whole lot more to me than body types.

I try to avoid looking when with my wife as she is the one I choose to be my eternal companion and I don't want her to take it the wrong way.

We kind of play a game when someone attractive walks by of the opposite sex of saying to each other "What were you looking at?" and then the answer would have nothing to do with the person.

Edited November 29, 2012 by mnn727

[mannisue]

This made me kinda sad, because my husband has explicitly told me he does look at other women, compare them to me, usually find me lacking, and wishes he had them instead. On the other hand, it also made me feel a little hopeful. What an awesome feeling it would be to watch this and ask my husband if it was true and have him say yes! Holy cow. Maybe someday I will have that experience, though not likely with my current dearest.

This may be totally knee-jerk, but THIS is why the needle buried on my B.S.-o-meter...there happen to actually be individuals who's insecurities are indeed realized by the very circumstances this nice gentleman is trying to get us women to chill out about. I'm so sorry, Tumbled. This makes me very, very sad.

Heck; I have a pretty awesome husband and the video still had me rankled and on the defensive, no matter earnestly Mr. Prager wanted to make it all better. I'm sure he ment well...maybe we could get a few more male perspectives?

[tumbledquartz]

I hate to ask, but why are you still with him?

If my spouse said that they would get served with divorce papers very quickly.

Honestly, the only reason I'm still with him right now is because the spirit has been telling me not to leave him while at the same time, I feel like the spirit is also preparing me for the fact that he is going to leave me. I have received several promptings along these lines, so I'm trying to follow the spirit and be patient. It's hard, but in the last conference, several speakers talked about waiting on the Lord, and that the time we have to wait for promised blessings is always designed to bless us. Not that "your husband is going to leave you" is the typical promised blessing, of course. But, I've also been reassured that I will someday have a man who treats me well, so I'm looking forward to that.

[Guest]

There's looking and there's LOOKING. Two very different things. My husband is a beauty person. He used to be a model, okay. He appreciates beauty - male or female - especially when clad in an attractive outfit.

So yeah, we walk around, he sees some girl he thinks attractive, he tells me, "That girl is very pretty." And he even told that old lady who served us ice-cream, "You're pretty" in that matter-of-fact way of his. Made the lady's day. She's what I would call a timeless beauty and I thought she was very pretty too.

When you bring pornography into the mix - you're talking about some other type of looking. And THAT kind of looking is what is very bad - I'm not talking about just the pornography - but the looking at women in a sexual, she turns me on, or even the I want her to be my wife instead of the one I got manner. This is not the type of looking my husband does. It's no secret that I'm not the most attractive woman in the world. But, I've never heard my husband compare me with anybody. And if you ask my husband he'll say there are lots of attractive women, but only one worthy to be his wife.

At the end of the day, I don't compare myself to the women he looks at either. Fact of the matter is - I know he loves me very much and he will always choose me over all the Angelina Jolie's of the world.

What really gives me the creeps? Women - even mother and daughters together - screaming over Taylor Lautner at every single Twilight movie... That, to me, is creepier than men respectfully admiring a beautiful woman.

[Backroads]

Huh. I think I would be a little offended and a little grossed out if my wife felt this way. If I could remove sexual feelings from the equation, I think that I would consider the (fit and healthy) male human body to be a marvelous miracle of design and engineering, every bit as beautiful as the female human body. I certainly do not think my sons are any less attractive than my daughter (who, by the way, is certifiably gorgeous, a fact that is beginning to concern me).

I think I would expect people to be grossed out if it was a sexual attraction. Mind you, I do have a very big thing for men's shoulders and chests (my husband is quite satisfactory in physical appearance that way, I'm very happy to say). I do think male bodies are quite attractive, but I think there is something in the way the female body is designed that is just prettier.

[Bini]

^

@ Anatess, I have not seen that! Ha ha. To me it would be less of a creepy factor and more of a ridiculous factor.

[Bini]

PS. I agree that ACKNOWLEDGING beauty is very different from ADMIRING beauty. My husband and I aren't oblivious to other good looking men and women but we don't admire it - my husband admires me and I admire him (adore even) - and we "acknowledge" that there are many beautiful people out there, inside and out.

[Guest]

PS. I agree that ACKNOWLEDGING beauty is very different from ADMIRING beauty. My husband and I aren't oblivious to other good looking men and women but we don't admire it - my husband admires me and I admire him (adore even) - and we "acknowledge" that there are many beautiful people out there, inside and out.

Nobody screamed when you saw Twilight? I gotta go to that theater!

I think I have a different understanding of the word "admire". My husband "admires" beautiful women like I "admire" All-Clad cookware.

[Bini]

Nobody screamed when you saw Twilight? I gotta go to that theater!

I think I have a different understanding of the word "admire". My husband "admires" beautiful women like I "admire" All-Clad cookware.

I was going by the dictionary definition: admire = pleasurable.

[estradling75]

On my mission there was a saying that "Look once an you are an man... Look twice and you aren't a missionary." Now I never took this a literal saying but as a teaching moment. That it was saying yes you are going to notice attractive people, that is part of being human. But you are also here to learn self control and you need to be in control of how you respond to that attraction.

[Tricia87]

Of course he looks. Sometimes I'm like, really? But other times it's, ok I can see that. In fairness, I do the same when a hot guy walks by or is on tv :)

[Guest]

Of course he looks. Sometimes I'm like, really? But other times it's, ok I can see that. In fairness, I do the same when a hot guy walks by or is on tv :)

Please don't tell me you screamed when you saw Taylor Lautner's abs...

[Tricia87]

no, not a scream. Definitely a smile :)

[selek]

For me what's yucky, is when men checkout young girls thinking they are older, when in actuality they are 14 year olds. It's also yucky when men checkout mothers with children! It's happened to me and my friends while out and about, and you just want to take a shower. My one friend is especially beautiful, and often gets looked at and cat called, and she's a mother of two children - like - her two girls are RIGHT THERE with us! It's really gross.

Try sitting through one of the Twilight flicks with an audience of forty-plus year old women ogling and moaning over the teenage men in that film.

Somehow when men do it, it's sexual harassment and "objectifying".

When a bunch of underfed cougars do it (usually in front of their daughters), it's "liberating".