need advice--> i (sort of) masturbate... i want to see the bishop but i so scare TT^TT

[MissSpider]

okay, i am a new member of the church (less than 3 months) i am a girl ... i have been doing a sort of masturbation..since i was like 5 years old (kinder garden school)...the pressure, it helped me go to sleep in the afternoon at school or else the teacher would get upset. ofc, my family didn't know about this.

the behavior didn't stop until now when i am convert (i'm 20 years old). i learned about the law of Chasity. at first i though it only mean no sex before marriage. i really scare of men and i don't like to be around men and i never had sex with any men before so that it easy to me to accept. but i learn later that it mean no masturbation also.

i tried to stop masturbation. from almost everyday (not everyday of cause) to once a week, to once every 2 weeks. and now my longest record is 20 days already ,but i just broke it yesterday.

when i want to masturbate i tried to think about Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and i prayed so hard. sometime the feeling gone, some time it stay. yesterday, it was intense feeling again and ... i break it TT^TT. but i didn't feel good when i did it. i just want those intense feeling to go away (after i masturbate those feeling go away,,but i felt bad )

i felt totally suck. i prayed a lot for forgiveness. i felt better after i prayed but when i read on internet to find how can i resolve this problem. i want to completely stop it. normally people said i should consult with the bishop. but i talked to the bishop only few time and i not sure if i can talk to him about this problem.

in any other area of the church. i was consider being good girl. reading scripture everyday, participate in church activity, helping new investigator, i keep other commandment.

it just this one that i can not get away. i am so weak!!!

ps. i hate pron movie, i don't look at men with sexual pressure, i scare of men actually , i just used to love the pressure i received when i masturbate. but i don't want that pressure any more and it no longer feel good when i masturbate!!!

but those intense feeling always get in to my body.... last time it happened when i was in my class room TT^TT i am scare. i am so sinful!!

i scare that Heavenly father won't love me any more

Edited January 22, 2013 by Eowyn
removing unnecessary graphic details

[Guest]

You will feel better after you go to the bishop and get help from him. The feelings that God will no longer love you because you are weak and sinful do not come from God, they come from Satan. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance, even though the adversary is trying to make you do just that.

[skippy740]

Compare to 2 Nephi 4.

[MissSpider]

i'm listening to the song "o,Lord my redeemer" and start to cry again. the bishop is a guy and i scare of that eventhough he's nice. my best friend at church said that sexual feeling is nasty... i dont know what the bishop would think of me cause i always be good girl.

[M_T_E]

The fact you are able to cut down to once every two weeks shows a great deal of strength, resolve and progress. We all have our moments when we give in to some temptation or another, nobody is perfect.

You had a simple lapse, but as time goes on and you pray more you will grow stronger every time do that when the desire to do so arises once again, you will be able to essentially handle it better than before.

And although I've never met a Bishop, I'd recommend you do so if that is the suggestion of others.

You'll pull through :) God loves you regardless of what challeneges you face. One of the lessons I drew from 1 Nephi was that your always blessed in this life.

[Backroads]

Gather up the courage and see the bishop. I've been here. The bishop will provide a great "buddy" (if you will) to cheerlead for you. Beyond all the repentance stuff, it's good to have someone who knows what is going who can check up on you.

[skippy740]

i'm listening to the song "o,Lord my redeemer" and start to cry again. the bishop is a guy and i scare of that eventhough he's nice. my best friend at church said that sexual feeling is nasty... i dont know what the bishop would think of me cause i always be good girl.

My first piece of advice (as my first post was meant to offer comfort)... is to separate your personal worth from your sin.

You are a daughter of God with infinite worth. It says so in the scriptures.

You have built up a tendency towards this particular sin. In essense, you are a daughter of God... who has a problem. (Yes, we all have multiple issues, but let's just focus on this one.)

Let's also be very objective: Do you truly think that you are the only daughter of God, ever in the history of the Church... to have developed a problem like this? I sincerely doubt it.

So, the first thing we have to do is remove the stigma on ourselves that we are the only person to ever have this problem.

That is not excusing the sin... but coming to grips with it in reality and in context with the need to see our Bishop for counsel, advice and guidance.

Logically... is there any reason to fear seeing the Bishop?

Will the Bishop show some disappointment? Yes.

But will he hold it over your head and forever let it dampen your relationshp? No.

It is better to have a (temporarily) disappointed Bishop than to harbor in the feelings of doubt, worthlessness and fear.

[Vort]

i'm listening to the song "o,Lord my redeemer" and start to cry again. the bishop is a guy and i scare of that eventhough he's nice. my best friend at church said that sexual feeling is nasty... i dont know what the bishop would think of me cause i always be good girl.

Sexual feeling is not nasty. Sexual feeling is wonderful. It's a gift from God.

Masturbation is something better left alone and not done. It does not bring you closer to God. You are better off mastering your own body, rather than your body being your master.

But masturbation is not the end of the world. By all means, go to the bishop for help. But masturbation does not make you a bad girl or an evil person. It makes you a HUMAN BEING. Welcome to the human race!

Some people preach that masturbation is completely normal and natural, and that therefore you should masturbate to your heart's content because there is nothing wrong with it. Such people are wrong, and you should ignore them. But in the same way, you should ignore those who say that "you are a bad girl because you masturbate." This is false. Don't believe it.

On a separate (though perhaps related) matter, you might want to start modifying your thinking about men. I gather it's fairly common for young women to be afraid of men, but for the most part we're a friendly lot. There are some men who are bad news and who you should avoid, just like there are some women who are bad and who you want to avoid. But on the whole, men are pretty okay people. You might even fall in love with one and marry him...

[MormonMama]

Sexual feeling is not nasty. Sexual feeling is wonderful. It's a gift from God.

I wanted to say this as well. These feelings are normal and not nasty, but they also must be bridled and kept in check for their proper time and place.

Everyone has different challenges in life, and this is one of yours. Some challenges are more difficult to overcome than others and in some cases we may face a challenge that is simply too hard for us to overcome on our own. Sexual sin is one of those challenges for many, many people. You are not alone in this. I'd be willing to bet that quite a few of us on this board have had some issue with sexual sin at one point or another and needed to see our bishop because of it.

Please see your bishop ASAP. He is there to help you and I can almost guarantee you that you will not be the first person in the ward to go to him about a sexual sin. Let him help you become free of this. I know you are afraid, but he is your friend in this. I don't know what the protocol is for this, but perhaps you would be allowed to take a trusted female with you, perhaps your Relief Society President or a family member?

Good luck! God loves you and wants you to overcome this. He will not give up on you, even when you slide backwards sometimes. Always try, try again!

[Guest ArchangelKid]

I know how you feel...I personally am facing the same thing. I have tried everything, but it's hard for me to stop. I'm trying to get rid of the sin by making it hard for me to do it. I usually get the urges at night, so I keep one of my moms scarves here in my room. Usually when I feel the urges, I put on my moms scarf. Voila, I can't do it anymore because it feels like my mom is with me. It kills the urge, and then I pray or read the scriptures. I know it's not a traditional method but it might work for you.

[BadWolf]

Sex can be one of the best parts of life, or it can be one of the worst. I suspect, from what you've said... You may have seen some of the worst of it?

Maybe not.... And I will NOT assume. But either way... My story might be useful.

I've been raped. Rather frequently for awhile, as a matter of fact. Definitely one of the worst parts of life. (I've also been married, and can attest first hand that it can ALSO be one of the best). Rape victims tend to treat sex / masturbation a bit differently than folks who haven't been. A "control"'factor plays in, that doesn't play in with most other people. Rape victims tend to either take control by REFUSING to have sex (or even be near men/women), or control the other way by turning very promiscuous. For rape victims, masturbation can be something of a halfway step. Not sleeping around, but still maintaining a control over ones body. The massive sensory overload also helps 'reset' panic attacks / anxiety attacks/ etc.

Do rape victims/ survivors NEED "true" celibacy/masturbation/sex?

Nope.

All 3 can be sorted out. With time, patience, understanding, gentleness, compassion, a smidge of laughter/joy, and a whole lotta knowledge. This is usually best found in a counselor who specializes in sexual dysfunction. Even with a counselor, if someone is a trauma survivor... It can take awhile. The NICE thing about trauma, is that its pretty easy to pinpoint. But LOTS of people have sexual issues without the trauma. That just makes things a bit more challenging, it all.

In talking with your bishop, you might ask for a list of LDS counselors / LDS social services. So that you can work through any issues you may be having in a depth and detail that only involves your bishop peripherally.

Again, Im only sharing my experience, not attempting to tell you yours.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve kindess.

What you're feeling isn't bad. Its just normal. A part of life. Similar to a diabetic craving cheesecake. The cravings aren't bad. When she slips, SHE'S not bad. She just needs to work on her own self discipline & control. And if she's eating sweets as a coping mechanism, then she may need counseling for awhile to find new coping mechanisms... But, again, that's not a bad thing. Willingness to learn is a GOOD thing.

Peace to you,

BW

[mnn727]

my best friend at church said that sexual feeling is nasty....

Sexual feelings are not nasty, its normal, what you do with those feelings can be wrong however.

[All_Apologies]

Hey, you're not the only girl who has a masturbation issue. I've done that also. Used to do that a Lot. Don't know for a fact, but I bet a Lot of women have told their bishops about problems with this issue. And, maybe your bishop has needed to talk to a bishop about having masturbated. Talking to your bishop about this is not as bad as you may think. Hang in there :)

[PastorBob]

A compulsive sex drive is the symptom of mental turmoil, and the real driving force is to physically stop the mental movement for a time so the unconscious mind can rest. Do not fight with the symptoms, ignore them, and focus on focusing the mind.

In the beginning, the same relief, and later, a vastly deeper release, peace, and completion than sexuality could ever provide can be found through concentration. As the mind wanders from topic to topic under the storm of changing through it has to be brought back into balance, this is why we need sleep, after the body is exhausted by the wandering of the mind. Whatever happens steadily bring the mind back to the image of the Lord, the cross, or another holy image. Use the same one and do not waver from the one you chose to others as doubts and other new mental wanderings enter the mind.

As the mind is overwhelmed the life ends up flowing downwards and turning into material desire.

Revelations 3:16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

Steadily bring the mind back minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day. Ignore all thoughts of "it won't work" or "it is working!" alike, and keep coming back to it. You may find something you never knew was possible.

Matthew 6:22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.

The books "The imitation of Christ" and "The spiritual guide" by Michael Molinos are very thorough on methods of mastering this.

As you progress, what Jesus Christ promised us will occur: Matthew 6:22 They shall take up serpents etc. The flow is reversed back up the body through the crown of the head and back to soul peace.

Numbers 21:8 And the LORD said unto Moses, Make thee a fiery serpent, and set it upon a pole: and it shall come to pass, that every one that is bitten, when he looketh upon it, shall live.

[Chrissy3818]

i scare that Heavenly father won't love me any more

Heavenly Father will ALWAYS love you! Even when you think he may not! He does not give up on his children and he just wants you to get help through your trials.

He can tell (I can even tell) you are very regretful over this problem and he knows this. If you don't think you can do it pray for strength to be able to tell him, and keep praying. Hey!! WRITE him a letter and hand it to him after church and run away!!! I did this and it was so much better than talking to him. SO MUCH. I prayed and prayed and I finally got the strength to hand him that letter. So glad I did because now my problem is on 5-10% there. You are going to be okay! I am pretty sure this issue is not uncommon. :)

[pam]

Heavenly Father will ALWAYS love you! Even when you think he may not! He does not give up on his children and he just wants you to get help through your trials.

Good thought Chrissy..just keep that in mind as your go through your own struggles with your testimony. :)

[Chrissy3818]

Good thought Chrissy..just keep that in mind as your go through your own struggles with your testimony. :)

I am getting better with knowing God loves me no matter what. Not fully there but I will be

[pam]

Not to be rude...but I'm still looking at the title of this thread and wondering, how do you "sort of" masturbate? I'm still confused on that one. Maybe I don't want to know. :)

[Vort]

Not to be rude...but I'm still looking at the title of this thread and wondering, how do you "sort of" masturbate? I'm still confused on that one. Maybe I don't want to know. :)

I have heard it can lead to getting a little bit pregnant.

[pam]

I have heard it can lead to getting a little bit pregnant.

[ACommonMan]

First of all, your story reminds so much of my own 20 year old daughter, that I love and adore you for having the courage to bring this up in a public space. As a point of reference for my daughter's "sort of" masturbatory experience, she developed a peculiar way of rocking herself to sleep when she was three or four years old. After puberty, she found that the way she rocked back and forth was stimulating more than she had intended. She also has some severe anxiety issues and has no interest in any romantic relationship. Despite being raised in the church, she never connected the behavior she indulging might violate the Law of Chastity. Once she realized that it did, she came to my wife and I to talk about it. My wife felt like, on technicality issues, she didn't need to see the Bishop. I encouraged her to go and she eventually did.

Unfortunately, no two Bishops are exactly alike and I cannot guarantee what experience you will have. I think that our Bishop at the time had a bit of a chip on his shoulder relating to his own daughter having rebelled as a teen. He was a bit more strict than I felt he should have been. That, coupled with him being bad at scheduling his time left her going about eight weeks before he said she could take the sacrament again. However, I constantly reminded her that it's important to follow whatever guidance the Bishop is inspired to direct.

Whether or not a given Bishop feels the need to discipline a member of the congregation, I can testify, from Bishops I've spoken with and my own experience in an Elders Quorum Presidency, that there is an amazing gift of Christlike love you gain for those whom you serve. So what I can guarantee is that the Bishop will rejoice in your desire to overcome sin and he will celebrate your victory of it with you.

That said, it is important to know that negative sexual habits which occur frequently enough, can be very difficult to stop. Consideration should be given to seeing a therapist and attending addiction recovery meetings. As mentioned previously, habitual masturbation is rarely about sexual gratification. It's important to find a way to drill down to the root triggers of the behavior in order to experience a lasting celibacy/recovery.

Remember that you are a daughter of God. That means you have the spiritual DNA to become a goddess yourself one day. That is an amazing legacy you have every right to claim. Through the Atonement of Christ, it is still achievable despite whatever sins may be in your past. Because this sin is sexual in nature, talking with your Bishop is one of the steps required to get back on the path to the Celestial Kingdom. It will be a scary step, but only until you get the words out. After that, it will start to get better. By the time you leave his office, you will feel a weight lifted because you're doing what the Lord asks of you.

[ACommonMan]

I've been thinking a lot recently about people being afraid to confess to their Bishop. I remember a story from my own life that I hope will give some confidence to handle making any confession to your Priesthood Authority.

While on my mission, every interview with my mission president included the standard questions asked in temple worthiness interviews. There's a tendency to go on a bit of auto-pilot when you already know what the next question is going to be. When he got to, "Do you have any problem obeying the Word of Wisdom?", I promptly replied, "Nope. Never have, never will." He then asked a follow up question, "Which part?". I wondered what he meant by "Which part?". Wasn't it self explanatory that there is no part which tempts me?

Since I have a bit of a hearing problem, I am rather familiar with that feeling one gets when they realize they may have answered the wrong question, so I asked him to clarify. He said that he asked if I obeyed the W of W, and I had said, "no". I desperately scrambled to explain that I heard the question backwards and laughed at myself for not having paid enough attention.

The part of this story which has stuck out in my mind the past couple of days is looking at it from the Mission President's point of view. He asked a missionary, "Do you obey the Word of Wisdom?" and the response was, "Never have, never will." Can you imagine the shock and disgust which could have rightly crossed his mind over this completely unrepentant kid? Yet, without missing a beat, his reaction was to simply ask, "Which part?". No condemnation, no look of derision, simply asking the next logical question.

I think that is the kind of experience we can expect from our leaders when we need to confess, even when we believe it's something horrible in our own minds.

[Misshalfway]

So much compassion and wisdom on this thread!!

I just wanted to add that it sounds like masturbation started as a comforting behavior for you.....something you did to sooth yourself.

I wonder if when you feel the urgings if you were to listen to what your emotional needs might be. If you could identify if you are lonely, or sad, or bored, or stressed, then you could take healthier actions to meet your needs like calling a friend or exercise or getting out of the house.

Masturbation can be really hard to stop. So give yourself credit for all your wonderful progress. One slip does not equal failure. It's just another opportunity to learn.

Take Care.

[missionary0204]

I have noticed many people referencing the hidden issue behind masturbation. For many, people do it because it feels good. They aren't lacking anything. The body has a natural reaction that makes one feel pleasure.

To echo many of the other posters, do not hate yourself. Continue to practice self control. If you mess up, repent immeditaly, and start over. I don't care if you start over 100 times. Keep trying no matter how discouraged you feel. Many of us have walked in your shoes. I find overcoming urges to be easier when I have something that motivates me. Right now, I use my wife and daughter to motivate me to find strength. My wife and I are honest with each other and she encourages me to do better. This has been very effective for me. Discussing this issue with a Bishop "may" provide provide you with the encouragment you seek.

Hang in there!