Ready to start dating and finding "the one"

[kayako44]

Hey all,

I've been through some difficult struggles in my life which have put a delay on dating. I have been pondering this for some time, but I feel as this is the right time to begin dating. The question is, where do I begin???

[THIRDpersonviewer]

Hey all,

I've been through some difficult struggles in my life which have put a delay on dating. I have been pondering this for some time, but I feel as this is the right time to begin dating. The question is, where do I begin???

For me just talk to people, observe those people you talk to to see if they have somthing that you are attracted to, and lastly be straightforward about how you feel.

If you are talking then you will get to know the person and see if it is worth pursuing. If you are observing then you will see if what they do matches what they profess or believe. And if you are straightforward then you get the ill-intentioned people or others who are focused on the wrong things out of the way.

The last one will also build trust which is what allows growth.

My last thing is have one attribute that is the most important thing to you. If the person doesn't have it, then forget the person and move on. It only wastes your time and money and theirs as well.

What that thing is also does make a difference. Because your relationship will most likely build on that. If it is looks, then lust will one day creep in and destroy your relationship. And so on. Really take some soul searching, and time to ponder and discuss with Heavenly Father what is really important in life and then focus your life on it and look for it in your spouse.

[Bini]

In da club, in da club!

In seriousness, depends on your comfort zone and whether you're willing to venture out of it. You can meet people at church activities, school activities, on blind dates setup by friends, speed dating groups, or online dating. Take your pick.

[mnn727]

There really is no one way, I found that when I was looking I seldom found anyone. When I was just going about everyday life is when I would meet someone, invite them out for dinner and/or a movie and let it progress from there

[Star_]

I don't think you can really just begin. You have to keep living your life, one day at a time. I met my spouse when and where I least expected it. Just enjoy your life, follow your dreams and achieve some goals. Don't set too high of dating expectations or you will only be very disappointed. Stay close to the Lord above all, he will guide you in your life. Trust in his ways and timing. Good luck.

[Gwen]

singles conferences. You may not have any local and have to travel but they can be a lot of fun and a casual way to meet folks to date. My husband and I met at one. I had traveled 3 hrs to be there and he had traveled 2. We would have never met otherwise. lol

[ditd]

Last year I had a really special blessing and a spiritual prompting to prepare myself for my eternal companion. After that I knew I had to do my part if Heavenly Father had made me this promise.

I signed up for YSA events & conventions within reasonable travelling distance and I also subscribed to an LDS dating website (which I had to pay for).

Whenever I had a date I paid attention to my date so that I could hear not just what they said but sub conscious signals and spiritual signals.

I also wasn't very self-conscious. Have faith that as long as you are doing you best then you are good enough. It did not matter to me that I wasnt an amazing businessman or a hot guitarist or that I wasn't a style setter. I put it in the hands of my heavenly father that as long as I was positive and open I would know when the right girl came along.

Eventually I met a girl and we have just gotten engaged. I knew from the moment I met her that she was my eternal companion.

I hope you have a positive experience. Make sure you have fun and most of all have faith in your Heavenly Father that he will provide a path!

[BadWolf]

One of my biggest pieces of advice is that there ISN'T "the one".

Its more like "the 40".

There are many, many, many people that you'll be able to fall in love with who will love you, also.

Each of them will bring out different aspects of you, and you'll bring out different aspects of them.

A lot of bad marriages out there aren't bad because of the people involved, but because the people involved bring out the worst in each other. There REALLY IS 'someone for everyone' (several someone's, in fact).

I can't scroll up to see who said it (brilliant!!), but really DO come up with some short lists. That ONE thing that is more important than anything else.

((For me, that's humor... Living with someone with a terrible temper who made every hard thing worse, taught me how much I value the 'improvise, adapt, overcome' attitude. Most of my boyfriends had it, and I was just sort of blithely dating with no purpose... So I didn't see how vital that is to my own happiness... So when my husband DIDN'T have it, it didn't set off warning bells the way it should have. I could have saved us both 12 years of strife if Id ended things early. For OTHER people, their most important characteristic is going to be very different. And my Ex? I'm sure there's someone out there who finds his temper tantrums charming. Ugh. "Not it!"))

Also a strong ditto for listening for promptings. I had soooo many that said "run"... That I ignored, because they didn't "make sense". And in the microcosm, they really didn't. After only 1 year, I had inklings (but why would the Spirit be prompting me to DIVORCE??? That 'couldn't be right' / didn't 'make sense'. By 3 years, I started getting nervous (things were starting to get bad), but I had this idea of what was 'right' in my head so much that I just kept on. And by then... The spirit was largely silent. Which should have been an even bigger red flag than promptings to run. Spiritual silence should really be deafening. 12 years. 12 years in a doomed marriage that ended in restraining orders and hospitals, because I didn't listen.

So I really can't highlight this enough : Listen. Even, or maybe especially, when it doesn't make sense.

((One of those promptings, I might add, was on my wedding day. I dismissed it to cold feet/nerves, but I ALSO quailed at the expense. My wedding was fairly cheap @ 6k (still a lot), and the money, plus all the time/prep/guests/out of town guests/etc... In addition to everything else -just being embarrassingly honest here- I didn't want that money wasted/to hurt my family/etc. Well, NOT including those 12 years of misery, my divorce alone has cost 40k. And has hurt my family in far worse ways. 6k v 40k. A day or three of misery vs. 12 years of it. Well, 9, really. The first few years were "good" comparatively.))

Why on earth am I bringing up icky divorce stuff & all that jazz (like the little blue birds of happiness who. Go around telling pregnant women their terrible birthing stories?)...

Because I don't know you. You may be coming out of a failed marriage yourself and have the 'What not to do', DOWN... Or you may not. And if NOT...

You know the line "Don't let your life serve as a warning to others' quote? That's me. Don't be me. Revel in the BAD dates. The dates where you know that this isn't a good match. And during the good ones, be careful of being swept up. And if/when your heart gets broken, know how AWESOME it is that a tub of Haggen Daas, and a few weeks of moping will mend it. Broken hearts in young/new love is a GOOD thing. Because it means having dodged the bullet of a bad marriage. Where your KIDS will have their hearts broken by the people who are supposed to protect them. And where all your years of heard work and dreams go down the drain. Yeah. Whether you break up with them, or they break up with you... That's a GOOD thing. Know it ahead of time. It makes getting tears in your ice cream not one iota less painful, but it makes a fresh start that much more joyous.

Falling in love is easy. Being partners? That's a whole different ball game.

So in "Where to start"... I would strongly recommend looking at where YOU want to "end". What you yourself want out of life, how you want your life to look, how you want to live your life. And be looking at how the people youre dating will change that. In what theyre bringing to the table (or taking away from it). Because a LOT of different people could fill the role as your spouse, but WHO does will dramatically alter what your day to day, and decade to decade life looks like.

[M_T_E]

Truth be told I never went out looking for the one, rather I went about my life normally and waited for her to show up.

God works wonders, because eventually one day the one did show up for me. It was a rocky road at first I must say, but couple years down the road we are officially a couple and deeply love each other.

Many of my friends ended up seeking relationships or the one, which I never did. They found often rebounds and heartbreak.

I say go about your life normally, and wait for the one to cross your path because when you finally do, in your heart you'll just know.

My girlfriend saved me from myself, she is my support. I stopped my drinking when she came back into my life after our rocky road and she is my motivation to always be a better person. And she showed me I can actually truley love.

That's my two cents.

[bcguy]

Good dates are like a test drive. Do not get to serioes at first. Give it time and tell the other, you are still dating others. Be friends at first.

Datingings end goal of course, is marrige.

Came across this article that may help

What Makes a Marriage Work? | Psychology Today

After you have dated and are ready for marrige or temle sealing, do some resurch in what makes old couples still be in love. That will set the frame work for a future releationship.

[MormonMama]

One thing I've found in looking back at the relationships I've been in over the years is that the best and longest-lasting ones were with guys I started out as friends with. In fact, when DH and I first became friends I wasn't even remotely interested in dating him. It was something that developed after we became friends.

On the flip side, I found that when I was actively looking for a boyfriend, I couldn't seem to find one, lol!

So I would say focus more on making friends and you will discover a good companion. After all, your spouse should be your very best friend.

[Davis27]

Go on some social media or any trusted dating site.Find people with common interest.When you find some one than share your personnel feeling with them and ask him for a dinner or date.Hope than you will find your love one.

[mrmarklin]

Hey all,

I've been through some difficult struggles in my life which have put a delay on dating. I have been pondering this for some time, but I feel as this is the right time to begin dating. The question is, where do I begin???

Begin in the church of course!! That is usually the source of most people who you would want to date. And the church has a lot of activities that lead to friendships, and ultimately dating and marraige.:)

Next would be to join a club that meets your personal needs and interests. Again, these organizations lead to friendships etc. in a totally non-threatening way. And even better, you'll have something in common with the people you meet.

I joined a hobby club 25 years ago (not for marraige purposes, I was already married)and it has been the source of very good friendships literally all over the world for both myself and my wife.

Edited March 4, 2013 by mrmarklin